The maps show the town of Wilden in 1990 and today.

The provided maps demonstrate the changes have occured in the town of Wilden in 1990 to the present day.

Overall, it can be visibly seen that the town has been alternated considerably. In specific, the town has been changed into a residential area instead of the factories.

According to the illustration, there used to be a transport deport in the north-west which has been removed for planting more trees. Additionally, three over five of the homes have remained the same while two have been removed. Specifically, the park which had been located on the east has been moved to the center and become expanded significantly to be transformed into a golf area. Moreover, the park has been replaced with a cominity center on the north-east.

Moreover, it can be easily seen that on the north west there has been a significant change when there has been a coffee shop replaced the biggest factory. Factories have been subsequently removed and replaced with a row of block of flats.

Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

"The provided maps demonstrate the changes have occured" -> "The provided maps illustrate the changes that have occurred"
Explanation: "Illustrate" is more precise than "demonstrate" in this context, as it specifically refers to the visual representation of data. Also, correcting "have occured" to "have occurred" fixes a grammatical error.
"it can be visibly seen" -> "it is evident"
Explanation: "It is evident" is a more formal and concise way to express the observation, avoiding the awkward construction "can be visibly seen."
"the town has been alternated considerably" -> "the town has undergone significant changes"
Explanation: "Undergone significant changes" is a more accurate and formal way to describe the extent of change in the town.
"In specific, the town has been changed into a residential area" -> "Specifically, the town has been transformed into a residential area"
Explanation: "Specifically" is the correct adverbial form to use here, and "transformed" is a more precise verb than "changed" in this context.
"there used to be a transport deport" -> "there was a transportation depot"
Explanation: "Transportation depot" is the correct term, and "was" is the correct verb form for the past simple tense.
"has been removed for planting more trees" -> "has been cleared to accommodate more trees"
Explanation: "Cleared to accommodate" is a more precise and formal way to describe the action of removing something to make way for something else.
"three over five of the homes" -> "three out of five of the homes"
Explanation: "Three out of five" is the correct idiomatic expression for indicating a proportion.
"the park which had been located on the east has been moved to the center" -> "the park previously located on the east has been relocated to the center"
Explanation: "Previously located" clarifies the temporal aspect, and "relocated" is more specific than "moved" in this context.
"become expanded significantly to be transformed into a golf area" -> "has been significantly expanded and transformed into a golf course"
Explanation: "Has been significantly expanded and transformed" corrects the awkward phrasing and clarifies the action, and "golf course" is the correct term.
"the park has been replaced with a cominity center" -> "the park has been replaced by a community center"
Explanation: "By" is the correct preposition for indicating replacement, and "community center" is the correct spelling.
"on the north west" -> "in the northwest"
Explanation: "In the northwest" is the correct directional phrase.
"there has been a coffee shop replaced the biggest factory" -> "the largest factory has been replaced by a coffee shop"
Explanation: Reversing the order corrects the grammatical structure and clarifies the meaning, making it more formal and clear.
"Factories have been subsequently removed and replaced with a row of block of flats" -> "The factories have been subsequently removed and replaced with a row of blocks of flats"
Explanation: Adding "The" before "factories" corrects the article usage, and "blocks of flats" is the correct plural form.

Band điểm Task Achivement ước lượng: 6

Band Score: 6.0

Explanation: The essay provides an overview of the changes in the town of Wilden, but it does not fully satisfy all the requirements of the task. The essay does not provide a clear overview of the main trends, differences, or stages of change. The essay also presents some inaccurate information, such as stating that three out of five homes have remained the same when in fact only two have remained the same.

