The plans show the change of a small theater in 2010 and 2012

The maps illustrate the transformation that took place in a small theater between 2010 and 2012.
In general, it is evident that this theater underwent significant modifications, involving the introduction of the restaurants, the rearrangement of the storage and the demolition of the cafe. These changes were made to greatly enhance the experience for visitors.
On the top left corner of the map, the media took the space where the storage used to be in 2010, which features showers inside. The media underwent conversion into the hall located on the top of the plans, which was accompanied by the erection of the storage in the right side. Notably, the stage and auditorium in the middle of the site were the only elements that stayed the same positions during the given time.
Another striking development was the rearrangement of the ticket office to a place where an old cafe used to be, which is situated in the bottom right side of the maps. There used to be a ticket office in the left corner, but it was then removed to make way for the destruction of the restaurants. Following that, on the left hand side, the admin office was turned above the restaurants. Visitors can only access this small theater by the main entrance adjacent to the ticket office.

Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

"maps" -> "maps illustrate"
Explanation: The phrase "maps illustrate" is more grammatically correct and formal, aligning better with academic style by specifying the action of the maps.
"this theater underwent significant modifications" -> "this theater underwent substantial changes"
Explanation: "Substantial changes" is a more precise and formal term than "significant modifications," which sounds slightly colloquial and vague.
"the introduction of the restaurants" -> "the addition of restaurants"
Explanation: "The addition of restaurants" is more specific and natural in this context, avoiding the redundancy of "the introduction of."
"the rearrangement of the storage" -> "the reorganization of storage"
Explanation: "Reorganization" is more precise and formal than "rearrangement," which is somewhat vague and less specific.
"the demolition of the cafe" -> "the demolition of the café"
Explanation: Using "café" instead of "cafe" maintains consistency in formality and style throughout the essay.
"These changes were made to greatly enhance the experience for visitors." -> "These changes were implemented to significantly enhance the visitor experience."
Explanation: "Implemented" is more formal than "made," and "significantly enhance the visitor experience" is a more precise and formal expression.
"the media took the space" -> "the media facility occupied the space"
Explanation: "Media facility" is a more specific term than "media," and "occupied" is more formal than "took."
"features showers inside" -> "includes shower facilities"
Explanation: "Includes shower facilities" is more formal and precise than "features showers inside," which is somewhat casual.
"the hall located on the top of the plans" -> "the hall situated above"
Explanation: "Situated above" is more concise and formal than "located on the top of the plans," which is awkwardly phrased.
"the storage in the right side" -> "the storage on the right side"
Explanation: Adding "on" corrects the prepositional error and improves the sentence structure.
"Notably, the stage and auditorium in the middle of the site were the only elements that stayed the same positions" -> "Notably, the stage and auditorium remained in their original positions"
Explanation: "Remained in their original positions" is more concise and formal, improving the flow and precision of the sentence.
"the rearrangement of the ticket office to a place where an old cafe used to be" -> "the relocation of the ticket office to the site of the former café"
Explanation: "Relocation" is more specific than "rearrangement," and "the site of the former café" is more formal and precise than "a place where an old cafe used to be."
"which is situated in the bottom right side of the maps" -> "situated at the bottom right corner of the maps"
Explanation: "At the bottom right corner" is a more precise and formal way to describe spatial locations.
"There used to be a ticket office in the left corner, but it was then removed to make way for the destruction of the restaurants." -> "A ticket office previously occupied the left corner, which was subsequently removed to accommodate the demolition of the restaurants."
Explanation: "Previously occupied" and "subsequently removed" are more formal and precise, improving the academic tone.
"Following that, on the left hand side, the admin office was turned above the restaurants." -> "Subsequently, the administrative office was relocated above the restaurants on the left side."
Explanation: "Subsequently" is more formal than "Following that," and "relocated" is more precise than "was turned," which is vague and informal.

