The table below shows the number of full-time students from India who studied at various universities in the UK in 2020/21 and 2021/22.

The table compares the number of students coming from India who studied full- time in the UK in the two academic years ( 2020/21 and 20021/22). Overall, the number of Indian students rose dramatically during the period shown. Furthermore, Sheffield University had by far the highest percentage increase in the number of Indian pupils during this time. In 2020/21, the number of Indian students who attended to Bpp University was considerably higher with well over 3, 505 students , and this figure rose to 5,145 in the year 2021/22. however the percentage change of Indian students in this Institution was the lowest, at only 46.8 %, compared to other five universities shown in the table at the same period. An opposite change can be seen in the figures for Sheffield university’s Indian pupils, there were only 815 in 2020/21 the smallest number, then a sharp rise to 2,345 in 2021/22, and so it saw the largest proportion change in its Indian students number.
Coverntry University had 2.390 pupils from Indian in 2020/21 and then dramatically increased to 5.290 in 2021/22, reaching to the highest number, it also had a larger number change and the second highest number of India students. There were 2.455 Indian students in the University of Greenwich in 2020/21 and this figure reached to 4.540 in 2021/22. Anglia Ruskin University and the university of Leicester had lower number of Indian pupils at under 2000 in 2020/21 and then grew up to 3.265 and 2.390 in 2021/22 respectively in these two years.

Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

"the number of students coming from India who studied full- time" -> "the number of Indian students pursuing full-time studies"
Explanation: The phrase "pursuing full-time studies" is more precise and formal than "studying full-time", which sounds slightly informal and vague.
"dramatically" -> "significantly"
Explanation: While "dramatically" can be used in academic writing, "significantly" is more appropriate here as it conveys a numerical change without the emotional connotation of "dramatically", which might imply an extreme change.
"Indian pupils" -> "Indian students"
Explanation: "Pupils" is typically used for younger students, whereas "students" is the more appropriate term for all students regardless of age, aligning better with academic norms.
"attended to Bpp University" -> "enrolled at BPP University"
Explanation: "Attended to" is incorrect; "enrolled at" is the correct phrase for describing the act of joining an educational institution.
"this figure rose to 5,145" -> "this figure increased to 5,145"
Explanation: "Increased" is more precise and formal than "rose", which can be seen as colloquial in this context.
"however the percentage change" -> "however, the percentage change"
Explanation: Adding a comma after "however" improves the grammatical structure and flow of the sentence.
"at only 46.8 %" -> "at a mere 46.8%"
Explanation: "At only" is redundant; "at a mere" is more concise and formal, enhancing the academic tone.
"An opposite change can be seen" -> "A contrasting trend is observed"
Explanation: "A contrasting trend is observed" is more formal and precise than "An opposite change can be seen", which is somewhat informal and vague.
"there were only 815 in 2020/21 the smallest number" -> "there were only 815 in 2020/21, the smallest number"
Explanation: Adding a comma after "only" corrects the punctuation error, improving readability and maintaining formal structure.
"a sharp rise to 2,345" -> "a significant increase to 2,345"
Explanation: "A significant increase" is more appropriate and formal than "a sharp rise", which can be seen as overly dramatic for academic writing.
"dramatically increased to 5.290" -> "significantly increased to 5,290"
Explanation: Correcting the number to 5,290 and replacing "dramatically" with "significantly" aligns with the formal tone and avoids redundancy.
"reaching to the highest number" -> "reaching the highest number"
Explanation: Removing "to" corrects the preposition error, making the sentence grammatically correct and more formal.
"had lower number of Indian pupils" -> "had fewer Indian students"
Explanation: "Fewer" is the correct comparative form for countable nouns like "students", and "students" is preferred over "pupils" in this context for consistency with earlier usage.
"grew up to" -> "increased to"
Explanation: "Increased to" is more direct and formal than "grew up to", which is colloquial and less precise in this context.

Band điểm Task Achivement ước lượng: 6

Band Score: 6

Explanation: The essay addresses the requirements of the task by providing an overview of the data and highlighting key features. However, the essay does not fully extend the key features and includes some irrelevant details. For example, the essay states that "the number of Indian students rose dramatically during the period shown," but does not provide any specific data to support this claim. Additionally, the essay includes details about the percentage change in the number of Indian students at each university, which is not directly relevant to the task.

