the table below gives information on consumer spending on different items in tour different countries in 2008

The diagram demonstrates information about consumer expenditure on different items in four countries namely China, Thailand, Japan, and Vietnam.
Overall, it was discernible that the percentage of Fast food/ drinks commonly made up for the highest place in four countries. Followed by Shoes/watch and Leisure activities/education was not tended to spend on. In China, the proportion of spending on all items invariably remained at the top ranking in 20008.
In 2008, the table shows the scale of harmful food/drinks in China was nearly 2 times as much as Thailand’s scale, which was nearly 29% in China and 16% in Thailand. Additionally, Thailand's consumption of accessories is one-third of China’s one, which was 5,93% compared to 16,23%, respectively. The statistics for recreational activities/ education in Thailand was only more than in China.
The proportion of shoes/watches in Vietnam and Japan was almost no different. Besides, Japan’s ready-made meals/ drinks were higher only slightly than Vietnamese consumption, which was nearly a fifth compared with 16%, respectively. The percentage of spending money on free-time pursuit/learning in Japan is one-half that of Vietnam’s ratio.

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Errors and Improvements:

"in four countries namely China, Thailand, Japan, and Vietnam" -> "in four countries: China, Thailand, Japan, and Vietnam"
Explanation: Using a colon instead of "namely" makes the sentence more concise and formal.
"Overall, it was discernible that" -> "Overall, it is evident that"
Explanation: "Discernible" is less commonly used and slightly awkward here; "evident" is a more straightforward synonym.
"Followed by Shoes/watch" -> "Followed by footwear and timepieces"
Explanation: "Shoes/watch" is awkward and unclear; "footwear" and "timepieces" are more precise terms.
"Leisure activities/education was not tended to spend on" -> "Expenditure on leisure activities and education was comparatively lower"
Explanation: "Not tended to spend on" is awkward and unclear; "comparatively lower" is a more precise and formal expression.
"the proportion of spending on all items invariably remained at the top ranking in 20008" -> "the proportion of expenditure on all items consistently ranked highest in 2008"
Explanation: "Invariably" is awkward and doesn’t fit here; "consistently ranked highest" is a clearer expression.
"the scale of harmful food/drinks in China was nearly 2 times as much as Thailand’s scale" -> "the proportion of consumption of harmful food/drinks in China was nearly double that of Thailand’s"
Explanation: "Scale" is not the most appropriate term here; "proportion of consumption" is more accurate. Additionally, "as much as" is better replaced with "double."
"Thailand’s consumption of accessories is one-third of China’s one" -> "Thailand’s consumption of accessories is one-third that of China’s"
Explanation: "One" is redundant here; "one-third that of" is a clearer expression.
"The statistics for recreational activities/ education in Thailand was only more than in China" -> "The expenditure on recreational activities and education in Thailand exceeded that in China"
Explanation: "Was only more than" is awkward; "exceeded that in" is a clearer expression.
"The proportion of shoes/watches in Vietnam and Japan was almost no different" -> "The proportion of footwear and timepieces in Vietnam and Japan was similar"
Explanation: "Was almost no different" is awkward; "similar" is a simpler and clearer term.
"Japan’s ready-made meals/ drinks were higher only slightly than Vietnamese consumption" -> "Japan’s consumption of ready-made meals and drinks was only slightly higher than that of Vietnam"
Explanation: The structure of the sentence is improved for clarity and precision.
"The percentage of spending money on free-time pursuit/learning in Japan is one-half that of Vietnam’s ratio" -> "Japan’s expenditure on leisure and learning activities is half that of Vietnam’s"
Explanation: "Percentage of spending money on" is redundant and awkward; "expenditure on leisure and learning activities" is more concise.

