The table and charts below give information on the police budget for 2017 and 2018 in one area of Britain. The table shows where the money came from and the charts show how it was distributed. IELTS Cambridge 17 Task 1: Police Budget

The table and charts below give information on the police budget for 2017 and 2018 in one area of Britain. The table shows where the money came from and the charts show how it was distributed.

IELTS Cambridge 17 Task 1: Police Budget

The illustrations depict the data on the expense of police between 2017 and 2018 in particular region of Britain . The table points out the original of the money and the chart provides the way it was distributed .
Overall , The total of the police budget increased after one year , the Local Taxes is the location that the number of number was costed was the highest while the payment from the Other sources ( eg grants ) was the lowest one . Besides , the proportion that money spent on salaries ( offices and staff ) was made up the highest point , however , The technology was the site that used less money than the rest .
In the table , the source that cost huge amount of money came from the National Government that about 175,5m and increased 2,3m in the next year , turned into 177,8m became the highest consumers whereas it was true for the Other sources ( eg grants ) only 38m in the 2017 then just climb up slightly in 2018 , approximately 38,5m being the lowest one . Followed , The Local Taxes consumed 91,2m in the 2017 , however , the money was spent from the Local Taxes rose dramatically , from 91,2 m to 102,3m increased 11,1m in the later year .The total of the money grew up rapidly just after 1 year from 304,7m to 318,6m .
In the pie chart, the proportion of money was spent on salaries of 75 % in 2017 but declined fastly in 2018 , nevertheless , it was the greatest one . Next , the money that used for Technology was made up the lowest percentage and it increased to 8% to 14% in the later year . The proportion of money that paid for Buildings and transport remained after 2 years , only 17% .

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Errors and Improvements:

"The illustrations depict the data on the expense of police between 2017 and 2018 in particular region of Britain." -> "The illustrations depict the data regarding police expenditure between 2017 and 2018 in a specific region of Britain."
Explanation: Replacing "expense of police" with "police expenditure" provides a more precise and formal term to describe the financial aspect. Additionally, "particular region" is replaced with "specific region" for clarity and to avoid repetition of the word "particular."
"The table points out the original of the money and the chart provides the way it was distributed." -> "The table illustrates the sources of funding, while the chart delineates its allocation."
Explanation: Replacing "points out the original of the money" with "illustrates the sources of funding" offers a clearer expression. "The way it was distributed" is replaced with "its allocation" for conciseness and clarity.
"Overall, The total of the police budget increased after one year…" -> "Overall, the total police budget increased over the course of one year…"
Explanation: "The total of the police budget" is clarified to "the total police budget" for grammatical accuracy. "Increased after one year" is refined to "increased over the course of one year" for clearer temporal reference.
"…the location that the number of number was costed was the highest…" -> "…the location where the highest expenditure occurred…"
Explanation: "The number of number was costed" is replaced with "expenditure occurred" for clarity and precision. "The location that" is replaced with "where" for smoother flow and clarity.
"…however, The technology was the site that used less money than the rest." -> "…however, technology incurred lower expenditure compared to other areas."
Explanation: "The technology was the site that used less money" is revised to "technology incurred lower expenditure" for clarity and precision. "Than the rest" is replaced with "compared to other areas" for specificity and clarity.
"…the source that cost huge amount of money came from the National Government…" -> "…the largest source of funding came from the National Government…"
Explanation: "Cost huge amount of money" is replaced with "largest source of funding" for precision and formality.
"…The Local Taxes consumed 91,2m in the 2017…" -> "…Local Taxes accounted for 91.2 million in 2017…"
Explanation: "Consumed" is replaced with "accounted for" to accurately convey the role of Local Taxes in contributing to the budget. The numerical value is standardized with correct punctuation for clarity.
"…rose dramatically, from 91,2 m to 102,3m increased 11,1m in the later year." -> "…rose dramatically from 91.2 million to 102.3 million, an increase of 11.1 million in the following year."
Explanation: Clarifying the syntax and punctuation to accurately represent the increase in Local Taxes expenditure.
"The total of the money grew up rapidly just after 1 year…" -> "The total police budget increased rapidly within one year…"
Explanation: Replacing "The total of the money grew up" with "The total police budget increased" for clarity and precision. "Just after 1 year" is revised to "within one year" for conciseness.
"…but declined fastly in 2018, nevertheless, it was the greatest one." -> "…but declined rapidly in 2018; nevertheless, it remained the highest."
Explanation: "Declined fastly" is corrected to "declined rapidly" for clarity and precision. Adding a semicolon for proper punctuation.
"Next, the money that used for Technology was made up the lowest percentage…" -> "Next, the allocation for Technology constituted the smallest percentage…"
Explanation: "The money that used for Technology" is revised to "the allocation for Technology" for clarity and precision. "Was made up the lowest percentage" is replaced with "constituted the smallest percentage" for clarity and formality.
"…the proportion of money was spent on salaries of 75% in 2017…" -> "…the proportion of the budget allocated to salaries was 75% in 2017…"
Explanation: Replacing "money was spent on salaries" with "budget allocated to salaries" for precision.
"…and it increased to 8% to 14% in the later year." -> "…and increased from 8% to 14% in the following year."
Explanation: Clarifying the syntax and temporal reference for the increase in expenditure on Technology.
"…remained after 2 years, only 17%." -> "…remained consistent at 17% after 2 years."
Explanation: "Remained after 2 years" is replaced with "remained consistent at" for clarity and precision regarding the duration and percentage.

