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The most important aim of science should be to improve people’s lives. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience. Write at least 250 words.

The most important aim of science should be to improve people’s lives.
To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement?
Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.
Write at least 250 words.

It is a fact that increasing the standard living of people is the attainment of science. I certainly agree with this opinion for below reasons.
The people’s lives will enhance with the development of science. Firstly, in term of agriculture, science creates many new types of crops and animals that increase in the yield, the ability in preventing pesticides. This would ensure the food secure in the world and decrease the rate of starvation. For example, people in many Africa countries usually face with the problems of food shortage because of serve weather. Therefore, more crops and cattles would be created by science and technology that would tackle this problem.
Secondly, the improvement of means of transportation helps increase people’s lives a lot. For example, in the past people wanted to travel from one country to other country, they would spend many months to do this while in this day and age, with the development of daily commute like planes, trains and cars, the duration of trip is shorter.
In conclusion, I agree that improving people’s lives is the most crucial aim of science.


Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

Errors and Improvements:

  1. "standard living" -> "standard of living"
    Explanation: The correct phrase is "standard of living," which refers to the level of wealth, comfort, and necessities available to a certain socioeconomic class or geographic area.

  2. "I certainly agree with this opinion for below reasons." -> "I strongly agree with this perspective for the following reasons."
    Explanation: The phrase "for below reasons" is informal. "I strongly agree with this perspective for the following reasons" maintains formality while expressing agreement.

  3. "in term of agriculture" -> "in terms of agriculture"
    Explanation: The correct phrase is "in terms of," which is the proper preposition to use when discussing categories or aspects.

  4. "creates many new types of crops and animals that increase in the yield" -> "develops novel varieties of crops and livestock, leading to increased yields"
    Explanation: "Creates many new types of crops and animals that increase in the yield" is awkward. Using "develops novel varieties of crops and livestock, leading to increased yields" improves precision and academic tone.

  5. "the ability in preventing pesticides" -> "the capacity to resist pests"
    Explanation: "The ability in preventing pesticides" is unclear. "The capacity to resist pests" clarifies the intended meaning.

  6. "food secure" -> "food security"
    Explanation: "Food secure" is not the correct usage. "Food security" refers to the state of having reliable access to a sufficient quantity of affordable and nutritious food.

  7. "serve weather" -> "severe weather"
    Explanation: "Serve weather" is a typographical error. The correct phrase is "severe weather," which refers to harsh or extreme weather conditions.

  8. "cattles" -> "livestock"
    Explanation: "Cattles" is grammatically incorrect. The correct term is "livestock," which refers to farm animals collectively.

  9. "means of transportation" -> "modes of transportation"
    Explanation: "Means of transportation" is acceptable, but "modes of transportation" is a slightly more formal and precise phrase.

  10. "daily commute like planes, trains and cars" -> "modes of daily commuting such as planes, trains, and cars"
    Explanation: "Daily commute like planes, trains, and cars" lacks precision. "Modes of daily commuting such as planes, trains, and cars" specifies the transportation modes and maintains academic formality.

  11. "the duration of trip is shorter." -> "the duration of the trip is shorter."
    Explanation: The correct structure is "the duration of the trip is shorter," ensuring proper grammar and formality.

  12. "In conclusion, I agree that improving people’s lives is the most crucial aim of science." -> "In conclusion, I concur that enhancing the quality of life is the paramount objective of science."
    Explanation: "Improving people’s lives" is replaced with "enhancing the quality of life," and "most crucial aim" is replaced with "paramount objective" for a more formal and precise expression.

Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Task Response: 6 – UNDER WORD

  • Answer All Parts of the Question:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay does address the main parts of the prompt but lacks depth in its exploration. It briefly mentions the role of science in enhancing people’s lives, particularly in agriculture and transportation, but the points lack elaboration and coherence. A more comprehensive analysis of how science can contribute to various aspects of life improvement is needed.
    • How to improve: To enhance the response, delve deeper into the ways science can impact different facets of life, such as healthcare, education, and technology. Provide specific examples and elaborate on how advancements in these areas contribute to an improved quality of life.
  • Present a Clear Position Throughout:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay maintains a clear position by expressing agreement with the statement that improving people’s lives is the most crucial aim of science. However, the clarity is somewhat hindered by language issues and lack of development in supporting the stance.
    • How to improve: To improve clarity and consistency, refine the thesis statement for conciseness and ensure that each supporting point is developed with specific examples and details. Use transition words to establish the flow of ideas more coherently.
  • Present, Extend, and Support Ideas:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay presents ideas but lacks sufficient extension and support. The points about agriculture and transportation are mentioned briefly without detailed explanations or examples, diminishing the persuasive power of the argument.
    • How to improve: Extend each idea by providing more specific examples and explanations. Elaborate on how science has directly contributed to improvements in agriculture and transportation, linking these advancements to an enhancement in people’s lives. This will strengthen the overall argument.
  • Stay on Topic:

    • Detailed explanation: While the essay generally stays on topic, it could benefit from a more focused and organized structure. Some sentences are unclear and may slightly deviate from the central theme.
    • How to improve: Ensure that each paragraph contributes directly to the main argument. Review and edit sentences that may not directly support the thesis. Maintain a clear and logical flow of ideas throughout the essay.

In summary, while the essay expresses agreement with the prompt, improvements are needed in depth of analysis, clarity of expression, and support for the presented ideas. Expanding on examples and ensuring a more focused and organized structure will contribute to a stronger essay. Additionally, addressing language issues will enhance overall coherence and effectiveness.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 6

  • Organize Information Logically:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay displays a basic level of logical organization. It introduces the main idea in the introduction and provides two supporting points in the body paragraphs. However, the development of ideas lacks depth and coherence. For instance, the transition between the two examples in the second paragraph could be smoother.
    • How to improve: To enhance logical organization, consider providing a more nuanced development of each supporting point. Clearly connect ideas within and between paragraphs. Use transition phrases to guide the reader through the essay more smoothly.
  • Use Paragraphs:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay uses paragraphs, but the structure and effectiveness could be improved. Each paragraph should ideally focus on a single main idea. In the current essay, the second paragraph discusses both agriculture and transportation, which may confuse the reader. Additionally, the introduction is brief and lacks a clear thesis statement.
    • How to improve: Revise the essay by ensuring each paragraph has a clear main idea and supporting details. Strengthen the introduction by including a thesis statement that previews the main points to be discussed.
  • Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay uses some cohesive devices, such as transition words ("Firstly," "Secondly," "In conclusion") and pronouns ("this opinion"). However, there is room for improvement in terms of variety and effectiveness. The transitions between sentences and ideas could be more sophisticated.
    • How to improve: Diversify the use of cohesive devices, incorporating a variety of transition words and phrases. Additionally, work on the fluency of connections between sentences to ensure a smoother flow of ideas. Pay attention to coherence not only at the paragraph level but also within sentences.

Overall, while the essay presents a clear position and attempts to support it with examples, refining the logical organization, paragraph structure, and cohesive devices would contribute to a more cohesive and coherent essay.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Lexical Resource: 6

  • Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a moderate range of vocabulary. It includes some specific terms related to agriculture and transportation, such as "yield," "pesticides," and "means of transportation." However, the vocabulary lacks diversity, and there is room for improvement in introducing more varied and sophisticated terms to enhance the overall lexical range.
    • How to improve: To improve the lexical range, consider incorporating more nuanced and varied vocabulary. For instance, instead of repeatedly using "improvement," explore synonyms like "advancement," "enhancement," or "progress." Introduce domain-specific terminology where appropriate to showcase a deeper understanding of the topics discussed.
  • Use Vocabulary Precisely:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay uses vocabulary with moderate precision. There are instances where the choice of words may be imprecise or could be substituted for more accurate terms. For example, the phrase "increase people’s lives" could be more precisely expressed as "enhance people’s lives." Additionally, the use of "daily commute" might be refined for clarity, perhaps by specifying modes of transportation.
    • How to improve: To enhance precision, pay careful attention to word choice. Utilize words that precisely convey the intended meaning. Replace general terms with more specific ones where appropriate. For instance, consider using "facilitate people’s lives" instead of "increase people’s lives," and specify the modes of daily commute like "planes, trains, and cars" for a clearer understanding.
  • Use Correct Spelling:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay contains several spelling errors, such as "serve" instead of "severe," "cattles" instead of "cattle," and "commute" instead of "commuting." These errors impact the overall spelling accuracy.
    • How to improve: To improve spelling, proofread the essay carefully. Pay close attention to commonly misspelled words and homophones. Consider using spell-check tools or seeking feedback from others to identify and correct spelling errors. Developing a habit of revising and editing written work will contribute to greater spelling accuracy.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 5

Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 5

  • Use a Wide Range of Structures:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a limited variety of sentence structures. Simple sentences dominate, and there is a lack of complex structures or varied sentence lengths. The writer tends to use basic subject-verb-object constructions without incorporating more sophisticated elements, such as dependent clauses or different sentence types (e.g., compound or complex sentences).
    • How to improve: To enhance the grammatical range, strive for a more diverse array of sentence structures. Introduce complex sentences with subordinate clauses, use compound sentences to combine related ideas, and experiment with sentence lengths for a more engaging and varied writing style. For instance, consider incorporating conditional sentences or rhetorical questions to add depth and nuance to your argument.
  • Use Grammar and Punctuation Accurately:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay exhibits several grammatical and punctuation errors that impact clarity and coherence. For instance, there are issues with subject-verb agreement ("the attainment of science," "more crops and cattles"), incorrect prepositions ("in term of agriculture"), and missing articles ("the problems of food shortage"). Additionally, there are inconsistencies in punctuation use, such as the lack of commas in compound sentences and missing punctuation in places where it is necessary.
    • How to improve: Work on fundamental grammar rules, particularly subject-verb agreement and correct preposition usage. Proofread carefully to catch errors in articles and punctuation. Consider seeking feedback from others or using grammar-checking tools to identify and rectify specific issues. Pay close attention to comma usage in compound sentences to improve overall readability. For example, revise sentences for clarity, ensuring proper noun-verb agreement and precise preposition use. Also, pay attention to articles and ensure consistency in punctuation for a more polished and error-free essay.

In conclusion, to elevate the grammatical range and accuracy of the essay, focus on incorporating a wider variety of sentence structures while addressing specific grammar and punctuation issues. This will contribute to a more sophisticated and coherent expression of ideas, ultimately enhancing the overall quality of the writing.

Bài sửa mẫu

It is a widely accepted notion that enhancing the standard of living is the ultimate goal of science. I strongly agree with this perspective for the following reasons.

The lives of individuals can significantly improve through scientific advancements. Firstly, in terms of agriculture, science plays a pivotal role in developing novel varieties of crops and livestock, leading to increased yields and an enhanced capacity to resist pests. This, in turn, contributes to food security globally and mitigates the impact of severe weather on food production. For instance, many African countries frequently grapple with food shortages due to adverse weather conditions. However, through the application of science and technology, new crops and livestock breeds can be created to address this challenge.

Secondly, the evolution of modes of transportation has a profound impact on improving people’s lives. For instance, in the past, international travel would consume several months. However, with the advancements in daily commuting modes such as planes, trains, and cars, the duration of the trip has significantly shortened. This not only enhances convenience but also facilitates greater connectivity between regions.

In conclusion, I concur that enhancing the quality of life is the paramount objective of science. By fostering advancements in agriculture and transportation, science contributes directly to the betterment of people’s lives, addressing critical issues like food security and improving global connectivity.

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