The number of people who choose to get married is likely to be lower in the future than it is now. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement?

Currently, there is a growing trend of people choosing to remain single or in unmarried partnerships rather than getting married. This essay will argue thet while there are some valid reaesons for this trend, marriage will continue to be an improtant propblem need to handle in the future.

On the one hand, there are several factors taht have contributed to thr decline in marrige rates. One reason is changing atitudetowards gender roles and relationship. In many societies, tranditional gender play a crucial role of become less rigid, and woman are increasingly indipendent and finacial sercure. This has led to a decline in the need for marriage as a mean of economic sercurity or social status. Additionally, the rising cost of living, other nessecary expenses and personal demand of work-life balanc have made it more difficult for people to make prioritize between marrige and personal life.

Furthermore, the upward trend acceptance of alternative relationship models, such as cohabitation and same-sex partnerships, has also contributed to the decline in marriage ratio. these options offer couples the opportunities to experience committed relationships with legal and social obligations of marriage, espcially in many muslime nations like India and Saudi Arabia or some countries do not have policies to accept same gender marriage.

In conclusion, while the decline in marriage percentage is a significant trend, it is important to recognize that the marriage will continue to be an important choice for many poeple. The reasons for this choice are complex and munifaceted, but they ultimately reflect the individaul values and priorities of those who choose marry.

Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

"Currently, there is a growing trend of people choosing to remain single or in unmarried partnerships rather than getting married." -> "Currently, there is a growing trend among individuals to opt for remaining single or in unmarried partnerships rather than marrying."
Explanation: Replacing "people choosing" with "individuals to opt for" refines the language to a more formal and precise academic tone. "Marrying" is also more formal than "getting married."
"thet" -> "that"
Explanation: Corrects a typographical error, ensuring the text is free of spelling mistakes.
"improtant propblem" -> "important problem"
Explanation: Corrects a typographical error and uses the correct form of "important" to maintain professionalism.
"taht" -> "that"
Explanation: Corrects a typographical error, ensuring the text is free of spelling mistakes.
"marrige" -> "marriage"
Explanation: Corrects a typographical error to maintain professionalism and accuracy.
"changing atitudetowards" -> "changing attitudes towards"
Explanation: Corrects a typographical error and adjusts the spacing for grammatical correctness.
"tranditional gender play a crucial role of become less rigid" -> "traditional gender roles have become less rigid"
Explanation: Corrects grammatical structure and verb tense to improve clarity and formality.
"woman are increasingly indipendent and finacial sercure" -> "women are increasingly independent and financially secure"
Explanation: Corrects grammatical errors and uses the correct plural form "women" and "financially secure" for precision.
"a mean of economic sercurity" -> "a means of economic security"
Explanation: Corrects the noun form "means" and "security" for grammatical accuracy.
"other nessecary expenses" -> "other necessary expenses"
Explanation: Corrects a typographical error to maintain professionalism and accuracy.
"make it more difficult for people to make prioritize between marrige and personal life" -> "make it more challenging for individuals to prioritize between marriage and personal life"
Explanation: Replaces "people" with "individuals" for formality and corrects "prioritize" to "prioritize" for grammatical accuracy.
"the upward trend acceptance of alternative relationship models" -> "the increasing acceptance of alternative relationship models"
Explanation: Simplifies and corrects the phrase for clarity and formality.
"these options offer couples the opportunities to experience committed relationships with legal and social obligations of marriage" -> "these options provide couples with the opportunity to experience committed relationships with the legal and social obligations of marriage"
Explanation: Revises for grammatical correctness and clarity.
"espcially in many muslime nations" -> "especially in many Muslim nations"
Explanation: Corrects the spelling of "Muslim" and adjusts the punctuation for grammatical correctness.
"poeple" -> "people"
Explanation: Corrects a typographical error to maintain professionalism and accuracy.
"munifaceted" -> "multifaceted"
Explanation: Corrects a typographical error for accuracy and professionalism.
"choose marry" -> "choose to marry"
Explanation: Adds the necessary "to" for grammatical correctness and clarity.

Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Task Response: 7

Answer All Parts of the Question:
- Detailed explanation: The essay addresses the prompt by discussing the decline in marriage rates and presenting arguments for both the factors contributing to this trend and the ongoing importance of marriage. However, the essay does not explicitly state the author’s position on whether they agree or disagree with the statement about the future of marriage rates. This lack of clarity makes it difficult to assess the extent of agreement or disagreement.
- How to improve: To enhance the response, the author should clearly state their position in the introduction and reiterate it in the conclusion. For example, explicitly stating "I agree that the number of people choosing to marry will decrease" or "I disagree with this statement" would provide a clearer framework for the essay.
Present a Clear Position Throughout:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents a somewhat ambiguous position. While it discusses the decline in marriage and acknowledges its significance, it does not maintain a consistent viewpoint throughout. The introduction suggests a mixed stance, but the body paragraphs do not consistently reinforce a clear position.
- How to improve: The author should choose a definitive stance (agree or disagree) and ensure that all arguments and examples support this position. This can be achieved by using topic sentences that reflect the chosen stance and linking back to it in the conclusion.
Present, Extend, and Support Ideas:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents several relevant ideas, such as changing gender roles and the acceptance of alternative relationship models. However, the development of these ideas is somewhat superficial. For instance, while the essay mentions the rising cost of living, it does not provide specific examples or data to support this claim, which weakens the argument.
- How to improve: To strengthen the presentation and support of ideas, the author should provide more detailed explanations and examples. Incorporating statistics, studies, or real-life examples would add depth to the arguments and make them more persuasive.
Stay on Topic:
- Detailed explanation: The essay generally stays on topic, discussing relevant factors that contribute to the decline in marriage rates. However, there are instances where the focus shifts slightly, such as when discussing same-sex partnerships in the context of specific countries. This could distract from the main argument about the overall trend in marriage rates.
- How to improve: To maintain focus, the author should ensure that all points made directly relate to the central question of whether marriage rates will decline in the future. Avoiding overly specific examples that do not contribute to the overall argument would help keep the essay on track.

Overall, while the essay demonstrates a good understanding of the topic and presents relevant ideas, improvements in clarity of position, depth of argumentation, and focus would enhance the overall effectiveness of the response.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 7

Organize Information Logically:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents a clear argument regarding the decline in marriage rates, with a logical progression from the introduction to the body paragraphs. The first paragraph introduces the topic and outlines the main argument, while the subsequent paragraphs provide supporting points. However, the organization could be improved by ensuring that each point is distinctly separated and clearly connected to the overall argument. For instance, the transition from discussing changing gender roles to the rising acceptance of alternative relationship models could be smoother, as the connection between these ideas is not explicitly stated.
- How to improve: To enhance logical flow, consider using clearer topic sentences at the beginning of each paragraph that directly relate back to the thesis statement. Additionally, incorporating transitional phrases such as "Furthermore," "In addition," or "Conversely" can help guide the reader through the argument and clarify the relationships between ideas.
Use Paragraphs:
- Detailed explanation: The essay uses paragraphs effectively to separate different ideas, which is a strength. Each paragraph focuses on a specific aspect of the argument, allowing for a structured presentation of information. However, the paragraphs could benefit from more uniformity in length and depth. For example, the second paragraph is quite lengthy and covers multiple points, which may overwhelm the reader.
- How to improve: Aim for a more balanced approach by ensuring that each paragraph contains a single main idea supported by relevant examples. This can be achieved by breaking down longer paragraphs into smaller ones, each focusing on a specific point. For instance, the discussion on alternative relationship models could be split into two paragraphs: one addressing cohabitation and another discussing same-sex partnerships.
Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:
- Detailed explanation: The essay employs some cohesive devices, such as "On the one hand" and "Furthermore," which help in linking ideas. However, there is a noticeable lack of variety in the cohesive devices used, and some sentences feel disjointed due to abrupt transitions. For instance, the transition from discussing gender roles to the cost of living lacks a cohesive device that would better connect these two ideas.
- How to improve: To diversify the use of cohesive devices, incorporate a wider range of linking words and phrases. For example, use "Moreover," "Consequently," or "As a result" to connect ideas more fluidly. Additionally, consider using pronouns or synonyms to refer back to previously mentioned concepts, which can help in maintaining coherence throughout the essay. For instance, instead of repeating "marriage," you could use "this institution" or "such commitments" in subsequent references.

In summary, while the essay demonstrates a good understanding of the topic and presents a coherent argument, improvements in logical organization, paragraph structure, and the use of cohesive devices will enhance clarity and coherence, potentially raising the band score in this criterion.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Lexical Resource: 6

Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a reasonable range of vocabulary, with terms like "unmarried partnerships," "gender roles," and "cohabitation" being effectively used. However, the vocabulary is somewhat repetitive, particularly in phrases like "decline in marriage rates" and "important choice." The use of synonyms or more varied expressions could enhance the essay’s lexical richness. For instance, instead of repeating "decline," the writer could use "decrease," "drop," or "reduction" to add variety.
- How to improve: To improve vocabulary range, the writer should actively seek synonyms and related terms while drafting. Reading a variety of texts can also help in acquiring new vocabulary. For example, when discussing marriage, terms like "matrimony," "union," or "commitment" could be introduced to diversify the language used.
Use Vocabulary Precisely:
- Detailed explanation: The essay contains several instances of imprecise vocabulary usage. For example, the phrase "thet while there are some valid reaesons" contains a spelling error ("thet" should be "that") and "reaesons" is misspelled. Additionally, "the marriage will continue to be an important choice" could be more effectively expressed as "marriage will remain a significant option." The phrase "the upward trend acceptance of alternative relationship models" is awkwardly phrased and could be clearer as "the increasing acceptance of alternative relationship models."
- How to improve: To enhance precision, the writer should focus on clarity and correctness. Proofreading for spelling and grammatical errors is essential. Furthermore, using phrases that are commonly accepted in academic writing can improve precision. For instance, instead of "the opportunities to experience committed relationships," the writer could say "the opportunity to engage in committed relationships."
Use Correct Spelling:
- Detailed explanation: The essay contains numerous spelling errors, such as "thet," "reaesons," "improtant," "taht," "indipendent," "finacial," "sercure," "nessecary," "balanc," "marrige," "espcially," "muslime," "poeple," and "individaul." These errors significantly detract from the overall readability and professionalism of the essay.
- How to improve: To improve spelling accuracy, the writer should implement a systematic approach to proofreading. Utilizing spell-check tools and reading the essay aloud can help catch errors. Additionally, practicing spelling through exercises or apps focused on vocabulary can reinforce correct spelling habits. Keeping a personal list of commonly misspelled words and reviewing them regularly can also be beneficial.

In summary, while the essay demonstrates a foundational understanding of vocabulary, there are significant areas for improvement in range, precision, and spelling. By actively expanding vocabulary, ensuring precise usage, and focusing on spelling accuracy, the writer can enhance their lexical resource score in future essays.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 5

Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 5

Use a Wide Range of Structures:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates some variety in sentence structures, such as simple and compound sentences. For example, the use of "On the one hand" and "Furthermore" indicates an attempt to organize ideas clearly. However, the essay lacks more complex structures, such as subordinate clauses or varied sentence openings, which would enhance the overall fluency and sophistication of the writing. For instance, the sentence "This has led to a decline in the need for marriage as a mean of economic security or social status" is straightforward but could be more effectively expressed with a more complex structure.
- How to improve: To diversify sentence structures, the writer should practice incorporating complex sentences that use subordinate clauses. For example, instead of saying "One reason is changing attitudes towards gender roles," the writer could say, "One reason why marriage rates are declining is that attitudes towards gender roles are changing." This not only adds complexity but also improves the flow of ideas.
Use Grammar and Punctuation Accurately:
- Detailed explanation: The essay contains multiple grammatical errors and punctuation issues that detract from its clarity. For instance, words are misspelled (e.g., "thet" instead of "that," "reaesons" instead of "reasons," "indipendent" instead of "independent"), and there are issues with subject-verb agreement (e.g., "traditional gender play a crucial role" should be "traditional gender roles play a crucial role"). Additionally, punctuation errors, such as the lack of commas in compound sentences, hinder readability. For example, "Additionally, the rising cost of living, other necessary expenses and personal demand of work-life balance" needs a comma before "and" for clarity.
- How to improve: To improve grammatical accuracy, the writer should focus on proofreading their work for spelling and grammatical errors. Utilizing grammar-checking tools or software can help identify mistakes. Furthermore, practicing sentence construction and reviewing the rules of subject-verb agreement and punctuation will enhance overall accuracy. It may also be beneficial to read more academic texts to observe correct grammar and punctuation in context.

In summary, while the essay presents some relevant ideas and attempts to address the prompt, significant improvements in grammatical range and accuracy are needed to achieve a higher band score. Focusing on diversifying sentence structures and correcting grammatical and punctuation errors will greatly enhance the quality of the writing.

Bài sửa mẫu

Currently, there is a growing trend of people choosing to remain single or in unmarried partnerships rather than getting married. This essay will argue that while there are some valid reasons for this trend, marriage will continue to be an important problem that needs to be handled in the future.

On the one hand, there are several factors that have contributed to the decline in marriage rates. One reason is changing attitudes towards gender roles and relationships. In many societies, traditional gender roles have become less rigid, and women are increasingly independent and financially secure. This has led to a decline in the need for marriage as a means of economic security or social status. Additionally, the rising cost of living, other necessary expenses, and the personal demands of work-life balance have made it more difficult for people to prioritize between marriage and personal life.

Furthermore, the upward trend in the acceptance of alternative relationship models, such as cohabitation and same-sex partnerships, has also contributed to the decline in marriage rates. These options offer couples the opportunity to experience committed relationships without the legal and social obligations of marriage, especially in many Muslim nations like India and Saudi Arabia, where some countries do not have policies to accept same-gender marriage.

In conclusion, while the decline in marriage rates is a significant trend, it is important to recognize that marriage will continue to be an important choice for many people. The reasons for this choice are complex and multifaceted, but they ultimately reflect the individual values and priorities of those who choose to marry.