Band điểm Task Achivement ước lượng: 6

Band Score: 6.0

Explanation: The essay provides an overview of the changes to the theater, but the information is not always presented in a clear and logical way. For example, the essay states that the media underwent conversion into the hall, but it does not explain how this happened or what the hall is. The essay also mentions that the ticket office was rearranged, but it does not explain where it was moved to.

How to improve: The essay could be improved by providing more specific information about the changes to the theater. For example, the essay could explain how the media was converted into the hall, where the ticket office was moved to, and what the restaurants are like. The essay could also be improved by using more precise language. For example, instead of saying that the stage and auditorium stayed in the same position, the essay could say that they were unchanged.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 6

Band Score: 6.0
Explanation: The essay presents information coherently and demonstrates a clear overall progression. The writer effectively describes the changes made to the theater, and there is a logical flow of ideas. However, the use of cohesive devices is somewhat mechanical, and there are instances where referencing is unclear, such as the phrases "the media" and "the destruction of the restaurants," which could confuse the reader. Additionally, while paragraphing is present, it could be improved for better clarity and organization.
How to improve: To enhance coherence and cohesion, the writer should focus on using a wider range of cohesive devices more naturally, ensuring that transitions between ideas are smooth. Clarifying references and avoiding vague terms will help the reader follow the argument more easily. Improving paragraph structure by ensuring each paragraph has a clear central topic and logical progression will also contribute to a higher score.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 6

Band Score: 6.0
Explanation: The essay demonstrates an adequate range of vocabulary relevant to the task, such as "transformation," "modifications," and "enhance." However, it attempts to use less common vocabulary with some inaccuracies, such as "the media took the space" which is awkwardly phrased and unclear. There are also some errors in word choice and collocation, such as "the destruction of the restaurants," which does not accurately convey the intended meaning. While the vocabulary used does not impede communication, there are noticeable errors in phrasing and some spelling issues (e.g., "left hand side" should be "left-hand side"). Overall, the vocabulary is sufficient for the task but lacks the precision and flexibility needed for a higher band score.

How to improve: To improve the lexical resource score, the writer should focus on using more precise and varied vocabulary. This includes avoiding awkward phrases and ensuring that less common vocabulary is used correctly. Additionally, practicing the correct formation of compound adjectives (e.g., "left-hand side") and enhancing collocation awareness will help in achieving a more sophisticated use of language. Reading high-quality essays and noting the vocabulary used can also aid in expanding lexical range.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 6

Band Score: 6.0
Explanation: The essay demonstrates a mix of simple and complex sentence forms, which is characteristic of a Band 6. While there are some attempts at complex structures, the overall grammatical accuracy is inconsistent. There are noticeable errors in grammar and punctuation, such as "the media took the space where the storage used to be" and "the destruction of the restaurants," which may cause some confusion for the reader. However, the errors do not significantly impede communication, allowing the main ideas to be conveyed.

How to improve: To achieve a higher band score, the writer should focus on the following areas:

Increase Sentence Variety: Incorporate a wider range of complex structures and ensure that they are used accurately.
Proofreading: Carefully check for grammatical and punctuation errors to reduce their frequency and impact on clarity.
Clarity of Ideas: Ensure that each sentence clearly conveys its intended meaning, avoiding ambiguous phrases or constructions that may confuse the reader.

Bài sửa mẫu

In the top left corner of the map, the media room replaced the space that was previously occupied by storage in 2010, which featured showers inside. The media room was converted into a hall located at the top of the plans, which was accompanied by the construction of storage on the right side. Notably, the stage and auditorium in the middle of the site were the only elements that remained in the same positions during the given time.

Another striking development was the relocation of the ticket office to the site of the old café, which is situated in the bottom right corner of the maps. There used to be a ticket office in the left corner, but it was removed to make way for the demolition of the restaurants. Following that, on the left-hand side, the admin office was moved above the restaurants. Visitors can only access this small theater through the main entrance adjacent to the ticket office.