The notion that one long-distance flight produces the same amount of contamination as a car does in several years has sparked a debate about the most effective way to ameliorate environmental issues. Some people believe that we should discourage non-essential flights, such as tourist travel, rather than imposing restrictions on the use of automobiles. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

The notion that one long-distance flight produces the same amount of contamination as a car does in several years has sparked a debate about the most effective way to ameliorate environmental issues. Some people believe that we should discourage non-essential flights, such as tourist travel, rather than imposing restrictions on the use of automobiles. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

The notion that one long-distance flight produces the same amount of contamination as a car does in several years has sparked a debate about the most effective way to ameliorate environmental issues. Some people believe that we should discourage non-essential flights, such as tourist travel, rather than imposing restrictions on the use of automobiles. While this approach has some virtues, I partially agree with it.

On one hand, it is undeniable that long-distance flights are major contributors to greenhouse gas emissions and air pollution. The proliferation of aviation industry leads to an signìicant increase in carbon dioxide and other harmful gases released into the atmosphere. Furthermore, the impact of aircraft emissions at high altitudes may be far more pernicious to the environment than ground-level emissions from cars. Therefore, discouraging non-essential flights, especially those for leisure purposes, could help alleviate the overall environmental impact of air travel to a great extent.

On the other hand, it is crucial to acknowledge that the impact of automobiles also contribute significantly to environmental degradation and climate change. In many urban areas, cars are the primary source of air pollution, thereby causing respiratory problems and other health issues. To exemplify this point, an evident example of those is hanoi,the air quality index of which ranks highly in the world due to car exhaust fumes Furthermore, the production of cars itself poses a risk to the environment, with millions of tons of CO2 emitted during manufacturing processes. Thus, diminishing the use of cars could have an immediate and subtantial impact on addressing pollution.

On a balanced view, it is essential to consider the practicality and feasibility of discouraging non-essential flights. It is apparent that tourism plays a significant role in many economies, providing employment opportunities and driving economic growth. Hence, restricting tourist travel could have adverse effects on the tourism industry and related sectors. Additionally, limiting individuals' freedom to travel for leisure purposes may not be a sustainable solution in the long run. Instead, a more balanced approach that addresses the environmental concerns of both aviation and automotive industries should be considered.

In conclusion, while it is evident that long-distance flights have a considerable environmental footprint compared to cars, solely focusing on discouraging non-essential flights may not be the most effective solution. Therefore, I partially agree with the idea of discouraging non-essential flights, but believe that a comprehensive strategy that addresses multiple factors is needed to effectively combat pollution from transportation sources.

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Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

1. "The notion that one long-distance flight produces the same amount of contamination as a car does in several years" -> "The notion that a single long-distance flight generates the same level of emissions as a car over several years"
   Explanation: Replacing "contamination" with "emissions" provides a more precise and scientifically accurate term in the context of environmental impact. Additionally, "generates" and "level of emissions" are more formal and specific than "produces" and "amount of contamination."

2. "non-essential flights" -> "non-essential air travel"
   Explanation: "Air travel" is a more specific and formal term than "flights," which is more commonly used in academic and formal contexts.

3. "virtues" -> "advantages"
   Explanation: "Advantages" is a more straightforward and academically appropriate term than "virtues," which can imply moral or ethical qualities that are not directly relevant here.

4. "signìicant" -> "significant"
   Explanation: Corrects a typographical error for clarity and professionalism.

5. "pernicious" -> "harmful"
   Explanation: While "pernicious" is not incorrect, "harmful" is more straightforward and commonly used in academic writing to describe negative environmental impacts.

6. "an signìicant increase" -> "a significant increase"
   Explanation: Corrects a typographical error for clarity and professionalism.

7. "the impact of automobiles also contribute" -> "the impact of automobiles also contributes"
   Explanation: Corrects the verb agreement to match the singular subject "impact."

8. "To exemplify this point, an evident example of those is hanoi,the air quality index of which ranks highly in the world due to car exhaust fumes" -> "To illustrate this point, a notable example is Hanoi, whose air quality index ranks highly globally due to car exhaust fumes"
   Explanation: Corrects grammatical errors and improves clarity by using "illustrate" instead of "exemplify" and specifying "Hanoi" as the proper noun. Also, "whose" is used correctly to refer to the possessive form of "Hanoi."

