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The society would benefit from a ban on all forms of advertising because it serves no useful purpose, and can even be damaging. Do you agree or disagree?

The society would benefit from a ban on all forms of advertising because it serves no useful purpose, and can even be damaging. Do you agree or disagree?

It is sometimes believed that advertisement serves no useful purpose and can be harmful to viewers so the society would become better if all form of adverting is prohibited. This essay strongly disagree with this suggestion for several reasons.
The first argument given to support my opinion is that many advertisement can bring benefit for people. The simple reason that advertisement provide people with the opportunity to access many product easilly, thereby introducing about the benefits, uses, and ingredent of the product. As a result, the customer can chose goods which suitable for them.
For example, many people tend to watch ad before buying something, especially myself, I usually watch many video advertisement fos cosmetic so I can chose the beauty product suitable for my skin and thus helping skin rejuvenation. Therefore, advertisement extremelly can useful for many people.
Another point behind my belief is that advertising can drives economic growth. This is because it allows the company to introduce goods and access to customer easilly, thereby using many attraction advertisement, the customer can more and more concerned about this products, therefore the more people buy it, the more company have profit. When many company develop strongly, it can lead to growth economical too. For example, Pepsi collab with Blackpink which is a popular music group from Korea to advertise their products to the customer. This was attract many people to buy this collection. As a consequence, Pepsi have a huge profit from this advertisement. So bring on all forms of advertising can prevent development of many business.
In conclusion, I total disagree that advertisement servers no useful purpose given the aforementioned arguments


Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

Errors and Improvements:

  1. "advertising is prohibited" -> "advertising were prohibited"
    Explanation: The use of the past tense "were" instead of "is" aligns with proper grammar and maintains a consistent verb tense throughout the sentence.

  2. "advertisement provide" -> "advertisements provide"
    Explanation: Changing "advertisement" to "advertisements" ensures subject-verb agreement, making the sentence grammatically correct.

  3. "ingredent" -> "ingredients"
    Explanation: Correcting the spelling from "ingredent" to "ingredients" eliminates the error and uses the appropriate term in the context of discussing products.

  4. "chose goods" -> "choose goods"
    Explanation: Replacing "chose" with "choose" ensures proper verb tense and maintains consistency in the sentence.

  5. "advertisement extremelly" -> "advertisements can be extremely"
    Explanation: Adding "can be" and replacing "extremelly" with "extremely" improves the sentence’s structure and aligns with academic formality.

  6. "Pepsi collab with Blackpink" -> "Pepsi collaborated with Blackpink"
    Explanation: Correcting "collab" to "collaborated" ensures the use of proper and formal language, maintaining academic tone.

  7. "advertise their products to the customer" -> "advertise their products to customers"
    Explanation: Removing the article "the" before "customer" improves grammatical accuracy, as the sentence refers to a general group of customers rather than a specific one.

  8. "advertisement servers" -> "advertisements serve"
    Explanation: Changing "servers" to "serve" ensures subject-verb agreement, making the sentence grammatically correct and more formal.

  9. "total disagree" -> "completely disagree"
    Explanation: Replacing "total" with "completely" enhances the formality of the expression, aligning it with academic style.

Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 8

Band Score for Task Response: 8

  • Answer All Parts of the Question:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay adequately addresses all parts of the question. It presents a clear disagreement with the idea of banning all forms of advertising and provides two distinct reasons in support.
    • How to improve: While the essay successfully addresses the question, there is room for improvement in the depth of analysis. Encourage the writer to explore the nuances of the prompt more thoroughly and to provide additional examples or evidence to strengthen the argument.
  • Present a Clear Position Throughout:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay maintains a clear and consistent stance throughout, clearly expressing disagreement with the proposition. However, there are instances where sentence structures could be refined for better clarity.
    • How to improve: Recommend refining sentence structures to enhance clarity. Encourage the writer to use precise language to avoid any potential misinterpretation of their position.
  • Present, Extend, and Support Ideas:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay presents ideas but could benefit from further development and support. The examples provided are relevant, but they lack depth and specificity. The connection between ideas could also be strengthened.
    • How to improve: Suggest expanding on each supporting point with more detailed examples. Encourage the writer to delve deeper into the consequences of banning advertising and to provide more specific instances or data to bolster their argument.
  • Stay on Topic:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay generally stays on topic, but there are some instances where the language is a bit convoluted, and the connection between ideas is not always clear.
    • How to improve: Recommend simplifying language and ensuring that each paragraph has a clear connection to the overall argument. Encourage the writer to avoid unnecessary complexity and to focus on presenting a cohesive response to the prompt.

Overall, this essay effectively addresses the prompt, presenting a clear and consistent position. However, there is room for improvement in terms of depth of analysis, clarity of expression, and the development of supporting ideas. Encourage the writer to refine their writing by providing more specific examples and by ensuring a seamless flow of ideas throughout the essay.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 6

  • Organize Information Logically:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a moderate level of logical organization. The introduction clearly presents the writer’s stance, but the body paragraphs lack a clear progression of ideas. For instance, the second paragraph introduces the idea of the benefits of advertising, but the subsequent paragraph discusses economic growth without a smooth transition. Additionally, the conclusion could be strengthened by summarizing the main points more explicitly.
    • How to improve: To enhance logical organization, consider using a more structured approach to present arguments. Create a clear and sequential flow of ideas, ensuring that each paragraph builds upon the previous one. In the conclusion, restate the main points to provide a cohesive summary of the essay’s arguments.
  • Use Paragraphs:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay employs paragraphs, but their structure and effectiveness could be improved. Paragraphs lack topic sentences, making it challenging for readers to identify the main idea of each section. Additionally, there are abrupt shifts between ideas within paragraphs, affecting overall coherence.
    • How to improve: Begin each paragraph with a clear topic sentence that introduces the main point. Ensure that each paragraph focuses on a specific aspect of the argument, and use transitions between paragraphs to maintain a smooth flow of ideas. Consider revising and separating long sentences to enhance readability.
  • Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay uses some cohesive devices, such as transitional phrases ("for example," "therefore," "in conclusion"). However, there is limited variety in the cohesive devices employed, and their effectiveness in guiding the reader through the essay is somewhat limited.
    • How to improve: Introduce a broader range of cohesive devices, including conjunctions, pronouns, and synonyms, to create a more varied and cohesive text. Ensure that these devices are used purposefully to establish logical connections between sentences and ideas. Additionally, pay attention to parallel structure to enhance overall coherence.

