The table and pie charts below show the number of research students in Australian universities in 2001 and 2010.

The given table provides insights into the quantity of native and overseas students engaging in research work in tertiary educational institutions in Australia as of 2001 and 2010, while the accompanying pie charts clarify how students of both sexes made up these student populations during the same time frame.

Overall, the number of students conducting research exhibited an upward trend over the 9-year period. Interestingly, this upsurge can be largely attributed to the rise in the number of overseas students, although these figures consistently occupied lower proportions of the student population in both years. Additionally, male students were more likely to be involved in research work than their female counterparts.

As of 2001, the total number of student researchers stood at 38,849, 33,657 of which were native to the country, constituting up to 87% of the student body. The percentage of male and female students were roughly on par, with respective figures reaching 44% and 43%. Only 5,192 students were from foreign countries, making up a modest proportion of 13%. The proportion of female students stood at 4%, which was almost half as that of male ones, standing at 9%.

As of 2010, the total number of students undertaking research rose to a formidable figure of 54,081. The number of local students climbed to 39,488, but took up a decreasing rate of 73% of the total student population with only 35% being female. On the contrary, non-native student researchers almost tripled in number and doubled in percentage compared to the 2001 figures. In this cohort, 15% were female in comparison with a slightly lower figure for male, reaching only 12%.

Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

"the quantity of native and overseas students engaging in research work" -> "the number of domestic and international students participating in research activities"
Explanation: "Quantity" is more appropriate for uncountable nouns, while "number" is used for countable nouns. "Domestic" and "international" are more precise terms than "native" and "overseas," and "participating in research activities" sounds more formal than "engaging in research work."
"this upsurge can be largely attributed to the rise in the number of overseas students" -> "this increase can primarily be attributed to the growth in the number of international students"
Explanation: "Upsurge" is somewhat informal; "increase" is more academically appropriate. "Primarily" is a more precise term than "largely," and "growth" conveys a clearer sense of progression than "rise."
"the percentage of male and female students were roughly on par" -> "the percentages of male and female students were approximately equal"
Explanation: "Percentages" should be plural to match the subject. "Approximately equal" is a more formal and precise way to express the idea of being "on par."
"Only 5,192 students were from foreign countries" -> "Only 5,192 students were international students"
Explanation: "International students" is a more concise and academically appropriate term than "students from foreign countries."
"making up a modest proportion of 13%" -> "constituting a modest proportion of 13%"
Explanation: "Constituting" is a more formal and precise term than "making up," aligning better with academic language.
"which was almost half as that of male ones" -> "which was almost half that of male students"
Explanation: The phrase "half as that of male ones" is awkward; "half that of male students" is clearer and more grammatically correct.
"rose to a formidable figure of 54,081" -> "increased to a significant total of 54,081"
Explanation: "Increased" is a more straightforward verb than "rose," and "significant total" is a more formal expression than "formidable figure."
"but took up a decreasing rate of 73% of the total student population" -> "but constituted a declining percentage of 73% of the total student population"
Explanation: "Constituted" is a more formal verb than "took up," and "declining percentage" is clearer than "decreasing rate."
"with only 35% being female" -> "with only 35% of whom were female"
Explanation: This revision improves grammatical structure and clarity, making it more formal.
"In this cohort, 15% were female in comparison with a slightly lower figure for male, reaching only 12%" -> "In this cohort, 15% were female, compared to a slightly lower percentage for males, which was only 12%"
Explanation: "Compared to" is a more standard academic phrase than "in comparison with," and "percentage" is more precise than "figure." The phrase "which was only 12%" clarifies the comparison.

Band điểm Task Achivement ước lượng: 7

Band Score: 7

Explanation: The essay provides a clear overview of the main trends in the data, highlighting the increase in the number of research students and the changing proportions of local and overseas students. The essay also presents key features of the data, such as the gender breakdown of students, but could be more fully extended.