9. "diminishing the use of cars" -> "reducing the use of cars"
   Explanation: "Reducing" is a more precise and formal term than "diminishing" in this context, which is more commonly used in academic writing.

10. "subtantial" -> "substantial"
    Explanation: Corrects a typographical error for accuracy and professionalism.

11. "On a balanced view" -> "From a balanced perspective"
    Explanation: "From a balanced perspective" is a more formal and academically appropriate phrase than "On a balanced view."

12. "It is apparent that tourism plays a significant role" -> "It is evident that tourism plays a significant role"
    Explanation: Corrects a typographical error for clarity and professionalism.

13. "providing employment opportunities and driving economic growth" -> "providing employment opportunities and stimulating economic growth"
    Explanation: "Stimulating" is a more precise and formal term than "driving" in this context, aligning better with academic style.

14. "limiting individuals’ freedom to travel for leisure purposes" -> "restricting individuals’ freedom to travel for leisure"
    Explanation: "Restricting" is a more precise verb than "limiting" in this context, and removing "purposes" improves the sentence’s flow and formality.

These changes enhance the precision, formality, and clarity of the essay, aligning it more closely with academic writing standards.

Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Task Response: 7

• Answer All Parts of the Question:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay effectively addresses the prompt by discussing both the impact of long-distance flights and automobiles on environmental issues. The writer presents a clear viewpoint, indicating partial agreement with the idea of discouraging non-essential flights. However, while both sides are mentioned, the essay could benefit from a more explicit acknowledgment of the extent to which the writer agrees or disagrees with the proposition, which would clarify the position further.
  • How to improve: To enhance this aspect, the writer should explicitly state their position on the extent of agreement or disagreement in the introduction and conclusion. Additionally, they could provide more specific examples or evidence to support their claims about the environmental impact of both modes of transport.

• Present a Clear Position Throughout:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay maintains a generally clear position, indicating partial agreement with the idea of discouraging non-essential flights. However, the phrase "I partially agree with it" could be more assertively articulated throughout the essay. The discussion of both sides is balanced, but the position could be more consistently emphasized to avoid any ambiguity.
  • How to improve: The writer should reinforce their stance by using phrases that clearly indicate their level of agreement or disagreement throughout the essay. For instance, they could use transitional phrases like "While I acknowledge the importance of discouraging flights, I believe…" to maintain clarity.

• Present, Extend, and Support Ideas:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay presents relevant ideas regarding the environmental impacts of both flights and cars, supported by examples such as the air quality issues in Hanoi. However, some points lack depth and could be better developed. For instance, while the writer mentions the economic impact of tourism, they do not elaborate on how this relates to environmental policies.
  • How to improve: To strengthen this area, the writer should aim to elaborate on key points with more detailed explanations and examples. For instance, they could discuss specific policies that could balance tourism and environmental concerns or provide statistics on emissions from both sources to substantiate their arguments.

• Stay on Topic:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay remains largely focused on the topic, discussing the environmental impacts of both long-distance flights and cars. However, there are moments where the discussion could be more tightly aligned with the prompt. For example, the mention of the economic implications of discouraging flights, while relevant, could be more directly tied back to the environmental debate.
  • How to improve: To improve focus, the writer should ensure that every point made directly relates back to the prompt. They could achieve this by explicitly linking economic arguments back to environmental outcomes, thus reinforcing the relevance of each point to the overall discussion of how to address pollution.

In summary, while the essay demonstrates a solid understanding of the topic and presents a balanced view, there are areas for improvement in clarity of position, depth of argumentation, and direct relevance to the prompt. By addressing these aspects, the writer can enhance the overall effectiveness of their essay.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 7

• Organize Information Logically:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay presents a clear structure, with an introduction that outlines the topic and the writer’s stance. Each paragraph addresses a specific aspect of the argument, with the first focusing on the environmental impact of flights, the second on the effects of automobiles, and the third on the broader implications of discouraging flights. However, while the ideas are logically sequenced, some transitions between paragraphs could be smoother to enhance the overall flow. For example, the shift from discussing flights to cars could benefit from a clearer linking sentence that emphasizes the contrast between the two modes of transportation.
  • How to improve: To enhance logical organization, consider using transitional phrases that explicitly connect the ideas between paragraphs. For instance, at the end of the first paragraph, a sentence like "Conversely, the role of automobiles in environmental degradation cannot be overlooked" could provide a clearer transition to the discussion about cars.

