The process below shows the Human Resources (HR) recruitment process for a company. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

The process below shows the Human Resources (HR) recruitment process
for a company.
Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features,
and make comparisons where relevant.

The diagram illustrates how the Human Resources department of a company proceed to recruit new employees.
Overall, it can be clearly seen that the progress including 13 steps, ranging from listing requirements for the job to sending email to inform result either success of failure to candidates.
Firstly, the required scope for the work is listed out, followed by posting it on virtual platforms to reach to potential candidates. Staffs who interest in the listed job needs to download the application form to complete required data and submit. After that, the assessment steps take place.
If the company rejects at step 6, they will send an email to announce the candidate. Otherwise, an invitation for interview will be sent to the job seekers. After the discussion, if the interviewee is not suitable to join the company, they can receive an rejection email. On the contrary, if the job seekers matches with requirement from the department, he can be chosen and receive an offer information to congratulate him in step 11.

Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

Errors and Improvements:

"proceed" -> "proceeds"
Explanation: "Proceed" should agree with the subject "Human Resources department," so it should be in the third person singular form "proceeds."
"progress" -> "process"
Explanation: "Process" more accurately describes the sequence of steps involved in recruiting new employees.
"including 13 steps" -> "comprising 13 steps"
Explanation: "Comprising" is a more formal and precise term to indicate the composition of the steps.
"listing requirements" -> "enumerating requirements"
Explanation: "Enumerating" is a more sophisticated term for listing or specifying requirements.
"to reach to potential candidates" -> "to reach potential candidates"
Explanation: The phrase "to reach to" is redundant; "to reach" is sufficient to convey the intended meaning.
"Staffs" -> "Staff members"
Explanation: "Staffs" is not the appropriate term here; "staff members" is more grammatically correct.
"needs to download" -> "need to download"
Explanation: "Needs" should agree with the plural subject "staff members."
"assessment steps" -> "assessment procedures"
Explanation: "Procedures" is a more accurate term to describe the various assessment stages.
"rejects at step 6" -> "rejects candidates at step 6"
Explanation: Clarifying that it is the company rejecting candidates at step 6 improves clarity.
"an rejection email" -> "a rejection email"
Explanation: "Rejection" starts with a consonant sound, so "a" is the appropriate article to use.
"matches with requirement" -> "meets the requirements"
Explanation: "Meets the requirements" is a more idiomatic and precise phrase to convey compliance with the job criteria.
"receive an offer information" -> "receive an offer"
Explanation: "Offer information" is redundant; "offer" is sufficient to convey the message.
"congratulate him" -> "congratulate the candidate"
Explanation: Specifying "the candidate" clarifies who is being congratulated in the context of the recruitment process.

Band điểm Task Achivement ước lượng: 6

[
Band Score: 6.0
Explanation:
The essay adequately addresses the task by summarizing the main features of the HR recruitment process, covering all the required steps. The overview provided is clear, outlining the 13 steps involved in the process. Key features such as listing job requirements, posting on virtual platforms, application submission, assessment, rejection or interview invitation, and final selection are highlighted. However, some details are inaccurate or unclear, such as the mention of "progress" instead of "process" and inconsistencies in the tense used. Additionally, the information could be more fully extended, providing further details about each step and the comparison between them.
How to improve:
To improve, ensure accuracy and clarity in presenting information. Use consistent verb tenses throughout the essay. Provide more specific details for each step of the recruitment process, including any criteria or qualifications required. Additionally, consider comparing the steps more explicitly, highlighting differences or similarities between them.
]

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 6

Band Score: 6.0
Explanation: The essay demonstrates some coherence and cohesion but also has areas that could be improved. It organizes ideas coherently with a clear overall progression, describing the HR recruitment process in steps. However, there are instances of faulty cohesion within and between sentences. For example, there are issues with verb tenses ("proceed" should be "proceeds," "progress including" should be "progress includes"), and some sentences lack clarity or are awkwardly phrased ("If the company rejects at step 6, they will send an email to announce the candidate"). Additionally, the use of cohesive devices is effective in parts but could be more consistent throughout the essay.

How to improve: To improve coherence and cohesion, focus on maintaining consistent verb tenses and sentence structures. Ensure that transitions between ideas are clear and smooth, avoiding awkward phrasing. Use a variety of cohesive devices (such as pronouns, conjunctions, and transitional phrases) to create a more cohesive flow between sentences and paragraphs. Finally, review paragraphing to ensure logical organization and clear topic sentences for each paragraph.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 6

Band Score: 6.0

Explanation: The essay demonstrates an adequate range of vocabulary for the task, covering various aspects of the recruitment process. It attempts to use less common vocabulary, such as "scope" and "assessment," although there are some inaccuracies and awkward word choices throughout the text. For instance, "the progress including 13 steps" could be more effectively expressed as "the process comprises 13 steps." Additionally, there are occasional errors in word choice and collocation, such as "progress including" instead of "process includes." Some sentences lack clarity and coherence, affecting the overall lexical resource.

How to improve: To enhance the lexical resource, focus on using vocabulary accurately and precisely. Pay attention to word choice and collocation to ensure clarity and coherence in the essay. Consider using a wider variety of vocabulary, including synonyms and more advanced terms related to the HR recruitment process. Proofreading for errors in spelling and word formation is also essential to improve the overall lexical quality of the essay.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 5

Band Score: 5

Explanation:
The essay primarily exhibits characteristics of Band 5 on the Grammatical Range and Accuracy scale of the IELTS Task 2 criteria. The writer attempts to use a range of structures, including both simple and complex sentences. However, the accuracy of these complex sentences is noticeably lower, reflecting frequent grammatical errors that affect readability. These errors include subject-verb agreement ("Staffs who interest"), inappropriate verb forms ("proceed to recruit"), and issues with pluralization and article use ("an rejection email"). The use of prepositions is also occasionally incorrect, contributing to the overall difficulty in understanding the intended meaning without re-reading. Punctuation errors, such as missing commas in compound sentences, further impede clarity.

How to Improve:
To elevate the band score, focus on the following areas:

Accuracy in Complex Sentences: Practice constructing complex sentences accurately. This includes correct use of verb tenses, subject-verb agreement, and consistent sentence structure.
Grammar and Punctuation: Enhance your understanding of grammatical rules, including the correct use of articles, prepositions, and plural forms. Additionally, pay attention to punctuation, particularly in compound and complex sentences.
Vary Sentence Structures: Introduce a wider variety of sentence structures to demonstrate grammatical flexibility and control. Utilizing subordinate clauses effectively can help in this regard.
Proofreading: Develop a habit of proofreading to catch and correct errors before finalizing your writing. This will help reduce the number of slips and ensure that your intended meanings are clearly communicated.

Bài sửa mẫu

The diagram illustrates the process by which the Human Resources (HR) department of a company recruits new employees.

Overall, the process consists of 13 steps, starting with listing the requirements for the job and ending with sending an email to inform candidates whether they have been successful or not.

First, the job requirements are outlined and then posted on various virtual platforms to attract potential candidates. Interested applicants must download the application form, complete it with the required information, and submit it. The next step is the assessment phase.

If a candidate’s application is rejected at step 6, they will receive an email notification. However, if the company decides to proceed, an invitation for an interview will be sent to the candidate. Following the interview, if the applicant is deemed unsuitable, they receive a rejection email. Conversely, if they meet the company’s requirements, they are selected and receive a congratulatory email with an offer in step 11.