The production levels of main fuels in a European country from 1981 to 2000

The line graph depicts the productivity of the main fuel sources in a European country. The data was collected between 1981 and 2002.
Overall, petroleum stood out as the most used fuel in the region. It is also clear that while natural gas showed substantial stability before its increase, petroleum and coal experienced some fluctuations during the examined period.
In 1981, the figure for petroleum registered approximately 100 tonnes, the highest among the fuels mentioned, which thereafter saw a rise to 130 in 1985. Dipping to its starting point in 1990, the use of petroleum then surged quickly in the following decade, reaching its peak at around 140 tonnes. In comparison to petroleum, coal decreased its popularity as fuel as it plunged from 80 tonnes used in 1981 to under 40 in 2000, despite having a slight increase during 1985 and 1990. Natural gas showed a stable figure as it remained around 40 until 1995. It then saw a tremendous rise in 2000, eventually reaching its peak at over 80 tonnes.

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Errors and Improvements:

"stood out" -> "emerged as"
Explanation: "Stood out" is a common phrase, but "emerged as" adds a more sophisticated tone and implies a gradual prominence.
"before its increase" -> "prior to its upturn"
Explanation: "Before its increase" is somewhat vague, while "prior to its upturn" is more specific and formal, conveying a sense of progression.
"fluctuations" -> "variability"
Explanation: "Fluctuations" is suitable, but "variability" is a more precise term that enhances the vocabulary choice and sophistication of the essay.
"figure" -> "quantity"
Explanation: While "figure" is acceptable, "quantity" is a more formal and precise term, contributing to the essay’s academic tone.
"plunged" -> "declined sharply"
Explanation: "Plunged" is colloquial; "declined sharply" maintains formality and clarity while describing a significant decrease.
"popularity" -> "preference"
Explanation: "Popularity" is adequate, but "preference" adds a layer of nuance and sophistication, especially when discussing choices regarding fuel sources.
"stable figure" -> "consistent level"
Explanation: "Stable figure" is clear but replacing it with "consistent level" provides a more formal and precise description of the data trend.
"tremendous rise" -> "significant increase"
Explanation: "Tremendous rise" is somewhat informal; "significant increase" maintains formality while accurately describing the change in natural gas usage.

Band điểm Task Achivement ước lượng: 7

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Band Score: 7.0
Explanation: The essay adequately covers the requirements of the task by presenting a clear overview of the main trends in fuel production from 1981 to 2000 in a European country. It highlights key features such as the dominance of petroleum, fluctuations in petroleum and coal usage, and the stability followed by a significant increase in natural gas consumption. The essay provides a satisfactory level of detail and coherence.
How to improve: To improve, the essay could extend its analysis slightly further, providing more detailed comparisons between the different fuels and perhaps exploring the reasons behind the fluctuations observed in petroleum and coal usage. Additionally, ensuring accuracy and precision in data representation would enhance the overall quality of the response.
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Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 7

Band Score: 7.0

Explanation: The essay logically organizes information and ideas, with clear progression throughout. It effectively uses cohesive devices to connect sentences and paragraphs, contributing to the overall coherence. Each paragraph presents a clear central topic related to the production levels of main fuels. However, there is some overuse of certain cohesive devices, which could be toned down for a more balanced approach.

How to improve: To improve, ensure that cohesive devices are used judiciously without over-reliance on certain ones. Additionally, strive for even smoother transitions between ideas to further enhance coherence.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 7

Band Score: 7

Explanation:
The essay demonstrates a sufficient range of vocabulary to convey the main ideas effectively. There is appropriate use of vocabulary related to describing trends and data, such as "productivity," "fluctuations," "registered," "surged," and "plunged." Additionally, less common lexical items like "stability," "popularity," and "peak" are employed, showing some awareness of style and collocation. The writer uses a variety of vocabulary to describe changes over time in the production levels of different fuels, demonstrating flexibility and precision in language use.

How to improve:
To improve to a higher band score, the writer could incorporate more sophisticated and nuanced vocabulary choices. They could aim to include a wider range of synonyms and more varied expressions to describe trends and fluctuations in data. Additionally, paying closer attention to word choice accuracy and ensuring precise usage of less common vocabulary items would further enhance the lexical resource of the essay.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 7

Band Score: 7.0

Explanation: The essay demonstrates a variety of sentence structures, including simple, compound, and complex sentences. There is a good attempt to use complex structures, such as subordinate clauses, which contribute to the overall coherence of the essay. The majority of sentences are error-free, showcasing a good level of grammatical control and punctuation. However, there are a few minor errors and inaccuracies present, although they do not significantly impede communication.

How to improve: To further enhance the grammatical range and accuracy, pay closer attention to sentence structures and ensure consistency throughout the essay. Review areas where errors occur and consider revising them for clarity and precision. Additionally, proofreading for punctuation accuracy can help eliminate any remaining minor errors.

Bài sửa mẫu

The provided line graph illustrates the production levels of primary fuel sources within a European nation over the period spanning from 1981 to 2000.

Overall, petroleum emerged as the predominant fuel choice throughout the region. Notably, natural gas demonstrated considerable stability initially before experiencing an upward trend, while petroleum and coal exhibited fluctuations over the examined timeframe.

Commencing in 1981, petroleum production stood at approximately 100 tonnes, representing the highest volume among the fuels discussed. Subsequently, there was a gradual increase to 130 tonnes by 1985. However, there was a dip back to the initial level in 1990, followed by a rapid surge throughout the ensuing decade, culminating in a peak of around 140 tonnes. In contrast, coal witnessed a decline in usage, plummeting from 80 tonnes in 1981 to under 40 tonnes by 2000, notwithstanding slight fluctuations between 1985 and 1990. Meanwhile, natural gas exhibited a consistent figure, hovering around 40 tonnes until 1995, before experiencing a substantial surge in 2000, ultimately reaching over 80 tonnes.