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The maps below show the changes that took place at a science and technology museum between 1996 and 2016. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant. Write at least 150 words.

The maps below show the changes that took place at a science and technology museum between 1996 and 2016.

Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

Write at least 150 words.

The provided diagrams compare the layout of a science and technology museum in 1996 to its new design in 2016.
Overall, the steam engine exhibition remained unaltered after refurbishment. The other areas, by sharp contrast, underwent noticeable modifications and additions.
In the northwest corner of the museum, writing desks were substituted with computers, while the northeast corner witnessed the shrinkage and relocation of the library and its expansion for a VR room. A 3D cinema was constructed as the library was rearranged, and other noticeable changes were the diesel engine exhibition's conversion to an electric car exhibition and a substitution of the print room for a digital technology room. In 2016, there was a restaurant in the southwest corner which used to be a cáfe 20 years ago, and the reception to the North of it also experienced an expansion eastward.
In 1996, there was a vacant land in the northeast corner of the exterior yard; however, this site was reserved for a VR room and a solar wind area in 2016. Furthermore, the car park was diminished southward to make space for a bicycle park.


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Errors and Improvements:

  1. "Overall, the steam engine exhibition remained unaltered after refurbishment." -> "Overall, the steam engine exhibition remained unchanged after refurbishment."
    Explanation: Replacing "unaltered" with "unchanged" maintains the meaning while using a more precise and formal term, enhancing the overall sophistication of the sentence.

  2. "by sharp contrast" -> "in stark contrast"
    Explanation: "In stark contrast" is a more idiomatic and sophisticated expression, providing a higher level of formality and clarity compared to "by sharp contrast."

  3. "writing desks were substituted with computers" -> "writing desks were replaced by computers"
    Explanation: Using "replaced by" instead of "substituted with" is a more common and precise way to convey the idea of one thing taking the place of another.

  4. "witnessed the shrinkage" -> "witnessed the reduction"
    Explanation: "Reduction" is a more formal term than "shrinkage," contributing to a more polished and professional tone in the description of changes.

  5. "cáfe" -> "café"
    Explanation: The correct spelling is "café." Using the proper accent on the ‘e’ improves accuracy and readability.

  6. "there was a vacant land" -> "there was vacant land"
    Explanation: "Vacant land" is a more natural and grammatically correct phrase compared to "a vacant land." The article ‘a’ is unnecessary in this context.

  7. "reserved for a VR room and a solar wind area" -> "allocated for a VR room and a solar wind area"
    Explanation: "Allocated for" is a more precise and formal term for designating or setting aside space, enhancing the clarity and professionalism of the statement.

  8. "Furthermore, the car park was diminished southward" -> "Furthermore, the car park was reduced in size to the south"
    Explanation: "Reduced in size" is a more explicit and formal way to convey the idea of the car park getting smaller, contributing to a clearer and more sophisticated description.

Band điểm Task Achivement ước lượng: 7

Band Score: 7.0

Explanation:
The essay adequately addresses the task requirements by providing a clear overview of the main changes in the science and technology museum between 1996 and 2016. Key features and bullet points are presented and highlighted, showcasing a good understanding of the information provided in the diagrams. The essay effectively communicates the alterations in different sections of the museum, such as the substitution of exhibits, relocation of facilities, and the introduction of new elements.

How to improve:
To enhance the Task Achievement score, consider providing a more detailed expansion of key features. While the essay offers a solid overview, extending the discussion of specific modifications, their significance, or the impact on visitors could further strengthen the response. Additionally, ensure that the information presented is accurate and relevant, avoiding any potential inaccuracies or irrelevant details that may affect the overall coherence of the essay.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 7

Band Score: 7.0

Explanation: The essay demonstrates a logical organization of information with clear progression throughout. The writer effectively uses cohesive devices, such as transition words and phrases, to connect ideas and create coherence. The introduction provides a clear overview of the comparison, and the subsequent paragraphs follow a logical sequence, comparing different sections of the museum. The use of contrast ("by sharp contrast") enhances cohesion and contributes to the overall clarity of the essay. There is a consistent focus on the main features, and comparisons are made where relevant.