How to improve: The essay could be improved by providing more detailed analysis of the data, such as comparing the rates of increase in local and overseas students or discussing the reasons for the changes in gender proportions. The essay could also be made more concise by avoiding unnecessary repetition. For example, the essay states that "the number of local students climbed to 39,488, but took up a decreasing rate of 73% of the total student population" and then goes on to say that "local students took up a decreasing rate of 73% of the total student population". This information could be presented more concisely by saying that "the number of local students climbed to 39,488, taking up a decreasing rate of 73% of the total student population".

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 7

Band Score: 7.0

Explanation: The essay logically organizes information and ideas, presenting a clear progression throughout. The introduction effectively sets the context, and the overall structure is coherent, with distinct paragraphs focusing on different aspects of the data. However, while cohesive devices are used appropriately, there are instances of slight overuse, particularly in transitions, which may disrupt the flow. Each paragraph presents a clear central topic, but the referencing could be improved for better clarity and connection between ideas.

How to improve: To achieve a higher band score, the writer should focus on enhancing the variety and appropriateness of cohesive devices to ensure a smoother flow of ideas. Additionally, improving the clarity of referencing within and between sentences would strengthen the overall coherence. Ensuring that each paragraph not only presents a topic but also connects seamlessly to the next would further enhance the essay’s cohesion.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 7

Band Score: 7.0

Explanation: The essay demonstrates a sufficient range of vocabulary, allowing for some flexibility and precision in conveying information. The use of terms like "upward trend," "engaging in research work," and "formidable figure" indicates an awareness of style and context. However, there are occasional inaccuracies in word choice, such as "constituting up to 87% of the student body," which could be more precisely phrased. Additionally, there are minor spelling and word formation errors, such as "non-native student researchers almost tripled in number," which could be clearer. Overall, while the vocabulary is adequate and varied, the presence of errors and occasional awkward phrasing prevents a higher score.

How to improve: To enhance the lexical resource score, the writer should focus on using more sophisticated vocabulary and ensuring precise word choice. Practicing with less common lexical itemsand collocations can help improve fluency and flexibility. Additionally, proofreading for spelling and word formation errors will aid in achieving clearer communication. Engaging with a wider range of academic texts can also provide exposure to advanced vocabulary and expressions that can be incorporated into future essays.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 7

Band Score: 7.0

Explanation: The essay demonstrates a variety of complex structures and produces frequent error-free sentences, which aligns well with the criteria for Band 7. The writer shows good control of grammar and punctuation, although there are a few errors and awkward phrases that may slightly hinder clarity. For instance, phrases like "the percentage of male and female students were roughly on par" should use "was" instead of "were" to maintain subject-verb agreement. Overall, the grammatical range is solid, but the presence of minor errors prevents a higher score.

How to improve: To achieve a higher band score, the writer should focus on refining grammatical accuracy, particularly in subject-verb agreement and sentence structure. Additionally, increasing the variety of sentence forms and ensuring that all complex sentences are error-free would enhance the overall quality. Practicing proofreading for minor errors and seeking feedback on complex structures can also contribute to improvement.

Bài sửa mẫu

The given table provides insights into the number of native and overseas students engaging in research work in tertiary educational institutions in Australia as of 2001 and 2010, while the accompanying pie charts illustrate the gender distribution within these student populations during the same time frame.

Overall, the number of students conducting research exhibited an upward trend over the nine-year period. Notably, this increase can be largely attributed to the rise in the number of overseas students, although these figures consistently represented a smaller proportion of the student population in both years. Additionally, male students were more likely to be involved in research work than their female counterparts.

In 2001, the total number of student researchers stood at 38,849, of which 33,657 were native to the country, constituting approximately 87% of the student body. The percentage of male and female students was roughly comparable, with respective figures reaching 44% and 43%. Only 5,192 students were from overseas, making up a modest proportion of 13%. Within this group, the proportion of female students was 4%, which was nearly half that of male students, who accounted for 9%.

By 2010, the total number of students undertaking research rose to a significant figure of 54,081. The number of local students increased to 39,488, but their share of the total student population decreased to 73%, with only 35% being female. In contrast, non-native student researchers nearly tripled in number and doubled in percentage compared to the 2001 figures. In this cohort, 15% were female, compared to a slightly lower figure for males, which reached only 12%.