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The picture below shows how a hot balloon works. Summarize the information by selecting and reporting the main features.

The picture below shows how a hot balloon works. Summarize the information by selecting and reporting the main features.

The given image delineates the operation of a hot air balloon, as well as its structure.
Overall, the presence of hot air is needed in order for the balloon to rise and take off. Thereby, there is some certain equipment pertaining to heat up the air inside the balloon.
The lower part of this object consists of a basket used for storing propane cylinders, which is positioned directly beneath the burner connected to suspension wires. The upper section is the envelope responsible for containing the hot air, which is composed of gores, formed by individual panels, that give the balloon its shape. In addition, there is a parachute valve located at the top of the envelope, serving as a self-closing flap.
Moving on to the mechanism of this object, the burner generates flames by mixing propane with air. This flame heats up the air inside the balloon; as a result, the inner air becomes lighter than the cooler one outside, fostering the balloon to rise. Additionally, its movements can be controlled by adjusting the rate at which the heated air is released through the parachute valve at the top of the envelope, as aforementioned.


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Errors and Improvements:

  1. "delineates" -> "depicts"
    Explanation: "Delineates" is a bit formal for this context. "Depicts" is a simpler and more commonly used term to describe what the image does, which is showing or illustrating the operation of the hot air balloon.

  2. "Overall, the presence of hot air is needed" -> "In essence, the presence of hot air is essential"
    Explanation: "Overall" doesn’t quite fit here as it suggests a summary or conclusion, whereas "in essence" introduces the main point. "Essential" emphasizes the importance of hot air in a more sophisticated manner.

  3. "Thereby, there is some certain equipment" -> "Consequently, specific equipment is required"
    Explanation: "Thereby" is not the most suitable transition here. "Consequently" better connects the cause (presence of hot air) to the effect (need for equipment). "Some certain" is redundant and awkward; "specific" is clearer and more concise.

  4. "pertaining to heat up the air" -> "for heating up the air"
    Explanation: "Pertaining to" is unnecessarily verbose. "For" is a simpler and clearer alternative. "Heat up" can be replaced with "heating up" for better flow and grammar.

  5. "envelope responsible for containing the hot air" -> "envelope tasked with containing the hot air"
    Explanation: Using "responsible for" is somewhat informal. "Tasked with" adds a sense of purpose and responsibility to the envelope.

  6. "composed of gores, formed by individual panels" -> "comprising gores, which are formed by individual panels"
    Explanation: The structure of the sentence can be improved for clarity and precision. "Comprising" is more precise than "composed of." Adding "which are" clarifies the relationship between "gores" and "individual panels."

  7. "There is a parachute valve located at the top of the envelope" -> "A parachute valve is situated at the top of the envelope"
    Explanation: Restructuring the sentence makes it more direct and active. "Located" can be replaced with "situated" for variety.

  8. "Moving on to the mechanism of this object" -> "Transitioning to the mechanism"
    Explanation: "Moving on to" is informal. "Transitioning to" is a smoother transition. "This object" can be replaced with "the balloon" for conciseness.

  9. "generates flames" -> "produces flames"
    Explanation: "Generates" is somewhat technical. "Produces" is a simpler and more widely understood term.

  10. "fostering the balloon to rise" -> "causing the balloon to ascend"
    Explanation: "Fostering" is not the most precise term here. "Causing" better conveys the direct relationship between heating the air and the balloon’s ascent.

  11. "the rate at which the heated air is released" -> "the rate of release of the heated air"
    Explanation: Restructuring the sentence for clarity. Placing "the rate of release" before "the heated air" improves flow and comprehension.

Band điểm Task Achivement ước lượng: 6

Band Score: 6.0

Explanation:
The essay adequately addresses the requirements of the task by summarizing the main features of a hot air balloon. It provides a description of the structure and operation of the balloon, including the presence of a basket for propane cylinders, a burner, the envelope, and the parachute valve. The essay also explains how the hot air balloon works by heating the air inside to make it lighter than the surrounding air, allowing the balloon to rise. However, some details could be further expanded upon, such as the specific role of each component in the balloon’s operation. Additionally, the organization of the essay could be improved for better clarity and coherence.

