The restoration of old buildings in major cities in the world costs numerous government expenditures. This money should be used for new housing and road development. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

There is no doubt that government finance-related budget should be significantly invested for new houses and road improvement. I strongly believe that ancient buildings maintenance sponsored by government expenditures also plays a predominant role in the well-developed metropolis and the next generation.

There are several convincing grounds to elaborate why constructing more houses and improving road infrastructure financially are necessary. The initial reason is that individuals will unquestionably possess a more upgrading living quality from the gorvernment’s finance support with well-invested houses, buildings and road systems. As a result, they will consciously have a strong sense of responsibility to devote their hard work and diligence for the development of the city and the country where they live. Another argument to mention is that when road facilities are financially paid attention to, the rate of traffic accidents and traffic congestion will obviously decrease, which is a positive notification for individuals’ safety. In the actual fact, with the improved road systems and traffic network, individuals may have more road options for the driving to working places instead of suffering the congestion frequently, which gives rise to the overspeed driving control after that situation.

I am of the opinion that government affording the huge amount of money for old building sites in principal cities is irrefutably an approriate choice, which is excessively beneficial and essential in this day and age. First and foremost, well-kept old castles or historic buildings can potentially become a tourist attraction in the major cities because of their unique designs and irreplaceable features. As a result, these invaluable buildings not only foster the cities’ development but also the entire country’s economics. Another advantage that should be taken into our consideration is that ancient building sites that are deliberately maintained by gorvernment’s expenditure will completely become a strong reminder for the residents and especially the young generation about their country’s glory past. This is mainly because these buildings have already undergone and saved for a long period of time by the brave and dedicated ancestors.

From what has been discussed above, we may draw a conclusion that both developing road systems, houses and restoring ancient building in improved cities are literally imperative. My view is that government should equally invest money to old building sites, road and houses with the co-operation of the residents.

Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

"government finance-related budget" -> "governmental budget for finance"
Explanation: The phrase "government finance-related budget" is redundant. Using "governmental budget for finance" clarifies the purpose of the budget, enhancing the sentence’s precision and formal tone.
"should be significantly invested" -> "should be substantially invested"
Explanation: "Significantly" can imply a subjective judgment, whereas "substantially" is more objective and suitable for academic writing, indicating a measurable increase in investment.
"ancient buildings maintenance" -> "maintenance of ancient buildings"
Explanation: Reordering the phrase to "maintenance of ancient buildings" corrects the grammatical structure and improves readability.
"plays a predominant role" -> "plays a significant role"
Explanation: "Predominant" may imply a complete dominance, which might be overstated. "Significant" is more accurate and contextually appropriate for describing the importance of maintenance.
"well-developed metropolis" -> "well-developed cities"
Explanation: "Metropolis" is often used to refer to a large city, but "cities" is more inclusive and appropriate for a general discussion about urban development.
"gorvernment’s finance support" -> "government’s financial support"
Explanation: Corrects the spelling of "government" and uses "financial" instead of "finance" for grammatical accuracy and clarity.
"unquestionably possess" -> "certainly possess"
Explanation: "Unquestionably" is too strong and informal for academic writing; "certainly" is more suitable for formal texts.
"upgrading living quality" -> "enhanced living standards"
Explanation: "Upgrading living quality" is vague and informal; "enhanced living standards" is more precise and formal.
"financially paid attention to" -> "financially prioritized"
Explanation: "Paid attention to" is informal and vague; "prioritized" is more specific and appropriate for formal writing.
"obviously decrease" -> "clearly decrease"
Explanation: "Obviously" can be seen as too informal and subjective; "clearly" is more neutral and suitable for academic style.
"positive notification" -> "positive indication"
Explanation: "Notification" is not the correct term here; "indication" is the appropriate word to describe a sign or result.
"gives rise to the overspeed driving control" -> "leads to improved speed control"
Explanation: "Overspeed driving control" is awkward and unclear; "improved speed control" is more direct and clear.
"government affording the huge amount of money" -> "government allocating a significant amount of funds"
Explanation: "Affording" is incorrect in this context; "allocating" is the correct term for distributing funds. "Significant amount of funds" is also more formal than "huge amount of money."
"in principal cities" -> "in principal cities"
Explanation: This appears to be a typographical error; the correct phrase should be "in principal cities."
"irrefutably an approriate choice" -> "undeniably an appropriate choice"
Explanation: "Irrefutably" is too strong and informal; "undeniably" is more suitable for academic writing, and "approriate" is a spelling error.
"well-kept old castles or historic buildings" -> "well-maintained historic buildings"
Explanation: "Well-kept" is less formal and less specific than "well-maintained," which is more precise and commonly used in formal contexts.
"irreplaceable features" -> "unique features"
Explanation: "Irreplaceable" may imply a complete uniqueness, which might be overstated; "unique" is more accurate and contextually appropriate.
"gorvernment’s expenditure" -> "government’s expenditure"
Explanation: Corrects the spelling of "government."
"literally imperative" -> "highly imperative"
Explanation: "Literally" is often used to emphasize truth, which is not the intended meaning here; "highly" is more appropriate to convey strong necessity.
"should equally invest money to old building sites, road and houses" -> "should equally invest in old building sites, roads, and houses"
Explanation: Corrects the grammatical structure and uses "invest in" instead of "invest money to," which is more idiomatic and formal.

Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Task Response: 7

Answer All Parts of the Question:
- Detailed explanation: The essay addresses the prompt by presenting arguments for both the restoration of old buildings and the development of new housing and road infrastructure. The writer expresses a clear preference for new developments while acknowledging the importance of maintaining historical sites. However, the balance between the two perspectives could be more explicit. For instance, the essay states, "I strongly believe that ancient buildings maintenance… plays a predominant role," but does not sufficiently explore the counter-argument or the extent to which the writer agrees or disagrees with the prompt.
- How to improve: To enhance the response, the writer should clearly delineate the extent of their agreement or disagreement. This could involve explicitly stating whether they believe one aspect should take precedence over the other or if they see them as equally important. Additionally, providing a brief summary of both sides before stating a clear position would strengthen the response.
Present a Clear Position Throughout:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents a position that values both new construction and the restoration of old buildings. However, the clarity of this position wavers, particularly in the transition between discussing new housing and the importance of old buildings. For example, phrases like "I am of the opinion that government affording the huge amount of money for old building sites… is irrefutably an appropriate choice" could confuse readers about the writer’s main stance.
- How to improve: The writer should strive for consistency in their position by using clear topic sentences that reflect their stance. Additionally, reinforcing the main argument throughout the essay with transitional phrases that connect the ideas would help maintain clarity. For instance, reiterating the importance of balancing both perspectives at the beginning and end of each paragraph could enhance coherence.
Present, Extend, and Support Ideas:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents several ideas, such as the benefits of improved housing and infrastructure, as well as the cultural significance of old buildings. However, some points lack depth and specific examples. For instance, the claim that improved roads will reduce traffic accidents is valid but could be supported with statistics or examples from specific cities. Similarly, the mention of tourism as a benefit of maintaining old buildings is a strong point but would be more persuasive with concrete examples of cities that have successfully leveraged their historical sites.
- How to improve: To strengthen the support for ideas, the writer should include specific examples, data, or case studies that illustrate their points. This could involve citing successful urban restoration projects or statistics on tourism revenue generated by historical sites. Additionally, expanding on each point with more detailed explanations would enhance the overall argument.
Stay on Topic:
- Detailed explanation: The essay generally stays on topic, addressing the prompt regarding government expenditures on housing, roads, and old buildings. However, there are moments where the focus shifts slightly, such as when discussing the "strong sense of responsibility" individuals may feel, which feels somewhat tangential to the main argument.
- How to improve: To maintain focus, the writer should ensure that every sentence contributes directly to the main argument. This can be achieved by regularly referring back to the prompt and ensuring that all points made are relevant to the discussion of government expenditure priorities. Additionally, outlining the essay before writing could help in organizing thoughts and ensuring that each paragraph remains tightly focused on the topic.

