The pie charts below show the percentage of five kinds of books sold by a bookseller
The pie charts below show the percentage of five kinds of books sold by a bookseller
The pie charts illustrate the rate of different types of books sold by salesmen . In general, the data for adult fiction was always the largest , the opposite was true for other types of books .
In 1972, sales of five kinds of books were the same, with others types leading at 25%.Following this ,adult fiction, children’s fiction and biography were all at 20%. The rate of travel book were slowest, at 15%.By 1992 , adult fiction had increased sharply by 5%,and the figure for travel and children’s fiction went up a slightly, around 2% to 3%. By contrast ,the sales of biography fall in 15%
In the final year, adult fiction hit the highest point at 45%, followed by children’s fiction at 25%.Meanwhile,the sales of others categories, including travel and biography ,decreased dramatically by around 3% to 5%
Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng
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"illustrate the rate of different types of books sold by salesmen" -> "depict the distribution of various categories of books sold by sales representatives"
Explanation: "Depict" is a more formal term than "illustrate," and "distribution" conveys a clearer sense of the data being presented. "Various categories" is more precise than "different types," and "sales representatives" is a more formal term than "salesmen." -
"the data for adult fiction was always the largest" -> "the data for adult fiction consistently represented the highest proportion"
Explanation: "Consistently represented" conveys a sense of reliability over time, while "highest proportion" is more specific than "largest." -
"the opposite was true for other types of books" -> "Conversely, other categories of books exhibited lower sales figures."
Explanation: "Conversely" is a more formal transition, and "exhibited lower sales figures" is clearer and more precise than "the opposite was true." -
"sales of five kinds of books were the same" -> "sales of five categories of books were equal"
Explanation: "Categories" is a more formal term than "kinds," and "were equal" is more precise than "were the same." -
"with others types leading at 25%" -> "with other categories leading at 25%"
Explanation: "Other categories" is grammatically correct and maintains formal language. -
"Following this, adult fiction, children’s fiction and biography were all at 20%" -> "Subsequently, adult fiction, children’s fiction, and biography each accounted for 20%"
Explanation: "Subsequently" is a more formal transition, and "each accounted for" provides clarity and precision. -
"The rate of travel book were slowest" -> "The sales of travel books were the lowest"
Explanation: "Sales of travel books" is more precise than "the rate of travel book," and "the lowest" is clearer than "slowest." -
"By contrast, the sales of biography fall in 15%" -> "In contrast, the sales of biography fell to 15%"
Explanation: "In contrast" is a more formal phrase, and "fell to" is grammatically correct and clearer than "fall in." -
"hit the highest point at 45%" -> "reached the highest level at 45%"
Explanation: "Reached the highest level" is more formal and precise than "hit the highest point." -
"Meanwhile, the sales of others categories" -> "Simultaneously, the sales of other categories"
Explanation: "Simultaneously" is a more formal transition, and "other categories" corrects the grammatical error in "others categories." -
"decreased dramatically by around 3% to 5%" -> "decreased significantly by approximately 3% to 5%"
Explanation: "Decreased significantly" is more formal than "decreased dramatically," and "approximately" is a more precise term than "around."
Band điểm Task Achivement ước lượng: 5
Band Score: 5
Explanation: The essay generally addresses the task, but the format is inappropriate in places. The essay does not provide a clear overview of the main trends in the data. Instead, it recounts details mechanically, with no clear overview. The essay also presents, but inadequately covers, key features/bullet points. There is a tendency to focus on details rather than the overall trends.
How to improve: The essay could be improved by providing a clear overview of the main trends in the data. For example, the essay could state that adult fiction sales increased significantly over the period, while sales of other types of books decreased. The essay could also highlight the key features of the data, such as the fact that adult fiction was the most popular type of book in all three years. The essay should also avoid focusing on irrelevant details, such as the exact percentage changes in sales. Instead, the essay should focus on the overall trends in the data.
Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 5
Band Score: 5.0
Explanation: The essay presents information with some organization, but there is a noticeable lack of overall progression. While it attempts to describe the data, the transitions between ideas are not always clear, leading to confusion in understanding the trends over the years. The use of cohesive devices is inadequate and at times inaccurate, which affects the clarity of the relationships between the different types of books. Additionally, the paragraphing is inconsistent, with some sentences appearing cramped together without clear separation of ideas.
How to improve: To enhance coherence and cohesion, the writer should focus on clearly structuring the essay with distinct paragraphs for each main point or trend. Using a wider range of cohesive devices effectively will help in linking ideas more logically. Moreover, ensuring that each paragraph presents a clear central topic will improve clarity. Finally, proofreading for grammatical accuracy and punctuation will help in making the writing more fluid and easier to follow.
Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 5
Band Score: 5.0
Explanation: The essay demonstrates a limited range of vocabulary that is minimally adequate for the task. While it attempts to convey information about the pie charts, the vocabulary used is basic and repetitive, particularly in phrases like "the rate of different types of books" and "the sales of biography." There are noticeable errors in word choice, such as "the opposite was true for other types of books," which could be more clearly expressed. Additionally, there are spelling and grammatical errors, such as "others types" instead of "other types" and "the sales of biography fall" instead of "the sales of biography fell." These errors can cause some difficulty for the reader in understanding the message.
How to improve: To enhance the lexical resource score, the writer should aim to incorporate a wider range of vocabulary, including less common lexical items, to convey precise meanings. Improving control over word formation and ensuring correct spelling will also help. Additionally, varying sentence structures and using synonyms can reduce repetition and enhance clarity.
Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 5
Band Score: 5.0
Explanation: The essay demonstrates a limited range of grammatical structures, primarily using simple sentences with some attempts at more complex forms. However, there are frequent grammatical errors, such as incorrect verb forms ("fall" instead of "fell"), missing articles ("the sales of others categories" should be "the sales of other categories"), and punctuation issues (missing spaces after commas). These errors can cause some difficulty for the reader in understanding the overall meaning.
How to improve: To enhance the grammatical range and accuracy, the writer should focus on the following areas:
- Variety of Sentence Structures: Incorporate a wider range of complex sentences to show flexibility in grammar.
- Error Correction: Review and correct grammatical errors, particularly in verb tenses and subject-verb agreement.
- Punctuation: Ensure proper punctuation, especially around conjunctions and after introductory phrases, to improve clarity.
- Practice: Regularly practice writing essays and seek feedback to identify and rectify common mistakes.
Bài sửa mẫu
The pie charts illustrate the percentage of different types of books sold by a bookseller. In general, the data for adult fiction consistently represented the largest share, while the opposite was true for the other types of books.
In 1972, sales of the five kinds of books were equal, with other types leading at 25%. Following this, adult fiction, children’s fiction, and biography each accounted for 20%. The sales of travel books were the lowest, at 15%. By 1992, adult fiction had increased sharply by 5%, while the figures for travel and children’s fiction rose slightly, by around 2% to 3%. In contrast, the sales of biography fell to 15%.
In the final year, adult fiction reached its highest point at 45%, followed by children’s fiction at 25%. Meanwhile, the sales of other categories, including travel and biography, decreased dramatically by around 3% to 5%.
Phản hồi