The pie charts show the results of a survey conducted by a university on the opinions of full-time and part-time students about its services

The graph illustrates the students views about it services of full-time and part-time individuals, which was carried out by a university to represent its results of their survey.
Overall, it is evident that the very satisfied with IT support offered of fulltime and the results of currently opening hours included both full and part time is the predominance whereas the part-time student results of IT support offered display a vice-versa trend with the lowest figure is very satisfied with this amenity.
Regarding the overwhelming figures of all charts mentioned, very happy with currently opening hours and IT support offered dual is the majority of those charts with 54% of fulltime students answered about catering IT aid, 87% of currently operating hours of the all day students, and 72% of the part-time, respectively whereas the part-time pupils options about providing IT aid pleasure is the least figure in its statics.
Turning to other figures, quite happy with this services of both all day and parttime students always stand in the second ranking. About the figure of pupils not quite pleasure at all with dual services, in full-time students of recently opening hours and its part time, together with full-time in avalibling IT aid share the bottom place whereas in part-time pupils with IT, this figure become dominant over the whole chart.

Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

"The graph illustrates the students views about it services of full-time and part-time individuals" -> "The graph illustrates the students’ views on the services offered to full-time and part-time individuals"
Explanation: The original phrase "students views about it services" is grammatically incorrect and unclear. The revised version corrects the grammar and clarifies the meaning by specifying "the services offered."
"it is evident that the very satisfied with IT support offered of fulltime" -> "it is evident that the majority of full-time students are very satisfied with the IT support offered"
Explanation: The original sentence lacks clarity and grammatical correctness. The revision clarifies that the majority of full-time students are satisfied with the IT support, improving readability and accuracy.
"the results of currently opening hours included both full and part time is the predominance" -> "the results of the currently available opening hours for both full-time and part-time students show a predominance"
Explanation: The original phrase is awkwardly constructed and unclear. The revision clarifies the meaning by specifying "currently available opening hours" and "for both full-time and part-time students," making the sentence more precise and formal.
"the part-time student results of IT support offered display a vice-versa trend with the lowest figure is very satisfied with this amenity" -> "the results of IT support offered to part-time students display a trend opposite to that of full-time students, with the lowest satisfaction rate being very satisfied with this service"
Explanation: The original sentence is grammatically incorrect and unclear. The revision corrects these issues and clarifies the comparison between full-time and part-time students’ satisfaction rates.
"very happy with currently opening hours and IT support offered dual is the majority" -> "a majority of students are very happy with the currently available opening hours and IT support"
Explanation: The original phrase is awkward and unclear. The revision clarifies that "a majority of students" are happy with the services, improving readability and formality.
"pupils options about providing IT aid pleasure is the least figure in its statics" -> "the least number of students expressing pleasure with IT aid is in the statistics"
Explanation: The original phrase is grammatically incorrect and unclear. The revision corrects these issues and uses more formal language suitable for academic writing.
"quite happy with this services of both all day and parttime students always stand in the second ranking" -> "the majority of students are somewhat satisfied with the services offered to both full-time and part-time students, consistently ranking second"
Explanation: The original sentence is awkward and unclear. The revision clarifies the meaning and improves the formality of the language.
"pupils not quite pleasure at all with dual services" -> "students are not quite pleased with the dual services"
Explanation: The original phrase is grammatically incorrect and informal. The revision corrects these issues and uses more formal language.
"in full-time students of recently opening hours and its part time, together with full-time in avalibling IT aid share the bottom place" -> "in full-time students’ recent opening hours and part-time students’ IT aid, together with full-time students’ IT aid, share the lowest satisfaction rate"
Explanation: The original sentence is grammatically incorrect and unclear. The revision corrects these issues and clarifies the comparison of satisfaction rates among full-time and part-time students.
"this figure become dominant over the whole chart" -> "this figure becomes dominant throughout the entire chart"
Explanation: The original phrase is grammatically incorrect. The revision corrects the verb tense and adds "throughout the entire" to enhance the formality and clarity of the statement.

Band điểm Task Achivement ước lượng: 4

Band Score: 4

Explanation: The essay attempts to address the task but does not cover all key features/bullet points. The essay does not provide a clear overview of the main trends in the data. The essay also confuses key features/bullet points with detail. For example, the essay states that "the very satisfied with IT support offered of fulltime and the results of currently opening hours included both full and part time is the predominance" but does not provide any specific data to support this claim.

