The only way to improve the safety of our roads is to give much stricter punishments for driving offenses. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

Some individuals are of the suggestion that improving the safety on the roads can only be achieved by imposing harsher punishments for driving offenses. Personally, I partly agree with this opinion based on some reasons that are elucidated in this essay.

On the one hand, there are some reasons explaining why it is necessary to put more severe punishments into practice regarding driving offenses. Human beings’ nature is proven to alter effectively if their benefits and well-being are put at risk. Such stricter regulations ranging from imposing a heavy fine to executing a prison sentence could efficiently adjust people’s thoughts on their actions. Eventually, when traveling on the roads individuals might be more conscious of their behaviors which potentially bring harmful consequences to themselves, leading to a reduction of accidents caused by careless driving and a further prevention of their commitments which used to happen in the past.

However, enhancing traffic safety is not only facilitated by implementing more severe penalties on citizens who commit a driving offense. Various regulations such as fines and removal of someone’s freedom which are aforementioned have been put in practice for a long time but still demonstrate a lack of effectiveness in minimizing the accidents occurring on the roads. Alternatively, the government should allocate a financial budget to infrastructure upgrades, which directly have a positive effect on reducing traffic accidents. Also, raising people’s awareness on the importance of obeying traffic laws is a major contribution to maintaining a high level of security when traveling on the streets.
In conclusion, although there are mixed opinions about whether imposing harsher punishments is the only approach to a safeguarded traffic system, I believe that this measure can bring about some obvious benefits to some extent yet still not be considered as a comprehensive solution. Instead, we should implement other regulations such as investing in building better roads and heightening people’s awareness, which requires a concerted effort from both the authorities and citizens.

Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

"Some individuals are of the suggestion that" -> "Some individuals suggest that"
Explanation: The phrase "are of the suggestion that" is awkward and incorrect. "Suggest" is the correct verb form to use here, making the sentence more direct and formal.
"improving the safety on the roads" -> "improving road safety"
Explanation: "Road safety" is a more commonly used and precise term in academic and formal contexts, making the phrase more concise and appropriate.
"harsher punishments for driving offenses" -> "more stringent penalties for traffic violations"
Explanation: "Stringent penalties" and "traffic violations" are more specific and formal terms, enhancing the academic tone of the essay.
"Human beings’ nature is proven to alter effectively" -> "Human nature is susceptible to change"
Explanation: "Susceptible to change" is a more precise and academically appropriate way to describe the malleability of human behavior, avoiding the colloquial and vague "alter effectively."
"put more severe punishments into practice" -> "implement more stringent penalties"
Explanation: "Implement" is a more formal verb than "put into practice," and "stringent penalties" is a more precise term than "severe punishments" in this context.
"Human beings’ nature is proven to alter effectively" -> "Human nature is susceptible to change"
Explanation: This revision avoids the awkward and incorrect use of "alter effectively" and instead uses "susceptible to change," which is more academically precise.
"Such stricter regulations ranging from imposing a heavy fine to executing a prison sentence" -> "Such stringent regulations, including fines and imprisonment"
Explanation: "Stringent regulations" is more formal than "stricter regulations," and "including fines and imprisonment" is clearer and more direct than "ranging from imposing a heavy fine to executing a prison sentence."
"efficiency adjust people’s thoughts on their actions" -> "effectively influence individuals’ behavior"
Explanation: "Effectively influence individuals’ behavior" is a clearer and more formal way to express the impact of regulations on people’s actions.
"a reduction of accidents caused by careless driving" -> "a decrease in accidents resulting from reckless driving"
Explanation: "Decrease in accidents resulting from reckless driving" is more specific and formal, improving the academic tone of the sentence.
"a further prevention of their commitments which used to happen in the past" -> "a reduction in recidivism"
Explanation: "Recidivism" is a precise and formal term that refers to the repetition of past behaviors, making it more suitable for academic writing than the vague and informal "prevention of their commitments which used to happen in the past."
"enhancing traffic safety is not only facilitated by" -> "improving traffic safety is not solely achieved by"
Explanation: "Is not solely achieved by" is a more precise and formal way to express that other factors contribute to improving traffic safety beyond just harsher punishments.
"raising people’s awareness on the importance of obeying traffic laws" -> "raising public awareness of the importance of complying with traffic laws"
Explanation: "Raising public awareness of the importance of complying with traffic laws" is more formal and precise, replacing the less formal "raising people’s awareness on the importance of obeying traffic laws."
"a safeguarded traffic system" -> "a safer traffic system"
Explanation: "Safer" is a more direct and commonly used term in formal writing than "safeguarded," which can be ambiguous and less precise.
"heightening people’s awareness" -> "increasing public awareness"
Explanation: "Increasing public awareness" is a more formal and widely accepted phrase in academic and formal contexts than "heightening people’s awareness."

Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Task Response: 7

Answer All Parts of the Question:
- Detailed explanation: The essay addresses the prompt by discussing both sides of the argument regarding stricter punishments for driving offenses. The writer acknowledges the potential benefits of harsher penalties while also presenting alternative solutions, such as infrastructure improvements and public awareness campaigns. However, the phrase "I partly agree" could lead to ambiguity about the writer’s overall stance, as it does not clearly delineate the extent of agreement or disagreement with the statement.
- How to improve: To enhance clarity, the writer should explicitly state their position in the introduction and conclusion. For example, they could specify the extent of their agreement or disagreement (e.g., "I agree to a large extent that stricter punishments are necessary, but they should be complemented by other measures"). This would provide a clearer response to the prompt.
Present a Clear Position Throughout:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents a position that is somewhat clear, indicating a partial agreement with the need for stricter punishments. However, the use of "partly agree" creates some confusion about the writer’s overall viewpoint. The conclusion reiterates this mixed stance but lacks a strong, definitive statement that encapsulates the writer’s perspective.
- How to improve: To maintain a clear position, the writer should consistently reinforce their viewpoint throughout the essay. They could use phrases like "While I acknowledge the importance of stricter punishments, I believe that…" to clarify their stance. Additionally, a more decisive conclusion that summarizes their argument would strengthen the overall coherence.
Present, Extend, and Support Ideas:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents several ideas, such as the effectiveness of harsher punishments and the need for infrastructure improvements. However, some points could benefit from further elaboration. For instance, the discussion on how stricter punishments might change behavior is somewhat vague and could be supported by examples or statistics. The mention of public awareness campaigns is a good point but lacks specific strategies or evidence to illustrate its effectiveness.
- How to improve: The writer should aim to provide more detailed examples and evidence to support their claims. For instance, they could include statistics on accident rates before and after implementing stricter laws or cite successful public awareness campaigns from other countries. This would not only strengthen their arguments but also demonstrate a deeper understanding of the topic.
Stay on Topic:
- Detailed explanation: The essay generally stays on topic, discussing road safety and the implications of harsher punishments. However, there are moments where the focus could be sharper, particularly when introducing alternative measures. The transition between discussing punishments and infrastructure improvements could be smoother to maintain a clear connection to the main topic of road safety.
- How to improve: To enhance focus, the writer should ensure that each paragraph clearly ties back to the central question of road safety. Using topic sentences that directly relate to the prompt can help maintain this focus. Additionally, transitions between ideas should reinforce how each point contributes to the overall argument regarding road safety.

In summary, while the essay demonstrates a solid understanding of the topic and presents relevant arguments, improvements in clarity of position, depth of support, and focus on the topic will help elevate the score in the Task Response criteria.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 7

Organize Information Logically:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents a clear structure with an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion. The first body paragraph discusses the argument for stricter punishments, while the second body paragraph counters this argument by suggesting alternative measures to improve road safety. This logical organization helps the reader follow the writer’s thought process. However, the transition between the two body paragraphs could be smoother; the shift from discussing punishments to alternative measures feels abrupt.
- How to improve: To enhance logical flow, consider using transitional phrases at the beginning of the second body paragraph, such as "On the other hand" or "Conversely," to signal a shift in perspective. Additionally, summarizing the key points of the first paragraph before introducing the counterargument can help reinforce the connection between the two ideas.
Use Paragraphs:
- Detailed explanation: The essay effectively uses paragraphs to separate different ideas, which is a strength. Each paragraph focuses on a distinct aspect of the argument, making it easier for the reader to digest the information. However, the first body paragraph is somewhat lengthy and could benefit from being split into two paragraphs to enhance clarity and focus.
- How to improve: Consider breaking the first body paragraph into two separate paragraphs: one focusing on the rationale behind harsher punishments and the other on the potential outcomes of such measures. This division would allow for a more detailed exploration of each point and improve readability.
Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:
- Detailed explanation: The essay employs some cohesive devices, such as "however," "on the one hand," and "in conclusion," which help to connect ideas and guide the reader through the argument. However, the range of cohesive devices used is somewhat limited, and there are instances where the connections between sentences could be clearer.
- How to improve: To diversify the use of cohesive devices, incorporate more varied linking words and phrases, such as "furthermore," "in addition," or "for instance," to enhance the flow of ideas. Additionally, ensure that each sentence logically follows the previous one by using phrases that explicitly relate the ideas, such as "This suggests that…" or "As a result of this…". This will create a more cohesive narrative throughout the essay.

