The maps show the changes made to a small museum and its surroundings in 1990 and 2010. Summarize the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant

The pictures depict the transformation of a small exhibition between 1990 and 2010.
Overall, some prominent showcase activity in this area had been diminished to accommodate entertainment. Moreover, an important factor had been removed due to the absence of its previous supporting facilities.
One of the most remarkable changes is at the Western part of the map. To illustrate, two major exhibition rooms at the north-east corner in 1990 had been unified in 2010. The larger one on the south-eastern side was lessened in space to serve an adjacent shop in 2010. Furthermore, the restaurant, which is north-western, had remained unchanged. The similar pattern was true for the garden located at the top of the map.
Another notable alteration is the garden at the Eastern had been removed and replaced by a car park between these years. The road leading to the garden in 1990 also had been eliminated in 2010. Lastly, the cottage area had been converted into coffee for entertainment.

Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

"The pictures depict the transformation of a small exhibition between 1990 and 2010." -> "The photographs illustrate the transformation of a small exhibition between 1990 and 2010."
Explanation: Replacing "pictures" with "photographs" aligns with a more formal academic tone, and "illustrate" is more precise than "depict" in this context, suggesting a detailed representation rather than a simple visual depiction.
"some prominent showcase activity in this area had been diminished" -> "some prominent exhibition activities in this area have been reduced"
Explanation: "Diminished" can imply a loss of importance or power, which might not be the intended meaning here. "Reduced" is more accurate for describing a decrease in size or scope. Also, "have been" is more grammatically correct than "had been" in this context, as the verb tense should match the time frame specified.
"an important factor had been removed" -> "a significant feature was removed"
Explanation: "Factor" is too vague and general; "feature" is more specific and appropriate for describing elements of an exhibition. "Was removed" corrects the tense to match the past simple, which is more suitable for a historical comparison.
"due to the absence of its previous supporting facilities" -> "owing to the absence of its former supporting infrastructure"
Explanation: "Owing to" is a more formal expression than "due to," and "infrastructure" is a more precise term than "facilities" in the context of exhibition spaces.
"One of the most remarkable changes is at the Western part of the map." -> "One of the most notable changes is in the western section of the map."
Explanation: "Notable" is more precise and formal than "remarkable" in an academic context. "Section" is clearer than "part" in describing a specific area of the map.
"two major exhibition rooms at the north-east corner in 1990 had been unified in 2010" -> "two major exhibition spaces at the northeast corner in 1990 were merged in 2010"
Explanation: "Spaces" is more specific than "rooms" for exhibition areas, and "merged" is more precise than "unified" for describing the combination of two spaces. "Were" corrects the verb tense to match the past simple.
"The larger one on the south-eastern side was lessened in space" -> "The larger space on the southeastern side was reduced in size"
Explanation: "Reduced in size" is more specific and formal than "lessened in space," and "southeastern" should be hyphenated for correct spelling.
"to serve an adjacent shop" -> "to accommodate an adjacent retail space"
Explanation: "Accommodate" is more precise than "serve" in this context, and "retail space" is a more formal term than "shop."
"The similar pattern was true for the garden located at the top of the map." -> "The same pattern applies to the garden depicted at the top of the map."
Explanation: "Applies" is more formal than "was true," and "depicted" is more precise than "located" when referring to a visual representation on a map.
"Another notable alteration is the garden at the Eastern had been removed" -> "Another notable change is the removal of the garden at the eastern end"
Explanation: "Change" is more general and less specific than "alteration," which might imply a more significant transformation. "Removal of" is more formal and precise than "had been removed," and "eastern end" should be hyphenated for correct spelling.
"The road leading to the garden in 1990 also had been eliminated in 2010." -> "The path leading to the garden in 1990 was also eliminated in 2010."
Explanation: "Path" is a more specific term than "road" for a smaller, less formal area like a garden, and "was" corrects the verb tense to match the past simple.
"The cottage area had been converted into coffee for entertainment." -> "The cottage area was converted into a coffee shop for entertainment purposes."
Explanation: "Coffee shop" is a more specific term than "coffee," and "for entertainment purposes" clarifies the reason for the conversion, aligning with formal academic style.

