The maps show the changes made to a small museum and its surroundings in 1990 and 2010

In general, there are only a few minor changes in areas such as the widening of the parking lot or the replacement of a café or restaurant to shrink … and many other changes. The most obvious change when looking at both years is that in the parking lot, it not only expands the area at the exit because the garden has been destroyed, but the length area has also been increased. In 1990, opposite the Entrance is the exhibition hall that is stretched and at the end of the row, at the end of the row is a restaurant and clothing store, it was built in the shape of an L, but through 2010, the clothing store was expanded, so the exhibition area was reduced. To the right of the Entrance is still the exhibition hall which is divided into 2 separate rooms, but 10 years later those 2 rooms have been combined. The cottage has been replaced by a café opposite the parking lot on the main road There are places that have not changed, such as in 1990, the large garden was built under the area, but through 2010 it has not changed, the restaurant area is still in the same position after

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"In general, there are only a few minor changes" -> "Generally, there are limited minor changes"
Explanation: Replacing "In general" with "Generally" and "only a few" with "limited" refines the tone to be more precise and formal, suitable for academic writing.
"widening of the parking lot or the replacement of a café or restaurant to shrink" -> "expansion of the parking lot or the replacement of a café or restaurant with a smaller one"
Explanation: "Widening" and "to shrink" are vague and incorrect in this context. "Expansion" and "with a smaller one" provide clearer and more accurate descriptions of the changes.
"it not only expands the area at the exit because the garden has been destroyed, but the length area has also been increased" -> "it not only expands the area at the exit, but also increases the length of the parking lot, which was previously occupied by the garden"
Explanation: The original sentence is awkwardly phrased and unclear. The revision clarifies the relationship between the garden’s destruction and the parking lot’s expansion.
"opposite the Entrance is the exhibition hall that is stretched" -> "opposite the entrance is the exhibition hall, which has been extended"
Explanation: "Stretched" is an incorrect term in this context; "extended" is the correct term for describing the expansion of a building or area.
"at the end of the row, at the end of the row is a restaurant and clothing store" -> "at the end of the row is a restaurant and clothing store"
Explanation: Removing the redundant phrase "at the end of the row" improves clarity and avoids repetition.
"it was built in the shape of an L" -> "it was constructed in an L-shape"
Explanation: "Constructed in an L-shape" is a more precise and formal way to describe the architectural design.
"through 2010, the clothing store was expanded, so the exhibition area was reduced" -> "by 2010, the clothing store had expanded, thereby reducing the exhibition area"
Explanation: "Through 2010" is less formal and imprecise; "by 2010" is more appropriate for academic writing. Also, "thereby reducing" is more formal than "so."
"To the right of the Entrance is still the exhibition hall which is divided into 2 separate rooms" -> "To the right of the entrance remains the exhibition hall, which is now divided into two separate rooms"
Explanation: "Remains" is more precise than "is still," and "now" clarifies the temporal aspect of the change.
"those 2 rooms have been combined" -> "those two rooms have been merged"
Explanation: "Merged" is a more precise term than "combined" in the context of combining separate spaces.
"The cottage has been replaced by a café opposite the parking lot on the main road" -> "The cottage has been replaced by a café situated opposite the parking lot on the main road"
Explanation: "Situated" is more formal and precise than "opposite," which can be vague in this context.
"There are places that have not changed" -> "Certain areas remain unchanged"
Explanation: "Certain areas remain unchanged" is more concise and formal than "There are places that have not changed."

These changes enhance the precision, formality, and clarity of the text, aligning it more closely with academic writing standards.

Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 5

Band Score for Task Response: 5 – UNDER WORD

Answer All Parts of the Question:
- Detailed explanation: The essay attempts to describe the changes made to the museum and its surroundings between 1990 and 2010. However, it lacks a comprehensive overview of all the changes that occurred. For instance, while it mentions the expansion of the parking lot and the replacement of the café, it does not adequately detail other significant alterations that might be present in the maps. The phrase "and many other changes" is vague and does not provide specific information, which is crucial for a complete response.
- How to improve: To better address all parts of the question, the writer should systematically outline each change depicted in the maps. A clearer structure could involve categorizing changes by location (e.g., parking lot, exhibition hall, café) and providing specific details for each. Additionally, including a brief introduction that summarizes the main changes before diving into specifics would enhance clarity.
Present a Clear Position Throughout:
- Detailed explanation: The essay lacks a clear and consistent position. While it aims to describe the changes, the language used is often convoluted and difficult to follow. For example, phrases like "the length area has also been increased" are ambiguous and do not clearly convey the intended meaning. This lack of clarity can confuse the reader regarding the writer’s stance on the changes made.
- How to improve: To maintain a clear position, the writer should use straightforward language and clearly state what is being compared or described. Starting with a clear thesis statement that outlines the main changes and their significance would help. Additionally, using transition words can guide the reader through the essay more effectively.
Present, Extend, and Support Ideas:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents some ideas about the changes, but they are not well-developed or supported. For instance, the mention of the garden being "destroyed" lacks context or explanation about its previous significance or appearance. The ideas presented are often fragmented and do not flow logically from one to the next, making it challenging for the reader to grasp the overall narrative.
- How to improve: To enhance the presentation and support of ideas, the writer should aim to elaborate on each point made. This could involve providing more context or reasoning behind each change, such as why the café was replaced or the implications of the parking lot expansion. Using specific examples from the maps to support claims will also strengthen the argument.
Stay on Topic:
- Detailed explanation: The essay occasionally deviates from the topic, particularly when it introduces vague phrases like "many other changes" without elaborating on what those changes are. Additionally, the sentence structure is often convoluted, which can lead to confusion about the main topic being discussed.
- How to improve: To stay focused on the topic, the writer should ensure that every sentence contributes directly to describing the changes in the museum and its surroundings. Avoiding vague language and ensuring that each point is relevant to the prompt will help maintain topic coherence. A clear outline before writing could assist in keeping the discussion on track.

Overall, to improve the essay and achieve a higher band score, the writer should focus on clarity, coherence, and thoroughness in addressing the prompt.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 7

Organize Information Logically:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents information about the changes in the museum and its surroundings over the two decades. However, the organization of ideas is somewhat disjointed. For example, the mention of the parking lot expansion is followed by a description of the exhibition hall without a clear transition, making it difficult for the reader to follow the chronological changes. The structure lacks a clear introduction and conclusion, which would help frame the discussion and provide a summary of the changes.
- How to improve: To enhance logical flow, the essay should start with a brief overview of the key changes before delving into specific details. Using a chronological structure would help, such as discussing all changes from 1990 first and then moving to 2010. Additionally, including transitional phrases like "In contrast," "Furthermore," or "As a result" can guide the reader through the changes more smoothly.
Use Paragraphs:
- Detailed explanation: The essay lacks clear paragraphing, which affects its readability. The ideas are presented in a single block of text, making it challenging to identify distinct points or changes. Effective paragraphing would allow for a clearer separation of ideas, such as dedicating one paragraph to the parking lot changes and another to the exhibition hall modifications.
- How to improve: Implementing a structured paragraph format is essential. Each paragraph should focus on a single aspect of the changes, starting with a topic sentence that introduces the main idea. For instance, one paragraph could detail the parking lot changes, while another could discuss the modifications to the exhibition hall. This would not only improve clarity but also enhance the overall coherence of the essay.
Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates some use of cohesive devices, but they are limited and sometimes incorrectly applied. For example, phrases like "but through 2010" are used, but they do not effectively connect the ideas or indicate the relationship between them. The lack of varied cohesive devices results in a somewhat choppy reading experience.
- How to improve: To diversify the use of cohesive devices, the writer should incorporate a wider range of linking words and phrases. For example, using "Additionally," "Moreover," or "In addition" can help to add information, while "However," "On the other hand," or "Conversely" can be used to contrast ideas. Practicing the use of these devices in context will enhance the flow of the essay and make the relationships between ideas clearer.

In summary, while the essay demonstrates a good understanding of the changes made to the museum and its surroundings, improvements in organization, paragraphing, and the use of cohesive devices are necessary to achieve a higher band score in Coherence and Cohesion.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Lexical Resource: 6

Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a moderate range of vocabulary. Words like "widening," "replacement," and "expanded" are used appropriately, indicating some variety. However, the overall vocabulary is somewhat limited, with repetitive phrases such as "the exhibition hall" and "the parking lot" appearing multiple times without synonyms or alternative expressions. This limits the richness of the language and can detract from the overall impression.
- How to improve: To enhance vocabulary range, the writer could incorporate synonyms or related terms. For instance, instead of repeatedly saying "the parking lot," alternatives like "vehicle area" or "car park" could be used. Additionally, using more descriptive adjectives (e.g., "spacious" instead of just "large") would add depth to the vocabulary.
Use Vocabulary Precisely:
- Detailed explanation: There are instances of imprecise vocabulary usage that can lead to confusion. For example, the phrase "the length area has also been increased" is awkward and unclear. It would be more precise to say "the length of the parking lot has also increased." Additionally, the phrase "the cottage has been replaced by a café" lacks clarity, as it does not specify what the "cottage" refers to in the context of the museum.
- How to improve: To improve precision, the writer should focus on clarity and specificity. Using clear subjects and verbs will help convey the intended meaning. For instance, instead of saying "the exhibition area was reduced," it could be specified as "the size of the exhibition area was reduced due to the expansion of the clothing store." This not only clarifies the action but also provides a more accurate description of the changes.
Use Correct Spelling:
- Detailed explanation: The essay contains several spelling errors and awkward phrases that detract from its overall quality. For example, "the garden has been destroyed" could be misinterpreted as a negative connotation, and "the restaurant area is still in the same position after" is an incomplete thought that leaves the reader hanging. While there are no glaring spelling mistakes in individual words, the overall coherence and clarity are affected by these issues.
- How to improve: To enhance spelling and overall writing quality, the writer should proofread the essay carefully. Reading aloud can help identify awkward phrases and incomplete thoughts. Additionally, practicing spelling through writing exercises or using spell-check tools can help catch errors before submission. Focusing on sentence structure and ensuring that each sentence conveys a complete idea will also improve clarity.

In summary, while the essay demonstrates a basic understanding of vocabulary related to the topic, there is significant room for improvement in range, precision, and overall clarity. By expanding vocabulary, focusing on precise language, and ensuring correct spelling and structure, the writer can enhance their Lexical Resource score in future essays.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 6

Use a Wide Range of Structures:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates some variety in sentence structures, including simple, compound, and complex sentences. For instance, phrases like "the most obvious change when looking at both years is that" and "it was built in the shape of an L" show an attempt to use more complex structures. However, the overall range is limited, and many sentences are overly long or convoluted, which can hinder clarity. For example, the sentence "In 1990, opposite the Entrance is the exhibition hall that is stretched and at the end of the row, at the end of the row is a restaurant and clothing store, it was built in the shape of an L" is particularly problematic due to its length and redundancy, making it difficult to follow.
- How to improve: To enhance the range of structures, the writer should practice using a mix of sentence types more effectively. This can include breaking down long sentences into shorter, clearer ones and varying the use of conjunctions. Additionally, incorporating more complex structures, such as relative clauses and conditional sentences, could improve the overall sophistication of the writing. For example, instead of saying "the exhibition hall that is stretched," the writer could say "the exhibition hall, which was stretched, is located opposite the Entrance."
Use Grammar and Punctuation Accurately:
- Detailed explanation: The essay contains several grammatical errors and punctuation issues that detract from its clarity and coherence. For instance, the phrase "the garden has been destroyed" suggests a passive construction that lacks clarity regarding the subject. Additionally, there are instances of run-on sentences, such as "the cottage has been replaced by a café opposite the parking lot on the main road There are places that have not changed," where a period or semicolon is needed to separate distinct ideas. The use of commas is also inconsistent, leading to confusion in some sentences.
- How to improve: To improve grammatical accuracy, the writer should focus on proofreading their work for common errors, such as subject-verb agreement and sentence fragments. Practicing punctuation rules, especially regarding the use of commas and periods, will help in creating clearer sentences. It may also be beneficial to read the essay aloud to identify awkward phrasing or run-on sentences. Additionally, the writer could benefit from studying the rules of passive voice and ensuring that subjects are clearly stated in sentences to avoid ambiguity.

Overall, while the essay demonstrates an understanding of the task, there is significant room for improvement in both the range of grammatical structures and the accuracy of grammar and punctuation. By focusing on these areas, the writer can enhance the clarity and effectiveness of their writing.

Bài sửa mẫu

In general, there are only a few minor changes in areas such as the widening of the parking lot or the replacement of a café or restaurant. The most obvious change when looking at both years is that in the parking lot, it not only expands the area at the exit because the garden has been destroyed, but the length of the parking lot has also been increased. In 1990, opposite the entrance is the exhibition hall, which has been extended, and at the end of the row is a restaurant and clothing store that was constructed in an L-shape. However, by 2010, the clothing store had expanded, thereby reducing the exhibition area. To the right of the entrance remains the exhibition hall, which is now divided into two separate rooms, but 10 years later, those two rooms have been merged. The cottage has been replaced by a café situated opposite the parking lot on the main road. Certain areas remain unchanged; for example, in 1990, the large garden was built in that area, and by 2010, it has not changed, as the restaurant area is still in the same position.