The picture below shows how a hot balloon works. Summariez the infomation by selecting and reporting the main features.
The picture below shows how a hot balloon works. Summariez the infomation by selecting and reporting the main features.
The given picture illustrates the components of a balloon while also explain how it is operated.
Overall, a balloon is constructed based on three main parts, namely the envelope, the burner, and the basket, and it is also obvious that the air’s temperature inside the envelope determines how it ascends or descends.
Looking first at the detailed design of the envelope, which looks like an upside-down teadrop, it has an adjustable valve, fuctioning as a seal-sealing flap that controls the escape of hot air. Meanwhile, the lower part of it is linked with gores and panels.
At the bottom of the envelope lies a rectangle part called skirt, which is connected to the burner through the ropes. Under the burner, there are two propane cylinders in the basket. This gas is commingle with air , producing flame that heats up the temperature. Due to the fact that hot air is much lighter than air in the atmosphere, the balloon ,which is heated up, can rise toward the sky. Conversely, to initiate a descend, hot air can be released through the Parachute valve, cooling down the temperature inside the envelope, which in turn pulls the balloon downward.
Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng
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"The given picture illustrates" -> "The diagram depicts"
Explanation: "The diagram depicts" is a more precise and formal term than "The given picture illustrates," which is somewhat vague and informal for an academic context. -
"explain how it is operated" -> "explains its operation"
Explanation: "Explains its operation" is a more concise and formal way to express the idea, improving the academic tone of the sentence. -
"constructed based on three main parts" -> "comprises three primary components"
Explanation: "Comprises" is more precise and formal than "constructed based on," and "primary components" is more specific than "main parts." -
"the air’s temperature inside the envelope determines" -> "the temperature of the air within the envelope determines"
Explanation: "The temperature of the air within the envelope" is more precise and formal, enhancing clarity and academic tone. -
"it has an adjustable valve, fuctioning as a seal-sealing flap" -> "it features an adjustable valve functioning as a seal-sealing flap"
Explanation: "Features" is more formal than "has," and correcting the typo "fuctioning" to "functioning" corrects the spelling error. -
"linked with gores and panels" -> "connected to gores and panels"
Explanation: "Connected to" is a more precise and formal term than "linked with," which is somewhat vague and less formal. -
"At the bottom of the envelope lies a rectangle part called skirt" -> "At the base of the envelope is a rectangular component known as the skirt"
Explanation: "At the base of the envelope is a rectangular component known as the skirt" is more formal and precise, with "component" replacing "part" for a more technical tone. -
"commingle with air" -> "mix with air"
Explanation: "Mix with air" is a more accurate and natural phrase than "commingle with air," which is less commonly used in this context. -
"heating up the temperature" -> "increasing the temperature"
Explanation: "Increasing the temperature" is a more precise and formal way to describe the action of heating, aligning better with academic style. -
"the balloon,which is heated up, can rise" -> "the balloon, heated by the flame, ascends"
Explanation: "Heated by the flame, ascends" is more precise and formal than "heated up, can rise," and "ascends" is more specific than "rise." -
"hot air can be released through the Parachute valve" -> "hot air can be released via the parachute valve"
Explanation: "Via" is more formal than "through," and "parachute valve" should be one word, "parachute valve," for consistency and clarity. -
"cooling down the temperature inside the envelope" -> "cooling the temperature within the envelope"
Explanation: "Cooling the temperature within the envelope" is more concise and maintains a formal tone, avoiding the redundancy of "cooling down."
These changes enhance the precision, formality, and clarity of the text, making it more suitable for an academic context.
Band điểm Task Achivement ước lượng: 6
Band Score: 6
Explanation: The essay addresses the requirements of the task by providing an overview of the main features of a hot air balloon. It presents information that is appropriately selected, such as the three main parts of the balloon and how the temperature of the air inside the envelope affects its ascent and descent. However, the essay also includes some irrelevant details, such as the specific design of the envelope and the fact that the gas is "commingle with air" to produce flame. These details are not essential to understanding how a hot air balloon works and detract from the overall clarity of the essay.
How to improve: The essay could be improved by focusing on the main features of the hot air balloon and avoiding irrelevant details. The writer should also ensure that the language is clear and concise. For example, instead of saying "the gas is commingle with air," the writer could simply say "the gas is mixed with air."
Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 6
Band Score: 6.0
Explanation: The essay arranges information and ideas coherently, with a clear overall progression from the introduction to the detailed description of the balloon’s components and their functions. However, while cohesive devices are used effectively, there are instances where cohesion within and between sentences could be improved, leading to some mechanical or awkward phrasing. The paragraphing is present but could be more logically structured to enhance clarity.
How to improve: To achieve a higher band score, the writer should focus on improving the logical flow of ideas between sentences and paragraphs. This can be done by using a wider range of cohesive devices and ensuring that each paragraph has a clear central topic that is well-developed. Additionally, proofreading for grammatical errors and awkward phrasing would enhance the overall clarity and coherence of the essay.
Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 6
Band Score: 6.0
Explanation: The essay demonstrates an adequate range of vocabulary relevant to the task, with attempts to use less common terms such as "commingle" and "parachute valve." However, there are noticeable inaccuracies in word choice (e.g., "teadrop" should be "teardrop," and "rectangle part" could be more appropriately described as "rectangular section"). Additionally, there are some errors in spelling and word formation (e.g., "fuctioning" instead of "functioning," and "seal-sealing flap" is awkwardly phrased). While these errors do not severely impede communication, they do detract from the overall lexical resource.
How to improve: To enhance the lexical resource score, the writer should focus on expanding their vocabulary and ensuring precise word choice. They could practice using synonyms and more sophisticated phrases to convey their ideas. Additionally, paying closer attention to spelling and grammatical accuracy will help reduce errors. Reading more academic texts related to the topic can also provide exposure to varied vocabulary and improve overall language proficiency.
Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 6
Band Score: 6.0
Explanation: The essay demonstrates a mix of simple and complex sentence forms, which is characteristic of Band 6. There are some grammatical errors and issues with punctuation, such as "teadrop" (should be "teardrop"), "fuctioning" (should be "functioning"), and "commingle" (should be "combined"). While these errors do not significantly impede communication, they do detract from the overall clarity and professionalism of the writing. The essay maintains a reasonable level of coherence and cohesion, but the presence of several errors indicates that the writer has not fully controlled grammatical accuracy.
How to improve: To achieve a higher band score, the writer should focus on improving grammatical accuracy by proofreading for spelling and punctuation errors. Additionally, incorporating a wider range of complex sentence structures and ensuring that they are used correctly will enhance the overall grammatical range. Practicing sentence variety and seeking feedback on written work can also help in developing more sophisticated language use.
Bài sửa mẫu
The given picture illustrates the components of a hot air balloon while also explaining how it operates.
Overall, a hot air balloon is constructed based on three main parts: the envelope, the burner, and the basket. It is also evident that the temperature of the air inside the envelope determines how it ascends or descends.
Looking first at the detailed design of the envelope, which resembles an upside-down teardrop, it features an adjustable valve that functions as a sealing flap to control the escape of hot air. Meanwhile, the lower part of the envelope is linked with gores and panels.
At the bottom of the envelope lies a rectangular part called the skirt, which is connected to the burner through ropes. Under the burner, there are two propane cylinders located in the basket. This gas is mixed with air, producing a flame that heats the air inside the envelope. Due to the fact that hot air is much lighter than the surrounding atmosphere, the heated balloon can rise into the sky. Conversely, to initiate a descent, hot air can be released through the parachute valve, cooling the air inside the envelope, which in turn causes the balloon to descend.
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