fbpx

The most important aim of science should be to improve people’s lives. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience. Write at least 250 words.

The most important aim of science should be to improve people’s lives.
To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement?
Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.
Write at least 250 words.

It is fact that some people considered that the essential goals and benefits of science should be the key in creating a better life for human. I do agree with this opinion.
On the one hand, science brings a range of advantages for people’s lives. Firstly, science is an interesting subject in all of schools, its theories and equipments help people have an in-depth knowledge, improve critical thinking and creativity. By this way, human can explore new things that they never get before, such as the life of a butterfly or how this machine act. Furthermore, science has a good impact on children, the unique and interesting of this subject can make them find the true passion, they can be a doctor or a science teacher.
On thẻ other hand, science plays an important role for governments in developing their countries. The successful equipments can help them in exploring the oceans, the starts and the planets. For example, they can different machine to know the levels of sea, the temperature of the sun, the surface of the sun. By this way, human can predict how the weather like today and how to avoid dangerous phenomenons to improve a better and safe life.
In conclusion, I do believe that the most important aim of science should be to develop people’s lives.


Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

Errors and Improvements:

  1. "It is fact that some people considered that the essential goals and benefits of science should be the key in creating a better life for human." -> "It is a fact that some people contend the pivotal role of science in shaping a better human life through its essential goals and benefits."
    Explanation: The suggested improvement adds clarity by introducing the article "a" before "fact," uses a more formal phrase ("contend"), and replaces "the key" with a more elaborate expression ("the pivotal role").

  2. "I do agree with this opinion." -> "I wholeheartedly agree with this perspective."
    Explanation: The revised phrase "I wholeheartedly agree with this perspective" enhances the formality of the statement by using a more sophisticated adverb and replacing the simpler term "opinion" with "perspective."

  3. "Firstly, science is an interesting subject in all of schools, its theories and equipments help people have an in-depth knowledge, improve critical thinking and creativity." -> "Firstly, science constitutes a captivating academic discipline across all educational institutions; its theories and equipment facilitate the acquisition of profound knowledge while fostering critical thinking and creativity."
    Explanation: The improved version maintains formality by using "constitutes" instead of "is," employs a more advanced term ("academic discipline"), and avoids the informal term "equipments" by using "equipment." The structure is also refined for better flow.

  4. "By this way, human can explore new things that they never get before, such as the life of a butterfly or how this machine act." -> "In this manner, humans can explore novel phenomena previously unencountered, such as the intricacies of butterfly life or the operational principles of machines."
    Explanation: The suggested changes enhance formality by replacing the colloquial "By this way" with "In this manner," using a more formal term ("novel") instead of "new," and offering a more refined description of exploring new phenomena.

  5. "Furthermore, science has a good impact on children, the unique and interesting of this subject can make them find the true passion, they can be a doctor or a science teacher." -> "Furthermore, science exerts a positive influence on children; the uniqueness and inherent fascination of this subject can inspire them to discover their true passion, leading to potential careers as doctors or science teachers."
    Explanation: The revised version maintains formality, replaces "good impact" with "positive influence," and employs more precise and sophisticated language to describe the impact of science on children.

  6. "On thẻ other hand, science plays an important role for governments in developing their countries." -> "On the other hand, science plays a crucial role in the development of nations."
    Explanation: The suggested improvement corrects the typo ("thẻ" to "the") and replaces "important" with "crucial" for a more precise and formal expression.

  7. "For example, they can different machine to know the levels of sea, the temperature of the sun, the surface of the sun." -> "For example, they can deploy various instruments to measure sea levels, solar temperature, and the sun’s surface."
    Explanation: The revised version uses the appropriate verb ("deploy") instead of "different machine," and replaces "know" with "measure" for a more accurate description in a formal context.

