The money given to help poor countries does not solve the problem of poverty, so rich countries should give other types of help instead. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

The money given to help poor countries does not solve the problem of poverty, so rich countries should give other types of help instead.

To what extent do you agree or disagree?

Many feel that foreign aid cannot address poverty in underdeveloped countries, and therefore, there should be more viable measures. In my opinion, although money cannot eliminate poverty completely, financial support is largely effective if it is invested in education and agriculture.

To begin with, sponsorships coming from developed nations can be allocated to education to tackle poverty. By building more schools and providing scholarship funds, governments are able to educate the general populace nationwide. The implication of this leads to a situation where the number of well-rounded educated citizens increases substantially, which helps foster the production's efficiency. This obviously contributes to the general development within a country, especially its economy. A prime example of this is that several poor African countries are successfully utilizing foreign aid to construct private and public schools as well as leveling up the living standard of regional inhabitants.

In addition, if the economic assistance is invested in agriculture, it will definitely enhance people's lives, and finally enable them to escape grinding poverty. Spending money on installing and upgrading state-of-the-art agricultural machines along with purchasing excellent seeds can increase farming productivity. When the production is abundant, it at least guarantees farmers and citizens to have enough food to accommodate their basic needs. Moreover, if the climatic condition is favorable, farmers can even produce a food surplus, which is then exported and generates additional income for the local economy. For instance, many Africans use international aid to buy tractors and harvesters, which are labor-saving and reduce working time.

In conclusion, while there is no definite evidence that money can help poor residents escape poverty, it is indisputable that spending international funds on education and agriculture in low-level development nations partly improves people's living conditions.

Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

"Many feel" -> "Many individuals believe"
Explanation: "Many individuals believe" is more formal and precise than "Many feel," which is somewhat vague and informal for academic writing.
"cannot address" -> "are insufficient to address"
Explanation: "Are insufficient to address" is more precise and academically appropriate than "cannot address," which is somewhat absolute and informal.
"therefore, there should be more viable measures" -> "therefore, more effective measures should be implemented"
Explanation: "More effective measures should be implemented" is more direct and formal, enhancing the academic tone of the sentence.
"money cannot eliminate poverty completely" -> "financial support cannot fully eradicate poverty"
Explanation: "Financial support cannot fully eradicate poverty" uses more precise vocabulary and avoids the colloquial "completely," which is less formal.
"is largely effective" -> "is largely effective in"
Explanation: Adding "in" after "effective" clarifies the scope of the effectiveness, making the phrase more precise and formal.
"The implication of this leads to a situation where" -> "This leads to a situation in which"
Explanation: "This leads to a situation in which" is more direct and formal, avoiding the unnecessary word "the implication of this."
"the number of well-rounded educated citizens increases substantially" -> "the number of well-educated citizens increases significantly"
Explanation: "Well-educated" is more concise and formal than "well-rounded educated," and "significantly" is preferred over "substantially" for academic writing.
"This obviously contributes to the general development within a country, especially its economy" -> "This significantly contributes to the overall development of a country, particularly its economy"
Explanation: "Significantly" and "overall" are more precise and formal than "obviously" and "general," and "particularly" is preferred over "especially" for academic writing.
"as well as leveling up the living standard of regional inhabitants" -> "and improving the living standards of regional residents"
Explanation: "Improving the living standards of regional residents" is more formal and precise than "leveling up the living standard of regional inhabitants."
"it will definitely enhance people’s lives" -> "it will undoubtedly improve the quality of life"
Explanation: "Undoubtedly improve the quality of life" is more formal and specific than "definitely enhance people’s lives."
"and finally enable them to escape grinding poverty" -> "ultimately enabling them to overcome poverty"
Explanation: "Ultimately enabling them to overcome poverty" is more formal and avoids the colloquial "grinding poverty."
"installing and upgrading state-of-the-art agricultural machines" -> "installing and upgrading advanced agricultural equipment"
Explanation: "Advanced agricultural equipment" is more precise and formal than "state-of-the-art agricultural machines."
"at least guarantees farmers and citizens to have enough food" -> "at least ensures that farmers and citizens have sufficient food"
Explanation: "Ensures that farmers and citizens have sufficient food" is more formal and grammatically correct than "guarantees farmers and citizens to have enough food."
"which is then exported and generates additional income" -> "which is then exported, thereby generating additional income"
Explanation: Adding "thereby" clarifies the causal relationship between the actions, enhancing the formality and clarity of the sentence.
"low-level development nations" -> "developing nations"
Explanation: "Developing nations" is a more commonly accepted and formal term in academic discourse than "low-level development nations."

These changes enhance the formality, precision, and clarity of the essay, aligning it more closely with academic writing standards.

Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 8

Band Score for Task Response: 8

Answer All Parts of the Question:
- Detailed explanation: The essay effectively addresses the prompt by acknowledging the limitations of financial aid in alleviating poverty while also arguing for the importance of targeted financial support in education and agriculture. The introduction clearly states the writer’s stance, indicating a nuanced position that recognizes both sides of the argument. The examples provided, such as the construction of schools and investment in agricultural technology, illustrate how financial aid can be beneficial when directed appropriately.
- How to improve: To enhance the response, the writer could explicitly address the alternative forms of assistance that rich countries might provide, as suggested in the prompt. This could involve discussing non-financial aid such as technology transfer, capacity building, or trade agreements, which would provide a more comprehensive view of the issue.
Present a Clear Position Throughout:
- Detailed explanation: The essay maintains a clear position throughout, asserting that while money alone may not solve poverty, it can be effective when invested in specific sectors. The writer consistently supports this view with relevant examples and logical reasoning. However, the conclusion could be more decisive in reiterating the position taken in the introduction.
- How to improve: To strengthen the clarity and consistency of the position, the conclusion should explicitly restate the writer’s agreement or disagreement with the prompt. A more assertive final statement could reinforce the argument and leave a lasting impression on the reader.
Present, Extend, and Support Ideas:
- Detailed explanation: Ideas are presented clearly, with each paragraph focusing on a specific aspect of the argument—education and agriculture. The examples provided are relevant and help to substantiate the claims made. However, the essay could benefit from deeper exploration of the implications of these investments, such as long-term sustainability and the potential for self-sufficiency in poor countries.
- How to improve: To enhance the depth of the argument, the writer should consider elaborating on the long-term benefits of investments in education and agriculture, perhaps discussing how these sectors can lead to systemic changes in poverty levels. Including counterarguments or acknowledging potential drawbacks of financial aid could also provide a more balanced perspective.
Stay on Topic:
- Detailed explanation: The essay remains focused on the topic, discussing the effectiveness of financial aid in combating poverty and the specific areas where it can be most beneficial. There are no significant deviations from the topic, and the examples provided are relevant to the discussion of poverty alleviation.
- How to improve: To maintain focus, the writer should ensure that all examples and arguments directly relate back to the central thesis. Avoiding any tangential discussions or overly broad statements will help keep the essay tightly aligned with the prompt’s requirements.

Overall, the essay demonstrates a strong understanding of the task and presents a well-structured argument. By addressing the suggestions for improvement, the writer can further enhance the clarity and depth of their response.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 8

Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 8

Organize Information Logically:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a clear and logical organization of ideas. The introduction effectively sets the context and presents the writer’s opinion. Each body paragraph focuses on a distinct aspect of the argument—education and agriculture—allowing the reader to follow the progression of thought easily. For instance, the transition from discussing education to agriculture is smooth, with each point building on the previous one. The conclusion succinctly summarizes the main arguments without introducing new ideas, reinforcing the overall coherence.
- How to improve: To enhance logical flow, the writer could include transitional phrases at the beginning of each paragraph to signal the shift in focus more explicitly. For example, using phrases like "Another significant area of investment is…" could help guide the reader through the argument more clearly.
Use Paragraphs:
- Detailed explanation: The essay effectively uses paragraphs to separate different ideas, with each paragraph addressing a specific point related to the thesis. The introductory paragraph presents the main argument, while the body paragraphs delve into specific examples of how financial aid can be utilized effectively. The conclusion ties everything together, reinforcing the main points discussed. However, the essay could benefit from clearer topic sentences that directly relate to the thesis statement.
- How to improve: Strengthening the topic sentences of each body paragraph would enhance clarity. For example, starting the education paragraph with a sentence like, "Investing in education is a crucial step toward alleviating poverty in developing nations" would directly connect the paragraph to the overall argument and improve coherence.
Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:
- Detailed explanation: The essay employs a variety of cohesive devices, such as conjunctions ("and," "although"), demonstratives ("this," "these"), and lexical cohesion through synonyms and related terms (e.g., "financial support," "economic assistance"). These devices help to link ideas within and between sentences, contributing to the overall flow of the essay. However, while the use of cohesive devices is effective, there are moments where the repetition of certain phrases could be reduced for greater variety.
- How to improve: To diversify the use of cohesive devices, the writer could incorporate more varied linking words and phrases, such as "Furthermore," "Moreover," or "In addition to this," at the beginning of sentences to enhance the connection between ideas. Additionally, varying the sentence structure could help avoid redundancy and maintain reader engagement.

Overall, the essay is well-structured and coherent, demonstrating a strong command of coherence and cohesion principles. By implementing the suggested improvements, the writer can further elevate the clarity and effectiveness of their argument.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Lexical Resource: 6

Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a reasonable range of vocabulary, with terms such as "foreign aid," "sponsorships," "financial support," and "agricultural machines." However, the vocabulary used is somewhat repetitive, particularly in phrases like "financial support" and "economic assistance," which could be varied to enhance the richness of the language. Additionally, some phrases, such as "grinding poverty," are effective but could be complemented with synonyms or alternative expressions to avoid redundancy.
- How to improve: To improve, the writer should aim to incorporate more synonyms and varied expressions throughout the essay. For example, instead of repeatedly using "financial support," alternatives like "monetary assistance," "funding," or "economic aid" could be employed. Expanding the vocabulary related to poverty alleviation and development would also enhance the overall lexical variety.
Use Vocabulary Precisely:
- Detailed explanation: The essay generally uses vocabulary correctly, but there are instances of imprecise usage. For example, the phrase "the implication of this leads to a situation where" could be simplified to "this leads to" for clarity and conciseness. Additionally, the term "well-rounded educated citizens" is somewhat awkward; a more precise phrase could be "well-educated citizens." The phrase "leveling up the living standard" is also informal and could be replaced with "improving living standards."
- How to improve: To enhance precision, the writer should focus on clarity and conciseness in their language. Reviewing phrases for potential simplification and ensuring that word choices accurately convey the intended meaning will strengthen the essay. Utilizing a thesaurus to find more appropriate synonyms can also aid in achieving precision.
Use Correct Spelling:
- Detailed explanation: The essay displays a good level of spelling accuracy, with no significant errors noted. Words such as "agriculture," "education," and "international" are spelled correctly throughout the text. However, there is a minor inconsistency in the use of hyphenation, as seen in "state-of-the-art," which is correctly hyphenated, but other compound adjectives could benefit from similar attention.
- How to improve: To maintain and improve spelling accuracy, the writer should proofread their work for any overlooked errors, particularly in compound adjectives and other complex terms. Regular practice with spelling exercises and utilizing spell-check tools can also help reinforce correct spelling habits.

In summary, while the essay demonstrates a solid understanding of vocabulary usage, there is room for improvement in terms of variety, precision, and spelling consistency. By incorporating a wider range of vocabulary, focusing on clarity and conciseness, and maintaining spelling accuracy, the writer can enhance their lexical resource and potentially achieve a higher band score.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 8

Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 8

Use a Wide Range of Structures:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a commendable variety of sentence structures. For instance, the use of complex sentences is evident in phrases like "By building more schools and providing scholarship funds, governments are able to educate the general populace nationwide." This structure effectively combines multiple ideas and showcases the writer’s ability to convey complex thoughts. Additionally, the essay employs conditional structures, such as "if the economic assistance is invested in agriculture," which adds depth to the argument. However, there are instances of repetitive sentence beginnings and a tendency to rely on similar structures, such as the frequent use of "In addition" and "To begin with," which can detract from overall variety.
- How to improve: To enhance the diversity of sentence structures, the writer should consider varying the introductory phrases and using a mix of simple, compound, and complex sentences. For example, instead of starting consecutive paragraphs with "To begin with" or "In addition," the writer could use alternatives like "Firstly," "Moreover," or even rhetorical questions to engage the reader. Incorporating more varied sentence lengths and types will also contribute to a more dynamic writing style.
Use Grammar and Punctuation Accurately:
- Detailed explanation: The essay generally exhibits a high level of grammatical accuracy, with only minor errors present. For example, the phrase "which helps foster the production’s efficiency" could be misinterpreted due to the possessive form; a clearer expression would be "which helps foster efficiency in production." Punctuation is mostly correct, with appropriate use of commas to separate clauses and enhance readability. However, there are a few instances where commas could be added for clarity, such as before "especially its economy" to better delineate the clauses.
- How to improve: To improve grammatical accuracy, the writer should carefully proofread the essay to catch minor errors and ensure clarity. Focusing on the correct use of possessives and ensuring that all clauses are clearly separated by appropriate punctuation will enhance the overall quality. Additionally, practicing the identification of complex sentence structures and their components can help the writer avoid ambiguity in future essays. Engaging with grammar exercises focused on common pitfalls can also be beneficial.

Overall, the essay is well-structured and presents a clear argument with effective use of grammatical structures. With minor adjustments to sentence variety and grammatical precision, the writer can further elevate their writing to achieve an even higher band score.

Bài sửa mẫu

Many individuals feel that foreign aid cannot address poverty in underdeveloped countries; therefore, there should be more viable measures. In my opinion, although money cannot eliminate poverty completely, financial support is largely effective if it is invested in education and agriculture.

To begin with, sponsorships coming from developed nations can be allocated to education to tackle poverty. By building more schools and providing scholarship funds, governments are able to educate the general populace nationwide. This leads to a situation in which the number of well-educated citizens increases significantly, which helps foster production efficiency. This obviously contributes to the overall development of a country, particularly its economy. A prime example of this is that several poor African countries are successfully utilizing foreign aid to construct private and public schools, as well as improving the living standards of regional residents.

In addition, if the economic assistance is invested in agriculture, it will undoubtedly improve the quality of life and ultimately enable people to escape grinding poverty. Spending money on installing and upgrading advanced agricultural equipment, along with purchasing excellent seeds, can increase farming productivity. When production is abundant, it at least ensures that farmers and citizens have sufficient food to accommodate their basic needs. Moreover, if the climatic conditions are favorable, farmers can even produce a food surplus, which is then exported, thereby generating additional income for the local economy. For instance, many Africans use international aid to buy tractors and harvesters, which are labor-saving and reduce working time.

In conclusion, while there is no definite evidence that money can help poor residents escape poverty, it is indisputable that spending international funds on education and agriculture in developing nations partly improves people’s living conditions.