Overall, while the essay presents a discernible structure, improving the organization of ideas within paragraphs and diversifying the use of cohesive devices will contribute to a more coherent and cohesive response.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Lexical Resource: 6

  • Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a moderate range of vocabulary. There is an attempt to convey ideas using varied words, such as "benefit," "ingredent," "rejuvenation," and "economic growth." However, the vocabulary could be more diverse and sophisticated to elevate the overall lexical resource.
    • How to improve: To enhance the use of a wide range of vocabulary, consider incorporating more precise and nuanced terms. Explore synonyms and alternative expressions to avoid repetition and add depth to your arguments. For instance, instead of frequently using the term "advertisement," consider using synonyms like "promotion," "marketing," or "campaign" to convey a richer vocabulary.
  • Use Vocabulary Precisely:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay occasionally uses vocabulary precisely, as seen in phrases like "skin rejuvenation" and "economic growth." However, there are instances of imprecise language, such as "many advertisement" and "advertisement extremelly can useful," which weaken the overall precision of expression.
    • How to improve: Aim for clarity and accuracy by using words that precisely convey your intended meaning. In the mentioned examples, consider rephrasing to "many advertisements" and "advertisement can be extremely useful." Additionally, pay attention to grammar and sentence structure to enhance overall coherence and clarity.
  • Use Correct Spelling:

    • Detailed explanation: Spelling accuracy is generally adequate, but there are noticeable errors, such as "fos" instead of "for," "ingredent" instead of "ingredient," and "easilly" instead of "easily." While the errors don’t significantly hinder comprehension, they impact the overall professionalism of the essay.
    • How to improve: To improve spelling accuracy, proofread your essay carefully, paying particular attention to common problem areas. Additionally, consider using spelling and grammar checking tools to catch errors before submitting your work. Developing a habit of proofreading can contribute to better overall spelling and language accuracy.

Overall, while the essay demonstrates some strengths in vocabulary use, there is room for improvement in diversifying and refining language. Attention to precision and spelling accuracy will contribute to a more polished and effective essay.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 7

  • Use a Wide Range of Structures:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay exhibits a moderate range of sentence structures. While there is a mix of simple and compound sentences, some complexity is lacking. For instance, there is an overuse of basic sentence structures, and the essay lacks variety in sentence beginnings and lengths. The essay would benefit from incorporating more complex structures, such as compound-complex sentences or varied sentence beginnings, to enhance overall coherence and engagement.
    • How to improve: To diversify sentence structures, consider incorporating complex sentences, varying sentence lengths, and experimenting with different sentence beginnings. This could involve using introductory phrases, dependent clauses, or transition words to add sophistication and clarity to your writing.
  • Use Grammar and Punctuation Accurately:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates generally accurate grammar, but there are noticeable errors that impact the overall clarity. For instance, there are issues with subject-verb agreement (e.g., "advertisement serves" should be "advertisements serve") and some awkward phrasing (e.g., "This essay strongly disagree" should be "This essay strongly disagrees"). Punctuation is also inconsistent, with occasional missing commas and incorrect use of conjunctions. It’s crucial to address these errors to improve the overall grammatical accuracy of the essay.
    • How to improve: To enhance grammatical accuracy, pay close attention to subject-verb agreement, ensuring that verbs match the number of their subjects. Review and revise sentences for clarity, correcting awkward phrasing and improving the flow of ideas. Additionally, focus on using punctuation accurately, particularly commas, to improve overall coherence and readability.

Overall, while the essay demonstrates a good command of English, refining sentence structures and addressing grammatical errors will contribute to a more polished and sophisticated piece of writing.

Bài sửa mẫu

There is a belief that advertising serves no useful purpose and can be harmful, suggesting that society would improve if all forms of advertising were prohibited. This essay strongly disagrees with this suggestion for several reasons.

The first argument supporting my opinion is that many advertisements can bring benefits to people. The simple reason is that advertisements provide people with the opportunity to access many products easily, introducing information about the benefits, uses, and ingredients of the product. As a result, customers can choose goods that are suitable for them.

For example, many people tend to watch ads before making a purchase. Personally, I often watch video advertisements for cosmetics so I can choose beauty products suitable for my skin, thus aiding in skin rejuvenation. Therefore, advertisements can be extremely useful for many people.

Another point supporting my belief is that advertising can drive economic growth. This is because it allows companies to introduce goods and access customers easily. By using attractive advertisements, customers become more and more interested in these products. Consequently, the more people buy the products, the more profit the company earns. When many companies develop strongly, it can lead to economic growth too.

For instance, Pepsi collaborated with Blackpink, a popular music group from Korea, to advertise their products to customers. This attracted many people to buy this collection, resulting in Pepsi gaining huge profits from this advertisement. Thus, banning all forms of advertising can prevent the development of many businesses.

In conclusion, I completely disagree that advertising serves no useful purpose, given the aforementioned arguments.

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