The table below gives information on visitor statistics for 1996, 1998 and 2000 for various World Heritage sites in Australia Summarize the information by selecting and reporting the salient features, and make comparisons where relevant

The table below gives information on visitor statistics for 1996, 1998 and 2000 for various World Heritage sites in Australia
Summarize the information by selecting and reporting the salient features, and make comparisons where relevant

INTRO:
The given table compares the number of tourists to six World Heritage sites in Australia in 3 different years: 1996, 1998 and 2000
OVERVIEW:
Overall, the initial impression from the chart is that there were an increase in the number of people paying a visit to Great Barrier Reef, Blue Mountains, Tasmania Wilderness and Shark Bay, albeit to varying extents, while a gradual decline was seen in Central Eastern Rainforest Reserve and Macquarie Island. It is also noticeable that Great Barrier Reef was the top tourist attraction whose popularity rose dramatically over time.
BODY 1:
Looking first at Great Barrier Reef and Macquarie Island, the former commenced with the highest figure in the first year of the period, at 1670000 travelers while the latter trailed behind, reaching 350 people. Thereafter, Great Barrier Reef’s output embarked on a upward trend, bottoming out at 2950000 in 1998, before ending the period at around 3200000. Opposite changes can be seen in the figure for Macquarie Island in 1998, at 310, before increasing slightly to 330 in the next 2 years.
BODY 2:
Turning to the remaining locations the proportion of Central Eastern Rainforest Reserve started at 810000 persons, after which it experienced subsequent fluctuations and a final decline from 770000 in 2000. Conversely, the Blue Mountains’s visitors allocation saw a gradual rise, from 526000 to 565000 over the 2 years period, before reaching at approximately 581000. 450000 people visited to Tasmania Wilderness in 1996, with a subsequent rise to 475000, and a final go up just over 480000. The figure for travelers paid a visit to Shark Bay increased sharply from 84000 at the beginning of the period to reach at 102000 in 1998, but the later dropped to 89000 in the last year of the period.

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"the initial impression from the chart is that there were an increase" -> "the initial impression from the chart is that there was an increase"
Explanation: The subject "there" is singular, so it requires the singular verb "was" for grammatical agreement.
"albeit to varying extents" -> "albeit to differing degrees"
Explanation: "Differing degrees" is more precise and formal than "varying extents," enhancing clarity in academic writing.
"whose popularity rose dramatically over time" -> "whose popularity increased significantly over time"
Explanation: "Increased significantly" is a more formal and precise expression than "rose dramatically," which can imply an emotional tone.
"the former commenced with the highest figure" -> "the former began with the highest figure"
Explanation: "Began" is a more straightforward and formal term than "commenced," which may sound overly elaborate in this context.
"at 1670000 travelers while the latter trailed behind" -> "at 1,670,000 travelers, whereas the latter recorded"
Explanation: Adding a comma for clarity in the number and replacing "trailed behind" with "recorded" enhances the academic tone and precision.
"output embarked on a upward trend" -> "output exhibited an upward trend"
Explanation: "Exhibited" is a more formal and precise verb than "embarked on," which is less commonly used in this context.
"bottoming out at 2950000" -> "reaching a peak of 2,950,000"
Explanation: "Reaching a peak" is clearer and more appropriate than "bottoming out," which suggests a decline rather than an increase.
"Opposite changes can be seen in the figure for Macquarie Island" -> "Conversely, the data for Macquarie Island exhibited opposite trends"
Explanation: "Conversely" is a more formal transition than "opposite changes can be seen," and "exhibited opposite trends" is more precise.
"the proportion of Central Eastern Rainforest Reserve started at 810000 persons" -> "the number of visitors to Central Eastern Rainforest Reserve started at 810,000 individuals"
Explanation: "Number of visitors" is clearer and more specific than "proportion," and "individuals" is a more formal term than "persons."
"after which it experienced subsequent fluctuations and a final decline from 770000 in 2000" -> "after which it experienced fluctuations, culminating in a decline to 770,000 in 2000"
Explanation: "Culminating in" is a more precise phrase than "a final decline from," improving clarity and formality.
"the Blue Mountains’s visitors allocation saw a gradual rise" -> "the number of visitors to the Blue Mountains experienced a gradual increase"
Explanation: "Number of visitors" is clearer than "visitors allocation," and "experienced a gradual increase" is more formal than "saw a gradual rise."
"before reaching at approximately 581000" -> "before reaching approximately 581,000"
Explanation: The phrase "reaching at" is incorrect; "reaching" alone suffices for clarity.
"with a subsequent rise to 475000, and a final go up just over 480000" -> "with a subsequent increase to 475,000, followed by a final rise to just over 480,000"
Explanation: "Increase" is more formal than "go up," and "followed by" provides clearer sequencing.
"the figure for travelers paid a visit to Shark Bay increased sharply" -> "the number of visitors to Shark Bay increased sharply"
Explanation: "Number of visitors" is a more standard phrasing than "figure for travelers paid a visit," enhancing clarity and formality.
"but the later dropped to 89000 in the last year of the period" -> "but later dropped to 89,000 in the final year of the period"
Explanation: "Later" should not be preceded by "the," and "final year" is more precise than "last year," maintaining an academic tone.