Overall, while the essay demonstrates a good understanding of the topic and presents a balanced view, there is room for improvement in clarity, depth, and focus. By addressing these areas, the writer can enhance their score in the Task Response criteria.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 7

Organize Information Logically:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents a clear argument regarding the importance of both new housing and the restoration of old buildings. The introduction outlines the writer’s stance effectively, and the body paragraphs each focus on distinct reasons supporting the argument. However, the logical flow could be enhanced; for instance, the transition between discussing new housing and road improvements to the importance of old buildings feels abrupt. The essay could benefit from clearer topic sentences that guide the reader through the argument’s progression.
- How to improve: To enhance logical organization, consider using clear topic sentences at the beginning of each paragraph that directly relate to the thesis statement. Additionally, employing transitional phrases such as "On the other hand," or "Conversely," can help to signal shifts in focus and improve the overall flow of ideas.
Use Paragraphs:
- Detailed explanation: The essay uses paragraphs effectively to separate different ideas, with each paragraph addressing a specific aspect of the argument. However, some paragraphs could be more balanced in length and depth. For example, the second paragraph is quite lengthy and covers multiple points, which can overwhelm the reader. In contrast, the third paragraph is shorter and could be expanded to provide more detail.
- How to improve: Aim for a more balanced structure by ensuring each paragraph contains a clear main idea supported by sufficient evidence or examples. Consider breaking longer paragraphs into two if they contain multiple ideas, and ensure that each paragraph has a clear focus that ties back to the main argument.
Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:
- Detailed explanation: The essay employs some cohesive devices, such as "first and foremost," and "as a result," which help to connect ideas. However, the use of cohesive devices is somewhat limited and could be more varied. For instance, phrases like "in addition," "furthermore," and "consequently" could enhance the connections between ideas and improve the overall cohesiveness of the essay.
- How to improve: To diversify the use of cohesive devices, practice incorporating a wider range of linking words and phrases. This can include transitional phrases that indicate contrast, addition, or cause and effect. Additionally, ensure that pronouns and synonyms are used effectively to refer back to previously mentioned ideas, which can help maintain coherence throughout the essay.

In summary, while the essay demonstrates a solid understanding of the topic and presents a clear argument, improvements in logical organization, paragraph structure, and the variety of cohesive devices used can enhance coherence and cohesion, potentially raising the band score.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Lexical Resource: 6

Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a reasonable range of vocabulary, with terms such as "government finance-related budget," "road infrastructure," and "tourist attraction." However, the vocabulary is occasionally repetitive and lacks variety. For instance, the phrase "government expenditures" is used multiple times without synonyms or paraphrasing, which could enhance the lexical diversity. Additionally, phrases like "well-kept old castles or historic buildings" could be varied further to include synonyms or related terms.
- How to improve: To enhance vocabulary range, the writer should actively incorporate synonyms and related terms throughout the essay. For example, instead of repeatedly using "government expenditures," alternatives such as "public funding," "state investment," or "government resources" could be employed. Furthermore, using more descriptive adjectives and adverbs can enrich the text, such as replacing "well-kept" with "meticulously preserved" or "historically significant."
Use Vocabulary Precisely:
- Detailed explanation: While the essay contains some precise vocabulary, there are instances of imprecise usage that detract from clarity. For example, the phrase "individuals will unquestionably possess a more upgrading living quality" is awkward and unclear. The term "upgrading" is not typically used in this context; "improved" or "enhanced" would be more appropriate. Additionally, the phrase "positive notification for individuals’ safety" is vague and could be replaced with "positive implications for public safety."
- How to improve: To improve precision, the writer should focus on using vocabulary that accurately conveys their intended meaning. This can be achieved by reviewing and revising phrases that may sound awkward or unclear. Utilizing a thesaurus to find more suitable alternatives and practicing writing with a focus on clarity can also help. For instance, instead of "the rate of traffic accidents and traffic congestion will obviously decrease," a more precise statement could be "the incidence of traffic accidents and congestion is likely to diminish."
Use Correct Spelling:
- Detailed explanation: The essay contains several spelling errors, such as "gorvernment" (government) and "approriate" (appropriate). These errors can undermine the overall professionalism of the writing and distract the reader. Additionally, the misspelling of "government" occurs multiple times, indicating a lack of attention to detail.
- How to improve: To enhance spelling accuracy, the writer should implement a proofreading strategy that includes reading the essay aloud to catch errors or using spell-check tools. Additionally, practicing spelling common words and terms related to the essay topic can help reinforce correct spelling. Creating flashcards for frequently misspelled words or using writing apps that highlight spelling mistakes can also be beneficial.

