The most important aim of science should be to improve people’s lives.
To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement?
Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.
Write at least 250 words.
We all live in the era that science are emphasized following the turning of time, which comes up with more expectation in society, related to various fields of human. By this trend, it is argued that the most essential purpose of the development is to ameliorate the living quality. From my own experience and perspective, I strongly agree with that state and this essay is going to put it in detail.
Generally, it is undeniable that all the inventions are created for the existence of human and response the living expectances. Even though the majority are trying to reject, the reality has improve that the light bulbs or rocket, the exploration to the moon and so on, would own none of value if all of them do not serve the residents’ well-fares. For example, the outer-space slights are organized for the curious personalities in most of scientists, although the proofs prove it is just one small point. Besides, the surveys has shown that the major of these plans come from the expectancy that are deep in each individual’s mind.
Moreover, the aquedancy in life is the basis of all the inventions. Literally, each person words and contributes for the selffish base and the put their fares in the priority. In other words, the origin of huge ideas in science are born for lives. It is evident that science should response for the sufficient living standards. To continue the non-stop development in science, it has to be guarantee that children and also adults are receiving the best right for the growth and improving their mindset. It means that the intellectual quality in each community’s grey matter are improved and level up. For instance, it is obvious that the trends between developed countries and the regions suffering the poverty. While the USA keeps shooting the wealthy, some nation in Africa witness the issues of food and shields.
In conclusion, the reality demonstrate the indispensable truth that concentrating in reveling up the lives’ standard is the most virtual good of science development. This state can be an announcement for government to find a solution for the residents.
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Errors and Improvements:
"science are emphasized" -> "science is emphasized"
Explanation: The subject "science" is singular, so the verb should also be singular ("is" instead of "are").
"turning of time" -> "passage of time"
Explanation: "Passage of time" is a more formal and appropriate phrase to convey the idea of time progressing.
"expectation in society, related to various fields of human" -> "expectations in society, related to various aspects of human life"
Explanation: The revised phrase provides a more precise and formal expression of the idea, replacing the ambiguous "fields of human" with "aspects of human life."
"ameliorate the living quality" -> "improve the quality of life"
Explanation: "Improve the quality of life" is a more standard and clear way to convey the intended meaning.
"this essay is going to put it in detail" -> "this essay will elaborate on this point"
Explanation: The revised phrase is more formal and explicitly states the purpose of the essay.
"all the inventions are created for the existence of human" -> "all inventions are created for the benefit of humanity"
Explanation: The revised phrase is more concise and uses a more formal expression ("benefit of humanity") to convey the purpose of inventions.
"response the living expectances" -> "meet the expectations of living"
Explanation: The corrected phrase uses the verb "meet" to convey the idea of responding to living expectations more accurately.
"has improve that" -> "has proven that"
Explanation: "Has proven that" is a grammatically correct and more formal phrase to convey the idea of providing evidence.
"light bulbs or rocket" -> "light bulbs or rockets"
Explanation: The plural form "rockets" is more grammatically accurate when referring to multiple inventions.
"outer-space slights" -> "space exploration endeavors"
Explanation: "Space exploration endeavors" is a more formal and precise term for activities related to outer space.
"curious personalities in most of scientists" -> "curiosity among most scientists"
Explanation: The revised phrase uses a more standard expression to convey the idea of curiosity among scientists.
"surveys has shown" -> "surveys have shown"
Explanation: The subject "surveys" is plural, so the verb should also be plural ("have" instead of "has").
"deep in each individual’s mind" -> "deeply rooted in the minds of individuals"
Explanation: The revised phrase uses a more formal and descriptive expression to convey the depth of expectations.
"aquedancy in life" -> "adequacy in life"
Explanation: "Adequacy in life" is a more formal and appropriate term to express the sufficiency in life.
"selffish base" -> "selfish motives"
Explanation: "Selfish motives" is a more precise and standard term for expressing the personal motivations mentioned.
"put their fares in the priority" -> "prioritize their interests"
Explanation: The revised phrase is more formal and clearly conveys the idea of prioritizing personal interests.
"each person words and contributes" -> "each person works and contributes"
Explanation: The corrected verb "works" is more appropriate for conveying the intended meaning.
"for the selffish base and the put their fares in the priority" -> "for their selfish motives and prioritize their interests"
Explanation: The revised phrase provides a clearer and more formal expression of the idea.
"science should response for" -> "science should be responsive to"
Explanation: The corrected phrase uses the appropriate preposition "to" after "responsive" to convey the idea more accurately.
"non-stop development in science" -> "continuous advancement in science"
Explanation: "Continuous advancement in science" is a more formal and precise way to express ongoing progress in the field.
"grey matter are improved and level up" -> "intellectual capacity in each community’s grey matter is enhanced and elevated"
Explanation: The revised phrase uses a more formal and descriptive expression to convey the improvement in intellectual capacity.
"the trends between developed countries and the regions suffering the poverty" -> "the disparities between developed countries and regions facing poverty"
Explanation: The revised phrase uses "disparities" to convey the idea of differences more precisely and formally.
