The percentage of female members in parliament in European countries from 2000 to 2012

The line graph illustrates the share of female members of parliament in five European countries between 2000 and 2012.
Overall, there was an increase in the figure of members who are female in the mentioned countries. In addition, even though the UK experienced the most dramatic rise among 5 countries, it consistently had the lowest figures throughout the period.
The share of female members in Germany started at around 34% in 2000, after which it saw a gradual growth before ending the period at 36%. Similar changes but to a greater extent, the figures for Italy and the UK rose from about 26% to 39% and approximately 4% to 28% respectively.
25% of France’ s parliament members were female, with a subsequent rise to about 37% in 2004 and a subsequent fluctuation in the next 8 years before ending the period at around 32%. Meanwhile, the figure for Belgium rose from 17% in 2000 to reach 28% in 2004 and leveled off until the end of the period.

Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

"figure of members who are female" -> "proportion of female members"
Explanation: Using "proportion of female members" is a more precise and formal way to describe the share of women in parliament, enhancing the clarity and sophistication of the statement.
"dramatic rise" -> "significant increase"
Explanation: Replacing "dramatic rise" with "significant increase" maintains the impact of the change while using a more advanced and formal term.
"figures for Italy and the UK rose" -> "percentages for Italy and the UK increased"
Explanation: Referring to the increase as "percentages" instead of "figures" is a more appropriate and specific term when discussing statistical data.
"subsequent rise" -> "subsequent increase"
Explanation: Using "subsequent increase" is a more precise and formal way to describe the rise in the percentage of female members in parliament.
"fluctuation" -> "variation"
Explanation: Replacing "fluctuation" with "variation" provides a more sophisticated and accurate term to describe the changes in the percentage of female members in the French parliament.
"leveled off" -> "stabilized"
Explanation: "Stabilized" is a more advanced and formal term to describe the period when the percentage of female members in the Belgian parliament remained constant.

Band điểm Task Achivement ước lượng: 7

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Band Score: 7.0
Explanation: The essay adequately covers the requirements of the task by providing an overview of the main trends in the percentage of female members in parliament in European countries from 2000 to 2012. The key features, such as the starting percentages, growth rates, and final percentages, are clearly presented and highlighted for each country. The essay also compares the countries’ progress over the period, with a focus on the UK’s significant increase despite consistently having the lowest figures.
How to improve: To improve, the essay could further extend the analysis by providing more detailed comparisons between the countries and discussing the possible reasons behind the trends observed. Additionally, ensuring that all information presented is accurate and relevant would strengthen the overall response.
]

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 7

Band Score: 7
Explanation: The essay logically organizes the information by discussing the percentage of female members in parliament in five European countries from 2000 to 2012. There is a clear progression throughout the essay, with each paragraph focusing on a different country and their respective figures. The use of cohesive devices is appropriate, with transitions like "overall," "in addition," and "meanwhile" helping to connect ideas. Each paragraph presents a clear central topic related to the country being discussed.
How to improve: To improve coherence and cohesion, the essay could benefit from more varied cohesive devices to further enhance the flow of ideas. Additionally, ensuring that the paragraphing is consistent and logical throughout the essay would strengthen the overall organization.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 7

Band Score: 7.0

Explanation: The essay demonstrates a sufficient range of vocabulary to allow for flexibility and precision in conveying the information about the percentage of female members in parliament in European countries from 2000 to 2012. The use of less common lexical items is evident, showing some awareness of style and collocation. There are occasional errors in word choice and word formation, but they do not significantly impede communication.

How to improve: To improve the Lexical Resource score, the essay could benefit from incorporating a wider variety of vocabulary and more sophisticated lexical features. Paying closer attention to word choice and collocation can help reduce the occasional errors observed in the essay. Additionally, enhancing the precision and fluency in conveying the information can further elevate the lexical quality of the essay.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 7

Band Score: 7.0

Explanation: The essay demonstrates a good use of a variety of complex structures, such as using subordinate clauses and comparisons. The majority of sentences are error-free, and there is good control of grammar and punctuation. However, there are a few errors present, such as missing articles and awkward phrasing in some sentences.

How to improve: To improve the grammatical range and accuracy, focus on using more varied sentence structures, such as using different types of clauses and sentence lengths. Pay attention to articles, verb tense consistency, and word choice to ensure clarity and precision in the writing. Additionally, proofreading for errors in punctuation and sentence structure can help elevate the overall quality of the essay.

Bài sửa mẫu

The line graph depicts the proportion of female parliament members in five European countries from 2000 to 2012.

Overall, there was an upward trend in the representation of female members in the mentioned countries. Despite experiencing the most significant increase among the five nations, the UK consistently maintained the lowest figures throughout the period.

In Germany, the percentage of female members began at approximately 34% in 2000, gradually increasing to 36% by 2012. Similarly, Italy and the UK saw more substantial growth, with figures rising from around 26% to 39% and about 4% to 28%, respectively.

France started at 25% female representation in parliament, reaching about 37% in 2004, and fluctuating over the next 8 years before stabilizing around 32% by 2012. Belgium, on the other hand, saw an increase from 17% in 2000 to 28% in 2004, remaining steady until the end of the period.