The pictures show the process of making wool

The presented picture elucidates the information about the manufacturing of making wool.

In general, what can be seen from the step-by-step process there involves 10 stages from shearing the raw materials to knitting or making jackets or carpets.

From half of the process, starting with employees who collect the original wool from sheep by hands before ending with shearing and cleaning them by the professional
ingredients. Following next steps, the materials are continuously drying in a suitable heat and temperature.

While some leftovers in carding are already for making string to recycle, the main parts which pass successfully turn into turf of wool before being stored in houses. Depending on each individual’s demand, the final products might be jackets, carpets or consumers can use for knitting from using the balls of yarn.

Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

"The presented picture elucidates the information about the manufacturing of making wool." -> "The diagram illustrates the process of wool production."
Explanation: Replacing "The presented picture elucidates the information about the manufacturing of making wool" with "The diagram illustrates the process of wool production" simplifies and clarifies the sentence, removing redundancy and awkward phrasing.
"what can be seen from the step-by-step process there involves" -> "what is evident from the step-by-step process"
Explanation: The original phrase "there involves" is grammatically incorrect and awkward. "What is evident from" is more grammatically correct and formal.
"From half of the process" -> "From the early stages of the process"
Explanation: "From half of the process" is vague and informal. "From the early stages of the process" provides a clearer and more precise description.
"employees who collect the original wool from sheep by hands" -> "employees who manually collect raw wool from sheep"
Explanation: "By hands" is informal and redundant. "Manually" is more precise and formal, and "raw wool" is a more accurate term than "original wool."
"professional ingredients" -> "specialized equipment"
Explanation: "Professional ingredients" is incorrect and unclear. "Specialized equipment" accurately describes the tools used in the process.
"the materials are continuously drying in a suitable heat and temperature" -> "the materials are continuously dried in a controlled heat and temperature"
Explanation: "Drying" should be the past participle "dried" to match the passive voice. "Controlled" is more precise than "suitable," which is vague.
"some leftovers in carding are already for making string to recycle" -> "some residual fibers in carding are already being used to produce yarn for recycling"
Explanation: "Leftovers" is informal and imprecise. "Residual fibers" is more specific and formal. "Being used to produce yarn for recycling" is clearer and more accurate than "already for making string to recycle."
"the main parts which pass successfully turn into turf of wool" -> "the majority of the fibers that pass successfully become wool fibers"
Explanation: "Turf of wool" is incorrect and unclear. "Wool fibers" is the correct term, and "majority" is more precise than "main parts."
"before being stored in houses" -> "before being stored in warehouses"
Explanation: "Houses" is incorrect and informal for storage facilities. "Warehouses" is the correct term for large storage spaces.
"the final products might be jackets, carpets or consumers can use for knitting from using the balls of yarn" -> "the final products may include jackets, carpets, or yarn for knitting"
Explanation: The original sentence is awkward and unclear. The revised version is concise and grammatically correct, providing a clearer description of the final products.

These changes enhance the formal tone and precision of the text, aligning it with academic writing standards.

Band điểm Task Achivement ước lượng: 5

Band Score: 5

Explanation: The essay generally addresses the task by providing an overview of the process of making wool. However, the essay does not present a clear overview of the main stages or trends. The essay also focuses on details rather than key features, such as the different stages of the process.

How to improve: The essay could be improved by providing a clearer overview of the main stages of the process. The essay could also be improved by highlighting the key features of each stage, such as the purpose of each stage and the materials used. For example, the essay could state that the wool is first sheared from the sheep, then cleaned, and then carded to remove any impurities. The essay could also mention that the wool is then spun into yarn and then knitted or woven into fabric.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 5

Band Score: 5.0

Explanation: The essay presents information with some organization; however, there is a noticeable lack of overall progression. The ideas are not clearly connected, leading to confusion about the sequence of the wool-making process. While there are attempts to use cohesive devices, they are often inadequate or inaccurately applied, which hampers clarity. Additionally, the paragraphing is inconsistent, with some sentences appearing disjointed, making it difficult for the reader to follow the flow of information.

How to improve: To enhance coherence and cohesion, the writer should focus on logically organizing the information in a clear sequence that reflects the steps in the wool-making process. Using a wider range of cohesive devices appropriately and ensuring that each paragraph has a clear central topic would also help. Additionally, improving the clarity of referencing and substitution can reduce repetition and enhance the overall flow of the essay.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 5

Band Score: 5.0

Explanation: The essay demonstrates a limited range of vocabulary that is minimally adequate for the task. While it attempts to describe the process of making wool, the vocabulary used is basic and lacks variety. There are noticeable errors in word choice and phrasing, such as "the manufacturing of making wool" and "the original wool from sheep by hands," which may cause some difficulty for the reader. Additionally, there are issues with word formation and sentence structure that hinder clarity, such as "the materials are continuously drying in a suitable heat and temperature." Overall, the lexical resource does not sufficiently convey precise meanings or demonstrate a good command of less common vocabulary.

How to improve: To enhance the lexical resource score, the writer should aim to use a wider range of vocabulary, including more sophisticated and less common lexical items. Improving accuracy in word choice and collocation is essential, as is ensuring that spelling and word formation are correct. Additionally, varying sentence structures and using more precise language to describe processes will contribute to a clearer and more effective essay.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 5

Band Score: 5.0

Explanation: The essay demonstrates a limited range of grammatical structures, primarily relying on simple sentence forms. While there are attempts at complex sentences, they are often inaccurate and lead to confusion. For example, phrases like "the original wool from sheep by hands" and "the materials are continuously drying in a suitable heat and temperature" exhibit grammatical errors that affect clarity. Additionally, there are several instances of awkward phrasing and punctuation issues, which can hinder understanding. Overall, while the essay communicates the basic idea, frequent grammatical errors and a lack of variety in sentence structure prevent it from achieving a higher score.

How to improve: To enhance the grammatical range and accuracy, the writer should focus on using a wider variety of sentence structures, including more complex sentences with appropriate conjunctions and clauses. It’s important to proofread for grammatical errors and awkward phrasing to ensure clarity. Additionally, practicing the use of varied vocabulary and ensuring that sentences are grammatically correct will help improve overall communication. Engaging with more complex texts can also provide exposure to better sentence structures and usage.

Bài sửa mẫu

The presented picture elucidates the process of manufacturing wool.

In general, the step-by-step process involves 10 stages, starting from shearing the raw materials to knitting or producing jackets and carpets.

The process begins with employees collecting the original wool from sheep by hand, followed by shearing and cleaning the wool using professional equipment. The next steps involve continuously drying the materials at an appropriate heat and temperature.

While some leftovers from carding are prepared for recycling into string, the main parts that successfully pass through the process are transformed into tufts of wool before being stored in warehouses. Depending on individual demand, the final products may include jackets, carpets, or yarn balls for knitting.