The table below shows the prices of cup of coffee in 6 cities in Australia in 2010 and 2014

The given table presents the cost of one cup coffee which Australia’s cities product in two years 2010,2014.
Overall, Melbourne experienced a biggest change percentages. Meanwhile, Brisbane had no change. Beside, Sydney ranked first of the price of cup of coffee.
As can be seen from the table, Melbourne and Sydney had a most expensive of cup of coffee over the four-year period. Sydney had a highest cost over 2 years with 2.8 dollars in 2010 and slightly went up to 3.17 dollars in 2014. In addtion, Melbourne ranked second at prices but ranked first at the propotions at changes, about 20.8% changes vigures from 2.4 dollars a cup to 2.9 dollars in 2-year-periods. Besides, the prices of a cup of cofee in Perth saw a minimaly growth from 2.1 dollars to 2.25 dollars.
The cost of a cup of coffee was bought in Brisbane remain steady during the period shown with 2.25 dollars. The prices of a cup of coffee in Adelaide insignificantly rised with 6.25% changed percentages. Meanwhile, the lowest cost was recored in Canberra during the given period; slighly grew from 1.6 dollars to 1.7 dollars with 6.25% change.

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Errors and Improvements:

"Australia’s cities product" -> "Australia’s cities produce"
Explanation: "Product" is not the appropriate verb here. "Produce" is the correct term when discussing the generation of goods or commodities by a city or region.
"Melbourne experienced a biggest change percentages" -> "Melbourne experienced the largest percentage change"
Explanation: "Biggest change percentages" is awkward and lacks precision. "The largest percentage change" is a more grammatically correct and concise way to express the idea.
"Beside, Sydney ranked first of the price of cup of coffee." -> "Additionally, Sydney had the highest coffee prices."
Explanation: "Beside" is incorrectly used here. "Additionally" is more appropriate for introducing another point. "Ranked first of the price" is awkward; "had the highest coffee prices" is clearer and more concise.
"Melbourne and Sydney had a most expensive of cup of coffee" -> "Melbourne and Sydney had the highest-priced coffee"
Explanation: "Most expensive of cup of coffee" is grammatically incorrect. "Highest-priced coffee" is a clearer and more concise way to convey the information.
"Melbourne ranked second at prices but ranked first at the propotions at changes" -> "Melbourne ranked second in terms of prices but first in terms of percentage changes"
Explanation: "At prices" is awkward and unclear. "In terms of prices" clarifies the comparison. "Propotions at changes" is not grammatically correct; "percentage changes" is the appropriate term to use here.
"changes vigures" -> "change figures"
Explanation: "Vigures" is a misspelling of "figures." "Change figures" is the correct term to refer to numerical alterations.
"minimaly growth" -> "minimal growth"
Explanation: "Minimaly" is misspelled; "minimal" is the correct form. "Minimal growth" accurately describes a small increase.
"was bought in Brisbane remain steady" -> "remained steady in Brisbane"
Explanation: "Was bought in" is awkward phrasing. "Remained steady in Brisbane" is clearer and more concise.
"insignificantly rised" -> "insignificantly rose"
Explanation: "Rised" is an incorrect past tense form of "rise." "Rose" is the correct past tense form in this context.
"slighly grew" -> "slightly increased"
Explanation: "Slighly grew" is awkward phrasing. "Slightly increased" is a clearer and more concise way to express the idea.

Band điểm Task Achivement ước lượng: 6

[
Band Score: 6.0
Explanation: The essay addresses the task by presenting the prices of coffee in Australian cities in 2010 and 2014. It provides an overview of the data, mentioning the cities with the highest and lowest prices, as well as noting changes in prices over the four-year period.
How to improve: To improve, the essay could provide a clearer structure and organization. Additionally, it could offer more precise language and avoid grammatical errors for better clarity and coherence.
]

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 5

Band Score: 5.0

Explanation:
The essay presents information about the prices of coffee in Australian cities for the years 2010 and 2014. It attempts to provide an overview of the data, mentioning the cities and their respective price changes. However, there are several issues with coherence and cohesion throughout the essay.

The organization of ideas lacks a clear progression. While the introduction attempts to summarize the data, it is not structured effectively. The essay could benefit from a clearer introduction that outlines what the reader can expect in terms of the data and trends. Additionally, the essay lacks clear paragraphing, making it difficult to distinguish between different points. Paragraph breaks could be used more effectively to separate information about each city’s coffee prices.

There is some use of cohesive devices, but it is inconsistent and sometimes inaccurate. For instance, the transition between discussing Melbourne and Sydney’s prices to discussing Perth’s prices is abrupt and lacks coherence. The essay would benefit from smoother transitions between ideas to improve overall coherence.

Furthermore, there are instances of inaccurate language use, such as "inaddtion" instead of "in addition," "minimaly" instead of "minimally," and "vigures" instead of "figures." These errors detract from the overall clarity and cohesion of the essay.

How to improve:

Begin with a clear introduction that outlines the main points to be discussed.
Use clear and logical paragraphing to separate different points or cities’ data.
Ensure consistency and accuracy in the use of cohesive devices to create smoother transitions between ideas.
Proofread the essay to correct grammatical errors and improve clarity.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 5

Band Score: 5.0

Explanation: The essay demonstrates a limited range of vocabulary, with some repetition ("price," "Melbourne," "Sydney") and minimal variety in expression. It conveys the basic information but lacks sophistication and precision in vocabulary use. There are noticeable errors in word choice, spelling, and word formation throughout the essay, which may cause some difficulty for the reader.

How to improve: To improve the lexical resource, the writer should aim to diversify their vocabulary by using synonyms, varied expressions, and more precise terminology related to the topic. Additionally, attention to spelling and word formation is necessary to enhance clarity and readability. Developing a broader range of vocabulary and refining language accuracy will elevate the lexical quality of the essay.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 6

Band Score: 6.0

Explanation: The essay demonstrates a mix of simple and complex sentence forms, showcasing an attempt at varied sentence structures. There are some errors in grammar and punctuation throughout the essay, which occasionally impede communication. However, the errors do not significantly hinder understanding.

How to improve: To improve the grammatical range and accuracy, focus on refining sentence structures for greater clarity and coherence. Pay attention to subject-verb agreement, tense consistency, and punctuation. Additionally, aim for more precise word choices and expressions to enhance the overall effectiveness of the essay. Regular practice and feedback on grammar and punctuation will also help in achieving higher accuracy levels.

Bài sửa mẫu

The provided table illustrates the pricing of a cup of coffee across six Australian cities in the years 2010 and 2014.

In general, Melbourne witnessed the most significant percentage change, while Brisbane remained stable. Additionally, Sydney topped the list in terms of coffee prices.

Examining the data, Melbourne and Sydney consistently boasted the highest coffee prices throughout the four-year period. Sydney had the highest cost, starting at $2.80 per cup in 2010 and marginally increasing to $3.17 by 2014. Meanwhile, Melbourne ranked second in price but first in terms of percentage changes, experiencing a substantial increase from $2.40 to $2.90 per cup, marking a 20.8% rise over the two-year period. Additionally, Perth saw a modest increase from $2.10 to $2.25 per cup.

Conversely, Brisbane’s coffee prices remained unchanged at $2.25 throughout the observed period. Adelaide experienced a slight rise, with prices increasing by 6.25%. Canberra recorded the lowest costs, starting at $1.60 and rising marginally to $1.70, also marking a 6.25% increase over the given period.