Band điểm Task Achivement ước lượng: 5

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Band Score: 5.0
Explanation: The essay generally addresses the task by providing an overview of consumer spending on different items in four countries in 2008. It highlights key features such as the highest expenditure category and some specific percentages for different items in each country. However, the presentation lacks clarity and coherence, with some information being unclear or inaccurate.
How to improve: Provide a clearer and more organized structure for the essay, ensuring that all information presented is accurate and relevant. Additionally, strive for more precise and cohesive language to enhance clarity and coherence in the essay.
]

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 5

Band Score: 5.0

Explanation:
The essay presents information with some organization, outlining the categories of consumer spending across four countries. However, there is a lack of overall progression as the essay jumps between countries without a clear structure. The usage of cohesive devices is inadequate, leading to disjointed sentences and paragraphs. The essay tends to be repetitive due to the lack of referencing and substitution, as similar information is reiterated without adding substantial value. Additionally, while there are attempts at paragraphing, it is inadequate and lacks logical coherence.

How to improve:

Clear Structure: Start with an introduction that provides an overview of the data and a thesis statement. Then, organize the body paragraphs by country, discussing each one’s spending patterns individually before drawing comparisons.
Cohesive Devices: Use a variety of cohesive devices such as transition words (e.g., "additionally," "furthermore") to create smoother connections between sentences and paragraphs.
Avoid Repetition: Instead of repeating similar information, focus on providing additional insights or analysis to enhance the depth of the essay.
Logical Paragraphing: Ensure that each paragraph focuses on a central topic or category of spending and follows a logical progression of ideas. Use topic sentences to introduce each paragraph’s main point and support it with relevant details.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 5

Band Score: 5.0

Explanation: The essay demonstrates a limited range of vocabulary, which is minimally adequate for the task. It covers the basic information but lacks depth in lexical variety and sophistication. Some errors in word choice and collocation are noticeable, affecting the clarity and precision of the message. Additionally, there are noticeable errors in spelling and word formation, causing some difficulty for the reader.

How to improve: To improve the lexical resource score, the writer should focus on expanding their vocabulary range and using more varied and precise lexical items. They should also pay attention to word choice and collocation to convey ideas more accurately. Additionally, thorough proofreading to correct spelling and word formation errors is essential for enhancing readability and coherence.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 5

Band Score: 5

Explanation: The essay demonstrates an attempt at using a variety of sentence structures, including complex ones, such as compound sentences and comparisons. However, there are several grammatical errors throughout the essay, including tense inconsistencies ("was" instead of "were" in "Leisure activities/education was not tended to spend on"), subject-verb agreement issues ("Shoes/watch and Leisure activities/education was not tended to spend on"), and missing articles ("the scale of harmful food/drinks in China was nearly 2 times"). Additionally, there are punctuation errors, such as missing commas and incorrect capitalization ("Leisure activities/education was not tended to spend on" should be "Leisure activities/education were not tended to spend on"). These errors, although they do not entirely impede understanding, can cause some difficulty for the reader.

How to improve: To improve the grammatical range and accuracy, focus on consistency in verb tense, subject-verb agreement, and proper article usage. Also, pay attention to punctuation, ensuring correct comma placement and capitalization. Reviewing grammar rules and practicing sentence structure diversity can help enhance the overall quality of the writing.

Bài sửa mẫu

The provided table delineates consumer expenditure across various categories in four distinct countries during the year 2008.

Overall, it is evident that fast food and beverages accounted for the highest proportion of spending in all four countries. This was followed by expenditures on footwear and time spent on leisure activities and education, which remained relatively low across the board. Notably, China consistently allocated the highest percentage of its consumer spending across all categories in the year 2008.

Specifically, in 2008, China’s consumption of unhealthy food and beverages was nearly double that of Thailand, with figures reaching approximately 29% and 16%, respectively. Moreover, Thailand’s expenditure on accessories amounted to only one-third of China’s, standing at 5.93% compared to China’s 16.23%. However, Thailand surpassed China in spending on leisure activities and education.

Vietnam and Japan exhibited similar proportions of spending on footwear and watches. Additionally, Japan’s consumption of ready-made meals and beverages slightly exceeded that of Vietnam, with figures of approximately one-fifth and 16%, respectively. Furthermore, Japan allocated half as much expenditure on leisure and educational activities compared to Vietnam.

Overall, the data indicates distinct patterns in consumer spending across the mentioned countries in 2008.