"keeps shooting the wealthy" -> "continues to benefit the affluent"
Explanation: The revised phrase uses a more formal and appropriate expression to convey the idea of prosperity.
"some nation in Africa" -> "some nations in Africa"
Explanation: The plural form "nations" is more accurate when referring to multiple countries in Africa.
"issues of food and shields" -> "challenges related to food and shelter"
Explanation: "Challenges related to food and shelter" is a more formal and appropriate phrase to express the difficulties mentioned.
"reveling up the lives’ standard" -> "raising the standard of living"
Explanation: "Raising the standard of living" is a more standard and formal way to convey the idea of improvement in living standards.
"virtual good of science development" -> "virtual benefit of scientific development"
Explanation: "Virtual benefit of scientific development" is a more precise and formal expression of the positive outcomes of scientific progress.
"This state can be an announcement" -> "This stance can serve as a call to action"
Explanation: The revised phrase uses "stance" instead of "state" for clarity and suggests a more formal way to convey the idea of a call to action for the government.
Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 6
Band Score for Task Response: 6
Answer All Parts of the Question:
Detailed explanation: The essay provides a response to the prompt by expressing a strong agreement with the idea that the primary goal of science should be to improve people’s lives. However, the analysis lacks depth and fails to fully address different aspects of the question, such as considering potential counterarguments or offering a nuanced perspective. The essay could benefit from a more comprehensive examination of the prompt’s various dimensions.
How to improve: To enhance the task response, consider delving deeper into the complexities of the prompt. Acknowledge opposing viewpoints and provide a more balanced discussion. Ensure that each aspect of the question is thoroughly explored, offering specific examples or counterexamples to support your arguments.
Present a Clear Position Throughout:
Detailed explanation: The essay maintains a consistent stance in favor of the idea that science should prioritize improving people’s lives. However, the clarity of expression is hindered by grammatical errors and awkward phrasing, which may distract the reader and obscure the intended message.
How to improve: To enhance clarity and consistency, focus on refining your language use. Pay attention to grammar and sentence structure to convey your ideas more effectively. Review the essay to identify and rectify instances of awkward phrasing or ambiguous language, ensuring a smooth and clear presentation of your position.
Present, Extend, and Support Ideas:
Detailed explanation: The essay presents ideas, but they lack development and elaboration. Specific examples are provided, such as light bulbs and space exploration, but the connections between these examples and the overarching argument are not clearly articulated. Additionally, there is a need for more varied and specific supporting evidence.
How to improve: To strengthen the presentation of ideas, work on expanding and developing each point in a more detailed manner. Provide concrete examples that directly relate to your arguments and explain their relevance. Ensure a logical flow between ideas to create a more cohesive and persuasive essay.
Stay on Topic:
Detailed explanation: The essay occasionally deviates from the main topic, with some unclear expressions that may confuse the reader. The connection between certain examples and the central argument is not always apparent, impacting the overall coherence.
How to improve: To stay on topic more effectively, carefully review your essay for coherence and relevance. Eliminate unclear or off-topic statements, ensuring that each paragraph contributes directly to the central argument. Clarify the relationships between examples and your main point to enhance the overall focus of the essay.
In summary, while the essay demonstrates a general understanding of the prompt, there is room for improvement in addressing different aspects of the question, refining language for clarity, developing ideas more thoroughly, and maintaining focus on the central theme.
Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 6
Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 6
Organize Information Logically:
- Detailed explanation: The essay generally organizes information coherently, presenting an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion. However, there are instances where ideas seem scattered and lack a clear progression. For example, the transition between discussing outer-space flights and the advancement in life is abrupt, making the connection between the two less evident.
- How to improve: To enhance logical organization, ensure a smooth transition between ideas. Develop a clear structure where each paragraph builds upon the previous one. Consider using topic sentences to guide the reader through the essay’s main points.
- Detailed explanation: The essay employs paragraphs, but their structure is inconsistent. Some paragraphs lack a clear focus or contain multiple ideas, affecting readability. The first paragraph, in particular, could be divided to address the introduction more effectively.
- How to improve: Improve paragraph structure by focusing each one on a single main idea. Begin paragraphs with clear topic sentences, followed by supporting details. Break down complex ideas into smaller, more digestible sections to enhance clarity.
Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:
- Detailed explanation: The essay uses some cohesive devices, such as transition words and phrases (e.g., "moreover," "for example"). However, the variety and effectiveness of these devices could be improved to strengthen the overall cohesion. Additionally, some sentences lack explicit connections to previous statements, creating gaps in coherence.
- How to improve: Diversify the use of cohesive devices, including conjunctions, pronouns, and transitional phrases. Ensure that each sentence contributes to the overall flow of ideas. Explicitly link sentences to facilitate a smoother transition between concepts, helping readers follow the argument more easily.
