The pie chart below shows the frequency of U.S. Adults’ online purchasing habits in 2015, while the bar chart shows a further classification denoting online purchasing preferences.

The pie chart illustrates how often American adults shop online at 4 levels in 2015, while the bar chart indicates shopping habits of online shopper in details.
Overall, it can be seen that most U.S adults tended to shop directly in physical store or only purchase online at a rare frequency. In for addition, Americans who shop online usually shop online bought things online liked to shop in physical store more.
Regarding the frequency of American adults online shopping habits, the number of people who made purchases less often accounted for over a third of total (37%).
The number of people shopping online a few times a month was a bit lower than that (28%) The Last 2 groups which included people who never or shop online weekly made up the portions of the chart, at around 20% and 15% respectively.
It can be seen from the bar chart that except from weekly online shoppers, the other figure of showed groups show the overwhelining people who bought things in physical store to online ones. The figure for all , monthly and physical less frequent shoppers who buy in physical store were around 65%, 58% and 82% respectively, the rest part of 49% and 18%..

Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

"The pie chart illustrates how often American adults shop online at 4 levels in 2015, while the bar chart indicates shopping habits of online shopper in details." -> "The pie chart depicts the frequency at which American adults shopped online across four levels in 2015, whereas the bar chart provides a detailed breakdown of online shopping habits."
Explanation: "Depicts" is more precise than "illustrates," and "frequency at which" is clearer than "how often." Additionally, "provides a detailed breakdown of" is more formal and accurate than "indicates shopping habits of online shopper in details."
"most U.S adults tended to shop directly in physical store or only purchase online at a rare frequency" -> "most U.S. adults tended to shop directly in physical stores or purchase online at a low frequency"
Explanation: "U.S." should be capitalized as it is an abbreviation. "Physical store" should be pluralized to "physical stores" to match the plural context. "Rare frequency" is vague; "low frequency" is more specific and appropriate.
"In for addition, Americans who shop online usually shop online bought things online liked to shop in physical store more." -> "Furthermore, Americans who shop online typically prefer to shop in physical stores."
Explanation: "In for addition" is grammatically incorrect; "Furthermore" is the correct conjunction. "Shop online bought things online liked to shop in physical store more" is a run-on and unclear; "typically prefer to shop in physical stores" is clearer and more formal.
"The number of people who made purchases less often accounted for over a third of total (37%)." -> "The number of individuals who made purchases less frequently accounted for approximately 37% of the total."
Explanation: "Individuals" is more formal than "people," and "less frequently" is more precise than "less often." "Approximately" is preferred over "over" for a more formal tone.
"The Last 2 groups which included people who never or shop online weekly made up the portions of the chart, at around 20% and 15% respectively." -> "The last two groups, comprising individuals who never shop online or shop weekly, accounted for approximately 20% and 15% of the total, respectively."
Explanation: "The Last" should be lowercase as it is not a proper noun. "Comprising" is more formal than "which included." "Approximately" is preferred for academic writing.
"except from weekly online shoppers, the other figure of showed groups show the overwhelining people who bought things in physical store to online ones." -> "excluding weekly online shoppers, the other figures show that the majority of individuals prefer to shop in physical stores over online."
Explanation: "Except from" should be "excluding." "The other figure of showed groups show" is grammatically incorrect and unclear; "the other figures show" is correct. "Overwhelining" is a typographical error; "overwhelming" is correct. "Bought things in physical store to online ones" is awkward and unclear; "prefer to shop in physical stores over online" is clearer and more formal.
"The figure for all, monthly and physical less frequent shoppers who buy in physical store were around 65%, 58% and 82% respectively, the rest part of 49% and 18%." -> "The figures for all, monthly, and less frequent shoppers who purchase in physical stores were approximately 65%, 58%, and 82%, respectively, with the remaining 49% and 18%."
Explanation: "The figure for all, monthly and physical less frequent shoppers" is awkward and unclear; "The figures for all, monthly, and less frequent shoppers" is grammatically correct. "Buy in physical store" should be "purchase in physical stores" for consistency and formality. "The rest part" is informal and imprecise; "the remaining" is more formal and precise.

Band điểm Task Achivement ước lượng: 5

Band Score: 5

Explanation: The essay generally addresses the task, but the format is inappropriate in places. The essay does not provide a clear overview of the main trends in the data. The essay also presents some inaccurate information, such as stating that the number of people shopping online a few times a month was a bit lower than those who shop less often.