How to improve:
To improve the essay, provide more detailed explanations of each component’s function within the hot air balloon. Ensure that the information is presented in a clear and organized manner, with logical transitions between ideas. Additionally, consider incorporating more specific examples or details to enhance the reader’s understanding of the topic.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 7

Band Score: 7.0

Explanation:
The essay logically organizes the information and ideas by describing the operation and structure of a hot air balloon in a sequential manner. It begins with an introduction outlining the main function of a hot air balloon and then proceeds to detail its components and mechanism in a coherent order. Each paragraph focuses on a specific aspect, such as the basket, envelope, and burner, contributing to clear progression throughout the essay.

The use of cohesive devices is evident, aiding in the flow of ideas. For instance, phrases like "Moving on to the mechanism" and "In addition" help connect different parts of the essay smoothly. While there is a range of cohesive devices used appropriately, there could be slightly more variety to further enhance cohesion.

Paragraphing is sufficient and appropriate, with clear central topics presented within each paragraph. The essay is structured with an introduction, body paragraphs discussing different components, and a conclusion, which contributes to the overall coherence.

How to improve:
To further improve coherence and cohesion, the essay could benefit from more varied and sophisticated cohesive devices to seamlessly connect ideas throughout the text. Additionally, ensuring consistency in referencing and substitution can enhance the overall clarity of the essay.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 7

Band Score: 7

Explanation:
The essay demonstrates a sufficient range of vocabulary, allowing for flexibility and precision in conveying information about the hot air balloon. There is usage of less common lexical items such as "suspension wires," "envelope," and "parachute valve," which contributes to a sense of variety and depth in vocabulary. The essay shows some awareness of style and collocation, particularly evident in phrases like "the lower part of this object" and "moving on to the mechanism." While there are occasional errors in word choice and collocation, such as "pertaining to heat up" and "fostering the balloon to rise," they do not significantly impede communication.

How to improve:
To enhance lexical resource further, strive for more precise word choices and ensure accurate collocation throughout the essay. Additionally, proofreading for minor errors in word formation and choice will help refine the overall clarity and sophistication of language use.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 7

Band Score: 7.0

Explanation: The essay demonstrates a variety of sentence structures, including complex sentences, such as the explanation of the balloon’s mechanism. There are frequent error-free sentences throughout the essay, showcasing good control of grammar and punctuation. However, there are a few minor errors present, such as missing articles ("the presence of hot air," "basket used for storing propane cylinders") and awkward phrasing ("pertaining to heat up the air," "its movements can be controlled by adjusting the rate"). Despite these minor issues, the communication remains clear and coherent.

How to improve: To improve the grammatical range and accuracy, focus on incorporating more varied sentence structures and ensuring consistent and accurate use of articles ("the," "a"). Additionally, review the phrasing to make it more concise and precise, avoiding awkward constructions. Proofreading for minor errors like missing articles and punctuation can further enhance the overall clarity and accuracy of the essay.

Bài sửa mẫu

The provided diagram illustrates the functioning and components of a hot air balloon. In general, the presence of heated air is crucial for the balloon’s ascent and flight. Consequently, specific equipment is employed to heat the air within the balloon.

The lower portion of the balloon comprises a basket designated for storing propane cylinders, directly beneath the burner connected to suspension wires. Above, the envelope, consisting of gores formed by individual panels, encases the hot air, imparting shape to the balloon. Additionally, a parachute valve situated at the envelope’s apex functions as a self-closing flap.

Regarding the operational mechanism, the burner ignites flames by combining propane with air. These flames heat the air inside the balloon, causing it to become lighter than the cooler external air, thus facilitating ascent. Furthermore, control over the balloon’s movements is achieved by regulating the rate of heated air release through the parachute valve positioned at the envelope’s summit, as previously mentioned.

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