the table and chart below show the domestic water use and cost in 5 countries

The table and bar chart display the in-home water use and expenditure in five countries namely the US, Canada, Italy, France, and Germany.
Overall, it is apparent that water use in the USA stays in the first ranking, followed by Canada, Italy, and France. Besides, the water uses for daily activities in Germany makes up for the lowest place. As we can see, the price of water in France and Germany are more expensive than the total spending on water in the rest three countries, with France being the highest and the opposite in the US.
The bar chart gives the information that the US consumes water is 1,5 times as much as Germany, which is 375 liters and 225 liters, respectively. The water used in homes in Canada is slightly more than in Italy by 25 liters with Italy precisely is 300 liters. The distinctness between Canada and Italy is half of the distinction between Italy and France.
the table gives us information about the price of water in each country. Incredibly, the Canadian cost is over 30 times as much as the USA cost for water, which are 0,31 dollars and 0,1 dollars, respectively. In addition, Water expenditure in Italy is a third of France which is 2.1 US dollars/ m3. 1.35 dollars is the price per m3 in Germany and it also places at the second-ranking under France.

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Errors and Improvements:

"stays in the first ranking" -> "remains at the top"
Explanation: "Stays in the first ranking" is somewhat awkward phrasing. "Remains at the top" is a smoother and more concise way to convey the same meaning.
"makes up for the lowest place" -> "occupies the lowest position"
Explanation: "Makes up for the lowest place" is a bit unclear. "Occupies the lowest position" is a clearer and more precise alternative.
"water uses for daily activities" -> "water usage for domestic purposes"
Explanation: "Water uses for daily activities" is somewhat informal. "Water usage for domestic purposes" is a more formal and precise way to convey the idea.
"The bar chart gives the information that" -> "According to the bar chart"
Explanation: "The bar chart gives the information that" is redundant and can be simplified to "According to the bar chart" for clarity and conciseness.
"is 1,5 times as much as" -> "is one and a half times"
Explanation: Using "1,5" instead of "1.5" is not standard. "Is one and a half times" is the correct phrasing in English.
"The distinctness between Canada and Italy" -> "The difference between Canada and Italy"
Explanation: "Distinctness" is not commonly used in this context. "Difference" is a more appropriate term for contrasting quantities.
"gives us information about" -> "provides information on"
Explanation: "Gives us information about" is informal. "Provides information on" is more formal and suitable for academic writing.
"Incredibly, the Canadian cost is over 30 times as much as" -> "Remarkably, the cost of water in Canada exceeds"
Explanation: "Incredibly" is too informal for this context. "Remarkably" maintains the emphasis while being more suitable for formal writing.
"Water expenditure in Italy is a third of France" -> "Water expenditure in Italy is one-third that of France"
Explanation: The original phrasing is slightly awkward. "One-third that of France" is a clearer and more concise expression.
"it also places at the second-ranking under France" -> "It also ranks second, just below France"
Explanation: "Places at the second-ranking under France" is not idiomatic. "Ranks second, just below France" is a more natural way to convey the same idea.

Band điểm Task Achivement ước lượng: 6

Band Score: 6.0

Explanation:
The essay adequately addresses the task by presenting an overview of the water use and cost in five countries. It provides key features such as rankings of water use and cost, comparisons between countries, and specific data from the table and bar chart.

The essay presents an overview of the main trends in water use and cost, highlighting the rankings of countries in terms of water consumption and expenditure. It also makes comparisons between countries, such as stating that the USA has the highest water consumption, followed by Canada, Italy, and France, with Germany having the lowest consumption. Additionally, it highlights differences in water cost between countries, mentioning that France and Germany have higher water costs compared to the other three countries.

However, the essay could be improved by providing more specific and accurate data. Some details are inaccurate or unclear, such as stating that the difference between Canada and Italy in water consumption is 25 liters, without specifying the units of measurement. Additionally, the essay lacks coherence in some areas and could benefit from smoother transitions between ideas.

