the organized tours to remote places and communities are more popular. Is it a positive or negative improvement for the local people and the environment.

In this modern era, more and more people around the world want to travel to rural and community areas. Although there are certain disadvantages of this tendency for local people, I believe that the advantages are more significant which will be discussed in the following essay with some relevant examples to justify it.
On the one hand, the negative aspects of spending their holiday in remote and public regions are varied. Firstly, visitors are able to impact the environment. I mean, if many people go to these places to unwind, locals will cut down the forests to help them discover surroundings leading to the destruction of animals’ habitats, this can cause a lot of difficulties for animals. Additionally, trips that take place away from the city center can face many risks. For instance, tourists move to high mountains or waterfalls which are located deep in the forest, thus they can be transported by primitive vehicles such as: old motorbikes, tractors…so the damage always awaits them.
On the other hand, I suppose the beneficial points would eclipse those analyzed drawbacks. Undeniably, traveling can boost the local economy. For example, the government erect more buildings as well as ecotourism areas to meet the requirement of entertainment and accommodation, thus residents in these regions have more chances to apply and improve their standard of living. Moreover, adventures help countries introduce unique and special cultures such as: costumes, cuisine,….As a result, visited people can recommend for relatives or relationships so more and more people from other places choose these regions for their vacations.
In conclusion, despite some demerits in terms of affect on the environment and many risks, they are still overshadowed by the significant merits.

Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

"In this modern era" -> "In the contemporary era"
Explanation: "Contemporary" is a more precise and academically appropriate term than "modern," which can be somewhat vague and colloquial in this context.
"more and more people" -> "an increasing number of people"
Explanation: "An increasing number of people" is a more formal and precise way to express the growing trend, avoiding the informal phrasing of "more and more."
"want to travel" -> "wish to travel"
Explanation: "Wish to" is more formal and suitable for academic writing than "want to," which is somewhat informal.
"certain disadvantages" -> "certain drawbacks"
Explanation: "Drawbacks" is a more specific term that is commonly used in academic discourse to discuss negative aspects of a situation.
"the advantages are more significant" -> "the advantages are more substantial"
Explanation: "Substantial" is a more formal and precise term than "significant," which can be somewhat vague in this context.
"with some relevant examples to justify it" -> "with several illustrative examples to support this assertion"
Explanation: "Several illustrative examples to support this assertion" is more formal and precise, enhancing the academic tone of the sentence.
"the negative aspects" -> "the drawbacks"
Explanation: As mentioned earlier, "drawbacks" is more specific and academically appropriate than "negative aspects."
"I mean, if many people go" -> "If many tourists visit"
Explanation: Removing "I mean" and replacing it with "If" improves the formality and clarity of the sentence. "Tourists" is also more specific than "people."
"to help them discover surroundings" -> "to facilitate exploration"
Explanation: "Facilitate exploration" is a more precise and formal way to describe the action of helping people discover their surroundings.
"this can cause a lot of difficulties" -> "this may pose significant challenges"
Explanation: "May pose significant challenges" is more formal and avoids the colloquial "a lot of difficulties."
"trips that take place away from the city center" -> "trips that occur outside the city center"
Explanation: "Occur" is a more formal verb choice than "take place," and "outside the city center" is a clearer and more precise phrase.
"transported by primitive vehicles such as: old motorbikes, tractors…" -> "transported by primitive vehicles such as old motorbikes and tractors"
Explanation: Removing the colon and replacing it with "and" improves the flow and formality of the list.
"the beneficial points would eclipse those analyzed drawbacks" -> "the benefits would outweigh the drawbacks"
Explanation: "Outweigh" is a more precise and formal term than "eclipse," which is less commonly used in this context.
"the government erect more buildings" -> "the government constructs more buildings"
Explanation: "Constructs" is the correct verb for building, whereas "erect" is typically used for raising or setting up structures, not building them.
"to meet the requirement of entertainment and accommodation" -> "to meet the demands for entertainment and accommodation"
Explanation: "Demands" is more precise and formal than "requirement," which is somewhat vague in this context.
"have more chances to apply and improve their standard of living" -> "have greater opportunities to apply and enhance their standard of living"
Explanation: "Greater opportunities" and "enhance" are more formal and precise than "more chances" and "improve."
"visited people can recommend for relatives or relationships" -> "visitors can recommend to their relatives or acquaintances"
Explanation: "Visitors" is more specific than "visited people," and "recommend to their relatives or acquaintances" is clearer and more formal than "recommend for relatives or relationships."
"so more and more people from other places choose these regions for their vacations" -> "therefore, an increasing number of people from other regions choose these areas for their vacations"
Explanation: "Therefore" is a more formal transitional word than "so," and "an increasing number of people from other regions" is more precise and formal than "more and more people from other places."

Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Task Response: 7

Answer All Parts of the Question:
- Detailed explanation: The essay addresses both the positive and negative aspects of organized tours to remote places, which is a requirement of the prompt. The writer discusses the disadvantages related to environmental impact and risks associated with tourism, as well as the economic benefits and cultural exchange that tourism can bring to local communities. However, the analysis of the negative impacts could be more detailed, and the discussion of the positive impacts could be expanded to provide a more balanced view.
- How to improve: To enhance the response, the writer should ensure that each part of the question is thoroughly explored. This could involve providing more specific examples of how tourism negatively affects local communities and the environment, as well as elaborating on the positive impacts, such as specific economic statistics or case studies of successful ecotourism initiatives.
Present a Clear Position Throughout:
- Detailed explanation: The writer clearly states a position in favor of the advantages of organized tours, asserting that the benefits outweigh the drawbacks. This position is maintained throughout the essay, although the transition between discussing negatives and positives could be smoother. The phrase "I suppose the beneficial points would eclipse those analyzed drawbacks" serves to reinforce the writer’s stance, but the argument could be more compelling with stronger linking phrases.
- How to improve: To maintain a clear position, the writer should use more cohesive devices to transition between points. Phrases like "On the contrary" or "Conversely" could help clarify the shift from discussing negative impacts to positive outcomes. Additionally, reiterating the main argument in the conclusion with a more definitive statement would strengthen the overall clarity of the position.
Present, Extend, and Support Ideas:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents several ideas, such as the environmental impact of tourism and the economic benefits for local communities. However, some points lack depth and supporting evidence. For instance, the claim about the economic boost from tourism is made but not substantiated with specific data or examples. The environmental risks are mentioned but could benefit from more detailed exploration.
- How to improve: To improve the development of ideas, the writer should aim to provide more detailed explanations and examples for each point made. This could include statistics on tourism’s economic impact or specific examples of communities that have benefited from tourism. Additionally, discussing potential solutions to the negative impacts could add depth to the argument.
Stay on Topic:
- Detailed explanation: The essay generally stays on topic, focusing on the effects of organized tours on local people and the environment. However, there are moments where the discussion becomes slightly vague or general, particularly in the environmental section, where the connection between tourism and specific environmental issues could be made clearer.
- How to improve: To maintain focus, the writer should ensure that each paragraph directly relates back to the prompt. This can be achieved by consistently linking back to the effects of tourism on local communities and the environment in every point made. Additionally, avoiding overly broad statements and instead focusing on specific examples will help keep the essay tightly aligned with the topic.

Overall, while the essay demonstrates a good understanding of the task and presents a clear argument, there is room for improvement in terms of depth, clarity, and support for ideas. By addressing these areas, the writer can enhance the overall quality of their response.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 7

Organize Information Logically:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents a clear structure with an introduction, two body paragraphs (one discussing the negative aspects and the other the positive), and a conclusion. The progression of ideas is logical, with the first paragraph addressing the disadvantages and the second focusing on the advantages. However, the transitions between ideas within paragraphs could be smoother. For instance, the shift from discussing environmental impacts to risks faced by tourists in the first paragraph feels abrupt and could benefit from a clearer connective statement.
- How to improve: To enhance logical flow, consider using transitional phrases that guide the reader through the argument. For example, after discussing environmental impacts, a phrase like "In addition to environmental concerns, there are also risks associated with tourism" would create a smoother transition. Additionally, ensuring that each point is clearly linked back to the main argument will strengthen coherence.
Use Paragraphs:
- Detailed explanation: The essay effectively uses paragraphs to separate different ideas, which is essential for clarity. Each paragraph has a main idea, with supporting details that relate back to that idea. However, the paragraph discussing the positive aspects could be more focused. The sentence "the government erect more buildings as well as ecotourism areas" lacks a subject and verb agreement, which detracts from the overall clarity of the argument.
- How to improve: Ensure that each paragraph maintains a clear focus and that all sentences within the paragraph support the main idea. For example, the sentence about government actions could be rephrased to "The government erects more buildings and ecotourism areas to meet the demands for entertainment and accommodation." This not only corrects the grammatical error but also enhances clarity.
Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:
- Detailed explanation: The essay employs some cohesive devices, such as "Firstly," "On the one hand," and "Moreover," which help to structure the argument. However, the range of cohesive devices is somewhat limited, and there are instances where the connections between ideas could be strengthened. For example, the phrase "this can cause a lot of difficulties for animals" could be better linked to the previous sentence to clarify the cause-and-effect relationship.
- How to improve: To diversify the use of cohesive devices, consider incorporating a wider variety of linking words and phrases, such as "Consequently," "As a result," or "Furthermore." Additionally, using pronouns or synonyms to refer back to previously mentioned ideas can enhance cohesion. For instance, instead of repeating "local economy," you could refer to it as "this sector" in subsequent sentences to maintain flow.

