The maps show the changes in the town center between 1990 and now.

The illustrations depict the layout of a town center as it was in 1990 and how it has been modified until now. Overall, this downtown underwent some various transformations, the most noticeable of which are the construction of a new shopping mall and the development of apartment blocks catering mostly for residential and commercial facilities.
To the northwest of the map, the most notable change is the line of different shops including a newsagent's, a grocer's, a baker's, and a cafe all were knocked down to make room for a new shopping mall. And east of which, no changes were made to the childcare center. Moreover, Smith Street, which was used for transport, has now been changed into a pedestrian-walking street.
In the center of the map, the park, the library and the town hall with the Newton Street on the left have been retained. The other remaining roads involving Green Street and Oldfield Street are now both built an extra crossing path for the inhabitants. Additionally, on the right-hand side of the area, the bank on the top corner has stayed the same, but the other one under it has been converted into a cafe. Furthermore, another redevelopment is the row of apartments in the south and one block of apartments to the eastern corner has been built resulting in the replacement of the old houses.

Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

"the illustrations depict" -> "the images illustrate"
Explanation: "Illustrate" is a more precise and formal term than "depict" in academic writing, enhancing the scholarly tone of the sentence.
"as it was in 1990 and how it has been modified until now" -> "in 1990 and its subsequent modifications"
Explanation: Simplifying the phrase to "its subsequent modifications" removes redundancy and enhances clarity, aligning better with formal academic style.
"this downtown underwent some various transformations" -> "this downtown has undergone various transformations"
Explanation: Changing "underwent" to "has undergone" corrects the verb tense to match the present perfect continuous, which is more appropriate for describing ongoing or completed actions in the past.
"the most noticeable of which are" -> "the most notable changes are"
Explanation: Removing "of which" simplifies the structure and improves readability, making the sentence more direct and formal.
"the construction of a new shopping mall and the development of apartment blocks catering mostly for residential and commercial facilities" -> "the construction of a shopping mall and the development of residential and commercial facilities"
Explanation: Removing "catering mostly for" simplifies the phrase and eliminates redundancy, as "residential and commercial facilities" already implies purpose.
"all were knocked down" -> "all were demolished"
Explanation: "Demolished" is a more precise term than "knocked down" in formal writing, particularly in the context of construction and urban development.
"And east of which, no changes were made" -> "East of this, no changes were made"
Explanation: Removing "And" before "east of which" corrects the punctuation and clarifies the sentence structure, improving readability.
"Smith Street, which was used for transport, has now been changed into a pedestrian-walking street" -> "Smith Street, previously used for transportation, has been converted into a pedestrianized street"
Explanation: "Previously used for transportation" is more formal than "was used for transport," and "pedestrianized" is the correct term for streets designed for pedestrian use.
"the park, the library and the town hall with the Newton Street on the left have been retained" -> "the park, library, and town hall, with Newton Street to the left, have been retained"
Explanation: Adding commas and adjusting the phrase structure improves clarity and formal tone.
"the other remaining roads involving Green Street and Oldfield Street are now both built an extra crossing path for the inhabitants" -> "the remaining roads, including Green Street and Oldfield Street, now feature additional crossing paths for residents"
Explanation: "Including" is more precise than "involving," and "residents" is more formal than "inhabitants."
"the bank on the top corner has stayed the same" -> "the bank at the top corner remains unchanged"
Explanation: "Remains unchanged" is a more formal and precise way to express that something has not changed.
"the other one under it has been converted into a cafe" -> "the adjacent bank has been converted into a cafe"
Explanation: "Adjacent" is more precise than "the other one under it," and "bank" should be used instead of "the bank" to refer to the financial institution.
"the row of apartments in the south and one block of apartments to the eastern corner has been built" -> "the row of apartments in the south and the block of apartments in the eastern corner have been constructed"
Explanation: "Have been constructed" corrects the verb tense and "the block of apartments in the eastern corner" clarifies the location.

Band điểm Task Achivement ước lượng: 6

Band Score: 6.0

Explanation: The essay provides an overview of the changes in the town center, but it does not fully satisfy all the requirements of the task. The essay does not present a clear overview of the main trends, differences, or stages of the changes. It also does not adequately highlight all the key features/bullet points. For example, the essay mentions that the bank on the top corner has stayed the same, but it does not mention that the bank on the bottom corner has been replaced with a cafe.

