The table below shows the average weekly salaries of men and of women working in different occupations. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisions where relevant.

The table below shows the average weekly salaries of men and of women working in different occupations.
Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisions where relevant.

The chart illustrates how much money males and females were paid per week on average in different jobs in 2015.
Overall, what immediately stands out from the table is that men made more money than women in all the jobs examined. It is noticeable when we look at salaries for professionals, men and women similarly were paid the same and also the highest.
Looking first at jobs with smaller gaps in salaries, the amount of money male and female was paid as professionals was equal, at 2000 and 1900 respectively, which was the highest figure on the whole chart. With regard to manual laborers, men made 1100 in this occupation, while the figure for women was lower, with a figure of 850. It is also important to note that both genders were paid the least as manual workers.
Turning to categories with significant gaps, 1400 was paid for male as a technician, and the figure for female was much lower, at only 900. A similar difference of 350 was seen in the salaries of both sexes being service workers (1300 compared to 950) and clerical workers (1350 compared to 1000).

Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

1. "The chart illustrates how much money males and females were paid per week on average in different jobs in 2015." -> "The chart depicts the average weekly salaries of males and females in various occupations in 2015."
   Explanation: The phrase "how much money males and females were paid" is informal and vague. Replacing it with "average weekly salaries" provides a more precise and formal description of the data presented in the chart.

2. "Overall, what immediately stands out from the table is that men made more money than women in all the jobs examined." -> "Overall, it is evident that men received higher salaries than women across all occupations."
   Explanation: "What immediately stands out" is somewhat colloquial and subjective. "It is evident" is more objective and formal, fitting the academic style better.

3. "men and women similarly were paid the same and also the highest" -> "men and women received equal salaries, which was the highest"
   Explanation: The original phrase is awkwardly constructed and informal. The suggested revision clarifies and formalizes the statement.

4. "the amount of money male and female was paid" -> "the salaries of males and females"
   Explanation: "The amount of money male and female was paid" is grammatically incorrect and awkward. "The salaries of males and females" is grammatically correct and more formal.

5. "With regard to manual laborers, men made 1100 in this occupation, while the figure for women was lower, with a figure of 850." -> "Regarding manual laborers, men received a salary of 1100, whereas women were paid 850."
   Explanation: "Made" is too informal and vague for this context. "Received a salary" is more precise and formal, and "was paid" is more appropriate for describing financial transactions.

6. "It is also important to note that both genders were paid the least as manual workers." -> "It is noteworthy that both genders received the lowest salaries as manual workers."
   Explanation: "Paid the least" is informal and vague. "Received the lowest salaries" is more precise and formal.

7. "Turning to categories with significant gaps, 1400 was paid for male as a technician, and the figure for female was much lower, at only 900." -> "Moving to categories with substantial disparities, male technicians received 1400, while female technicians were paid 900."
   Explanation: "Was paid" is informal and lacks specificity. "Received" is more formal and precise, and specifying "male" and "female technicians" clarifies the comparison.

8. "A similar difference of 350 was seen in the salaries of both sexes being service workers (1300 compared to 950) and clerical workers (1350 compared to 1000)." -> "Comparable differences of 350 were observed in the salaries of both sexes in service workers (1300 compared to 950) and clerical workers (1350 compared to 1000)."
   Explanation: "Was seen" is less formal and slightly vague. "Were observed" is more formal and precise, fitting the academic style better.

Band điểm Task Achivement ước lượng: 6

Band Score: 6.0

Explanation: The essay provides an overview of the main features of the data, including the general trend of men earning more than women in all occupations. It also highlights some key features, such as the fact that professionals had the highest salaries and manual laborers had the lowest. However, the essay does not fully extend the key features, and some details are irrelevant or inaccurate. For example, the essay states that men and women were paid the same as professionals, but the table shows that men earned $2000 and women earned $1900.

How to improve: The essay could be improved by providing more detailed analysis of the data. For example, the essay could calculate the difference in salaries between men and women in each occupation and discuss the reasons for these differences. The essay could also provide more specific examples to support its claims. For example, instead of simply stating that men earned more than women in all occupations, the essay could provide specific examples of the occupations where the difference in salaries was the greatest.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 5

Band Score: 5.0

Explanation:
The essay demonstrates some organization with an attempt to summarize and compare average weekly salaries between men and women in various occupations. There is an introduction that attempts to outline the main features of the chart, though it lacks clarity and could be more focused. The essay uses some cohesive devices such as linking words ("overall," "looking first," "turning to") but these are used inconsistently. Paragraphing is attempted but lacks logical structure and coherence at times, with some ideas being repeated or lacking clear progression.

