The most important aim of science should be to improve people’s lives. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement?
Never before have people seen a boom in scientific achievements and developments more than this decade. This may lead to a perspective that the most significant target of science should be to enhance the life quality of humans. I wholeheartedly agree with this viewpoint for the reasons outlined below.
The main reason why a host of scientific breakthroughs should be in pursuit of human’s lives improvements is that humans are the root of life. People have survived and revolutionized since eons ago, and many aspects of life have sprung up and thrive with the advent of people. Therefore, humans never stop flourishing and implementing a multitude of experiments to make them healthier, happier and especially, more superior. Without humans, there will be no life-changing equipment or ideas, and science can not advance forward. For example, prominent scientists such as Albert Einstein or Thomas Edison were those who made scientific breakthroughs for many fields in the world. Had it not been for them, people’s lives could not have been as revolutionized as it is nowadays.
Despite this, there are some people who argue that improving the life quality of people is not the main purpose of science but creating new technologies. These people believe that ultimately, scientists should come up with novel techniques in lieu of directing their focus merely on life improvements. However, I believe that people can not deny the firm correlation between technologies and people’s lives, which means that specialists or experts can not invent a product without any practical applications to serve humans. If they serve for no purposes, they are useless and pointless. For example, there used to be shoe umbrellas, which consisted of a tiny umbrella attached to a shoe. This invention was proved to be impractical and made users hard to walk.
In conclusion, I take the view that the main aim of science ought to be to improve human lives for they are the origin and core of life. Therefore, all scientific experiments should be done in pursuance of people's lives improvements.
Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng
Errors and Improvements:
"Never before have people seen a boom" -> "Never before have individuals witnessed a surge"
Explanation: Replacing "people" with "individuals" and "seen a boom" with "witnessed a surge" adds formality to the statement, aligning with academic style.
"This may lead to a perspective" -> "This may give rise to the viewpoint"
Explanation: Substituting "lead to a perspective" with "give rise to the viewpoint" introduces a more precise and formal expression, enhancing the academic tone.
"I wholeheartedly agree with this viewpoint" -> "I unequivocally endorse this perspective"
Explanation: Replacing "wholeheartedly agree with" with "unequivocally endorse" elevates the language, providing a stronger and more formal endorsement.
"The main reason why a host of scientific breakthroughs should be in pursuit of human’s lives improvements" -> "The primary rationale for the pursuit of human life improvement through numerous scientific breakthroughs"
Explanation: Restructuring the sentence and replacing informal phrases like "host of" and "should be in pursuit of" with more formal alternatives enhances clarity and formality.
"many aspects of life have sprung up and thrive" -> "various facets of life have emerged and flourished"
Explanation: Substituting "many aspects of life have sprung up and thrive" with "various facets of life have emerged and flourished" employs more sophisticated vocabulary and improves the flow of the sentence.
"experiments to make them healthier, happier and especially, more superior" -> "experiments to enhance their well-being, happiness, and, notably, their superiority"
Explanation: Replacing "make them" with "enhance their," and "more superior" with "their superiority" improves precision and maintains a formal tone.
"Without humans, there will be no life-changing equipment or ideas" -> "Devoid of human presence, life-changing innovations and ideas would be nonexistent"
Explanation: Replacing "Without humans" with "Devoid of human presence" and "equipment or ideas" with "innovations and ideas" enhances formality and clarity.
"science can not advance forward" -> "scientific progress cannot move forward"
Explanation: Substituting "science can not advance forward" with "scientific progress cannot move forward" corrects the grammatical error and maintains formality.
"prominent scientists such as Albert Einstein or Thomas Edison were those who made scientific breakthroughs" -> "Prominent scientists like Albert Einstein and Thomas Edison were pioneers in scientific breakthroughs"
Explanation: The suggested change provides a more concise and formal way to express the idea, eliminating unnecessary repetition.
"in lieu of directing their focus merely on life improvements" -> "instead of solely focusing on life enhancements"
Explanation: Substituting "in lieu of directing their focus merely on" with "instead of solely focusing on" maintains formality and clarity while improving the flow of the sentence.
"novel techniques" -> "innovative techniques"
Explanation: Replacing "novel techniques" with "innovative techniques" is a more formal and precise term, aligning with academic language standards.
"specialists or experts can not invent a product" -> "specialists or experts cannot devise a product"
Explanation: Replacing "invent" with "devise" adds formality, and "can not" with "cannot" corrects the grammatical error.
"serve for no purposes" -> "serve no purpose"
Explanation: Simplifying "serve for no purposes" to "serve no purpose" maintains formality and improves conciseness.
"impractical and made users hard to walk" -> "impractical and hindered users’ mobility"
Explanation: Replacing "made users hard to walk" with "hindered users’ mobility" provides a more formal and precise description.
Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 8
Band Score for Task Response: 8
Answer All Parts of the Question:
- Detailed explanation: The essay effectively addresses all parts of the question. It acknowledges the increasing scientific advancements and argues in favor of the notion that improving human lives should be the primary goal of science. The examples of prominent scientists, such as Einstein and Edison, contribute to a well-rounded response.
- How to improve: While the essay is comprehensive, consider providing more varied examples to strengthen the argument. Additionally, ensure that each point directly relates to the prompt to enhance overall cohesion.
Present a Clear Position Throughout:
- Detailed explanation: The essay maintains a clear and consistent stance throughout. The writer unequivocally agrees with the idea that the primary aim of science is to improve human lives, and this position is evident in the thesis statement and consistently reinforced throughout the essay.
- How to improve: To further strengthen the clarity, consider refining the thesis statement to explicitly state the stance. This can help set a solid foundation for the reader and reinforce the essay’s coherence.
Present, Extend, and Support Ideas:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents, extends, and supports ideas effectively. The argument is well-developed, with the writer providing reasons and examples to support the claim. The mention of the correlation between technologies and human lives adds depth to the discussion.
- How to improve: To enhance idea development, consider providing additional examples and elaborating on the existing ones. This will further illustrate the relationship between scientific advancements and their impact on human well-being.
Stay on Topic:
- Detailed explanation: The essay generally stays on topic, discussing the importance of science in improving human lives. However, there is a brief mention of creating new technologies as an alternative purpose for science. While this is addressed, it could be more explicitly connected to the main argument.
- How to improve: Ensure that all points made directly contribute to the central theme of improving human lives through science. In the counterargument, explicitly tie it back to the overarching thesis to maintain a seamless flow.
Overall, this essay demonstrates a strong grasp of the prompt and effectively conveys a well-supported argument. To improve, consider refining the thesis statement, providing more varied examples, and ensuring every point made directly contributes to the central theme of improving human lives through scientific advancements.
Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 6
Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 6
Organize Information Logically:
- Detailed Explanation: The essay demonstrates a generally logical organization. The introduction provides a clear stance on the importance of science in improving human lives. Each body paragraph follows a coherent structure, presenting a reason and supporting example. The conclusion restates the main point effectively. However, there is room for improvement in the sequencing of ideas, especially in the second paragraph, where the connection between human survival and scientific advancements could be more explicitly established.
- How to Improve: Consider refining the transition between ideas in the second paragraph. Explicitly connect the idea of human survival as the root of scientific advancements to the assertion that scientific breakthroughs should enhance human lives. This will create a smoother flow and strengthen the logical progression of the essay.
- Detailed Explanation: The essay effectively uses paragraphs to separate distinct ideas. Each paragraph focuses on a specific aspect of the argument, facilitating readability. However, the second paragraph is lengthy and contains multiple ideas, making it less effective in conveying the intended message. Consider breaking down this paragraph into smaller, more focused ones for improved clarity and emphasis on individual points.
- How to Improve: Divide the second paragraph into smaller paragraphs, each dedicated to a specific point. This will enhance clarity and make the essay more reader-friendly.
Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:
- Detailed Explanation: The essay employs a variety of cohesive devices, such as transition words ("nevertheless," "despite this," "for example") and cohesive phrases ("the main reason," "in conclusion"). These devices contribute to the overall coherence of the essay. However, there is an opportunity to increase the diversity of connectives to enhance the overall flow.
- How to Improve: Introduce a wider range of cohesive devices to create a more nuanced and sophisticated connection between ideas. Consider using synonyms for frequently used connectives and experiment with different sentence structures for added variety.
Overall, the essay exhibits a solid understanding of coherence and cohesion, but refinement in the logical organization, paragraphing, and cohesive device usage can further elevate its overall coherence. Keep focusing on the clear progression of ideas and effective paragraph structure for continued improvement.
Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 6
Band Score for Lexical Resource: 6
Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a fair range of vocabulary, with varied terms such as "scientific breakthroughs," "revolutionized," "multitude of experiments," and "novel techniques." However, there is room for improvement, as some words and phrases are repeated, such as "improvements" and "people’s lives."
- How to improve: To enhance the lexical range, consider incorporating more diverse synonyms and avoiding repetition. For instance, instead of repeatedly using "improvements," explore alternatives like "enhancements," "advancements," or "upgrades" when contextually appropriate.
Use Vocabulary Precisely:
- Detailed explanation: The essay generally uses vocabulary with clarity, but there are instances of imprecise language. For example, the phrase "science can not advance forward" could be more precisely expressed as "science cannot progress further." Additionally, the use of "shoe umbrellas" might be more accurately referred to as "novelty inventions" or "impractical innovations."
