The pie charts below show the devices people in the 18 to 25 age group use to watch television in a European country in two different years.
The pie charts below show the devices people in the 18 to 25 age group use to watch television in a European country in two different years.
The pie charts illustrate the distribution of six electronic devices used by Europeans aged 18 to 25 for watching television between 2007 and 2017.
Overall, while traditional TV was the most popular device in 2007, it was soon surpassed by flat-screen TV by 2017. Furthermore, smartphones, flat-screen TVs, and tablets gained more popularity compared to the other three devices over the ten-year period.
Regarding portable devices, the proportion of Europeans using mobile phones to watch TV increased from 15% to 26% just over the decade, making it the second most popular device in 2017. Conversely, the percentage of people watching TV on laptops dropped by nearly a half, whereas the figure for tablet users rose by approximately one-fifth, reaching 19% in 2017.
For the remaining devices, the use of desktop computers declined from 18% to 12% between 2007 and 2017. Notably, despite taking up the lion’s share in 2007, traditional TV experienced a substantial decline of 30%, and had the fewest users of all over a decade. In contrast, flat-screen TVs overtook traditional TVs to become the most popular device in 2017, with a share of 27%.
Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng
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"The pie charts illustrate" -> "The charts depict"
Explanation: "Depict" is a more formal and precise term than "illustrate" in academic contexts, enhancing the scholarly tone of the introduction. -
"watching television" -> "viewing television"
Explanation: "Viewing" is a more formal synonym for "watching" and is commonly used in academic writing to describe the act of observing television. -
"it was soon surpassed by" -> "it was quickly surpassed by"
Explanation: "Quickly" is a more precise temporal descriptor than "soon," providing a clearer sense of the rapid change over time. -
"gained more popularity" -> "increased in popularity"
Explanation: "Increased in popularity" is a more formal and precise phrase, suitable for academic writing, compared to the simpler "gained more popularity." -
"the other three devices" -> "the remaining devices"
Explanation: "Remaining" is more specific and avoids the vagueness of "other three," which could imply a specific number that may not be accurate. -
"the percentage of people watching TV on laptops" -> "the proportion of individuals using laptops to view television"
Explanation: "Proportion" and "individuals" are more formal than "percentage" and "people," and "view television" is a more formal expression than "watch TV." -
"dropped by nearly a half" -> "decreased by approximately half"
Explanation: "Decreased by approximately half" is more precise and formal, avoiding the colloquialism of "nearly a half." -
"rose by approximately one-fifth" -> "increased by approximately one-fifth"
Explanation: "Increased" is a more formal synonym for "rose," aligning better with academic style. -
"taking up the lion’s share" -> "dominating"
Explanation: "Dominate" is a more direct and formal term than "taking up the lion’s share," which is an idiom. -
"experienced a substantial decline of 30%" -> "suffered a significant decline of 30%"
Explanation: "Suffered" is a more formal verb choice than "experienced" in this context, emphasizing the negative impact of the decline. -
"had the fewest users of all" -> "had the lowest user base"
Explanation: "Lowest user base" is a more precise and formal expression than "fewest users of all," which is somewhat informal and vague. -
"overtook traditional TVs" -> "surpassed traditional TVs"
Explanation: "Surpassed" is a more formal synonym for "overtook," fitting the academic style better.
These changes enhance the formal tone and precision of the text, aligning it more closely with academic standards.
Band điểm Task Achivement ước lượng: 8
Band Score: 8.0
Explanation: The essay provides a clear overview of the main trends in the data, highlighting the key features and bullet points. The writer effectively compares and contrasts the data for the two years, using appropriate language to describe the changes. The essay is well-organized and easy to follow.
How to improve: The essay could be improved by providing more specific details about the changes in the data. For example, the writer could mention the exact percentage increase or decrease in the use of each device. The writer could also use more precise language to describe the trends, such as "a significant increase" or "a dramatic decline."
Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 7
Band Score: 7.0
Explanation: The essay logically organizes information and ideas, presenting a clear progression throughout. Each paragraph addresses a specific aspect of the data, and there is a clear central topic within each paragraph. However, while a range of cohesive devices is used appropriately, there are instances of slight overuse, particularly in the transition between ideas, which may disrupt the flow slightly. Overall, the essay demonstrates good coherence and cohesion but lacks the sophistication and seamlessness required for a higher band score.
How to improve: To enhance the score, the writer could focus on varying the use of cohesive devices to avoid any repetitive patterns. Additionally, ensuring that transitions between ideas are more fluid and less mechanical would improve the overall readability. More sophisticated paragraphing techniques, such as using topic sentences more effectively, could also contribute to a clearer structure.
Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 7
Band Score: 7.0
Explanation: The essay demonstrates a sufficient range of vocabulary that allows for flexibility and precision in conveying information about the pie charts. It uses less common lexical items, such as "surpassed," "proportion," and "lion’s share," with an awareness of style and collocation. However, there are occasional errors in word choice and phrasing, such as "the fewest users of all over a decade," which could be more clearly expressed. Overall, while the vocabulary is adequate and varied, it does not reach the sophistication required for a higher band score.
How to improve: To enhance the lexical resource score, the writer should aim to incorporate a wider range of sophisticated vocabulary and ensure precise word choice throughout the essay. Additionally, minimizing errors in collocation and improving the clarity of expressions will help achieve a higher band. Practicing with more complex sentence structures and using synonyms for common words can also contribute to a more varied lexical resource.
Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 7
Band Score: 7.0
Explanation: The essay demonstrates a variety of complex structures and produces frequent error-free sentences, indicating good control of grammar and punctuation. The writer effectively communicates the trends and changes in device usage over the specified years. However, there are a few grammatical errors and awkward phrasings that slightly detract from the overall accuracy and fluency, preventing a higher score. For instance, phrases like "the lion’s share" could be considered informal in an academic context, and the sentence structure could be varied further to enhance complexity.
How to improve: To achieve a higher band score, the writer should focus on the following areas:
- Increase Sentence Variety: Incorporate a wider range of complex sentence structures and conjunctions to enhance the flow and sophistication of the writing.
- Minimize Errors: Proofread for minor grammatical errors and awkward phrases to ensure clarity and precision in expression.
- Use Formal Language: Replace informal expressions with more academic language to align with the expectations of IELTS Task 2 writing.
Bài sửa mẫu
The pie charts illustrate the distribution of six electronic devices used by Europeans aged 18 to 25 for watching television between 2007 and 2017.
Overall, while traditional TV was the most popular device in 2007, it was soon surpassed by flat-screen TV by 2017. Furthermore, smartphones, flat-screen TVs, and tablets gained more popularity compared to the other three devices over the ten-year period.
Regarding portable devices, the proportion of Europeans using mobile phones to watch TV increased from 15% to 26% over the decade, making it the second most popular device in 2017. Conversely, the percentage of people watching TV on laptops dropped by nearly half, whereas the figure for tablet users rose by approximately one-fifth, reaching 19% in 2017.
For the remaining devices, the use of desktop computers declined from 18% to 12% between 2007 and 2017. Notably, despite holding the largest share in 2007, traditional TV experienced a substantial decline of 30%, resulting in it having the fewest users of all devices over the decade. In contrast, flat-screen TVs overtook traditional TVs to become the most popular device in 2017, with a share of 27%.
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