The maps show the changes made to a small museum and its surroundings in 1990 and 2010

The given maps illustrate the changes of a small museum and its surroundings in 1990 and 2010.

A closer look at the maps reveals that there is only a small change in the museum, whereas the outside space witnessed a significant modification.

In 1990, besides the exhibition rooms, the mentioned museum included a shop and restaurant for shopping and eating purposes. While the shop saw an increase in size, the restaurant remained unchanged. Moreover, the L-shape rooms for exhibition at the northeast and the southwest conner had a small development in 2010. The former room was smaller and turned into the rectangular shape. Meanwhile, the wall in the middle of the latter rooms was demolished to make it become an uniform exhibition place.

Moving onto the outside environment, the cottage next to the museum was replaced by a cafe. Furthermore, the garden located in the southeast was destroyed to make room for parking functions, while the garden on the top of the map remained unmodified as well as the carpark.

Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

"The given maps illustrate" -> "The maps depict"
Explanation: "Depict" is a more precise and formal term than "illustrate" in academic writing, particularly when referring to visual representations like maps.
"small museum" -> "small museum facility"
Explanation: Adding "facility" provides a more specific and formal description of the museum, aligning better with academic language.
"only a small change" -> "a limited alteration"
Explanation: "Limited alteration" is more precise and formal, enhancing the academic tone of the description.
"shopping and eating purposes" -> "retail and dining purposes"
Explanation: "Retail and dining purposes" are more specific and formal terms, suitable for an academic context.
"saw an increase in size" -> "experienced an expansion"
Explanation: "Experienced an expansion" is more formal and precise, fitting the academic style better than the more colloquial "saw an increase in size."
"the L-shape rooms" -> "the L-shaped rooms"
Explanation: "L-shaped" is the correct adjectival form for describing the shape of the rooms.
"the wall in the middle of the latter rooms was demolished" -> "the central wall of the latter rooms was removed"
Explanation: "Central wall" is more specific and formal than "the wall in the middle," and "removed" is a more precise verb choice than "demolished" in this context.
"to make it become an uniform exhibition place" -> "to transform it into a uniform exhibition space"
Explanation: "Transform" and "uniform exhibition space" are more precise and formal, improving the academic tone.
"the cottage next to the museum was replaced by a cafe" -> "the adjacent cottage was replaced by a café"
Explanation: "Adjacent" is more formal and precise than "next to," and "café" should be capitalized as it refers to a specific type of establishment.
"the garden located in the southeast was destroyed" -> "the southeastern garden was demolished"
Explanation: "Southeastern garden" is more specific and formal, and "demolished" is more appropriate for the destruction of a garden.
"to make room for parking functions" -> "to accommodate parking facilities"
Explanation: "Accommodate parking facilities" is a more formal and precise way to describe the purpose of the change.
"the garden on the top of the map remained unmodified" -> "the rooftop garden remained unchanged"
Explanation: "Rooftop garden" is more specific and formal, and "remained unchanged" is a clearer and more academic expression than "remained unmodified."

These changes refine the vocabulary to better suit an academic style, enhancing precision and formality in the description of the changes depicted in the maps.

Band điểm Task Achivement ước lượng: 6

Band Score: 6.0

Explanation: The essay adequately addresses the task by providing an overview of the changes made to the museum and its surroundings. The essay highlights the key features of the changes, such as the expansion of the shop, the demolition of the wall in the exhibition room, and the replacement of the cottage with a cafe. However, the essay does not provide a clear overview of the main trends or stages of development. For example, it does not mention that the overall size of the museum has increased, or that the changes to the surroundings have resulted in a more modern and functional space.

How to improve: The essay could be improved by providing a clearer overview of the main trends or stages of development. The writer could also provide more specific details about the changes, such as the dimensions of the shop before and after the expansion, or the type of parking facilities that were added.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 6

Band Score: 6.0
Explanation: The essay presents information and ideas in a coherent manner, with a clear overall progression from discussing the museum’s internal changes to the external modifications. However, while cohesive devices are used effectively, there are instances where cohesion between sentences could be improved, leading to a somewhat mechanical flow. The paragraphing is present but could be more logically structured, particularly in distinguishing between the museum’s changes and those in the surrounding area.

How to improve: To enhance the coherence and cohesion of the essay, the writer could focus on improving the logical flow between sentences by using a wider variety of cohesive devices and ensuring that each paragraph has a clear central topic. Additionally, refining the paragraph structure to clearly separate internal and external changes would help in presenting a more organized response. Avoiding repetitive phrases and ensuring that referencing is clear will also contribute to a higher score in this criterion.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 6

Band Score: 6.0
Explanation: The essay demonstrates an adequate range of vocabulary relevant to the task, allowing for basic communication of ideas. However, there are attempts to use less common vocabulary that are not always accurate, such as "witnessed a significant modification" and "an uniform exhibition place," which indicate some inaccuracy in word choice. Additionally, there are a few spelling errors, such as "conner" instead of "corner" and "an uniform" instead of "a uniform," which detract from the overall clarity but do not impede communication. Overall, while the vocabulary used is sufficient for the task, it lacks the sophistication and precision required for a higher band score.

How to improve: To enhance the lexical resource score, the writer should focus on using a wider range of vocabulary with greater precision. This includes practicing the correct usage of less common lexical items and ensuring that collocations are appropriate. Additionally, attention should be paid to spelling and word formation to avoid errors that could distract the reader. Reading more academic texts and practicing paraphrasing can also help in developing a more sophisticated vocabulary.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 6

Band Score: 6.0
Explanation: The essay demonstrates a mix of simple and complex sentence forms, which is characteristic of a Band 6. There are some grammatical errors and issues with punctuation, such as "the southwest conner" (should be "corner") and "an uniform" (should be "a uniform"). While these errors do not significantly impede communication, they are noticeable and detract from the overall accuracy. The essay has a clear structure and presents information logically, but the grammatical inaccuracies and occasional awkward phrasing prevent it from achieving a higher score.
How to improve: To improve the score, the writer should focus on enhancing grammatical accuracy by proofreading for common errors and ensuring correct article usage. Additionally, incorporating a wider range of complex sentence structures and ensuring that all sentences are error-free would help elevate the overall quality of the writing. Practicing with varied sentence forms and seeking feedback on drafts can also contribute to improved grammatical range and accuracy.

Bài sửa mẫu

The given maps illustrate the changes made to a small museum and its surroundings in 1990 and 2010.

A closer look at the maps reveals that there is only a minor change in the museum itself, whereas the outside space witnessed significant modifications.

In 1990, in addition to the exhibition rooms, the museum featured a shop and a restaurant for shopping and dining purposes. While the shop increased in size, the restaurant remained unchanged. Moreover, the L-shaped exhibition rooms in the northeast and southwest corners underwent slight developments by 2010. The former room, which was smaller, was transformed into a rectangular shape. Meanwhile, the wall separating the latter rooms was demolished to create a uniform exhibition space.

Turning to the external environment, the cottage next to the museum was replaced by a café. Furthermore, the garden located in the southeast was removed to make way for parking facilities, while the garden at the top of the map remained unmodified, as did the car park.