• Use Paragraphs:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay effectively uses paragraphs to separate different points of view, which aids in readability. Each paragraph has a clear main idea, and the writer maintains focus within each section. However, the second paragraph could be further divided to separate the discussion of air pollution from cars and the environmental impact of car manufacturing. This would allow for a more in-depth exploration of each point.
  • How to improve: To improve paragraph structure, consider breaking longer paragraphs into smaller ones that each focus on a single idea. For example, after discussing the air pollution caused by cars, a new paragraph could begin with the sentence about the environmental impact of car production. This would help clarify the argument and make it easier for readers to follow.

• Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a good use of cohesive devices, such as "On one hand," "On the other hand," and "In conclusion," which help to guide the reader through the argument. However, there are instances where the use of cohesive devices could be more varied. For example, the phrase "To exemplify this point" is somewhat repetitive and could be replaced with alternatives like "For instance" or "A case in point" to enhance variety.
  • How to improve: To diversify the use of cohesive devices, review the essay for repetitive phrases and replace them with synonyms or different expressions. Additionally, incorporating more complex cohesive devices, such as "Despite this," or "In contrast," can help to create a more nuanced argument and improve the overall flow of ideas.

In summary, while the essay demonstrates a solid understanding of coherence and cohesion, there are opportunities for improvement in the areas of logical organization, paragraph structure, and the use of cohesive devices. By implementing the suggested strategies, the writer can enhance the clarity and effectiveness of their argument, potentially achieving a higher band score.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Lexical Resource: 6

• Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a reasonable range of vocabulary relevant to the topic of environmental issues and transportation. Terms like "greenhouse gas emissions," "aviation industry," and "environmental degradation" show an understanding of the subject matter. However, the vocabulary usage tends to be somewhat repetitive, particularly with phrases like "non-essential flights" and "environmental impact," which could be varied to enhance the richness of the text.
  • How to improve: To improve, the writer could incorporate synonyms or related terms to avoid repetition. For instance, instead of repeatedly using "non-essential flights," alternatives such as "unnecessary air travel" or "leisure flights" could be employed. Additionally, using more varied adjectives and adverbs could help convey nuances in meaning, such as describing the "significant" impact of flights as "substantial" or "considerable."

• Use Vocabulary Precisely:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay includes some precise vocabulary, such as "ameliorate" and "pernicious," which are used correctly in context. However, there are instances of imprecise usage, such as "an signìicant increase" where "an" should be "a," indicating a lack of attention to detail. The phrase "the impact of automobiles also contribute significantly" contains a grammatical error that affects clarity.
  • How to improve: To enhance precision, the writer should focus on grammatical accuracy and ensure that articles and verb forms are used correctly. For example, revising "an signìicant increase" to "a significant increase" and ensuring subject-verb agreement in phrases like "the impact of automobiles contributes significantly" would improve clarity. Furthermore, practicing the use of collocations relevant to environmental discourse can help in selecting the most appropriate words.

• Use Correct Spelling:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay contains several spelling errors, such as "signìicant" (which should be "significant"), "subtantial" (which should be "substantial"), and "hanoi" (which should be capitalized as "Hanoi"). These errors detract from the overall professionalism of the writing and can confuse readers.
  • How to improve: To improve spelling accuracy, the writer should proofread the essay carefully, perhaps reading it aloud to catch errors. Utilizing spell-check tools or apps can also help identify mistakes before submission. Additionally, maintaining a personal list of commonly misspelled words and practicing them can aid in reducing such errors in future writing.