The essay also utilizes paragraphing sufficiently and appropriately, with each paragraph addressing a specific aspect of the museum. The writer skillfully manages paragraphing, contributing to the overall coherence of the response. The central topic within each paragraph is clear, aiding the reader’s understanding of the comparisons being made.

While the essay generally meets the Band 7 criteria, there are instances where cohesive devices could be used more effectively, and there might be a slight overuse of certain expressions. Additionally, some sentences could benefit from more varied structures to enhance cohesion further.

How to improve: To enhance coherence and cohesion, consider varying sentence structures and using a wider range of cohesive devices. Pay attention to the balance of transition words to avoid overuse. Ensure that each paragraph maintains a clear focus on a specific aspect of the comparison, avoiding any unnecessary repetition or redundancy. Overall, continue to refine the use of language to make it more precise and nuanced.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 7

Band Score: 7.0

Explanation:
The essay demonstrates a solid command of vocabulary, utilizing a range of terms with some flexibility and precision. There is an attempt to incorporate less common lexical items, such as "refurbishment," "cáfe," and "solar wind area," contributing to a more varied vocabulary. The writer shows awareness of style and collocation, evident in phrases like "sharp contrast," "underwent noticeable modifications," and "experienced an expansion eastward." Although occasional errors in word choice and spelling are present (e.g., "cáfe" instead of "café"), they do not significantly hinder communication. The use of descriptive terms like "northwest corner," "3D cinema," and "diesel engine exhibition" adds specificity and detail.

How to improve:
To enhance the Lexical Resource score, the writer could aim for greater precision by incorporating more advanced and contextually appropriate vocabulary. Additionally, proofreading for minor errors, such as the misspelling of "café," would further elevate the overall lexical quality. Expanding the range of less common lexical items and refining word choices could contribute to a more nuanced expression of ideas.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 7

Band Score: 7.0

Explanation:
The essay demonstrates a commendable use of a variety of complex sentence structures. There is a successful attempt to incorporate a range of sentence forms, contributing to a generally good control of grammar and punctuation. The essay effectively conveys the information, utilizing varied sentence structures to describe changes in the museum layout over the given period. There are instances of both simple and complex sentences, showcasing a balanced approach to sentence construction. The overall communication is clear, with occasional minor errors that do not impede comprehension.

How to improve:
To further enhance the grammatical range and accuracy, consider refining the complex sentence structures. Pay particular attention to the use of conjunctions and subordinating clauses to ensure precision and clarity. Additionally, a careful proofreading can help identify and rectify minor errors, ensuring a consistently error-free presentation. Strive for greater complexity in sentence structures, aiming for a more seamless integration of varied sentence forms.

Bài sửa mẫu

The provided diagrams illustrate the transformation of a science and technology museum from 1996 to 2016.

Introduction:
The comparison reveals that while the steam engine exhibition remained unchanged post-renovation, significant alterations and additions occurred in other sections.

Overview:
In the northwest corner, desks were replaced with computers. Concurrently, the northeast corner saw the relocation and downsizing of the library to accommodate the establishment of a VR room. Adjacent to this, a 3D cinema emerged with the conversion of the diesel engine exhibition into an electric car showcase. The print room was substituted with a digital technology room. Notably, the southwest corner, which formerly housed a café in 1996, now features a restaurant. Additionally, the reception area north of it underwent an eastward expansion.

Detailed Paragraphs:
In 1996, the exterior yard’s northeast corner remained vacant, but in 2016, it was earmarked for a VR room and a solar wind area. Furthermore, the southward reduction of the car park created space for a bicycle park.

In conclusion, the museum’s restructuring over the two decades is evident in various spatial shifts and thematic changes.

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