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The most important aim of science should be to improve people’s lives. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience. Write at least 250 words.

The most important aim of science should be to improve people’s lives.
To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement?
Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.
Write at least 250 words.

Some people believe that it is vitally important for science to enhance human’s lives. From my point of view, while this trend has a lot of beneficial, it also exist some harm.
On the one hand, I totally agree that science has big contributions for people’s lives. First, human’s life is more convenient by science. For example, in term of science technology, the invention of robots is more and more modern that support people to work efficiently. If you are so busy with your work, robots will help you doing house work and others. Second, the development of science may create more productions that are helpful for human life. Scientists can researching to create food organic productions that are more fresh and high quality than conventional productions. For instance, fruits and vegetables can plan in grass houses and are followed the development process clearly by scientist to make organic productions for consumers.
On the other hand, I also agree that science bring some harm for people’s lives. First of all, it may replace people completely. All of complex problems would be solved by modern science technology, so almost technical works now not need to human. To illustrate, some activities like design, calculate and others would be done by artificial intelligence technology.


Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

Errors and Improvements:

  1. "a lot of beneficial" -> "numerous benefits"
    Explanation: Replacing "a lot of beneficial" with "numerous benefits" elevates the formality of the expression, using a more precise and academic term to describe the positive aspects of the trend.

  2. "it also exist some harm" -> "it also poses some risks"
    Explanation: Changing "it also exist some harm" to "it also poses some risks" improves the sentence by using the verb "poses," which is more formal, and replacing "harm" with "risks" provides a more nuanced and academic tone.

  3. "convenient by science" -> "facilitated by scientific advancements"
    Explanation: Substituting "convenient by science" with "facilitated by scientific advancements" enhances the formality and precision of the statement, choosing more sophisticated terms.

  4. "term of science technology" -> "the realm of science and technology"
    Explanation: Changing "term of science technology" to "the realm of science and technology" clarifies the expression and conforms to a more formal and academic style by using the appropriate prepositions.

  5. "more and more modern" -> "increasingly advanced"
    Explanation: Replacing "more and more modern" with "increasingly advanced" maintains the idea of progress while using a more refined and formal term.

  6. "support people to work efficiently" -> "aiding people in working efficiently"
    Explanation: Substituting "support people to work efficiently" with "aiding people in working efficiently" introduces a more formal construction, replacing the colloquial "support" with "aiding."

  7. "you doing house work" -> "you in doing household chores"
    Explanation: Changing "you doing house work" to "you in doing household chores" improves formality by using a more precise term, "household chores," instead of the informal "housework."

  8. "productions" -> "products"
    Explanation: Replacing "productions" with "products" ensures a more accurate and formal term for items resulting from scientific and technological advancements.

  9. "researching to create" -> "researching to develop"
    Explanation: Substituting "researching to create" with "researching to develop" maintains the meaning while employing a more accurate and formal term for the scientific process.

  10. "plan in grass houses" -> "cultivated in controlled environments"
    Explanation: Changing "plan in grass houses" to "cultivated in controlled environments" enhances the precision and formality of the expression, avoiding the ambiguity of "grass houses."

  11. "followed the development process clearly by scientist" -> "monitored through a clearly defined scientific process"
    Explanation: Replacing "followed the development process clearly by scientist" with "monitored through a clearly defined scientific process" offers a more structured and formal description of scientific oversight.

  12. "bring some harm" -> "pose some challenges"
    Explanation: Changing "bring some harm" to "pose some challenges" maintains the negative connotation while using a more nuanced and formal term.

  13. "replace people completely" -> "render people obsolete"
    Explanation: Substituting "replace people completely" with "render people obsolete" introduces a more formal and specific term to convey the idea of automation replacing human roles.

  14. "technical works now not need to human" -> "technical tasks no longer require human involvement"
    Explanation: Changing "technical works now not need to human" to "technical tasks no longer require human involvement" improves the clarity and formality of the statement, providing a more accurate description of the impact of technology on technical tasks.

  15. "illustrate, some activities like design, calculate and others" -> "For instance, activities such as design and calculations"
    Explanation: Replacing "illustrate, some activities like design, calculate and others" with "For instance, activities such as design and calculations" organizes the list more formally, improving the flow and precision of the sentence.

Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 5

Band Score for Task Response: 5 – UNDER WORD

  • Answer All Parts of the Question:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay partially addresses all parts of the question. It agrees with the importance of science in enhancing lives but lacks depth and complexity in the analysis. The examples provided are limited and could be more varied and illustrative. The essay falls short of the required word count, indicating a lack of elaboration on key points.
    • How to improve: To enhance task response, the writer should delve deeper into the reasons for their agreement or disagreement, providing a more thorough analysis. Expanding on examples and introducing more diverse instances would strengthen the response. Additionally, ensuring the essay meets the required word count will allow for a more comprehensive exploration of ideas.
  • Present a Clear Position Throughout:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay maintains a generally clear position throughout. However, there is some ambiguity in the second paragraph, where the writer begins by stating agreement but introduces points that could be interpreted as disagreement. This inconsistency affects the overall clarity of the stance.
    • How to improve: To improve clarity, the writer should ensure that each paragraph supports the main position. If there are contrasting views, they should be presented in separate paragraphs with clear transitions. A well-defined thesis statement can also contribute to a more coherent and consistent position.
  • Present, Extend, and Support Ideas:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay presents ideas, but they are not fully developed or supported. Examples lack detail and specificity, making it challenging for the reader to fully grasp the points being made. The essay lacks elaboration on the potential harm science may bring.
    • How to improve: To strengthen idea presentation, the writer should provide more detailed and relevant examples. Offering specific instances of how science has both positively and negatively impacted lives would add depth to the essay. Additionally, expanding on the potential harms of science would contribute to a more balanced and nuanced discussion.
  • Stay on Topic:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay generally stays on topic but introduces some concepts, such as the development of organic food, that are not directly related to the main question. These deviations slightly affect the essay’s coherence.
    • How to improve: To stay more focused, the writer should ensure that every point made directly contributes to addressing the main question. Avoiding tangential discussions will result in a more concise and targeted essay.

In summary, while the essay provides a clear position on the importance of science, it lacks depth in analysis, examples, and adherence to the word count requirement. Improving task response, maintaining a consistent position, enhancing idea development, and staying more closely on topic will significantly strengthen the essay.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 6

  • Organize Information Logically:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay exhibits a clear attempt at organization, with distinct introduction, body, and conclusion sections. However, the lack of a clear thesis statement and a slightly disjointed presentation affect the logical flow. For instance, the transition between the positive and negative impacts of science is abrupt, making the progression less smooth.
    • How to improve: Strengthen the overall structure by introducing a well-defined thesis statement in the introduction, providing a roadmap for the essay. Additionally, ensure a smoother transition between ideas, particularly when shifting from positive to negative aspects of science’s impact on people’s lives.
  • Use Paragraphs:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay employs paragraphs, but their structure can be improved. Some paragraphs lack coherence, and ideas within them are not consistently developed. The paragraphing generally follows a basic pattern but could benefit from more intricate organization.
    • How to improve: Enhance the coherence within paragraphs by maintaining a clear focus on a single idea per paragraph. Additionally, work on transitioning between paragraphs to create a more seamless connection between ideas. This will contribute to a more polished and organized essay.
  • Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:

    • Detailed explanation: Cohesive devices, such as linking words and phrases, are used sporadically. While some are effective in signaling relationships between ideas, there is room for improvement in terms of variety and frequency.
    • How to improve: Increase the use of cohesive devices to guide the reader through the essay more smoothly. Employ a wider range of transition words and phrases to establish connections between sentences and paragraphs. This will enhance the overall coherence of the essay.