- How to improve: Pay attention to precision by choosing words that precisely convey the intended meaning. Avoid using double negatives and opt for concise expressions. Consider alternatives like "science cannot progress" and "impractical innovations" to refine the precision of your language.
Use Correct Spelling:
- Detailed explanation: The essay generally maintains correct spelling, with only minor errors such as "advant" instead of "advance" and "pursuance" instead of "pursuit." These errors do not significantly impact understanding.
- How to improve: To enhance spelling accuracy, proofread carefully, and consider using spelling and grammar check tools. Specifically, pay attention to commonly misspelled words and review the essay systematically before submission.
Overall, while the essay demonstrates a commendable use of vocabulary with a clear focus on the prompt, refining the range and precision of vocabulary, as well as ensuring consistent spelling accuracy, will contribute to achieving a higher band score for Lexical Resource.
Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 6
Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 6
Use a Wide Range of Structures:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a moderate variety of sentence structures. There’s a mix of simple and complex sentences, albeit with limited complexity. For instance, while some sentences exhibit basic structures, there are occasional attempts at complex structures (e.g., "Despite this, there are some people who argue…"). However, the essay lacks consistency in employing diverse sentence structures, which affects its overall sophistication and fluidity.
- How to improve: To enhance the range of structures, aim for a more consistent integration of complex sentence structures, including compound and compound-complex sentences. Use introductory clauses, participial phrases, and varied connectors (e.g., although, whereas, therefore) to add depth and sophistication to the essay.
Use Grammar Accurately:
- Detailed explanation: The essay generally maintains understandable grammar, but there are noticeable grammatical errors that affect clarity. For instance, there are issues with subject-verb agreement ("there used to be shoe umbrellas, which consisted…"). Additionally, some sentences lack parallelism and clarity in their construction, impacting the overall coherence of ideas.
- How to improve: Focus on improving sentence structures by ensuring subject-verb agreement, maintaining parallelism in lists and comparisons, and structuring sentences for better clarity. Review complex sentence structures to ensure they convey ideas without ambiguity.
Use Correct Punctuation:
- Detailed explanation: Punctuation usage generally follows standard conventions but has notable errors. Commas are frequently misused or omitted in complex sentences, affecting their clarity ("Had it not been for them, people’s lives could not have been as revolutionized as it is nowadays."). Additionally, there are instances where punctuation could enhance readability by segmenting ideas more effectively.
- How to improve: Practice using commas for clearer sentence structures, especially in complex sentences where clauses need proper separation. Work on using punctuation marks like semicolons or dashes to add variety and clarify the relationships between ideas in longer sentences.
- Sentence Structure Variety: Incorporate a wider range of sentence structures consistently throughout the essay, utilizing complex sentences and varied connectors for a more sophisticated presentation of ideas.
- Grammar Precision: Pay close attention to subject-verb agreement, parallelism, and sentence clarity to refine the grammatical accuracy and coherence of your writing.
- Punctuation Precision: Practice using commas effectively within complex sentences and consider using advanced punctuation marks to enhance readability and coherence.
Overall, focusing on these areas will help elevate the essay’s grammatical precision, coherence, and overall fluency, potentially leading to a higher band score.
Bài sửa mẫu
In recent times, there has been an unprecedented surge in scientific achievements and developments. This may give rise to the viewpoint that the foremost goal of science should be to enhance the quality of human life. I unequivocally endorse this perspective for the reasons outlined below.
The primary rationale for the pursuit of human life improvement through numerous scientific breakthroughs is that humans are the foundation of life. Never before have individuals witnessed a surge like this, and people have continually evolved, revolutionizing various facets of life. Therefore, humans persist in flourishing and conducting experiments to enhance their well-being, happiness, and, notably, their superiority. Devoid of human presence, life-changing innovations and ideas would be nonexistent, and scientific progress cannot move forward. Pioneers in scientific breakthroughs, such as Albert Einstein and Thomas Edison, exemplify the impact individuals can have on the world. Without their contributions, people’s lives could not have experienced the level of revolutionization seen today.
However, there are those who argue that the primary purpose of science is to create new technologies rather than solely focusing on life enhancements. They believe that scientists should focus on innovative techniques. Nevertheless, it is crucial to recognize the firm correlation between technologies and people’s lives. Specialists or experts cannot devise a product that serves no purpose, as it would be impractical and hinder users’ mobility. An example of this is the invention of shoe umbrellas, where a tiny umbrella was attached to a shoe. This proved to be impractical and served no useful purpose for the users.
In conclusion, I maintain the view that the primary aim of science should be to improve human lives, as they are the origin and core of life. Therefore, all scientific experiments should be conducted with the objective of enhancing people’s lives.