By addressing these areas for improvement, the essay can achieve a higher level of coherence and cohesion, ultimately enhancing the overall clarity and effectiveness of the argument presented.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Lexical Resource: 6

Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates an adequate range of vocabulary, with terms such as "harsher punishments," "traffic safety," and "infrastructure upgrades." However, the vocabulary is somewhat repetitive and lacks variety in expression. For instance, the phrase "driving offenses" appears multiple times without synonyms or paraphrasing, which could enhance the lexical diversity of the essay.
- How to improve: To improve lexical range, the writer could incorporate synonyms or related phrases, such as "traffic violations," "road safety breaches," or "automotive infractions." Additionally, using more varied adjectives and adverbs could help convey nuances in meaning. For example, instead of repeatedly using "severe" or "strict," alternatives like "stringent," "rigorous," or "harsh" could be employed.
Use Vocabulary Precisely:
- Detailed explanation: The essay contains instances of imprecise vocabulary usage. For example, the phrase "Human beings’ nature is proven to alter effectively" is vague and could be clearer. The term "alter" does not accurately convey the intended meaning of changing behavior in response to punishment.
- How to improve: To enhance precision, the writer should focus on selecting words that accurately reflect their intended meaning. In this case, replacing "alter" with "change" or "modify" would clarify the statement. Additionally, phrases like "executing a prison sentence" could be rephrased to "imposing a prison sentence," which would be more appropriate in this context.
Use Correct Spelling:
- Detailed explanation: The essay generally demonstrates good spelling, with only a few minor errors. However, the phrase "removal of someone’s freedom" could be more accurately expressed as "deprivation of liberty," which reflects a more formal and precise vocabulary choice. Additionally, the word "elucidated" is somewhat formal and may not be the best fit for the context.
- How to improve: To enhance spelling accuracy, the writer should proofread their work carefully to catch any typographical errors. Additionally, practicing spelling common academic vocabulary and using tools like spell check can help identify and correct mistakes. Engaging with vocabulary exercises that focus on commonly misspelled words can also be beneficial.

In summary, while the essay demonstrates a satisfactory command of vocabulary, there are areas for improvement in terms of range, precision, and spelling. By incorporating a broader variety of vocabulary, selecting words more carefully for precision, and ensuring spelling accuracy, the writer can enhance their lexical resource and potentially achieve a higher band score.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 7

Use a Wide Range of Structures:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a commendable variety of sentence structures. For instance, complex sentences such as "Human beings’ nature is proven to alter effectively if their benefits and well-being are put at risk" showcase the writer’s ability to convey nuanced ideas. Additionally, the use of conditional structures ("when traveling on the roads individuals might be more conscious of their behaviors") adds depth to the argument. However, there are instances of repetitive structures, particularly in the second paragraph where phrases like "put more severe punishments into practice" and "implementing more severe penalties" appear closely together, which can detract from the overall variety.
- How to improve: To diversify sentence structures further, the writer could incorporate more varied introductory phrases, use different conjunctions to connect ideas, and experiment with passive voice or inversion for emphasis. For example, instead of repeatedly starting sentences with "there are" or "the government should," the writer could use phrases like "One potential solution is…" or "It is crucial that…" to enhance variety.
Use Grammar and Punctuation Accurately:
- Detailed explanation: The essay generally maintains a good level of grammatical accuracy, with only minor errors that do not impede understanding. For example, the phrase "removal of someone’s freedom which are aforementioned" should be corrected to "removal of someone’s freedom, which is aforementioned," to ensure proper subject-verb agreement and punctuation. Additionally, the phrase "leading to a reduction of accidents caused by careless driving and a further prevention of their commitments which used to happen in the past" is somewhat convoluted and could be clarified for better readability.
- How to improve: To enhance grammatical accuracy, the writer should focus on subject-verb agreement and the correct use of commas, particularly in complex sentences. Regular practice with grammar exercises and reviewing sentence structures can help identify common errors. Furthermore, reading high-quality essays can provide examples of effective punctuation and grammatical usage, which can be emulated in future writing.

Overall, while the essay demonstrates a solid command of grammatical range and accuracy, focusing on diversifying sentence structures and refining grammatical precision will help elevate the writing to a higher band score.

Bài sửa mẫu

Some individuals suggest that improving the safety of our roads can only be achieved by imposing harsher punishments for driving offenses. Personally, I partly agree with this opinion based on some reasons that are elucidated in this essay.

On the one hand, there are reasons explaining why it is necessary to put more severe punishments into practice regarding driving offenses. Human nature is susceptible to change if their benefits and well-being are put at risk. Such stringent regulations, including heavy fines and prison sentences, could effectively influence individuals’ behavior. Eventually, when traveling on the roads, individuals might be more conscious of their actions, which could potentially bring harmful consequences to themselves, leading to a decrease in accidents resulting from reckless driving and further prevention of offenses that used to happen in the past.

However, improving traffic safety is not solely achieved by implementing more severe penalties on citizens who commit driving offenses. Various regulations, such as fines and the removal of someone’s freedom, which have been put into practice for a long time, still demonstrate a lack of effectiveness in minimizing accidents occurring on the roads. Alternatively, the government should allocate a financial budget to infrastructure upgrades, which have a positive effect on reducing traffic accidents. Additionally, increasing public awareness of the importance of complying with traffic laws is a major contribution to maintaining a high level of security when traveling on the streets.

In conclusion, although there are mixed opinions about whether imposing harsher punishments is the only approach to a safer traffic system, I believe that this measure can bring about some obvious benefits to some extent yet should not be considered a comprehensive solution. Instead, we should implement other regulations, such as investing in building better roads and heightening public awareness, which requires a concerted effort from both the authorities and citizens.