The table below shows information about the population of New Zealand from 2011 to 2012 by age group. Summarize the formation by selecting and reporting the main features and make comparisons where relevant.

The table below shows information about the population of New Zealand from 2011 to 2012 by age group.
Summarize the formation by selecting and reporting the main features and make comparisons where relevant.

The table illustrates the number of inhabitants in New Zealand between 2011 and 2012, regarding four age groups.
Overall, there was an increase in residents in total and those who aged over 40, while the figures for the younger ones experienced a downward trend. Additionally, in both years, the majority of population in New Zealand was those whose ages range from 15 to 39, as opposed to the number of people who are above 65 years old which occupied the last position.
Over one-fourth of New Zealander was between 40 to 64 years old in 2011, before rising slightly by 0.6% in the subsequent year. In terms of the figure for those who are over 65 years old, despite witnessing the lowest number out of the four, it presented the fastest growth of 4% over the period shown. As a result, there was a marginal upward trend being seen in all ages of population with 0,6% more people inhabiting New Zealand.
In contrast, the number of people living in New Zealand aged 15 to 39 started at over 1,500,000, after which it decreased moderately by 0.2%. The figure for the youngest age group witnessed a similar trend as it went down mildly by the same percentage from 2011 to 2012.

Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

"The table illustrates" -> "The table depicts"
Explanation: "Depicts" is a more precise and formal term than "illustrates" in academic contexts, enhancing the formality of the language.
"inhabitants" -> "population"
Explanation: "Population" is a more commonly used and precise term in demographic discussions, aligning better with academic style.
"regarding" -> "concerning"
Explanation: "Concerning" is more formal and suitable for academic writing, particularly when discussing specific topics like demographics.
"in total" -> "overall"
Explanation: "Overall" is a more formal and academically appropriate term for summarizing trends.
"the figures for the younger ones" -> "the figures for the younger age groups"
Explanation: Adding "age groups" clarifies the reference, making the language more specific and formal.
"the majority of population" -> "the majority of the population"
Explanation: Adding "the" before "population" corrects the grammatical structure, making the sentence grammatically correct and more formal.
"whose ages range from 15 to 39" -> "in the age range of 15 to 39"
Explanation: "In the age range of" is a more precise and formal way to describe the age groups.
"occupied the last position" -> "held the lowest position"
Explanation: "Held the lowest position" is more precise and formal, avoiding the vague "occupied the last position."
"Over one-fourth" -> "More than one-quarter"
Explanation: "More than one-quarter" is a more formal and precise way to express proportions in academic writing.
"before rising slightly by 0.6% in the subsequent year" -> "before increasing by 0.6% in the subsequent year"
Explanation: "Increasing" is more specific and appropriate for describing changes in population figures.
"As a result, there was a marginal upward trend being seen in all ages of population with 0,6% more people inhabiting New Zealand." -> "Consequently, a marginal increase of 0.6% in the population was observed across all age groups."
Explanation: "Consequently" is more formal than "As a result," and rephrasing the sentence improves clarity and formality.
"the number of people living in New Zealand" -> "the number of residents in New Zealand"
Explanation: "Residents" is a more specific and formal term than "people living," which is vague and informal.
"started at over 1,500,000" -> "began at over 1,500,000"
Explanation: "Begun" is more precise and formal than "started" in this context.
"after which it decreased moderately by 0.2%" -> "following which it decreased by 0.2%"
Explanation: "Following which" is more formal and appropriate for academic writing than "after which."
"The figure for the youngest age group witnessed a similar trend as it went down mildly by the same percentage" -> "The figure for the youngest age group exhibited a similar trend, decreasing by the same percentage"
Explanation: "Exhibited" is more formal and precise than "witnessed," and rephrasing improves clarity and formality.