How to improve:

Provide specific and accurate data from the table and chart, including units of measurement.
Ensure coherence and clarity by using smooth transitions between ideas.
Avoid vague or ambiguous language to enhance precision in conveying information.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 5

Band Score: 5.0

Explanation:
The essay presents some organization by introducing the topic and providing an overview of the data. However, there is a lack of overall progression as the essay jumps between discussing water use and expenditure without a clear structure. The use of cohesive devices is inadequate, with some errors and inconsistencies in referencing and substitution. Paragraphing is attempted, but it’s not always logical, with some paragraphs being too short or lacking coherence.

How to improve:
To improve coherence and cohesion, focus on creating a clear structure with a logical progression of ideas. Use cohesive devices more effectively to connect sentences and paragraphs, ensuring clarity and coherence throughout the essay. Pay attention to paragraphing, ensuring each paragraph contains a clear central topic and that paragraphs are logically organized to enhance readability and understanding. Additionally, avoid repetition and strive for accuracy in referencing and substitution.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 5

Band Score: 5

Explanation:
The essay demonstrates a minimally adequate range of vocabulary for the task. It effectively describes the content of the table and chart, utilizing terms like "water use," "expenditure," and "countries." There is an attempt to use varied vocabulary, such as "daily activities," "distinctness," and "consumes." However, there are noticeable errors in word choice and collocation, such as "water uses" instead of "water usage" and "stays in the first ranking" which could be more effectively expressed. The essay also lacks complexity and sophistication in vocabulary usage, with repetitive phrases like "water use" and "water expenditure."

How to improve:
To enhance the lexical resource, strive to incorporate a wider range of vocabulary with more precision and accuracy. This could involve using synonyms or more descriptive terms to avoid repetition. Additionally, pay attention to collocation and word choice to ensure a smoother flow of ideas. Reviewing sample essays or academic texts can help in understanding how to employ vocabulary more effectively in this context.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 5

Band Score: 5.0

Explanation: The essay attempts to use a variety of sentence structures, including simple and complex ones. There is an effort to vary sentence length and structure, but some sentences lack clarity and coherence due to grammatical errors. While there are some complex sentences attempted, they are often less accurate than simpler ones, leading to confusion for the reader. Additionally, there are frequent grammatical errors throughout the essay, which can cause difficulty in understanding.

How to improve: To improve the grammatical range and accuracy, focus on sentence structure variety by incorporating a mix of simple, compound, and complex sentences. Ensure that each sentence is grammatically correct and clear in conveying the intended meaning. Review grammar rules, particularly regarding subject-verb agreement, tense consistency, and punctuation. Proofreading and editing for errors will help enhance the overall accuracy of the essay. Additionally, aim for clarity and coherence in expressing ideas to facilitate understanding for the reader.

Bài sửa mẫu

The provided table and bar chart illustrate the domestic water consumption and associated costs across five countries: the United States, Canada, Italy, France, and Germany.

Upon analysis, it is evident that the United States ranks highest in terms of water consumption, followed by Canada, Italy, and France, while Germany exhibits the lowest water usage for daily activities.

In terms of consumption, the United States leads with 375 liters, which is 1.5 times greater than Germany’s 225 liters. Canada’s water consumption slightly exceeds that of Italy by 25 liters, with Italy consuming precisely 300 liters. The disparity between Canada and Italy is half of that between Italy and France.

Examining the cost of water in each country, it is noteworthy that Canada’s price exceeds that of the United States by over 30 times, with costs of $0.31 and $0.1 per unit respectively. Additionally, water expenditure in Italy stands at one-third of that in France, which is priced at $2.1 per cubic meter. Germany follows closely behind France, with a cost of $1.35 per cubic meter.

Overall, the data highlights variations in both water consumption and costs among the five countries, with each exhibiting distinct patterns and trends.