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The maps illustrate the residence hall’s layout in 2010 and its current design.

The maps illustrate the residence hall's layout in 2010 and its current design.

The given maps illustrate the transformation of a student dormitory from 2010 until now.

Overall, student accommodation has undergone a fairly significant refurbishment, reducing natural space to give way for brand-new facilities and expanding the area to accommodate more undergraduates.

Looking at the map from a more detailed perspective, the garden to the South of the map has completely given way to a car parking space adjacent to the dormitory, so the learners will not have to walk a far distance after parking their vehicles. Going inside the student house from the main entrance to the east of the building, which has remained unchanged, there is a special student bedroom with an en-suite bathroom built into it. Though this might narrow down the hallway, it greatly increases convenience for the ones living in it, since they can do their habit privately. The kitchen to the North of that room, as well as the bathroom and student bedroom in the center of the accommodation, has witnessed no change in the given period. However, the row of rooms to the North, include the living room, has been utilized as a student bedroom. Additionally, one extra bedroom has been added to the construction, taking the space of the garden in the top left corner. Last but not least, the above garden has been untouched, maintaining green space for the residents.


Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

  1. "fairly significant refurbishment" -> "substantial refurbishment"
    Explanation: "Fairly significant" is vague and somewhat informal; "substantial" conveys a clearer and more precise meaning in an academic context.

  2. "reducing natural space" -> "reducing green space"
    Explanation: "Natural space" is a broad term that may not accurately convey the intended meaning. "Green space" specifically refers to areas with vegetation, which is more precise in this context.

  3. "so the learners will not have to walk a far distance" -> "thereby minimizing the distance students must walk"
    Explanation: "So" is informal, and "learners" is less common in academic writing. The phrase "thereby minimizing the distance" is more formal and precise.

  4. "the student house" -> "the student residence"
    Explanation: "Student house" is informal; "student residence" is a more formal and appropriate term in an academic context.

  5. "greatly increases convenience for the ones living in it" -> "significantly enhances convenience for its occupants"
    Explanation: "Greatly increases" is somewhat informal; "significantly enhances" is more precise and formal. "The ones living in it" is vague; "its occupants" is clearer and more concise.

  6. "narrow down the hallway" -> "constrict the hallway"
    Explanation: "Narrow down" is colloquial; "constrict" is a more formal and precise term that conveys the intended meaning.

  7. "has witnessed no change" -> "has undergone no change"
    Explanation: "Witnessed" is informal; "undergone" is a more formal and precise term that fits academic writing better.

  8. "the row of rooms to the North, include the living room" -> "the row of rooms to the north, including the living room"
    Explanation: "Include" should be "including" for grammatical correctness, as it introduces a list rather than a separate clause.

  9. "has been utilized as a student bedroom" -> "has been repurposed as a student bedroom"
    Explanation: "Utilized" is often overused in academic writing; "repurposed" is more specific and conveys the intended meaning more clearly.

  10. "taking the space of the garden in the top left corner" -> "occupying the space previously designated as the garden in the top left corner"
    Explanation: "Taking the space" is informal; "occupying the space previously designated as" is more precise and formal, clarifying the change in use.

  11. "the above garden has been untouched" -> "the garden above has remained untouched"
    Explanation: "The above garden" is awkward; "the garden above" is clearer and more natural in academic writing.

  12. "maintaining green space for the residents" -> "preserving green space for the residents"
    Explanation: "Maintaining" is acceptable, but "preserving" conveys a stronger sense of protection and continuity, which is more appropriate in this context.

Band điểm Task Achivement ước lượng: 7

Band Score: 7

Explanation: The essay covers the requirements of the task and presents a clear overview of the main changes in the residence hall’s layout. The essay clearly presents and highlights key features/bullet points, but could be more fully extended.

How to improve: The essay could be improved by providing more specific details about the changes in the layout. For example, the essay could mention the exact dimensions of the new car parking space or the number of new student bedrooms that have been added. The essay could also provide more analysis of the changes, such as discussing the impact of the changes on the students who live in the residence hall.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 6

Band Score: 6.0

Explanation: The essay presents information and ideas in a coherent manner, demonstrating a clear overall progression. However, while cohesive devices are used effectively, there are instances where cohesion within and between sentences is somewhat mechanical, leading to occasional awkwardness in flow. The paragraphing is present but not always logical, as some ideas could be better grouped or sequenced for clarity.

How to improve: To enhance coherence and cohesion, the writer could focus on refining the use of cohesive devices to ensure they enhance the flow rather than disrupt it. Additionally, improving the logical arrangement of ideas within paragraphs would strengthen the overall structure. Using clearer referencing and substitution techniques would also help to avoid repetition and enhance clarity.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 7

Band Score: 7.0

Explanation: The essay demonstrates a sufficient range of vocabulary that allows for flexibility and precision in conveying the changes in the dormitory layout. It uses less common lexical items, such as "refurbishment," "accommodate," and "en-suite," showing some awareness of style and collocation. However, there are occasional errors in word choice, such as "the ones living in it" which could be more clearly expressed as "the residents." Additionally, there are minor inaccuracies in phrasing, such as "the above garden has been untouched," which could be more effectively articulated. Overall, while the vocabulary is adequate for the task, it lacks the sophistication and precision required for a higher band score.

How to improve: To enhance the lexical resource score, the writer should aim to incorporate a wider range of sophisticated vocabulary and ensure precise word choice throughout the essay. Practicing the use of uncommon lexical items in context and reviewing collocations can also help. Furthermore, reducing minor errors in phrasing and ensuring clarity in expression will contribute to a more polished and effective use of language.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 7

Band Score: 7.0

Explanation: The essay demonstrates a variety of complex structures and produces frequent error-free sentences. The writer shows good control of grammar and punctuation, with only a few minor errors present. For instance, phrases like "the garden to the South of the map has completely given way" and "the row of rooms to the North, include the living room" contain slight grammatical inaccuracies, such as unnecessary commas or awkward phrasing. However, these do not significantly impede understanding. Overall, the essay reflects a solid grasp of grammatical range and accuracy.

How to improve: To achieve a higher band score, the writer should focus on enhancing the accuracy of complex sentence structures and minimizing minor errors. This can be done by proofreading for punctuation and ensuring that clauses are correctly formed. Additionally, incorporating a wider variety of sentence types and structures could further demonstrate flexibility and control over grammar.

Bài sửa mẫu

The given maps illustrate the transformation of a student dormitory from 2010 to the present.

Overall, student accommodation has undergone a significant refurbishment, reducing natural space to make way for new facilities and expanding the area to accommodate more undergraduates.

Looking at the map in more detail, the garden to the south has been completely replaced by a car parking space adjacent to the dormitory, allowing students to park their vehicles without having to walk a long distance. Entering the student residence from the main entrance on the east side of the building, which has remained unchanged, there is now a dedicated student bedroom with an en-suite bathroom. Although this may narrow the hallway, it greatly enhances convenience for the occupants, as they can maintain their privacy. The kitchen to the north of this room, as well as the bathroom and central student bedroom, has seen no changes during this period. However, the row of rooms to the north, which included the living room, has been converted into a student bedroom. Additionally, one extra bedroom has been added to the layout, occupying the space of the garden in the top left corner. Lastly, the upper garden has remained untouched, preserving green space for the residents.

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