Overall, while the essay demonstrates a basic level of organization, improvements in thesis development, paragraph coherence, and cohesive device usage would contribute to a more sophisticated and coherent presentation of ideas.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Lexical Resource: 6

  • Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a moderate range of vocabulary. While there is an attempt to use varied words and phrases, the lexical resource lacks depth and some expressions are repeated. For instance, the frequent use of the term "science" could be diversified to enhance richness.
    • How to improve: To enhance the vocabulary range, consider employing synonyms and exploring more nuanced expressions. For instance, instead of repeatedly using "science," use terms like technology, innovation, or research to add variety. Additionally, expand the vocabulary related to the benefits and drawbacks of science.
  • Use Vocabulary Precisely:

    • Detailed explanation: The precision in vocabulary usage is inconsistent. While some terms are used appropriately (e.g., "invention of robots," "organic productions"), there are instances where vocabulary could be more precise (e.g., "more and more modern," "fresh and high quality").
    • How to improve: Aim for precision by using more specific and accurate terms. For instance, instead of "more and more modern," consider phrases like "increasingly advanced." Also, refine descriptions, such as specifying the qualities of organic productions, to convey a more precise meaning.
  • Use Correct Spelling:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay exhibits a satisfactory level of spelling accuracy. However, there are a few spelling errors, such as "exist" instead of "exists" and "term" instead of "terms."
    • How to improve: To improve spelling accuracy, proofread the essay carefully, paying attention to commonly misspelled words. Additionally, consider using spell-check tools to catch and correct errors. Developing a habit of reviewing written work before submission can significantly enhance spelling precision.

In conclusion, while the essay demonstrates a reasonable command of vocabulary, there is room for improvement in both range and precision. Focusing on varied vocabulary choices, employing more precise terms, and refining spelling accuracy will contribute to a more sophisticated and polished expression of ideas.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 5

Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 5

  • Use a Wide Range of Structures:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay lacks variety in sentence structures. The predominant structure consists of simple sentences, and there is a limited use of complex or compound sentences. This impacts the overall fluency and sophistication of the essay.
    • How to improve: To enhance the range of structures, consider incorporating complex sentences, compound sentences, and varied sentence lengths. Use introductory clauses, conjunctions, and transitions to create a more dynamic and engaging prose. For instance, in the opening paragraph, instead of starting with "Some people believe," you can introduce complexity by combining ideas into a more intricate sentence structure.
  • Use Grammar and Punctuation Accurately:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay exhibits several grammatical errors and punctuation inaccuracies. For example, there are issues with subject-verb agreement ("it also exist"), word usage ("beneficial" instead of "benefits"), and punctuation marks such as missing commas and periods.
    • How to improve: Review grammar rules related to subject-verb agreement, word choice, and punctuation. Proofread carefully to identify and correct errors. For instance, in the second sentence, it should be "exists" instead of "exist." Additionally, be mindful of comma usage, ensuring proper placement for clarity. For instance, consider revising the sentence "From my point of view, while this trend has a lot of beneficial, it also exist some harm" to "From my point of view, while this trend has many benefits, it also poses some harm."

Overall, to elevate your grammatical range and accuracy, focus on sentence structure diversity and meticulous proofreading. Integrating a variety of sentence types and refining grammar and punctuation will significantly enhance the overall quality of your essay.

Bài sửa mẫu

Some individuals argue that the primary goal of science should be to enhance the quality of human life. From my perspective, while this trend offers numerous benefits, it also poses some risks.

On the positive side, I wholeheartedly agree that science contributes significantly to improving people’s lives. Firstly, scientific advancements in technology, such as the development of increasingly advanced robots, play a crucial role in aiding people in working efficiently. For instance, if you find yourself overwhelmed with work, robots can assist you in doing household chores and other tasks, making daily life more convenient. Secondly, the progress in scientific research enables the development of beneficial products that enhance human life. Scientists can engage in researching to develop organic food productions cultivated in controlled environments. This results in fresh, high-quality products, such as fruits and vegetables grown in controlled settings, ensuring a clearly defined scientific process is followed for the benefit of consumers.

On the flip side, I also acknowledge that science can pose some challenges to people’s lives. One significant concern is the potential for science and technology to render people obsolete in certain roles. Technical tasks that once required human involvement can now be accomplished solely through artificial intelligence technology. For instance, activities such as design and calculations may no longer demand human participation, raising concerns about the displacement of human workers.

In conclusion, while science plays a pivotal role in improving the quality of human life, it is essential to recognize and address the potential drawbacks it may introduce. Striking a balance between the benefits and risks of scientific advancements is crucial to ensure that the pursuit of progress does not come at the expense of human well-being.

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