How to improve: The essay could be improved by providing a clearer overview of the changes in the town center. The essay could also be improved by highlighting all the key features/bullet points in a more comprehensive way. For example, the essay could mention that the shops on the northwest side of the map have been replaced with a shopping mall, and that the houses on the south side of the map have been replaced with apartment blocks. The essay could also provide more specific details about the changes, such as the number of shops that were replaced with the shopping mall, or the number of houses that were replaced with apartment blocks.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 6

Band Score: 6.0
Explanation: The essay presents information and ideas in a coherent manner, with a clear overall progression from the introduction to the description of changes. However, while cohesive devices are used effectively, there are instances where cohesion is somewhat mechanical, and referencing could be clearer. The paragraphing is present but not always logical, as some ideas could be better grouped together for clarity. Overall, the organization is adequate but lacks the sophistication required for a higher band score.
How to improve: To enhance coherence and cohesion, the writer should focus on improving the logical flow of ideas within and between paragraphs. This can be achieved by using a wider range of cohesive devices and ensuring that each paragraph clearly relates to a central topic. Additionally, refining the use of referencing and avoiding redundancy will help create a more seamless reading experience. Organizing similar ideas into cohesive paragraphs will also strengthen the overall structure of the essay.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 6

Band Score: 6.0
Explanation: The essay demonstrates an adequate range of vocabulary relevant to the task, with some attempts to use less common lexical items. However, there are inaccuracies in word choice and collocation, such as "the most noticeable of which are the construction of a new shopping mall" where "the most noticeable changes include" would be more appropriate. Additionally, phrases like "the other remaining roads involving Green Street and Oldfield Street are now both built an extra crossing path" contain awkward constructions that affect clarity. While the vocabulary used does not impede communication, there are noticeable errors in word formation and spelling, such as "pedestrian-walking street" which is not a standard term. Overall, the essay meets the criteria for Band 6 due to its adequate vocabulary usage but lacks the precision and control required for a higher score.

How to improve: To enhance the Lexical Resource score, the writer should focus on using a wider range of vocabulary with greater precision. This can be achieved by:

Expanding vocabulary knowledge, particularly with synonyms and more sophisticated terms related to urban development and changes.
Practicing the use of collocations and phrases that are more natural in context, such as "pedestrian street" instead of "pedestrian-walking street."
Paying attention to grammatical structures and ensuring that sentences are clear and correctly formed to avoid awkward phrasing.
Proofreading for spelling and word formation errors to ensure clarity and professionalism in the writing.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 6

Band Score: 6.0
Explanation: The essay demonstrates a mix of simple and complex sentence forms, which is characteristic of a Band 6 score. While there are some effective uses of complex structures, the essay contains several grammatical errors and awkward phrasing that occasionally hinder clarity. For example, phrases like "the most noticeable of which are the construction of a new shopping mall" and "the other remaining roads involving Green Street and Oldfield Street are now both built an extra crossing path" exhibit issues with sentence structure and clarity. Overall, the communication is mostly effective, but the errors in grammar and punctuation are noticeable and affect the overall quality of the writing.
How to improve: To enhance the grammatical range and accuracy, the writer should focus on the following areas:

Sentence Structure: Aim to construct clearer and more concise sentences. Avoid overly complex structures that may lead to confusion.
Error Correction: Review the essay for grammatical errors and awkward phrases. Consider using grammar-checking tools or seeking feedback from peers to identify and correct mistakes.
Variety in Sentence Forms: Continue to use a mix of simple and complex sentences, but ensure that complex sentences are grammatically correct and enhance clarity.
Punctuation: Pay attention to punctuation rules to avoid errors that can obscure meaning. Proper use of commas and conjunctions can improve the flow of ideas.

Bài sửa mẫu

The illustrations depict the layout of a town center as it was in 1990 and how it has been modified up to the present day. Overall, this downtown has undergone several transformations, the most noticeable of which are the construction of a new shopping mall and the development of apartment blocks primarily for residential and commercial use.

To the northwest of the map, the most significant change is the line of various shops, including a newsagent’s, a grocer’s, a baker’s, and a café, which were all demolished to make way for the new shopping mall. East of this area, no changes have been made to the childcare center. Moreover, Smith Street, which was previously used for transport, has now been converted into a pedestrian street.

In the center of the map, the park, the library, and the town hall, located to the left of Newton Street, have been retained. The other remaining roads, including Green Street and Oldfield Street, have both been equipped with an additional crossing path for residents. Additionally, on the right-hand side of the area, the bank in the top corner has remained unchanged, while the other bank below it has been transformed into a café. Furthermore, another redevelopment includes a row of apartments in the south, and one block of apartments in the eastern corner has been built, resulting in the replacement of the old houses.