Overall, while the essay demonstrates a reasonable level of coherence and cohesion, refining the organization, paragraph structure, and use of cohesive devices can elevate the overall clarity and effectiveness of the essay. Paying attention to these aspects will contribute to a more cohesive and logically structured response.
Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 6
Band Score for Lexical Resource: 6
Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a moderate range of vocabulary, incorporating words such as "ameliorate," "existence," "expectances," and "aquedancy." However, there is room for improvement as the vocabulary could be more varied and sophisticated. Additionally, some phrases, like "curious personalities" and "outer-space slights," may not be entirely appropriate or precise.
- How to improve: To enhance the use of a wide range of vocabulary, consider incorporating more advanced and contextually appropriate words. Avoid using expressions that might sound awkward or unconventional. Use more varied synonyms, and pay attention to the suitability of phrases in the given context.
Use Vocabulary Precisely:
- Detailed explanation: The essay occasionally uses vocabulary precisely, such as "existence of human," but there are instances of imprecise language, like "aquedancy" instead of "adequacy" and "reveling up" instead of "elevating." Some expressions, like "outer-space slights," lack precision and clarity.
- How to improve: Aim for greater precision by choosing words that accurately convey your intended meaning. Review and refine your vocabulary choices to ensure they align with the context. Avoid using unconventional or confusing terms. Proofread carefully to catch and rectify imprecise language.
Use Correct Spelling:
- Detailed explanation: The essay contains several spelling errors, such as "aquedancy" instead of "adequacy," "existence expectances" instead of "existence expectations," and "slights" instead of "flights." These errors impact the overall quality of the writing.
- How to improve: To enhance spelling accuracy, develop a habit of proofreading your work carefully. Consider using spelling and grammar checking tools to identify and correct errors. Take the time to review and edit your essay for spelling mistakes before submitting it. Regular practice in spelling will contribute to improvement.
Overall, while the essay demonstrates a satisfactory level of lexical resource, refining vocabulary choices, ensuring precision, and improving spelling accuracy will contribute to a higher band score.
Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 5
Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 5
Use a Wide Range of Structures:
- Detailed explanation: The essay displays a limited range of sentence structures. The predominant structure is simple and lacks complexity, which affects the overall fluency and sophistication of the writing. For example, the use of repetitive sentence structures like "For example" and "Moreover" becomes predictable and limits variety.
- How to improve: To enhance the grammatical range and overall effectiveness, incorporate a variety of sentence structures, such as compound and complex sentences. For instance, consider integrating relative clauses, conditional sentences, or inverted sentence structures to add depth and sophistication to the essay.
Use Grammar and Punctuation Accurately:
- Detailed explanation: The essay contains numerous grammatical errors and punctuation inaccuracies that impede clarity. Examples include issues with subject-verb agreement ("the surveys has shown"), awkward phrasing ("the aquedancy in life"), and punctuation errors (missing commas, inconsistent use of capitalization).
- How to improve: To improve grammatical accuracy, carefully proofread the essay to correct subject-verb agreement errors and awkward phrasing. Pay attention to punctuation rules, ensuring consistent use of commas and appropriate capitalization. Consider seeking assistance from grammar-check tools to identify and rectify specific issues.
In summary, while the essay conveys a clear viewpoint, the limited variety in sentence structures and frequent grammatical errors contribute to its Band Score of 5. Improving these aspects by incorporating diverse sentence structures and enhancing grammatical accuracy will elevate the overall quality of the essay.
Bài sửa mẫu
We currently find ourselves in an era where the significance of science is emphasized over the passage of time, bringing forth greater expectations in society related to various aspects of human life. It is widely argued that the primary goal of scientific development should be to improve the quality of life. From my own experience and perspective, I strongly agree with this assertion, and this essay will elaborate on this point.
Undeniably, all inventions are created with the ultimate purpose of benefiting humanity and meeting the expectations of living. Despite attempts to refute this, the reality has proven that inventions such as light bulbs or rockets, and even ambitious space exploration endeavors like voyages to the moon, hold no value if they do not serve the well-being of the residents. For instance, outer-space missions may be organized out of curiosity among most scientists, but surveys have shown that the majority of these initiatives stem from the deep-seated expectations ingrained in the minds of individuals.
Furthermore, the adequacy in life serves as the foundation for all inventions. In essence, each person works and contributes with selfish motives, prioritizing their interests. In other words, the origins of groundbreaking ideas in science are rooted in the improvement of lives. It is evident that science should be responsive to the continuous advancement in society to ensure a sufficient living standard. This necessitates guaranteeing that children and adults alike receive the best opportunities for growth and intellectual development. This, in turn, enhances and elevates the intellectual capacity in each community’s grey matter. For example, the disparities between developed countries and regions facing challenges related to food and shelter are glaring. While affluent nations continue to benefit from scientific progress, some nations in Africa grapple with issues concerning basic necessities.
In conclusion, the reality demonstrates the indispensable truth that focusing on elevating the standard of living is the most virtuous outcome of scientific development. This stance can serve as a call to action for governments to find solutions that prioritize the well-being of their residents.