How to improve: The essay could be improved by providing more specific data to support the overview and by focusing on the key features of the data. For example, the essay could state that the number of Indian students at Coventry University increased by 121.3% between 2020/21 and 2021/22, which is the highest percentage increase of all the universities shown in the table. The essay could also focus on the overall trend of increasing numbers of Indian students in the UK, rather than focusing on the details of each university.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 5

Band Score: 5.0

Explanation: The essay presents information with some organization, but there are significant issues with overall progression and clarity. While it attempts to compare the data from the two academic years, the structure is somewhat disjointed, leading to confusion. The use of cohesive devices is inconsistent, with some phrases appearing mechanical or repetitive. Additionally, the paragraphing is not always logical, as the information does not flow smoothly from one idea to the next, which detracts from the overall coherence.

How to improve: To enhance coherence and cohesion, the writer should focus on improving the logical flow of ideas. This can be achieved by clearly linking sentences and using a wider variety of cohesive devices. Additionally, organizing the information into well-defined paragraphs that each focus on a single main idea would help clarify the progression of the essay. Finally, ensuring accuracy in numerical data and maintaining consistent terminology throughout the essay will improve clarity and coherence.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 5

Band Score: 5.0

Explanation: The essay demonstrates a limited range of vocabulary that is minimally adequate for the task. While it attempts to convey information about the data presented, it relies on basic vocabulary and phrases, which are often repetitive. There are noticeable errors in word choice (e.g., "attended to Bpp University" should be "attended Bpp University") and inaccuracies in spelling (e.g., "Coverntry" instead of "Coventry," "20021/22" instead of "2021/22"). These errors may cause some difficulty for the reader, impacting the overall clarity of the message.

How to improve: To improve the Lexical Resource score, the writer should aim to expand their vocabulary by incorporating a wider range of synonyms and less common lexical items. Additionally, careful proofreading to eliminate spelling and grammatical errors would enhance clarity. Practicing the use of varied sentence structures and collocations can also help convey precise meanings more effectively.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 5

Band Score: 5.0

Explanation: The essay demonstrates a limited range of grammatical structures and attempts to use complex sentences; however, the accuracy of these structures is inconsistent. There are several grammatical errors, such as incorrect verb forms ("attended to Bpp University" should be "attended BPP University") and punctuation issues (e.g., missing commas and incorrect capitalization). These errors occasionally hinder communication, making it difficult for the reader to follow the argument clearly. The essay also lacks variety in sentence structures, relying heavily on simple forms, which limits its overall effectiveness.

How to improve: To enhance the grammatical range and accuracy, the writer should focus on using a wider variety of sentence structures, including more complex forms. Proofreading for grammatical errors and punctuation mistakes is essential to ensure clarity and coherence. Additionally, practicing the use of subordinate clauses and ensuring that all university names are correctly spelled and capitalized will improve the overall quality of the writing. Engaging with more complex grammatical structures will also help in achieving a higher band score.

Bài sửa mẫu

The table compares the number of full-time students from India who studied in the UK during the two academic years of 2020/21 and 2021/22. Overall, the number of Indian students rose dramatically during the period shown. Furthermore, Sheffield University experienced the highest percentage increase in the number of Indian students during this time.

In 2020/21, the number of Indian students attending BPP University was considerably higher, with well over 3,505 students, and this figure rose to 5,145 in 2021/22. However, the percentage change of Indian students at this institution was the lowest, at only 46.8%, compared to the other five universities shown in the table for the same period. In contrast, the figures for Sheffield University’s Indian students showed a significant increase; there were only 815 students in 2020/21, the smallest number, which then sharply rose to 2,345 in 2021/22, resulting in the largest proportional change in its Indian student population.

Coventry University had 2,390 Indian students in 2020/21, which then dramatically increased to 5,290 in 2021/22, reaching the highest total. It also had a substantial numerical change and the second highest number of Indian students. The University of Greenwich had 2,455 Indian students in 2020/21, and this figure rose to 4,540 in 2021/22. Anglia Ruskin University and the University of Leicester had lower numbers of Indian students, both under 2,000 in 2020/21, and then grew to 3,265 and 2,390 in 2021/22, respectively, over these two years.