The maps show the town of Wilden in 1990 and today.

The maps illustrate the changes that have occurred in the town of Wilden between 1990 and the present day. Overall, it is obvious that the town has transformed significantly. Specially, all factories have been removed to create a residential area.

According to the maps, there used to be factories in central of the town. Nevertheless, they have been removed to accomplish the goal of turning the town into a residential area. In terms of housing, the amount of homes in the North have been reduced by 2, and with that, there are 4 block of flats in the East have been built. Moreover, in the North South, the 2 homes that were demolished , has been replaced by a community centre. In the past, there used to be a cafe on the South East corner of the town, later in time, it was removed and a restaurant was opened on South West corner, with a bunch of tables and chairs next to the river. With the removal of the transport depot and factories, the space was occupied by the park, which was moved from originally the North East to the centre of the upper half of the town. Additionally, trees were planted next to the park and a golf course was built on the park.

Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

"The maps illustrate the changes" -> "The maps depict the transformations"
Explanation: "Depict" is a more precise and formal verb than "illustrate" in this context, emphasizing the visual representation of the changes.
"Overall, it is obvious that the town has transformed significantly" -> "It is evident that the town has undergone substantial transformations"
Explanation: "It is evident" is more formal than "it is obvious," and "undergone substantial transformations" is more precise and academically appropriate than "transformed significantly."
"Specially" -> "Specifically"
Explanation: "Specifically" is the correct form of the adverb, enhancing the formal tone of the text.
"central of the town" -> "central part of the town"
Explanation: "Central part of the town" is grammatically correct and clearer than "central of the town."
"accomplish the goal" -> "achieve the objective"
Explanation: "Achieve the objective" is more formal and precise than "accomplish the goal," aligning better with academic style.
"the amount of homes" -> "the number of dwellings"
Explanation: "The number of dwellings" is more formal and precise than "the amount of homes."
"4 block of flats" -> "four blocks of flats"
Explanation: "Four blocks of flats" corrects the count and grammatical structure, making it more formal and accurate.
"the 2 homes that were demolished, has been replaced" -> "the two homes that were demolished have been replaced"
Explanation: Corrects the grammatical error and uses "two" instead of "2" for consistency with the formal tone.
"a bunch of tables and chairs" -> "a number of tables and chairs"
Explanation: "A number of" is more formal and appropriate than "a bunch of" in academic writing.
"later in time" -> "subsequently"
Explanation: "Subsequently" is a more formal and precise temporal connector than "later in time."
"With the removal of the transport depot and factories" -> "Following the removal of the transport depot and factories"
Explanation: "Following" is more formal and precise than "with," indicating a direct consequence.
"the space was occupied by the park" -> "the area was converted into a park"
Explanation: "Converted into a park" is more specific and formal than "occupied by the park," which is vague and less precise.
"trees were planted next to the park" -> "trees were planted adjacent to the park"
Explanation: "Adjacent to" is more formal and precise than "next to," fitting better in an academic context.
"a golf course was built on the park" -> "a golf course was constructed within the park"
Explanation: "Constructed within the park" is more specific and formal than "built on the park," which is less precise.

These changes enhance the formality, precision, and clarity of the text, aligning it more closely with academic writing standards.

Band điểm Task Achivement ước lượng: 6

Band Score: 6.0

Explanation: The essay provides an overview of the changes in the town of Wilden between 1990 and the present day. It identifies the key features of the town, such as the factories, homes, and park, and describes the changes that have occurred. However, the essay does not fully extend the key features/bullet points. For example, the essay states that the factories have been removed to create a residential area, but it does not provide any specific details about the new residential area.

How to improve: The essay could be improved by providing more specific details about the changes that have occurred in the town. For example, the essay could describe the size and location of the new residential area, the types of homes that have been built, and the number of people who now live in the town. The essay could also provide more information about the park, such as the types of trees that have been planted and the activities that are now available in the park.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 5

Band Score: 5.0
Explanation: The essay presents information about the changes in the town of Wilden, but it lacks overall progression and coherence. While there is some organization of ideas, the transitions between points are often unclear, leading to a disjointed reading experience. The use of cohesive devices is inconsistent, with some phrases being repetitive or awkwardly constructed. Paragraphing is attempted but not executed logically, which further detracts from the clarity of the response.
How to improve: To enhance coherence and cohesion, the writer should focus on creating clear topic sentences for each paragraph that directly relate to the main idea. Using a wider variety of cohesive devices, such as linking words and phrases (e.g., "in addition," "furthermore," "however"), can help improve the flow of ideas. Additionally, ensuring that paragraphs are logically structured and that each one contains a single, clear focus will contribute to a more cohesive essay.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 5

Band Score: 5.0
Explanation: The essay demonstrates a limited range of vocabulary, which is minimally adequate for the task. While the writer attempts to describe the changes in the town of Wilden, the vocabulary used is often repetitive and lacks precision. There are noticeable errors in word choice and collocation, such as "the amount of homes" (should be "the number of homes") and "the 2 homes that were demolished, has been replaced" (should be "have been replaced"). Additionally, spelling errors such as "block of flats" (should be "blocks of flats") and issues with punctuation detract from the overall clarity of the essay. These factors contribute to a score of 5.0 for Lexical Resource.

How to improve: To improve the Lexical Resource score, the writer should aim to expand their vocabulary by incorporating a wider range of synonyms and less common lexical items. They should also focus on using precise language and correct collocations to enhance clarity. Practicing the use of varied sentence structures and ensuring correct word forms will help reduce errors in spelling and word formation. Reading more academic texts and practicing paraphrasing can also aid in developing a more sophisticated vocabulary.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 5

Band Score: 5.0
Explanation: The essay demonstrates a limited range of grammatical structures, primarily using simple sentences with some attempts at complex forms. While there are some accurate structures, frequent grammatical errors and awkward phrasing are present, which can cause difficulty for the reader. For example, phrases like "the amount of homes in the North have been reduced by 2" and "the 2 homes that were demolished , has been replaced" contain grammatical inaccuracies that detract from the overall clarity of the writing. Additionally, punctuation errors, such as the misplaced comma before "has been replaced," further hinder communication.

How to improve: To achieve a higher band score, the writer should focus on the following areas:

Expand Sentence Variety: Incorporate a wider range of complex sentence structures to demonstrate grammatical flexibility.
Minimize Errors: Proofread the essay to identify and correct grammatical and punctuation mistakes, ensuring that sentences are error-free.
Clarify Ideas: Use clearer phrasing and avoid awkward constructions to enhance readability. For instance, rephrasing sentences to ensure subject-verb agreement and proper use of articles would improve clarity.
Practice: Regularly practice writing essays and seek feedback to identify common errors and work on them systematically.

Bài sửa mẫu

The maps illustrate the changes that have occurred in the town of Wilden between 1990 and the present day. Overall, it is clear that the town has transformed significantly. Specifically, all factories have been removed to create a residential area.

According to the maps, there used to be factories in the center of the town. Nevertheless, they have been removed to achieve the goal of turning the town into a residential area. In terms of housing, the number of homes in the North has been reduced by 2, while 4 blocks of flats have been built in the East. Moreover, in the North South area, the 2 homes that were demolished have been replaced by a community center. In the past, there used to be a café on the South East corner of the town; later, it was removed, and a restaurant was opened on the South West corner, complete with a number of tables and chairs next to the river. With the removal of the transport depot and factories, the space was occupied by a park, which was relocated from the North East to the center of the upper half of the town. Additionally, trees were planted next to the park, and a golf course was built on the former park area.