The most common solution for criminal behaviour is prison, but many believe education is a better method. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

While some advocate for imprisonment as the most vital approach against crime, it is believed that education is a more effective way to curb crime rates. In this essay, I would argue that prison sentences are futile and education can contribute to addressing the root causes of criminal behaviors.
Granted, one argument in favor of incarcerating outlaws is the most feasible measure to alleviate the problem of crime. The key rationale is that extended periods of confinement allow lawbreakers time to reflect on their wrongdoings and potentially develop remorse, ultimately leading to positive behavioral change. However, this line of reasoning overlooks the detrimental effects of social stigma often attached to ex-convicts. Reintegration into society becomes more challenging, with limited opportunities to find decent jobs due to a criminal record, which can push them back towards unlawful acts.
A more effective approach lies in prioritizing education that combat the root causes of crime. Regarding schools, students can easily be susceptible to harmful influences so it requires schools to teach about the laws and penalties associated with illegal acts such as murder, kidnap, or rapist. As a result, teenagers can understand the repercussions of breaking the laws, leading to declining juvenile delinquency rates. Secondly, education can go a long way in coping with the challenges of re-offenders. This is because lawbreakers can follow the reform schools where they can join rehabilitation programs and offer job skills that can help them find a decent job; leading to avoiding them reoffending to make a living when leaving jail.
In conclusion, I am convinced while prison sentences may appear to be a simple solution, they often lead to a cycle of recidivism. Instead, a focus on education programs offers a more holistic and sustainable approach to reducing crime rates.

Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

"outlaws" -> "offenders"
Explanation: The term "outlaws" is somewhat informal and colloquial for academic writing. "Offenders" is a more precise and formal term commonly used in legal and academic contexts.
"incarcerating outlaws" -> "incarcerating offenders"
Explanation: Similar to the previous point, "outlaws" is informal and less precise. "Offenders" is more appropriate for formal writing and aligns better with legal terminology.
"most feasible measure" -> "most effective strategy"
Explanation: "Feasible" implies practicality, which is less specific in this context. "Effective" directly relates to the success or impact of a strategy, making it more suitable for discussing the efficacy of approaches to crime reduction.
"extended periods of confinement" -> "extended periods of imprisonment"
Explanation: "Confinement" is a broader term that could apply to various situations, whereas "imprisonment" specifically refers to the legal confinement of individuals in a prison, which is more precise in this context.
"outlaws" -> "offenders"
Explanation: Again, "outlaws" is informal and less precise. "Offenders" is the standard term used in legal and academic discussions about individuals who have committed crimes.
"social stigma often attached to ex-convicts" -> "social stigma frequently associated with former convicts"
Explanation: "Ex-convicts" is less formal than "former convicts," and "often" is less specific than "frequently," which is more commonly used in formal writing to describe recurring phenomena.
"decent jobs" -> "gainful employment"
Explanation: "Decent jobs" is somewhat informal and vague. "Gainful employment" is a more formal and precise term that better fits the academic style.
"Regarding schools, students can easily be susceptible to" -> "In schools, students are susceptible to"
Explanation: "Regarding" is not the correct preposition here; "in" is more appropriate for discussing the context of schools. Also, "can easily be" is redundant; "are" is sufficient and more direct.
"teach about the laws and penalties associated with illegal acts such as murder, kidnap, or rapist" -> "educate students about the laws and penalties associated with illegal acts such as murder, kidnapping, or rape"
Explanation: "Teach" is less formal than "educate," which is preferred in academic writing. Also, "kidnap" should be hyphenated as "kidnapping," and "rapist" should be "rape" as it is a noun.
"follow the reform schools" -> "participate in rehabilitation programs"
Explanation: "Follow the reform schools" is unclear and informal. "Participate in rehabilitation programs" is more precise and formal, accurately describing the activities offered to offenders.
"offer job skills that can help them find a decent job" -> "provide vocational training that enhances their employability"
Explanation: "Offer job skills" is somewhat informal and vague. "Provide vocational training that enhances their employability" is more formal and specific, emphasizing the effectiveness of the training in improving job prospects.
"avoiding them reoffending to make a living" -> "preventing them from reoffending to support themselves"
Explanation: "Avoiding them reoffending to make a living" is awkwardly phrased and informal. "Preventing them from reoffending to support themselves" is clearer and more formal, aligning better with academic style.

Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 8

Band Score for Task Response: 8

Answer All Parts of the Question:
- Detailed explanation: The essay adequately addresses both sides of the argument presented in the prompt. It acknowledges the perspective favoring prison as a solution to criminal behavior and argues against it in favor of education. The introduction sets up the debate clearly, and throughout the essay, there is a consistent effort to evaluate both methods.
- How to improve: To further enhance the score in this criterion, ensure that each paragraph explicitly ties back to the prompt and directly addresses how each method (prison vs. education) addresses criminal behavior. Provide more specific examples or hypothetical scenarios to illustrate your points effectively.
Present a Clear Position Throughout:
- Detailed explanation: The essay maintains a clear stance that education is more effective than imprisonment in addressing criminal behavior. This position is established early in the introduction and consistently supported throughout the body paragraphs.
- How to improve: Strengthen the coherence of your argument by ensuring that each paragraph begins with a clear topic sentence that reinforces your position. Additionally, use transition words and phrases to smoothly guide the reader through your reasoning and maintain clarity of thought.
Present, Extend, and Support Ideas:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents ideas regarding both methods (prison and education), extends these ideas with arguments and examples, and supports them with reasoning. For instance, it discusses the potential benefits of education in preventing recidivism and improving societal integration for ex-convicts.
- How to improve: To further develop your ideas, consider providing more depth in your examples and explanations. Use statistics, studies, or real-world examples to substantiate your claims about the effectiveness of education over prison in reducing crime rates.
Stay on Topic:
- Detailed explanation: The essay remains focused on the topic of whether imprisonment or education is a more effective solution for criminal behavior. There are no significant deviations; each paragraph contributes to the central argument.
- How to improve: Ensure that every sentence directly relates to the essay prompt. Avoid tangents or unrelated anecdotes that do not strengthen your argument for or against the effectiveness of prison versus education.

Overall, this essay effectively argues for the superiority of education over imprisonment in addressing criminal behavior. To improve further, focus on providing more specific examples, strengthening transitions between paragraphs, and ensuring every point directly supports your thesis. This will help elevate your writing to a higher band score in future assessments.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 6

Organize Information Logically:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a generally logical organization. It starts with an introduction that outlines the essay’s stance, followed by paragraphs that discuss different aspects of the argument (prison vs. education). Each paragraph addresses a distinct point (prison as ineffective due to social stigma, education as preventive and rehabilitative), leading to a coherent conclusion.
- How to improve: To enhance logical flow, ensure each paragraph has a clear topic sentence that directly relates to the thesis statement. This helps maintain focus and coherence throughout the essay. Additionally, consider using transition phrases between paragraphs to strengthen the connections between ideas and improve overall cohesion.
Use Paragraphs:
- Detailed explanation: The essay employs paragraphs effectively to organize ideas. Each paragraph begins with a topic sentence that introduces the main point, followed by supporting details and examples. For instance, there are distinct paragraphs discussing the ineffectiveness of prison due to social stigma and the preventive/rehabilitative benefits of education.
- How to improve: To further enhance paragraph structure, ensure that each paragraph develops its main idea fully with supporting evidence or examples. Consider varying sentence structure within paragraphs to maintain reader engagement and clarity.
Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:
- Detailed explanation: The essay uses cohesive devices adequately to connect ideas within and between sentences. Examples include transitional phrases like "while some advocate…," "granted," and "in conclusion." These phrases help guide the reader through different stages of the argument.
- How to improve: To improve, try incorporating a wider variety of cohesive devices such as pronouns (it, they, these), conjunctions (however, therefore, consequently), and synonyms (for instance, namely) to avoid repetition and add depth to the argument. This would strengthen coherence by making connections more explicit and logical.

Overall, the essay effectively addresses the prompt and maintains coherence and cohesion, earning a Band Score of 6. With some adjustments to paragraph structure and the use of a broader range of cohesive devices, the essay could potentially achieve an even higher score by enhancing clarity and logical progression of ideas.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Lexical Resource: 6

Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a reasonable range of vocabulary relevant to the topic of crime and punishment. There is a variety of terms used such as "incarcerating," "lawbreakers," "rehabilitation programs," and "recidivism." These terms adequately convey the writer’s ideas and arguments without excessive repetition.
- How to improve: To enhance the lexical resource further, consider incorporating more nuanced synonyms or alternative expressions where appropriate. For instance, instead of repeatedly using "lawbreakers," explore synonyms like "offenders," "criminals," or "convicts" to add variety and precision to your language.
Use Vocabulary Precisely:
- Detailed explanation: The essay generally uses vocabulary with moderate precision. For instance, terms like "prison sentences," "reintegration into society," and "juvenile delinquency rates" are appropriately used in context. However, there are instances where the vocabulary could be more precise. For example, "extended periods of confinement" could be substituted with a more specific term like "long-term imprisonment" to convey a clearer meaning.
- How to improve: Focus on using vocabulary that precisely matches the intended meaning. Avoid ambiguous or overly general terms that could lead to confusion or imprecision in your arguments. Thesaurus tools might help in identifying more precise alternatives for key terms like "futile," "effectiveness," or "repercussions."
Use Correct Spelling:
- Detailed explanation: The spelling accuracy is generally adequate, with few errors observed throughout the essay. Common words are spelled correctly, such as "incarcerating," "reoffenders," and "rapist." However, there are minor spelling errors like "kidnap" instead of "kidnapping" and "reoffending" instead of "re-offending."
- How to improve: Pay closer attention to detail during proofreading to catch minor spelling errors. Use spell-checking tools but also develop a habit of reviewing your writing for accuracy manually. Practice writing essays under time constraints to simulate exam conditions and enhance your ability to maintain spelling accuracy.

Overall, while the essay demonstrates competency in vocabulary usage and spelling, continuous practice in refining vocabulary precision and spelling accuracy will further strengthen your writing and help you achieve higher band scores in the Lexical Resource criteria. Focus on clarity and specificity in your choice of words to effectively convey your arguments in future essays.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 6

Use a Wide Range of Structures:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a commendable attempt at utilizing varied sentence structures. It includes simple, compound, and complex sentences throughout. For instance, simple sentences like "While some advocate for imprisonment" coexist with complex sentences such as "Regarding schools, students can easily be susceptible to harmful influences so it requires schools to teach about the laws and penalties associated with illegal acts."
- How to improve: To enhance the range of structures further, consider incorporating more complex sentence structures that involve subordinate clauses or inverted sentences. This can elevate the sophistication of the essay and demonstrate a higher command of sentence variety. For example, integrating sentences with conditional clauses or using rhetorical questions could add depth and complexity.
Use Grammar and Punctuation Accurately:
- Detailed explanation: The essay generally maintains adequate grammatical accuracy with occasional errors. Examples include "leading to declining juvenile delinquency rates" where "leading to a decline in juvenile delinquency rates" would be more grammatically precise. Punctuation is generally handled competently, although there are instances where commas could be used more effectively for clarity, such as before introductory clauses.
- How to improve: Focus on revising sentences for grammatical precision, paying attention to subject-verb agreement and consistent verb tense usage. Proofreading for comma splices and ensuring commas are appropriately placed to aid readability and meaning clarity would also be beneficial. Reviewing these elements systematically during the editing process can significantly enhance the overall grammatical accuracy of your writing.

In summary, while the essay displays a solid foundation in grammatical range and accuracy with effective use of varied sentence structures, refining these aspects further through more sophisticated sentence constructions and heightened grammatical precision will help elevate the writing to a more polished level, potentially achieving a higher band score.

Bài sửa mẫu

While some argue that imprisoning offenders is the primary approach to combating crime, it is believed that education offers a more effective solution. In this essay, I contend that prison sentences are ineffective, whereas education addresses the underlying causes of criminal behavior.

One justification for incarcerating offenders is that it provides time for reflection and potentially fosters remorse, thereby promoting positive behavioral change. However, this perspective overlooks the significant social stigma frequently associated with former convicts. Reintegrating into society becomes challenging due to limited job opportunities, often leading individuals back into criminal activities.

A more viable strategy involves prioritizing education to prevent crime at its roots. In schools, students are susceptible to negative influences, making it crucial to educate them about laws and the consequences of serious offenses such as murder, kidnapping, or rape. This awareness can deter juvenile delinquency by fostering an understanding of legal responsibilities from a young age.

Furthermore, educational programs can effectively support rehabilitation efforts for offenders. By participating in such programs, offenders gain vocational training that enhances their employability, thus reducing the likelihood of reoffending upon release. This approach not only prevents recidivism but also enables former offenders to support themselves legally and reintegrate into society.

In conclusion, while prison sentences may seem like a straightforward solution, they often perpetuate cycles of crime. On the other hand, education offers a comprehensive and sustainable approach to reducing crime rates by addressing its underlying causes and supporting the rehabilitation of offenders.