In summary, while the essay demonstrates a commendable effort in vocabulary usage, there are significant areas for improvement in range, precision, and spelling accuracy. By focusing on these aspects, the writer can enhance their Lexical Resource score in future IELTS assessments.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 7

Use a Wide Range of Structures:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a reasonable variety of sentence structures, including simple, compound, and complex sentences. For instance, the use of complex sentences such as "As a result, they will consciously have a strong sense of responsibility to devote their hard work and diligence for the development of the city and the country where they live" showcases an attempt to convey nuanced ideas. However, there are instances of repetitive structures, particularly in the opening sentences of paragraphs, which can lead to a lack of engagement.
- How to improve: To enhance the variety of sentence structures, the writer could incorporate more varied introductory phrases and clauses. For example, instead of starting multiple sentences with "The initial reason is" or "Another argument to mention is," the writer could use phrases like "One compelling reason is" or "Additionally, it is important to note that." This would not only diversify sentence openings but also improve the overall flow of the essay.
Use Grammar and Punctuation Accurately:
- Detailed explanation: The essay contains several grammatical errors and punctuation issues that detract from its overall clarity. For example, "the gorvernment’s finance support" contains a spelling error ("gorvernment" should be "government"). Additionally, phrases like "the rate of traffic accidents and traffic congestion will obviously decrease, which is a positive notification for individuals’ safety" could be more clearly expressed; "notification" is an awkward choice here. There are also issues with subject-verb agreement and article usage, such as "the ancient buildings maintenance" which should be "the maintenance of ancient buildings."
- How to improve: To improve grammatical accuracy, the writer should carefully proofread the essay to catch spelling errors and awkward phrasing. Utilizing grammar-checking tools or seeking feedback from peers can also be beneficial. Furthermore, the writer should focus on ensuring that subjects and verbs agree in number and that articles are used correctly. For example, revising "the ancient buildings maintenance" to "the maintenance of ancient buildings" would enhance clarity and grammatical correctness.

Overall, while the essay demonstrates a good level of grammatical range and accuracy, addressing the identified weaknesses will help the writer achieve a higher band score in this criterion.

Bài sửa mẫu

There is no doubt that the governmental budget for finance should be substantially invested in new houses and road improvement. I strongly believe that the maintenance of ancient buildings, sponsored by government expenditures, also plays a significant role in well-developed cities and for the next generation.

There are several convincing grounds to elaborate on why constructing more houses and improving road infrastructure financially are necessary. The initial reason is that individuals will unquestionably possess an enhanced quality of living from the government’s financial support with well-invested houses, buildings, and road systems. As a result, they will consciously have a strong sense of responsibility to devote their hard work and diligence to the development of the city and the country where they live. Another argument to mention is that when road facilities are financially prioritized, the rate of traffic accidents and congestion will clearly decrease, which is a positive indication for individuals’ safety. In fact, with the improved road systems and traffic network, individuals may have more options for driving to work instead of suffering from congestion frequently, which leads to improved speed control after that situation.

I am of the opinion that the government allocating a significant amount of funds for old building sites in principal cities is undeniably an appropriate choice, which is excessively beneficial and essential in this day and age. First and foremost, well-maintained historic buildings can potentially become tourist attractions in the major cities because of their unique designs and irreplaceable features. As a result, these invaluable buildings not only foster the cities’ development but also the entire country’s economy. Another advantage that should be taken into our consideration is that ancient building sites, which are deliberately maintained by the government’s expenditure, will completely become a strong reminder for the residents, especially the young generation, about their country’s glorious past. This is mainly because these buildings have already been preserved for a long period of time by brave and dedicated ancestors.

From what has been discussed above, we may draw the conclusion that both developing road systems and houses, as well as restoring ancient buildings in improved cities, are highly imperative. My view is that the government should equally invest money in old building sites, roads, and houses with the cooperation of the residents.