Band điểm Task Achivement ước lượng: 6

Band Score: 6

Explanation: The essay addresses the requirements of the task by providing an overview of the main features of the data. It presents information appropriately selected, such as the overall trend of population increase and the age group with the highest population. However, the essay does not fully highlight all key features. For example, it mentions that the population aged 40-64 increased by 0.6% but does not mention that this was the same percentage increase as the overall population. Additionally, the essay provides some irrelevant details, such as the specific number of people in each age group, which is not necessary for a summary.

How to improve: The essay could be improved by focusing on the key features of the data and providing more specific comparisons. For example, the essay could compare the percentage change in each age group to the overall percentage change. The essay could also be improved by removing irrelevant details, such as the specific number of people in each age group.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 6

Band Score: 6.0
Explanation: The essay presents information in a coherent manner and shows a clear overall progression. The main features of the data are summarized, and comparisons are made where relevant. However, while cohesive devices are used effectively, there are instances of mechanical cohesion, particularly in the transition between ideas. The paragraphing is present but could be improved for better logical flow, as some ideas could be grouped more effectively.
How to improve: To enhance coherence and cohesion, the writer should focus on using a wider range of cohesive devices more naturally, avoiding repetition. Additionally, improving the logical arrangement of paragraphs by grouping related ideas together would create a clearer structure. Finally, ensuring that referencing is clear and appropriate will help in maintaining the flow of information.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 6

Band Score: 6.0
Explanation: The essay demonstrates an adequate range of vocabulary appropriate for the task. It attempts to use less common vocabulary, such as "inhabitants," "downward trend," and "marginal upward trend," but there are inaccuracies in word choice and collocation, such as "the majority of population" (should be "the majority of the population") and "the youngest age group witnessed a similar trend" (which could be more clearly stated). There are also some errors in spelling and punctuation, such as "0,6%" instead of "0.6%," which do not impede overall communication but detract from the overall quality of the writing.

How to improve: To achieve a higher band score, the writer should focus on expanding their vocabulary and using it more accurately. This includes ensuring correct collocations and refining word choices to enhance clarity. Additionally, minimizing errors in spelling and punctuation will improve the overall presentation of the essay. Practicing the use of more sophisticated vocabulary and varying sentence structures can also contribute to a better lexical resource score.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 6

Band Score: 6.0
Explanation: The essay demonstrates a mix of simple and complex sentence forms, effectively conveying the main features of the data presented. However, there are some grammatical errors and issues with punctuation that occasionally hinder clarity. For instance, phrases like "the majority of population" should be "the majority of the population," and "0,6%" should be "0.6%." These errors, while not severely impacting communication, indicate a need for improvement in grammatical accuracy. Overall, the essay shows an adequate range of structures but lacks the precision and control expected at higher band levels.
How to improve: To enhance the score, focus on increasing the accuracy of grammatical structures and punctuation. Practice writing complex sentences while ensuring they are error-free. Additionally, reviewing common grammatical rules and seeking feedback on written work can help identify and correct recurring mistakes. Expanding vocabulary and using a wider variety of sentence structures can also contribute to a higher band score.

Bài sửa mẫu

The table illustrates the number of inhabitants in New Zealand between 2011 and 2012, categorized by four age groups. Overall, there was an increase in the total population and in those aged over 40, while the figures for the younger age groups experienced a downward trend. Additionally, in both years, the majority of the population in New Zealand was comprised of individuals aged 15 to 39, in contrast to the number of people above 65 years old, which occupied the last position.

In 2011, over one-fourth of New Zealanders were between 40 to 64 years old, and this figure rose slightly by 0.6% in the subsequent year. In terms of the population aged over 65 years old, despite having the lowest number among the four groups, it exhibited the fastest growth of 4% over the period shown. As a result, there was a marginal upward trend observed in all age groups, with 0.6% more people inhabiting New Zealand.

In contrast, the number of people living in New Zealand aged 15 to 39 started at over 1,500,000, after which it decreased moderately by 0.2%. The figure for the youngest age group followed a similar trend, declining mildly by the same percentage from 2011 to 2012.