  8. "By this way, human can predict how the weather like today and how to avoid dangerous phenomenons to improve a better and safe life." -> "In this manner, humans can predict today’s weather and devise strategies to mitigate hazardous phenomena, thereby enhancing safety and overall quality of life."
    Explanation: The suggested changes eliminate the colloquial "By this way," use "devise strategies" instead of "how to avoid," and employ more formal language for a refined expression of predicting weather and addressing hazardous phenomena.

Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Task Response: 6 – UNDER WORD

  • Answer All Parts of the Question:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay partially addresses all parts of the question. It acknowledges the importance of science in improving lives, but the argument lacks depth and fails to explore the extent of agreement or disagreement. The essay is also under the recommended word count, which may impact the thoroughness of the response.
    • How to improve: To enhance the response, ensure that each aspect of the prompt is thoroughly examined. Explore the extent of agreement or disagreement in more detail, providing a balanced view. Additionally, meet the minimum word count requirement to allow for a more comprehensive discussion.
  • Present a Clear Position Throughout:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay presents a clear position that agrees with the statement. However, the clarity is somewhat hindered by language issues and lack of development in supporting the stance. There is room for improvement in terms of providing a more robust and nuanced argument.
    • How to improve: Work on articulating the position more precisely and support it with well-developed examples and reasoning. Ensure that the language is clear and precise, avoiding ambiguity or confusion.
  • Present, Extend, and Support Ideas:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay introduces ideas about the benefits of science, but these ideas lack depth and supporting details. The examples provided are vague and lack specificity, limiting the overall development of the argument.
    • How to improve: Extend and elaborate on the presented ideas by providing specific examples, data, or real-world instances to bolster the argument. Add more depth to the discussion by exploring the implications of scientific advancements on individuals and society.
  • Stay on Topic:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay generally stays on topic by discussing the positive impact of science on individuals and governments. However, some points lack clarity, and there is a need for more focused development of ideas.
    • How to improve: Ensure that each point made directly relates to the prompt. Refine the focus of each paragraph and provide clear connections between ideas. Avoid vague statements and strive for precision in expressing thoughts.

Overall Comments:

The essay demonstrates a basic understanding of the prompt but falls short in providing a well-developed and nuanced response. To improve, focus on expanding ideas, providing specific examples, and meeting the minimum word count requirement. Additionally, refine language use to enhance clarity and precision in expressing ideas.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 6

  • Organize Information Logically:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a basic level of logical organization. The introduction and conclusion are clear, presenting a stance and summarizing the main points. However, within paragraphs, there is room for improvement in the flow of ideas. For instance, the transition between the advantages of science for individuals and its role in national development could be smoother.
    • How to improve: To enhance logical flow, consider using transition words to guide the reader through your ideas. Clearly outline the connection between different points to create a more coherent and structured essay.
  • Use Paragraphs:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay attempts to use paragraphs, but the structure is not consistently effective. Paragraphs should focus on one main idea, yet there is a tendency to mix different ideas within paragraphs, affecting the overall clarity.
    • How to improve: Ensure each paragraph has a clear topic sentence and follows a logical sequence of ideas. Avoid blending distinct points within the same paragraph. This will contribute to a more organized and reader-friendly essay.
  • Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay employs some cohesive devices, such as "on the one hand" and "on the other hand," but their usage is limited. Additionally, the transitions between sentences and ideas could be more varied and sophisticated.
    • How to improve: Introduce a wider range of cohesive devices, such as conjunctions (however, therefore, consequently) and transitional phrases. This will improve the overall coherence of your essay. Work on creating seamless connections between sentences for a more polished and cohesive piece of writing.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Lexical Resource: 6

  • Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a moderate range of vocabulary. There are instances where the vocabulary is somewhat repetitive, and the use of more diverse and precise terms could enhance the expression. For example, the repeated use of the word "science" in various forms could be substituted with synonyms or specific branches of science to avoid redundancy.
    • How to improve: To improve the vocabulary range, consider using synonyms and exploring more specialized terms related to science. For instance, instead of repeatedly using "science," employ words like biology, physics, or technology where appropriate. This will not only diversify your vocabulary but also provide more nuance to your ideas.
  • Use Vocabulary Precisely:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay exhibits imprecise usage of vocabulary in some instances. For example, phrases like "it is fact" lack precision and could be more accurately expressed. Additionally, there are moments where the language could be more specific, such as using concrete examples to illustrate points rather than general statements.
    • How to improve: Aim for precision by avoiding vague expressions. Instead of "it is fact," consider stating a specific fact or presenting evidence to support your points. Additionally, provide detailed examples to enhance the clarity and specificity of your arguments. For instance, instead of mentioning "different machine," specify the types of machines used in scientific exploration.
  • Use Correct Spelling:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay contains several spelling errors, such as "thẻ" instead of "the" and "phenomens" instead of "phenomena." These errors impact the overall readability of the essay and should be addressed for a higher lexical resource score.
    • How to improve: Review your essay carefully for spelling errors before submitting. Utilize spelling and grammar check tools to identify and correct mistakes. Additionally, consider expanding your vocabulary through regular reading and practice to enhance spelling accuracy. Proofreading is crucial in ensuring a polished and error-free final piece.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 5

Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 5

  • Use a Wide Range of Structures:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay displays a limited range of sentence structures. There is a prevalence of simple sentences and a lack of complex or compound-complex structures. For instance, the essay tends to use short, straightforward sentences without much variation in length or structure. The use of conjunctions and transitional phrases to connect ideas is minimal.
    • How to improve: To enhance the grammatical range and make the essay more engaging, consider incorporating a variety of sentence structures. Introduce complex sentences, compound sentences, and varied sentence lengths to add depth and sophistication to your writing. Connect ideas using transitional words and phrases to create a smoother flow between sentences and paragraphs.
  • Use Grammar and Punctuation Accurately:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay contains several grammatical errors and punctuation inaccuracies. For example, there are issues with subject-verb agreement (e.g., "some people considered" should be "consider"), article misuse (e.g., "the essential goals and benefits of science" should be "the essential goal and benefits of science"), and inconsistent use of tenses (e.g., "it is fact" should be "it is a fact").
    • How to improve: Carefully proofread your essay to identify and correct grammatical errors. Pay close attention to subject-verb agreement, article usage, and tense consistency. Consider seeking feedback from others or using grammar-checking tools to catch and correct errors. Additionally, work on punctuation skills, ensuring correct usage of commas, periods, and other punctuation marks. Review grammar rules related to sentence structure and practice applying them in your writing.

In conclusion, while the essay demonstrates a basic understanding of the topic, improvements in grammatical range and accuracy are crucial for achieving a higher band score. Incorporating a variety of sentence structures and addressing grammatical errors will contribute to a more polished and effective essay.

Bài sửa mẫu

It is a fact that some people contend the pivotal role of science in shaping a better human life through its essential goals and benefits. I wholeheartedly agree with this perspective. Firstly, science constitutes a captivating academic discipline across all educational institutions; its theories and equipment facilitate the acquisition of profound knowledge while fostering critical thinking and creativity. In this manner, humans can explore novel phenomena previously unencountered, such as the intricacies of butterfly life or the operational principles of machines. Furthermore, science exerts a positive influence on children; the uniqueness and inherent fascination of this subject can inspire them to discover their true passion, leading to potential careers as doctors or science teachers.

On the other hand, science plays a crucial role in the development of nations. For example, they can deploy various instruments to measure sea levels, solar temperature, and the sun’s surface. In this manner, humans can predict today’s weather and devise strategies to mitigate hazardous phenomena, thereby enhancing safety and overall quality of life.

In conclusion, I strongly believe that the most important aim of science should be to improve people’s lives. Science, with its captivating nature and profound impact on education and national development, has the potential to shape a better and safer world for all.

Bài viết liên quan

Phản hồi

Email của bạn sẽ không được hiển thị công khai. Các trường bắt buộc được đánh dấu *