Overall, while the essay demonstrates a good understanding of coherence and cohesion principles, addressing the aforementioned areas will help elevate the score further.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Lexical Resource: 6

Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a reasonable range of vocabulary, with terms like "rural," "communities," "disadvantages," and "beneficial points." However, the vocabulary is somewhat repetitive, particularly with phrases like "remote and public regions" and "local economy." The use of synonyms or more varied expressions could enhance the richness of the essay.
- How to improve: To improve lexical variety, the writer could replace repetitive terms with synonyms or related phrases. For example, instead of repeatedly using "local," alternatives like "community," "indigenous," or "regional" could be employed. Additionally, incorporating more advanced vocabulary, such as "sustainable tourism" or "cultural exchange," would elevate the essay’s lexical range.
Use Vocabulary Precisely:
- Detailed explanation: There are instances of imprecise vocabulary usage, such as "I mean" which is informal and not appropriate for an academic essay. Additionally, the phrase "the damage always awaits them" is vague and could be interpreted in multiple ways, lacking clarity in meaning. The phrase "beneficial points would eclipse those analyzed drawbacks" is somewhat awkward and could be expressed more clearly.
- How to improve: To enhance precision, the writer should avoid informal phrases and ensure clarity in their statements. For example, instead of "I mean," the writer could directly state, "This can lead to significant environmental degradation." Furthermore, rephrasing "the damage always awaits them" to something more specific, like "they may encounter hazardous conditions," would improve clarity.
Use Correct Spelling:
- Detailed explanation: The essay generally displays good spelling, with only a few minor errors. However, the phrase "costumes, cuisine,…." includes an incorrect use of ellipsis, which should be avoided in formal writing. Additionally, "apply and improve their standard of living" could be misinterpreted; "apply" is not the most suitable verb in this context.
- How to improve: To enhance spelling accuracy, the writer should proofread their work carefully to catch minor errors and ensure correct punctuation usage. Practicing spelling through writing exercises and using tools like spell check can also help. For clarity, replacing "apply" with "enhance" or "elevate" would improve the expression of ideas.

Overall, while the essay meets the basic requirements for lexical resource, focusing on expanding vocabulary, improving precision, and ensuring correct spelling will help elevate the score in this criterion.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 7

Use a Wide Range of Structures:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a good variety of sentence structures, including simple, compound, and complex sentences. For instance, the use of complex sentences such as "Although there are certain disadvantages of this tendency for local people, I believe that the advantages are more significant" showcases an ability to convey nuanced ideas. However, some sentences are overly long or convoluted, such as "I mean, if many people go to these places to unwind, locals will cut down the forests to help them discover surroundings leading to the destruction of animals’ habitats, this can cause a lot of difficulties for animals." This sentence could be clearer with better punctuation and structure.
- How to improve: To enhance the variety and effectiveness of sentence structures, consider breaking down longer sentences into shorter, clearer ones. Additionally, incorporating more varied sentence beginnings and using different clauses can help maintain reader interest. For example, instead of starting multiple sentences with "I believe" or "Moreover," try starting with adverbial phrases or subordinate clauses to create more dynamic sentence openings.
Use Grammar and Punctuation Accurately:
- Detailed explanation: The essay contains several grammatical errors and punctuation issues that detract from its overall clarity. For example, the phrase "the government erect more buildings as well as ecotourism areas" should be corrected to "the government erects more buildings as well as ecotourism areas" to ensure subject-verb agreement. Additionally, the use of ellipses in "such as: old motorbikes, tractors…so the damage always awaits them" is inappropriate; a full stop or a semicolon would be more suitable here. The sentence structure in some areas leads to run-on sentences, which can confuse the reader.
- How to improve: To improve grammatical accuracy, focus on subject-verb agreement and the proper use of punctuation. Regular practice with grammar exercises can help reinforce these rules. Additionally, revising sentences for clarity and conciseness can prevent run-on sentences. Reading more academic essays can also provide insight into proper grammatical structures and punctuation usage. Consider using tools like grammar checkers or seeking feedback from peers to identify and correct errors before finalizing the essay.

Overall, while the essay demonstrates a solid understanding of the topic and presents a clear argument, focusing on the diversity of sentence structures and refining grammatical accuracy will significantly enhance the quality of writing.

Bài sửa mẫu

In this contemporary era, an increasing number of people around the world wish to travel to rural and community areas. Although there are certain drawbacks to this tendency for local people, I believe that the advantages are more substantial, which will be discussed in the following essay with several illustrative examples to support this assertion.

On the one hand, the negative aspects of spending holidays in remote and public regions are varied. Firstly, visitors can impact the environment. I mean, if many people go to these places to unwind, locals may cut down forests to help them discover the surroundings, leading to the destruction of animals’ habitats. This can cause significant difficulties for wildlife. Additionally, trips that occur outside the city center can face many risks. For instance, tourists may travel to high mountains or waterfalls located deep in the forest, thus they can be transported by primitive vehicles such as old motorbikes and tractors. Therefore, damage always awaits them.

On the other hand, I suppose the beneficial points would eclipse those analyzed drawbacks. Undeniably, traveling can boost the local economy. For example, the government constructs more buildings as well as ecotourism areas to meet the demands for entertainment and accommodation. Thus, residents in these regions have greater opportunities to apply and enhance their standard of living. Moreover, adventures help countries introduce unique and special cultures such as costumes and cuisine. As a result, visitors can recommend these places to their relatives or acquaintances, and therefore, an increasing number of people from other regions choose these areas for their vacations.

In conclusion, despite some demerits in terms of the impact on the environment and various risks, they are still overshadowed by the significant merits.