The table below shows the number of visitors in the UK and their average spending from 2003 to 2008.

The given table illustrates the total of visits and their average amount of money spent on visits in the UK over a 6-year period beginning in 2003.
Looking at the table, it is observable that the number of visits to the UK reached its peak in the year 2007. Whereas, the average spending of visitors hit the bottom in 2003.
In terms of visit numbers and the average spending on visits, 2007 marked the highest figure for visits, reaching 32.778 million. However, the average expenditure in the same year ranked third out of the six time points mentioned, at around 15.960 euros, followed by 14.248 euros in 2005 and 13.047 in 2004. In addition, the smallest quantity of visits and amount of spending were together recorded in 2003, hitting 24.715 million and 11.855 euros, respectively.
Turning to the average amount of money allocated on each visit to the UK along with the number of nights every visit, it is clearly seen that visits in 2008 were the most expensive, totaling 511 billion, which was 24 billion higher than the previous year. Noticeably, the average number of nights per visit hit roughly 8.2 in 2003 and stayed stable after a year, before experiencing a slight increase to about 8.4 nights in 2006.

Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

"The given table illustrates" -> "The table illustrates"
Explanation: Removing "the given" simplifies the phrase and aligns with academic style, which tends to be concise and direct.
"total of visits" -> "total number of visits"
Explanation: "Total number of" is a more precise and formal way to express the quantity being discussed.
"their average amount of money spent" -> "the average expenditure"
Explanation: "The average expenditure" is a more formal and concise term that avoids redundancy and awkward phrasing.
"hit the bottom" -> "reached its lowest point"
Explanation: "Hit the bottom" is colloquial and can be replaced with "reached its lowest point" for a more formal tone suitable for academic writing.
"the highest figure" -> "the highest figures"
Explanation: The plural form "figures" is necessary to match the plural context of the data being discussed.
"reaching 32.778 million" -> "reaching 32.778 million"
Explanation: No change needed here, but it’s worth noting that the use of precise numbers in academic writing can enhance credibility and professionalism.
"the average expenditure in the same year ranked third" -> "the average expenditure in the same year ranked third"
Explanation: This is a minor correction to maintain parallel structure in the list of rankings.
"14.248 euros" -> "€14.248"
Explanation: Using the euro symbol (€) is more conventional and clear in financial contexts.
"the smallest quantity of visits and amount of spending" -> "the lowest number of visits and the lowest expenditure"
Explanation: "Lowest" is more precise and appropriate for quantifiable data, and "number of visits" and "expenditure" are more formal terms.
"allocated on each visit" -> "spent per visit"
Explanation: "Spent per visit" is more direct and formal than "allocated on each visit."
"totaling 511 billion" -> "amounting to €511 billion"
Explanation: Adding "€" for euros and "amounting to" for a more formal expression of quantity.
"which was 24 billion higher than the previous year" -> "which represented a 24 billion euro increase over the previous year"
Explanation: "Represented a 24 billion euro increase" provides a clearer and more formal way of expressing the comparison.
"hit roughly 8.2" -> "averaged approximately 8.2"
Explanation: "Averaged approximately" is more precise and formal than "hit roughly," which is colloquial.

These changes enhance the formal tone and precision of the text, aligning it more closely with academic writing standards.

Band điểm Task Achivement ước lượng: 5

Band Score: 5

Explanation: The essay generally addresses the task, but the format is inappropriate in places. The essay does not present a clear overview of the main trends in the data. The essay also presents some irrelevant details, such as the average number of nights per visit, which is not directly related to the task.

How to improve: The essay could be improved by presenting a clearer overview of the main trends in the data. The essay should also focus on the key features of the data, such as the highest and lowest values, and the overall trend. The essay should avoid irrelevant details.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 6

Band Score: 6.0

Explanation: The essay arranges information and ideas coherently, demonstrating a clear overall progression. The writer effectively uses cohesive devices, but there are instances where cohesion between sentences could be improved, leading to some mechanical flow. While paragraphing is present, it is not always logical, as some ideas could be better grouped together for clarity.

How to improve: To enhance coherence and cohesion, the writer should focus on improving the logical flow between sentences and paragraphs. This can be achieved by using a wider range of cohesive devices and ensuring that each paragraph clearly develops a single main idea. Additionally, refining the structure to group related information together more effectively would strengthen the overall organization of the essay.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 6

Band Score: 6.0

Explanation: The essay demonstrates an adequate range of vocabulary suitable for the task. It attempts to use less common vocabulary, such as "observable," "expenditure," and "allocated," but there are instances of inaccuracy in word choice and phrasing that detract from clarity. For example, phrases like "the smallest quantity of visits" could be more naturally expressed as "the lowest number of visits." Additionally, there are some errors in spelling and word formation, such as "511 billion," which seems to be a misrepresentation of the context (likely meant to refer to spending rather than a count of visits). Overall, while the communication is generally effective, the occasional errors and awkward phrasing prevent a higher score.

How to improve: To enhance the lexical resource score, the writer should focus on using more precise vocabulary and ensuring that word choices are contextually appropriate. Practicing the use of synonyms and varying expressions can help avoid repetition and improve fluency. Additionally, proofreading for spelling and grammatical accuracy will further strengthen the overall quality of the essay. Engaging with a wider range of academic vocabulary and idiomatic expressions can also contribute to a more sophisticated lexical range.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 6

Band Score: 6.0

Explanation: The essay demonstrates a mix of simple and complex sentence forms, which is characteristic of a Band 6. While there are some effective complex structures, the overall grammatical accuracy is inconsistent. There are errors in punctuation and some awkward phrasing that may slightly hinder comprehension, such as "the average expenditure in the same year ranked third out of the six time points mentioned." Additionally, the use of "observable" and "noticeably" could be more effectively replaced with simpler terms for clarity. Overall, the communication is maintained, but the errors are noticeable.

How to improve: To achieve a higher band score, the writer should focus on enhancing grammatical accuracy and reducing errors in punctuation. This can be accomplished by proofreading the essay for common mistakes and practicing the use of more varied sentence structures. Additionally, improving clarity by using simpler language where appropriate can help convey ideas more effectively. Engaging with complex sentences while ensuring they are grammatically correct will also contribute to a better score.

Bài sửa mẫu

The given table illustrates the total number of visits and the average amount of money spent by visitors in the UK over a six-year period beginning in 2003.

Looking at the table, it is evident that the number of visits to the UK peaked in 2007, while the average spending of visitors was at its lowest in 2003.

In terms of visit numbers and average spending, 2007 marked the highest figure for visits, reaching 32.778 million. However, the average expenditure in the same year ranked third among the six time points mentioned, at approximately 15.960 euros, following 14.248 euros in 2005 and 13.047 euros in 2004. Additionally, the smallest number of visits and the lowest spending were recorded in 2003, at 24.715 million and 11.855 euros, respectively.

Turning to the average amount of money spent per visit to the UK, along with the average number of nights per visit, it is clear that visits in 2008 were the most expensive, totaling 511 billion euros, which was 24 billion euros higher than the previous year. Notably, the average number of nights per visit was approximately 8.2 in 2003 and remained stable for a year before experiencing a slight increase to about 8.4 nights in 2006.