How to improve: The essay could be improved by providing a clearer overview of the main trends in the data. The essay could also be improved by providing more specific data to support the claims made. For example, the essay could state that "54% of full-time students were very satisfied with IT support offered, while only 35% of part-time students were very satisfied." The essay could also be improved by using more accurate language. For example, the essay could use the word "majority" instead of "predominance."

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 4

Band Score: 4.0
Explanation: The essay presents information and ideas, but they are not arranged coherently, and there is no clear progression in the response. The use of cohesive devices is basic and often inaccurate or repetitive, leading to confusion in understanding the relationships between ideas. The paragraphing is also inadequate, with some sentences lacking logical connections and clarity. Overall, the essay struggles to effectively convey the survey results due to these issues.
How to improve: To enhance coherence and cohesion, the writer should focus on organizing ideas logically and ensuring a clear progression throughout the essay. This can be achieved by using a variety of cohesive devices appropriately and avoiding redundancy. Additionally, improving paragraph structure by presenting a clear central topic in each paragraph and ensuring that all sentences within a paragraph relate to that topic would greatly enhance clarity. Finally, proofreading for grammatical accuracy and clarity of expression would help in making the essay more comprehensible.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 4

Band Score: 4.0
Explanation: The essay demonstrates a basic range of vocabulary, but it is often used repetitively and inappropriately for the task. There are numerous instances of awkward phrasing and unclear expressions, which hinder the overall clarity of the message. The vocabulary used lacks the sophistication and precision expected at higher band levels, and there are significant errors in word formation and spelling that may cause strain for the reader. For example, phrases like "very happy with currently opening hours" and "the lowest figure is very satisfied" are not only awkward but also incorrect in terms of standard English usage.
How to improve: To enhance the lexical resource score, the writer should aim to use a wider range of vocabulary, including less common lexical items, and ensure that word choices are appropriate for the context. Practicing synonyms and varying sentence structures can help improve fluency and flexibility in language use. Additionally, focusing on correct spelling and word formation will reduce errors that impede communication. Reading more academic texts and practicing paraphrasing can also help in developing a more sophisticated vocabulary.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 5

Band Score: 5.0
Explanation: The essay demonstrates a limited range of grammatical structures and attempts to use complex sentences, but these attempts are often inaccurate. There are frequent grammatical errors, particularly in subject-verb agreement and sentence clarity, which can cause some difficulty for the reader. While some sentences convey the intended meaning, the overall coherence is hampered by errors in punctuation and structure.
How to improve: To enhance the grammatical range and accuracy, the writer should focus on the following:

Sentence Structure: Practice constructing clear and coherent sentences, ensuring that complex structures are used correctly.
Subject-Verb Agreement: Pay attention to singular and plural forms to avoid errors in agreement.
Punctuation: Review the rules of punctuation to improve clarity and readability.
Proofreading: After writing, take time to proofread the essay to catch and correct errors before submission.
Variety in Sentence Forms: Incorporate a wider variety of sentence structures, including more subordinate clauses, to demonstrate a better command of grammar.

Bài sửa mẫu

The graph illustrates the students’ views about the IT services provided to full-time and part-time individuals, based on a survey conducted by a university.

Overall, it is evident that full-time students are very satisfied with the IT support offered, and the results regarding the current opening hours show a predominance for both full-time and part-time students. In contrast, the part-time students’ responses regarding IT support display a reverse trend, with the lowest figure indicating they are very satisfied with this service.

Regarding the overwhelming figures from all the charts mentioned, the majority of students are very happy with the current opening hours and IT support offered. Specifically, 54% of full-time students expressed satisfaction with IT aid, while 87% of all-day students were pleased with the current operating hours, and 72% of part-time students reported satisfaction with IT support, respectively. Conversely, part-time students’ responses regarding the provision of IT aid show the least satisfaction in the statistics.

Turning to other figures, those who are quite happy with these services from both full-time and part-time students consistently rank second. In terms of students who are not quite pleased at all with the dual services, full-time students regarding the current opening hours and part-time students concerning IT aid share the bottom position. However, in the case of part-time students regarding IT support, this figure becomes dominant across the entire chart.