The maps show how a coastal land has developed into a coastal park

The diagrams illustrate the transformation of a coastal land into a park.

Overall, major changes have occurred in the area, including the addition of more green spaces and the introduction of various facilities.

Before the development, there was a main road running from east to west. The road was connected to the farm buildings by the side road. In addition, wasteland and animals shelter were located on the left- hand side of these farm buildings, while agriculture land stood on the right. Furthermore, a cliff stood in front of this area, separated it from the beach.

In this day and age, the main road remains unchanged, but the farm buildings have been converted into the parking lot. Moreover, a new coffee shop has been established between this place and the road. A pedestrian precinct has been built from west to east, surrounding a lake to the west and a woodland to the east. More trees are planted around the lake in order to provide additional shade for visitors. Finally, on the cliff, steps are added to open the path to the beach.

Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

"In this day and age" -> "Currently"
Explanation: "In this day and age" is somewhat informal and colloquial. "Currently" is more precise and appropriate for academic writing, providing a formal tone.
"the main road remains unchanged" -> "the main road has remained unchanged"
Explanation: Using the present perfect tense "has remained" instead of "remains" corrects the tense to match the past context described in the diagram.
"converted into the parking lot" -> "converted into a parking lot"
Explanation: Removing "the" before "parking lot" corrects the article usage, as "a parking lot" is the correct indefinite article usage in this context.
"a new coffee shop has been established" -> "a new coffee shop has been established"
Explanation: This is a typographical error; the word "been" should be "been" to maintain grammatical consistency.
"between this place and the road" -> "between this location and the road"
Explanation: "This place" is vague and informal; "this location" is more precise and formal, suitable for academic writing.
"surrounding a lake to the west and a woodland to the east" -> "surrounding a lake to the west and a woodland to the east"
Explanation: This is redundant; removing "to the west and to the east" simplifies the sentence and maintains clarity.
"More trees are planted" -> "Additional trees have been planted"
Explanation: "Have been planted" corrects the tense to match the past context described in the diagram, and "additional" is more precise than "more" in this context.
"to provide additional shade for visitors" -> "to provide additional shade for the visitors"
Explanation: Adding "the" before "visitors" corrects the article usage, ensuring grammatical accuracy.
"Finally, on the cliff, steps are added to open the path to the beach" -> "Finally, steps have been added to the cliff to open the path to the beach"
Explanation: "Have been added" corrects the tense to match the past context described in the diagram, and placing "to the cliff" before "steps" clarifies the location of the action.

Band điểm Task Achivement ước lượng: 7

Band Score: 7

Explanation: The essay covers the requirements of the task and presents a clear overview of the main changes. It clearly presents and highlights key features/bullet points, but could be more fully extended. For example, the essay could provide more detail about the changes to the farm buildings and the addition of the pedestrian precinct.

How to improve: The essay could be improved by providing more detail about the changes to the farm buildings and the addition of the pedestrian precinct. For example, the essay could mention that the farm buildings have been converted into a car park and that the pedestrian precinct is a new feature that has been added to the park. The essay could also provide more detail about the changes to the cliff, such as the addition of steps and the opening of a path to the beach.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 6

Band Score: 6.0

Explanation: The essay arranges information and ideas coherently, and there is a clear overall progression from the description of the original coastal land to its transformation into a park. However, while cohesive devices are used effectively, there are instances where cohesion within and between sentences feels mechanical or could be improved. For example, phrases like "In addition" and "Moreover" are used, but their application does not always enhance the flow of ideas. The paragraphing is present but could be more logically structured, particularly in distinguishing between the description of the original state and the changes made.

How to improve: To achieve a higher band score, the writer should focus on enhancing the logical flow of ideas by using a wider range of cohesive devices that better connect sentences and paragraphs. Additionally, ensuring that each paragraph has a clear central topic and that the progression of ideas is smooth will strengthen the overall coherence. More varied sentence structures and linking phrases could also help to avoid a mechanical feel in the writing.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 6

Band Score: 6.0

Explanation: The essay demonstrates an adequate range of vocabulary relevant to the task, including terms like "transformation," "green spaces," and "pedestrian precinct." However, the use of less common vocabulary is limited, and there are instances of inaccuracy in word choice, such as "animals shelter" which should be "animal shelter." Additionally, there are some errors in word formation, such as "agriculture land" which should be "agricultural land." While these errors do not significantly impede communication, they do indicate a need for improvement in lexical precision and control.

How to improve: To enhance the Lexical Resource score, the writer should aim to incorporate a wider range of vocabulary, particularly less common lexical items, and ensure that word choices are accurate and contextually appropriate. Additionally, paying attention to word formation and spelling will help to reduce errors and improve overall clarity. Engaging with more complex vocabulary and practicing its use in context can also contribute to a more sophisticated lexical range.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 6

Band Score: 6.0

Explanation: The essay demonstrates a mix of simple and complex sentence forms, which is characteristic of a Band 6 score. There are some grammatical errors, such as "animals shelter" (should be "animal shelter") and "agriculture land" (should be "agricultural land"), but these errors do not significantly impede communication. The essay generally maintains clarity, and the meaning is conveyed effectively despite the errors.

How to improve: To achieve a higher band score, the writer should focus on increasing the variety and complexity of sentence structures while ensuring grammatical accuracy. Reducing errors in word choice and improving punctuation would enhance clarity. Additionally, incorporating more complex sentences and subordinate clauses could demonstrate a wider range of grammatical structures, which is essential for a higher score.

Bài sửa mẫu

The diagrams illustrate the transformation of a coastal land into a park.

Overall, significant changes have occurred in the area, including the addition of more green spaces and the introduction of various facilities.

Before the development, there was a main road running from east to west, which was connected to the farm buildings by a side road. In addition, wasteland and animal shelters were located on the left-hand side of these farm buildings, while agricultural land was situated on the right. Furthermore, a cliff stood in front of this area, separating it from the beach.

In the present day, the main road remains unchanged; however, the farm buildings have been converted into a parking lot. Moreover, a new coffee shop has been established between this location and the road. A pedestrian precinct has been constructed from west to east, surrounding a lake to the west and a woodland to the east. More trees have been planted around the lake to provide additional shade for visitors. Finally, steps have been added to the cliff to open a path to the beach.