Band điểm Task Achivement ước lượng: 6

Band Score: 6

Explanation: The essay provides an overview of the information in the table, but it does not fully satisfy all the requirements of the task. The essay does not present a clear overview of the main trends, differences or stages. The essay also does not adequately highlight key features/bullet points.

How to improve: The essay could be improved by providing a clearer overview of the main trends, differences or stages. The essay could also be improved by highlighting key features/bullet points more effectively. For example, the essay could state that the number of visitors to the Great Barrier Reef increased significantly over the period, while the number of visitors to the Central Eastern Rainforest Reserve decreased. The essay could also state that the number of visitors to the Blue Mountains, Tasmania Wilderness, and Shark Bay increased, but at a slower rate than the Great Barrier Reef. The essay could also state that the number of visitors to Macquarie Island increased slightly.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 6

Band Score: 6.0

Explanation: The essay arranges information and ideas coherently, with a clear overall progression from the introduction to the overview and through the body paragraphs. However, while cohesive devices are used effectively, there are instances of awkward phrasing and mechanical cohesion, particularly in transitions between sentences. Additionally, the paragraphing is present but could be more logically structured, as some ideas within paragraphs feel somewhat disjointed.

How to improve: To enhance coherence and cohesion, the writer should focus on improving the logical flow between sentences and paragraphs. This can be achieved by using a wider range of cohesive devices and ensuring that each paragraph has a clear central topic that is consistently developed. Additionally, refining the use of referencing and substitution can help reduce repetition and enhance clarity.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 6

Band Score: 6.0

Explanation: The essay demonstrates an adequate range of vocabulary suitable for the task. The writer attempts to use less common vocabulary, such as "commenced," "embarked," and "allocation," but there are inaccuracies and awkward phrases, such as "bottoming out" and "the later dropped," which detract from clarity. While the overall message is communicated, some errors in word choice and collocation are present, which may cause slight confusion for the reader. Additionally, there are some spelling and grammatical issues, such as "a upward trend" instead of "an upward trend," which further impacts the overall lexical resource.

How to improve: To enhance the lexical resource score, the writer should focus on using a wider range of vocabulary with greater precision and accuracy. Avoiding awkward phrases and ensuring correct collocations will improve clarity. Additionally, practicing spelling and grammatical structures will help reduce errors. Expanding vocabulary through reading and using synonyms can also contribute to a more sophisticated expression of ideas.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 6

Band Score: 6.0

Explanation: The essay demonstrates a mix of simple and complex sentence forms, which is characteristic of a Band 6 score. There are several grammatical errors and awkward phrasings that occasionally hinder clarity, such as "the former commenced with the highest figure" and "bottoming out at 2950000." While the overall meaning is generally clear, the frequency of errors in grammar and punctuation suggests that the communication is not as smooth as it could be.

How to improve: To achieve a higher band score, the writer should focus on the following areas:

Increase Sentence Variety: Incorporate a wider range of complex structures and ensure that they are used accurately.
Minimize Errors: Proofread for grammatical and punctuation errors, particularly in areas where the meaning could be distorted.
Enhance Clarity: Use clearer phrasing to convey ideas more effectively, avoiding awkward constructions that may confuse the reader.
Practice Consistency: Aim for consistency in verb tenses and subject-verb agreement throughout the essay.

Bài sửa mẫu

Improved IELTS Task 1 Report:

INTRO:
The given table compares the number of tourists to six World Heritage sites in Australia in three different years: 1996, 1998, and 2000.

OVERVIEW:
Overall, the initial impression from the chart is that there was an increase in the number of visitors to the Great Barrier Reef, Blue Mountains, Tasmania Wilderness, and Shark Bay, albeit to varying extents, while a gradual decline was observed in the Central Eastern Rainforest Reserve and Macquarie Island. It is also noteworthy that the Great Barrier Reef was the top tourist attraction, with its popularity rising dramatically over time.

BODY 1:
Looking first at the Great Barrier Reef and Macquarie Island, the former started with the highest figure in the first year of the period, at 1,670,000 travelers, while the latter trailed behind, reaching only 350 visitors. Subsequently, the Great Barrier Reef’s numbers embarked on an upward trend, peaking at 2,950,000 in 1998, before ending the period at around 3,200,000. In contrast, the figures for Macquarie Island showed a decrease in 1998, with 310 visitors, before increasing slightly to 330 over the next two years.

BODY 2:
Turning to the remaining locations, the number of visitors to the Central Eastern Rainforest Reserve started at 810,000, after which it experienced fluctuations and ultimately declined to 770,000 in 2000. Conversely, the Blue Mountains saw a gradual rise in visitor numbers, from 526,000 to 565,000 over the two-year period, before reaching approximately 581,000. The Tasmania Wilderness attracted 450,000 visitors in 1996, with a subsequent rise to 475,000, and a final increase to just over 480,000. The number of travelers to Shark Bay increased sharply from 84,000 at the beginning of the period to 102,000 in 1998, but later dropped to 89,000 in the final year.