In summary, while the essay demonstrates a competent use of vocabulary relevant to the topic, improvements in range, precision, and spelling accuracy are necessary to achieve a higher band score in Lexical Resource. Focusing on these areas will not only enhance the quality of the writing but also improve overall clarity and effectiveness in communication.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 7

• Use a Wide Range of Structures:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a good variety of sentence structures, including complex and compound sentences. For example, phrases like "While this approach has some virtues, I partially agree with it" and "It is crucial to acknowledge that the impact of automobiles also contribute significantly to environmental degradation" show an ability to combine ideas effectively. However, there are instances of repetitive sentence beginnings and a reliance on similar structures, such as "On one hand" and "On the other hand," which can detract from the overall variety.
  • How to improve: To enhance the range of structures, the writer could incorporate more varied transitional phrases and sentence openings. For instance, instead of consistently using "On one hand" and "On the other hand," alternatives like "Conversely," "In contrast," or "Additionally" could be employed. Furthermore, integrating more subordinate clauses and varying the placement of adverbial phrases would contribute to a richer sentence structure.

• Use Grammar and Punctuation Accurately:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay exhibits a generally good command of grammar and punctuation, but there are notable errors that affect clarity. For instance, the phrase "an signìicant increase" contains a typographical error ("an" should be "a"), and "subtantial" is misspelled. Additionally, the sentence "To exemplify this point, an evident example of those is hanoi,the air quality index of which ranks highly in the world due to car exhaust fumes" lacks proper punctuation after "hanoi" (it should be "Hanoi, the air quality index…"). These errors can disrupt the reader’s understanding and detract from the overall professionalism of the essay.
  • How to improve: To improve grammatical accuracy, the writer should carefully proofread their work to catch typographical and spelling errors. Utilizing tools like grammar checkers or reading the essay aloud can help identify awkward phrasing and punctuation mistakes. Additionally, focusing on subject-verb agreement, particularly in sentences like "the impact of automobiles also contribute significantly," where "impact" is singular and should be followed by "contributes," will enhance grammatical precision.

In summary, while the essay demonstrates a solid grasp of grammatical range and accuracy, attention to detail in proofreading and a conscious effort to diversify sentence structures will help elevate the writing to a higher band score.

Bài sửa mẫu

The notion that one long-distance flight produces the same amount of contamination as a car does in several years has sparked a debate about the most effective way to ameliorate environmental issues. Some people believe that we should discourage non-essential flights, such as tourist travel, rather than imposing restrictions on the use of automobiles. While this approach has some advantages, I partially agree with it.

On one hand, it is undeniable that long-distance flights are major contributors to greenhouse gas emissions and air pollution. The proliferation of the aviation industry leads to a significant increase in carbon dioxide and other harmful gases released into the atmosphere. Furthermore, the impact of aircraft emissions at high altitudes may be far more pernicious to the environment than ground-level emissions from cars. Therefore, discouraging non-essential flights, especially those for leisure purposes, could help alleviate the overall environmental impact of air travel to a great extent.

On the other hand, it is crucial to acknowledge that the impact of automobiles also contributes significantly to environmental degradation and climate change. In many urban areas, cars are the primary source of air pollution, thereby causing respiratory problems and other health issues. To illustrate this point, a notable example is Hanoi, whose air quality index ranks highly globally due to car exhaust fumes. Furthermore, the production of cars itself poses a risk to the environment, with millions of tons of CO2 emitted during manufacturing processes. Thus, reducing the use of cars could have an immediate and substantial impact on addressing pollution.

From a balanced perspective, it is essential to consider the practicality and feasibility of discouraging non-essential flights. It is evident that tourism plays a significant role in many economies, providing employment opportunities and stimulating economic growth. Hence, restricting tourist travel could have adverse effects on the tourism industry and related sectors. Additionally, limiting individuals’ freedom to travel for leisure purposes may not be a sustainable solution in the long run. Instead, a more balanced approach that addresses the environmental concerns of both aviation and automotive industries should be considered.

In conclusion, while it is evident that long-distance flights have a considerable environmental footprint compared to cars, solely focusing on discouraging non-essential flights may not be the most effective solution. Therefore, I partially agree with the idea of discouraging non-essential flights but believe that a comprehensive strategy that addresses multiple factors is needed to effectively combat pollution from transportation sources.