How to improve: The essay could be improved by providing a clearer overview of the main trends in the data. The essay could also be improved by providing more accurate information about the data. The essay should also be written in a more formal and academic style. The essay should avoid using informal language and contractions. The essay should also be organized in a more logical way. The essay should be divided into clear paragraphs, each with a clear topic sentence. The essay should also use appropriate linking words and phrases to connect the different parts of the essay.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 5

Band Score: 5.0

Explanation: The essay presents information with some organization, but there is a noticeable lack of overall progression. The ideas are not always logically sequenced, leading to confusion in understanding the relationships between different points. There are instances of inadequate use of cohesive devices, such as "In for addition" and "the other figure of showed groups," which detract from the clarity of the writing. Additionally, the paragraphing is inconsistent, with some sentences not clearly belonging to a specific paragraph or topic, which further impacts coherence.

How to improve: To enhance coherence and cohesion, the writer should focus on logically organizing ideas and ensuring that each paragraph has a clear central topic. Using a wider range of cohesive devices appropriately will help create smoother transitions between sentences and ideas. Additionally, revising for grammatical accuracy and clarity will improve the overall flow of the essay. Lastly, ensuring that each paragraph is distinct and focused on a single aspect of the data will aid in presenting a more coherent argument.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 5

Band Score: 5.0

Explanation: The essay demonstrates a limited range of vocabulary that is minimally adequate for the task. While it attempts to convey the information from the charts, the vocabulary used is often repetitive and lacks precision. There are noticeable errors in word choice and collocation, such as "shop directly in physical store" instead of "shop directly in physical stores," and "the other figure of showed groups" which is awkwardly phrased. Additionally, spelling errors like "overwhelining" and "in for addition" detract from the overall clarity. These issues indicate a lack of control over lexical features, which is characteristic of a Band 5 score.

How to improve: To enhance the Lexical Resource score, the writer should aim to expand their vocabulary by incorporating more varied and precise terms relevant to the topic. They should also focus on improving collocation and ensuring that phrases are grammatically correct. Reducing spelling errors through careful proofreading and practicing word formation will further strengthen the essay. Additionally, using less common vocabulary appropriately can help demonstrate a greater range of lexical resource.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 5

Band Score: 5.0

Explanation: The essay demonstrates a limited range of grammatical structures, primarily relying on simple sentence forms. While there are attempts at complex sentences, they often lack accuracy, leading to frequent grammatical errors. For instance, phrases like "In for addition" and "the other figure of showed groups show the overwhelining people" exhibit errors that can hinder comprehension. Additionally, punctuation issues are present, such as missing commas and incorrect conjunction usage, which further detracts from clarity. Overall, while the essay conveys some information, the grammatical inaccuracies and limited range of structures result in a score of 5.0.

How to improve: To enhance the grammatical range and accuracy, the writer should focus on the following areas:

Variety of Sentence Structures: Incorporate a mix of simple, compound, and complex sentences to demonstrate a wider range of grammatical structures.
Error Correction: Review and revise sentences for grammatical accuracy, ensuring that subject-verb agreement and tense consistency are maintained.
Punctuation: Pay attention to punctuation rules, particularly the use of commas and periods, to improve clarity and readability.
Proofreading: Take time to proofread the essay to catch and correct any slips or errors before submission.

Bài sửa mẫu

The pie chart illustrates how often American adults shopped online at four levels in 2015, while the bar chart indicates the shopping habits of online shoppers in detail. Overall, it can be seen that most U.S. adults tended to shop directly in physical stores or only purchased online with a rare frequency. Additionally, Americans who shopped online generally preferred to shop in physical stores more.

Regarding the frequency of American adults’ online shopping habits, the number of people who made purchases less often accounted for over a third of the total (37%). The number of people shopping online a few times a month was slightly lower than that (28%). The last two groups, which included people who never shopped online or shopped online weekly, made up portions of the chart at around 20% and 15% respectively.

It can be seen from the bar chart that, except for weekly online shoppers, the figures for the other groups show a significant preference for buying items in physical stores over online shopping. The percentage of monthly shoppers and less frequent shoppers who bought in physical stores was around 65%, 58%, and 82% respectively, while the remaining percentages for online purchases were 49% and 18%.