The essay presents a basic attempt to address the task with a general overview and some comparisons. However, the coherence and cohesion suffer due to repetitive use of sentence structures and inadequate referencing of the data from the table. There is also insufficient paragraphing, with ideas sometimes presented in a confusing manner.

How to improve:

1. Structure and Organization: Ensure a clear introduction that directly addresses the task and outlines the main trends without repetition. Use clear topic sentences for each paragraph to improve coherence.

2. Cohesive Devices: Use a wider range of cohesive devices consistently throughout the essay to link ideas and improve flow. This includes using pronouns, conjunctions, and transitional phrases effectively.

3. Paragraphing: Ensure logical paragraphing where each paragraph addresses a distinct aspect of the data or comparison. This helps in presenting a clear progression of ideas.

4. Accuracy and Referencing: Ensure accurate referencing of data from the table without repetition. Avoid unnecessary details and focus on the main comparisons as required by the task.

By addressing these points, the essay can achieve better coherence and cohesion, thereby improving its overall clarity and effectiveness in presenting the data and comparisons.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 5

Band Score: 5.0

Explanation:
The essay demonstrates a basic level of lexical resource appropriate for the task. It uses a range of vocabulary related to salaries and occupations but lacks variety and precision. There are noticeable errors in word choice and some inaccuracies in word formation, such as "similarly were paid the same," which could be more accurately expressed. Additionally, there are some issues with collocation and sentence structure that affect clarity and coherence.

How to improve:
To improve the Lexical Resource score:

1. Increase the variety of vocabulary used beyond basic terms like "males," "females," "jobs," and "salaries." Introduce more specific and varied lexical items related to occupations and income.
2. Pay closer attention to word choice and accuracy in spelling and word formation to enhance precision and fluency.
3. Work on improving collocation and sentence structure to ensure ideas are expressed more clearly and coherently, which can contribute to a more sophisticated use of language.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 4

Band Score: 4.0

Explanation:
The essay demonstrates a limited range of sentence structures, predominantly using simple sentence forms. There are attempts at complex sentences, but these often lack accuracy and clarity, impacting communication. Errors in grammar and punctuation are frequent, which sometimes make it challenging for the reader to follow the intended meaning. For instance, there are issues such as incorrect verb forms ("what immediately stands out from the table is that men made more money than women"), inconsistent sentence structure ("the amount of money male and female was paid"), and punctuation errors throughout.

How to improve:
To improve the score:

1. Sentence Structure: Increase the variety and complexity of sentence structures. Include a mix of simple and complex sentences to enhance clarity and coherence.
2. Grammar and Accuracy: Focus on accurate use of grammar, verb forms, and subject-verb agreement. Proofread carefully to eliminate frequent errors that distort the meaning.
3. Punctuation: Pay attention to correct punctuation usage to aid readability and convey precise meaning.

By addressing these areas, the essay can progress towards higher band scores by achieving better grammatical range and accuracy.

Bài sửa mẫu

Certainly! Here’s an improved version of the IELTS Task 1 report:

The table provides data on the average weekly salaries of men and women across various professions in 2015. Overall, a clear trend emerges where men consistently earned higher salaries than women across all job categories examined.

Professionals earned the highest salaries among both genders, with men and women earning equally at 2000 and 1900 per week, respectively. Manual laborers, on the other hand, saw men earning 1100 per week compared to women who earned 850, marking the lowest earnings for both genders.

In professions with more notable disparities, male technicians earned 1400 per week, significantly more than their female counterparts who earned only 900. Similarly, male service workers earned 1300, while females earned 950, and male clerical workers earned 1350 compared to females who earned 1000 weekly.

In summary, while men generally earned higher salaries than women across all professions presented, the largest gaps were observed in technician, service worker, and clerical roles.

This revision maintains the original data points and structure while refining grammar, clarity, and coherence, adhering to the requirements of the IELTS Task 1 writing.