How to improve: The essay could be improved by providing a clearer overview of the main trends, differences, or stages of change. The essay could also be improved by providing more accurate information about the changes that have occurred in the town. For example, the essay could state that the transport depot has been removed and replaced with a park, and that the park has been expanded and transformed into a golf area. The essay could also provide more specific details about the changes that have occurred to the homes, such as stating that two homes have been removed and replaced with a block of flats.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 5

Band Score: 5.0
Explanation: The essay presents information with some organization, but there is a noticeable lack of overall progression in the description of changes in the town of Wilden. While it attempts to convey changes, the use of cohesive devices is inadequate and at times inaccurate, leading to confusion. The paragraphing is present but not always logical, as some ideas are not clearly connected, and the transitions between points are weak. Overall, the essay does not effectively manage the flow of information or ideas.

How to improve:

Enhance Logical Progression: Structure the essay to follow a clearer sequence of changes, perhaps by grouping similar changes together or following a geographical order.
Improve Cohesive Devices: Use a wider range of cohesive devices (e.g., linking words like "however," "in addition," "furthermore") to connect ideas more smoothly and logically.
Clarify Paragraphing: Ensure that each paragraph has a clear central topic and that the ideas within each paragraph are closely related. Consider starting a new paragraph for distinct changes or themes.
Refine Language Use: Pay attention to grammar and vocabulary to reduce inaccuracies and improve clarity, which will help in presenting ideas more effectively.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 5

Band Score: 5.0
Explanation: The essay demonstrates a limited range of vocabulary that is minimally adequate for the task. While it attempts to convey the changes in the town of Wilden, the use of vocabulary is basic and repetitive, with noticeable errors in word choice and spelling (e.g., "occurred" instead of "have occured," "deport" instead of "depot," "cominity" instead of "community"). These errors may cause some difficulty for the reader, impacting the overall clarity of the message. The essay lacks the sophistication and variety expected at higher band levels.
How to improve: To enhance the Lexical Resource score, the writer should aim to incorporate a wider range of vocabulary, including less common lexical items relevant to the topic. Additionally, careful proofreading to correct spelling and word formation errors is essential. Utilizing synonyms and varying sentence structures can also help convey precise meanings more effectively. Engaging with vocabulary exercises and reading more complex texts can further improve lexical range and accuracy.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 5

Band Score: 5.0
Explanation: The essay demonstrates a limited range of grammatical structures, primarily relying on simple sentences with some attempts at complex forms. While there are some accurate sentences, frequent grammatical errors and awkward phrasing detract from the overall clarity and coherence of the writing. Issues such as "have occured" (should be "have occurred"), "the town has been alternated" (should be "has changed"), and "the biggest factory" (should be "the largest factory") illustrate the grammatical inaccuracies that can cause difficulty for the reader. Additionally, punctuation errors are present, which further complicates comprehension.

How to improve: To enhance the grammatical range and accuracy, the writer should focus on the following areas:

Expand Sentence Variety: Incorporate more complex sentence structures and subordinate clauses to demonstrate a broader range of grammatical forms.
Proofreading: Carefully review the essay for grammatical errors and awkward phrasing. This includes ensuring subject-verb agreement and correct verb forms.
Practice Punctuation: Work on proper punctuation usage, particularly with commas and conjunctions, to improve sentence clarity.
Use of Vocabulary: Aim to use more precise vocabulary to convey ideas clearly and accurately, reducing reliance on vague terms like "changed" or "removed."

Bài sửa mẫu

The provided maps demonstrate the changes that have occurred in the town of Wilden from 1990 to the present day.

Overall, it can be clearly seen that the town has been altered considerably. Specifically, the area has transitioned from industrial use to a residential neighborhood.

According to the illustration, there used to be a transport depot in the north-west, which has been removed to allow for the planting of more trees. Additionally, three out of five of the homes have remained the same, while two have been removed. The park that was originally located in the east has been relocated to the center and has expanded significantly, transforming into a golf area. Moreover, the park has been replaced by a community center in the north-east.

Furthermore, it is evident that there has been a significant change in the north-west, where a coffee shop has replaced the largest factory. Factories have subsequently been removed and replaced with a row of blocks of flats.