Band điểm Task Achivement ước lượng: 5

Band Score: 5.0

Explanation:
The essay generally addresses the task by describing the data presented in the table and charts. It provides an overview of the main trends, such as the increase in the total police budget from 2017 to 2018 and the distribution of funds among different sources and expenditure categories. Key features like the sources of funding and the areas of expenditure are highlighted.

How to improve:
To improve, the essay could focus on providing a clearer structure and more precise descriptions. There are instances of unclear phrasing and grammatical errors that affect readability. Additionally, some details are inaccurate or not fully explained, such as the fluctuation in percentages in the pie chart. Providing more accurate and detailed descriptions would enhance the clarity and coherence of the response.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 6

Band Score: 6.0

Explanation: The essay arranges information somewhat coherently, providing an overview of the police budget for 2017 and 2018 in a specific region of Britain. There is an attempt at organizing information, albeit with some inconsistencies. The introduction and conclusion are clear, but the body paragraphs lack clear topic sentences and transitions. Some cohesive devices are used effectively, but there are instances of faulty cohesion, especially within and between sentences. The essay uses paragraphing, but not always logically.

How to improve: To enhance coherence and cohesion, focus on structuring the essay more effectively. Each paragraph should have a clear topic sentence and logical progression of ideas. Ensure cohesive devices are used consistently and appropriately to establish connections between sentences and paragraphs. Additionally, refine paragraphing to create a smoother flow of information throughout the essay. Finally, pay attention to referencing and substitution to avoid repetition and improve clarity.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 6

Band Score: 6

Explanation: The essay demonstrates an adequate range of vocabulary for the task, covering key terms related to the police budget and its allocation. The writer attempts to use less common vocabulary, such as "proportion" and "consumers," although there are some inaccuracies and

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 5

Band Score: 5.0

Explanation:
The essay demonstrates an attempt to use a variety of sentence structures and demonstrates some level of complexity. There is evidence of both simple and complex sentence forms throughout the essay. However, the accuracy of these structures is inconsistent. While there are instances of error-free sentences, there are also frequent grammatical errors and issues with punctuation. The attempt to use complex sentences occasionally leads to inaccuracies, which can cause some difficulty for the reader in understanding the intended meaning.

How to improve:
To improve the grammatical range and accuracy, the writer should focus on consistently applying a wider variety of sentence structures with greater accuracy. This can be achieved through careful proofreading and practice with more complex sentence forms. Additionally, paying close attention to punctuation rules and ensuring that sentences are grammatically correct will enhance clarity and coherence in the essay.

Bài sửa mẫu

The visual representations illustrate the expenditure of the police budget over the span of 2017 to 2018 in a specific region of Britain. The table delineates the sources of funding, while the charts delineate the allocation of these funds.

Overall, there was an increase in the total police budget over the one-year period. The primary source of funding was Local Taxes, constituting the highest expenditure, whereas funds from Other sources (e.g., grants) represented the lowest portion. The majority of the budget was allocated to salaries (offices and staff), with Technology receiving the least allocation.

Examining the table, it is evident that the largest source of funding originated from the National Government, amounting to approximately £175.5 million in 2017. This figure saw a modest increase of £2.3 million in the subsequent year, reaching £177.8 million, making it the highest contributor. Conversely, funds from Other sources (e.g., grants) began at £38 million in 2017 and experienced only a slight rise to approximately £38.5 million in 2018, marking the lowest expenditure. Furthermore, Local Taxes accounted for £91.2 million in 2017, witnessing a substantial increase to £102.3 million in 2018, reflecting a rise of £11.1 million. Consequently, the total budget escalated from £304.7 million in 2017 to £318.6 million in 2018 within the span of a year.

In the pie charts, the majority of the budget, 75% in 2017, was allocated to salaries, which saw a significant decline in 2018 while remaining the largest expenditure. Conversely, the allocation for Technology increased from 8% to 14% between the two years, representing the lowest proportion initially. Expenditure on Buildings and transport remained constant over the two-year period at 17%.