Band điểm Task Achivement ước lượng: 5

Band Score: 5

Explanation: The essay generally addresses the task by providing an overview of the changes made to the museum and its surroundings. However, the overview is not clear and the essay recounts details mechanically with no clear overview. The essay also presents some key features, but it inadequately covers them. For example, the essay mentions that the garden at the east was removed and replaced by a car park, but it does not mention that the car park was also extended to the south.

How to improve: The essay could be improved by providing a clearer overview of the changes made to the museum and its surroundings. The essay should also focus on presenting the key features of the changes, rather than simply recounting details. The essay could also be improved by providing more specific details about the changes, such as the size of the car park or the location of the cafe.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 5

Band Score: 5.0
Explanation: The essay presents some organization of information, but it lacks a clear overall progression. While there are attempts to describe changes, the connections between ideas are not always logical or coherent. The use of cohesive devices is inadequate and at times inaccurate, which leads to confusion. Additionally, paragraphing is present but not effectively utilized, as some ideas are not clearly separated or developed.
How to improve: To enhance coherence and cohesion, the writer should focus on creating a clearer structure by using distinct paragraphs for different aspects of the changes. Each paragraph should have a clear central topic, and cohesive devices should be used more effectively to link ideas logically. Additionally, ensuring that all references are clear and appropriately used will help in improving the overall flow of the essay.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 6

Band Score: 6.0
Explanation: The essay demonstrates an adequate range of vocabulary relevant to the task, with some attempts to use less common vocabulary. However, there are noticeable inaccuracies in word choice and collocation, such as "showcase activity" and "the cottage area had been converted into coffee," which detract from clarity. Additionally, there are some errors in spelling and word formation, such as "the garden at the Eastern" (should be "the Eastern garden") and "lessened in space" (which is awkwardly phrased). These issues do not completely impede communication, but they do affect the overall effectiveness of the lexical resource used in the essay.

How to improve: To enhance the lexical resource score, the writer should focus on using more precise vocabulary and ensuring correct collocations. Additionally, they should aim to reduce errors in spelling and word formation by proofreading their work. Incorporating a wider variety of vocabulary while maintaining accuracy will also help to achieve a higher band score. Practicing with synonyms and phrases that are commonly used in similar contexts can further improve lexical flexibility and precision.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 6

Band Score: 6.0
Explanation: The essay demonstrates a mix of simple and complex sentence forms, which is characteristic of a Band 6. While there are some attempts at complexity, the grammatical accuracy is inconsistent, with several errors present. These errors do not significantly hinder communication, but they do detract from the overall clarity and professionalism of the writing. The essay contains some awkward phrasing and incorrect word choices, such as "the larger one on the south-eastern side was lessened in space," which could be more clearly expressed. Additionally, there are issues with article usage and prepositions, such as "the garden at the Eastern had been removed," which should be "the garden in the East."

How to improve:

Increase Sentence Variety: Incorporate a wider range of complex sentence structures to enhance the overall grammatical range. This could involve using more subordinate clauses and varied conjunctions.
Focus on Accuracy: Review and practice common grammatical structures to reduce errors. Pay particular attention to article usage and prepositions, which can often lead to confusion.
Proofreading: Take time to proofread the essay for minor errors and awkward phrasing. Reading the essay aloud can help identify areas that may sound unnatural or unclear.
Expand Vocabulary: Utilize a broader vocabulary to express ideas more precisely and effectively. This will also help in avoiding repetitive language and improving the overall sophistication of the writing.

Bài sửa mẫu

The pictures depict the transformation of a small museum and its surroundings between 1990 and 2010. Overall, some prominent exhibition activities in this area were diminished to accommodate entertainment. Moreover, an important feature was removed due to the absence of its previous supporting facilities.

One of the most remarkable changes occurred in the western part of the map. To illustrate, two major exhibition rooms in the north-east corner in 1990 were unified in 2010. The larger room on the south-eastern side was reduced in size to serve an adjacent shop in 2010. Furthermore, the restaurant in the north-western area remained unchanged. A similar pattern was observed for the garden located at the top of the map.

Another notable alteration is that the garden in the eastern part had been removed and replaced by a car park during these years. The road leading to the garden in 1990 was also eliminated by 2010. Lastly, the cottage area was converted into a coffee shop for entertainment.