The picture below shows the use of renewable energy accounting the total energy from 1971 to 2006. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features

The line graph illustrates how much renewable energy constituting the overall energy was consumed from 1971 to 2006.

Overall, there was an increase in the amount of energy used, with the US witnessing the most dramatic rise. Meanwhile, a slight decrease was seen in Finland. In addition, Finland consistently had the highest figures throughout the examined period, whereas the UK the lowest.

The percentage of energy usage in Finand started at shy of 25 percent, after which it saw fluctuations before rising from around 18 percent in 1991 to approximately 19 percent in 2006. Similarly, the figures for Denmark and the United States fluctuated before increasing from exactly 15 and around 3 to north of 15 in 2006.

Roughly 7 percent of the amount of sustainable energy was consumed in France in the first year, with a gradual increase to just under 15 in 2006. A similar trend can be seen in the figure for Germany, which grew steadily from just over 5 to around 13 in the last year of the period. The proportion of energy consumption in the UK experienced a consistent rise throughout the period reported, growing from upward of 0 to 5.

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Errors and Improvements:

"constituting" -> "comprising"
Explanation: "Comprising" is a more formal and precise term for indicating what renewable energy contributes to the overall energy consumption.
"witnessing" -> "experiencing"
Explanation: "Experiencing" is a more formal and suitable term for describing the rise in energy consumption in the US.
"highest figures" -> "highest percentages"
Explanation: Using "percentages" instead of "figures" is more accurate when referring to the proportion of renewable energy consumption in Finland.
"the UK the lowest" -> "the UK recorded the lowest"
Explanation: "Recorded the lowest" is a clearer and more precise way to express the idea that the UK had the lowest energy consumption.
"started at shy of" -> "began just below"
Explanation: "Began just below" is a more concise and formal phrase to indicate the initial percentage of energy usage in Finland.
"from exactly 15 and around 3" -> "from precisely 15 and approximately 3"
Explanation: Using "precisely" and "approximately" adds precision and clarity to the description of energy consumption in Denmark and the United States.
"north of 15" -> "above 15"
Explanation: "Above 15" is a clearer way to express that the energy consumption surpassed the 15 mark.
"Roughly 7 percent" -> "Approximately 7 percent"
Explanation: "Approximately" is a more precise adverb to describe the percentage of sustainable energy consumed in France.
"to just under 15" -> "to slightly below 15"
Explanation: "Slightly below" adds specificity to the decrease in energy consumption in France.
"grew steadily" -> "steadily increased"
Explanation: "Steadily increased" is a more concise and formal way to describe the consistent growth in energy consumption in Germany.
"upward of" -> "above"
Explanation: "Above" is a more precise term for indicating an amount exceeding a certain threshold, enhancing clarity in the description of energy consumption in the UK.

Band điểm Task Achivement ước lượng: 7

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Band Score: 7.0
Explanation: The essay adequately covers the requirements of the task by providing a clear overview of the main trends in renewable energy consumption from 1971 to 2006. It highlights key features such as increases in energy usage in the US and decreases in Finland, as well as providing specific data points for various countries. The information is presented clearly and appropriately.
How to improve: To improve, the essay could more fully extend the presentation and discussion of key features. Providing more detailed analysis or interpretation of the data points, particularly regarding the reasons behind the trends observed, could enhance the response and potentially elevate it to a higher band score. Additionally, ensuring that all details are relevant and accurate would further strengthen the essay.
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Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 6

Band Score: 6.0

Explanation: The essay arranges information coherently by providing a clear overview and discussing trends across different countries over the specified period. There is a clear overall progression in the discussion, starting with an overview and then presenting specific details regarding energy consumption in various countries. The essay effectively uses cohesive devices to connect ideas and maintain coherence. However, there are some instances where the cohesion within sentences could be improved for smoother transitions between ideas. Paragraphing is utilized, but not always logically, as some ideas could be better organized into separate paragraphs for clearer presentation.

How to improve: To enhance coherence and cohesion, ensure that the transitions between sentences are smoother by using a wider range of cohesive devices such as conjunctions, transitional phrases, and pronouns. Additionally, consider restructuring paragraphs to ensure that each paragraph focuses on a single main idea, thereby improving the logical flow of information.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 6

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Band Score: 6.0

Explanation: The essay uses an adequate range of vocabulary for the task, including some less common lexical items such as "dramatic rise," "fluctuations," and "sustainable energy." However, there are noticeable inaccuracies in word choice, such as "shy of 25 percent," which could have been more precisely expressed as "just under 25 percent." Spelling and word formation errors, such as the misspelling of "Finand" instead of "Finland," are present but do not significantly impede communication. Overall, the vocabulary range is sufficient to describe the data, with some attempts at more sophisticated terms, but there are instances of awkward phrasing and incorrect usage.

How to improve: To achieve a higher band score, the essay could focus on using a wider range of vocabulary with more precise word choice and collocations. Effort should be made to reduce inaccuracies in spelling and word formation. Additionally, greater flexibility in vocabulary and a more nuanced understanding of lexical items would contribute to a higher band score. Aim for more varied and natural language use, minimizing repetitive phrases and ensuring consistent accuracy in spelling and word formation.
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Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 7

Band Score: 7

Explanation:
The essay demonstrates a good use of grammatical range and accuracy. The writer employs a variety of complex structures effectively, such as relative clauses ("which grew steadily"), passive constructions ("was consumed"), and comparatives ("the most dramatic rise"). These structures are mostly used correctly, contributing to a largely clear expression of ideas. The essay contains several error-free sentences, indicating good control over grammar and punctuation. However, there are a few errors and awkward phrasings ("Finand" instead of "Finland," "north of 15" which is unclear, and "upward of 0" which is not standard usage), which prevent the essay from achieving a higher band. These errors do not significantly hinder communication but do affect the natural flow and precision expected at higher band levels.

How to improve:
To aim for a higher band, the writer should focus on refining their accuracy with complex structures and avoiding awkward or non-standard expressions. Practicing the correct use of prepositions ("to just under 15" could be more smoothly expressed as "to just under 15 percent"), and ensuring proper noun forms and spellings (correct "Finand" to "Finland") will enhance clarity and grammatical accuracy. Further, refining the choice of words to better fit the context ("north of 15" could be replaced with "just over 15 percent") will make the expressions clearer and more appropriate for an academic setting. Engaging with more complex and varied sentence structures while maintaining accuracy will also help in achieving a higher band score.

Bài sửa mẫu

The provided line graph depicts the consumption of renewable energy as a proportion of total energy from 1971 to 2006.

In general, there was an upward trend in energy consumption across the examined countries, notably with a significant surge in the United States. Conversely, Finland experienced a slight decline. Finland consistently held the highest proportion of renewable energy consumption throughout the period, while the UK consistently held the lowest.

At the outset, Finland began with just under 25% of energy sourced from renewables, experiencing fluctuations before reaching approximately 19% in 2006. Denmark and the United States both showed fluctuations initially, then rose to over 15% by 2006, starting from exactly 15% and around 3% respectively.

France commenced with around 7% renewable energy consumption, gradually increasing to nearly 15% by 2006. Germany exhibited a steady rise from slightly above 5% to approximately 13% by the conclusion of the period. The UK, conversely, saw a consistent increase in renewable energy consumption from over 0% to 5% over the reported period.