The Table below shows the proportion of women in the labor force and women in the management in five contries. Sumarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features and making comparisions where relevant.

The Table below shows the proportion of women in the labor force and women in the management in five contries.
Sumarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features and making comparisions where relevant.

The statistic chart illustrates the percentage of women's positions in the labor force and in the management in five different nations.
Overall, the proportion of women who have labor jobs is higher than them in the management positions is most countries with the exception of Australia.
Regarding Egypt which the percentage of laboring women (20%) is much higher tha women as managers which is about 12%. Additionally, Sri Lanka and Japan are the two countries that witness an enormous difference bet ween the two categories of jobs. The figure for labouring women in Sri lanka and Japan are followingly 42% and 48% as well as only 9% and 17% women in the positions of managers in the same order.
When it comes to Australia and United States, there are the two nations which have the least proxomity between women's two types of careers. Firstly, Australia is recorded to have 42% of women as labourer and 43% as managers. Interestingly, it could be seen that United States is the second country which the ratio of women other than Australia both have over 40% percentage, which are 46% for women in management and 43% for women in labour force.

Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

"statistic chart" -> "statistical chart"
Explanation: "Statistical chart" is the correct term, as it refers to a visual representation of data, enhancing the academic tone and precision of the language.
"women’s positions" -> "women’s occupations"
Explanation: "Occupations" is a more formal and precise term than "positions," which is typically used in a more general sense.
"in the labor force" -> "in the workforce"
Explanation: "Workforce" is a more commonly used and accepted term in academic and professional contexts when referring to the collective body of people employed in an industry or economy.
"in the management" -> "in management positions"
Explanation: Adding "positions" clarifies that the term "management" refers to specific roles within an organization, enhancing clarity and specificity.
"higher than them in the management positions" -> "higher than those in management positions"
Explanation: "Those" is the correct pronoun to use when referring to the previously mentioned group, improving grammatical accuracy and formality.
"tha" -> "than"
Explanation: Corrects a typographical error for clarity and professionalism.
"women as managers" -> "women in managerial roles"
Explanation: "In managerial roles" is a more formal and precise phrase, suitable for academic writing.
"enormous difference bet ween" -> "significant difference between"
Explanation: Corrects a typographical error and replaces "enormous" with "significant" to avoid hyperbole and maintain a formal tone.
"labouring women" -> "women in labor roles"
Explanation: "Women in labor roles" is a more formal and precise way to describe women engaged in labor occupations.
"followingly" -> "respectively"
Explanation: "Respectively" is the correct adverb for listing items in a parallel structure, enhancing the academic tone and correctness.
"least proxomity" -> "least proximity"
Explanation: Corrects a typographical error and uses "proximity" to describe the closeness of values, which is more appropriate in this context.
"women’s two types of careers" -> "women’s two career types"
Explanation: "Career types" is a more formal and concise way to refer to the categories of occupations discussed.
"have the least proxomity" -> "have the least proximity"
Explanation: Corrects a typographical error and maintains consistency in terminology.
"recorded to have" -> "reported to have"
Explanation: "Reported" is more commonly used in academic writing when discussing data or statistics, enhancing the formality and precision of the statement.
"Interestingly" -> "Notably"
Explanation: "Notably" is a more formal transition word suitable for academic writing, replacing the more conversational "Interestingly."

These changes aim to refine the essay by enhancing its formality, precision, and adherence to academic style guidelines, ensuring clarity and appropriateness for scholarly discourse.

Band điểm Task Achivement ước lượng: 6

Band Score: 6

Explanation: The essay provides an overview of the main features of the data, including the general trend that women are more likely to be in the labor force than in management positions. The essay also highlights some key features, such as the large difference between the two categories in Sri Lanka and Japan. However, the essay does not fully extend the key features and some details are irrelevant or inaccurate. For example, the essay states that Australia has the least proximity between women’s two types of careers, but this is not supported by the data.

How to improve: The essay could be improved by providing more detailed analysis of the data and by avoiding irrelevant or inaccurate information. For example, the essay could discuss the reasons for the large difference between the two categories in Sri Lanka and Japan. The essay could also provide a more accurate comparison of the proximity between women’s two types of careers in different countries.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 5

Band Score: 5.0
Explanation: The essay presents information with some organization, but there is a noticeable lack of overall progression. While it attempts to compare the data across different countries, the transitions between ideas are often unclear, leading to confusion. The use of cohesive devices is inadequate and at times inaccurate, which affects the clarity of the comparisons being made. Additionally, the paragraphing is not always logical, as some ideas could be better grouped together for clarity.
How to improve: To enhance coherence and cohesion, the writer should focus on organizing the information more logically, ensuring that each paragraph clearly addresses a specific aspect of the data. Improving the use of cohesive devices, such as linking words and phrases, will help clarify relationships between ideas. Additionally, ensuring that each paragraph has a clear central topic will aid in creating a more structured response. Finally, proofreading for grammatical errors and ensuring accurate spelling will improve overall clarity.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 5

Band Score: 5.0
Explanation: The essay demonstrates a limited range of vocabulary, which is minimally adequate for the task. There are noticeable errors in word choice, such as "labouring women" instead of "women in the labor force," and "them in the management positions" instead of "those in management positions." Additionally, spelling errors like "proxomity" and "followingly" detract from clarity. While the essay attempts to convey comparisons, the vocabulary used lacks sophistication and variety, which is necessary for a higher band score.
How to improve: To enhance the Lexical Resource score, the writer should aim to use a wider range of vocabulary, including more precise and varied terms related to employment and management. Reducing spelling errors and improving word choice through careful proofreading and practice with synonyms would also help. Additionally, incorporating less common lexical items and ensuring correct collocations would strengthen the overall lexical quality of the essay.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 5

Band Score: 5.0
Explanation: The essay demonstrates a limited range of grammatical structures, primarily using simple sentences with some attempts at complex forms. While there are instances of correct sentence formation, the essay contains frequent grammatical errors and inaccuracies in punctuation that can cause some difficulty for the reader. For example, phrases like "the proportion of women who have labor jobs is higher than them in the management positions" and "the percentage of laboring women (20%) is much higher tha women as managers" reflect issues with grammatical accuracy and clarity. Additionally, the use of "followingly" is incorrect and contributes to the overall impression of limited grammatical control.
How to improve: To enhance the grammatical range and accuracy, the writer should focus on the following strategies:

Expand Sentence Variety: Incorporate a wider range of complex sentence structures to demonstrate flexibility. This could involve using relative clauses, conditional sentences, and varied conjunctions.
Proofreading for Errors: Carefully review the essay for grammatical errors and punctuation mistakes. This includes checking for subject-verb agreement, correct word forms, and ensuring clarity in comparisons.
Practice with Complex Structures: Engage in exercises that focus on constructing complex sentences accurately. This could involve rewriting simple sentences into more complex forms while maintaining clarity.
Seek Feedback: Obtain feedback from peers or instructors on grammatical accuracy and clarity to identify common errors and areas for improvement.

Bài sửa mẫu

The statistic chart illustrates the percentage of women’s positions in the labor force and in management across five different nations. Overall, the proportion of women in labor jobs is higher than that in management positions in most countries, with the exception of Australia.

Regarding Egypt, the percentage of women in labor (20%) is much higher than that of women in management, which is about 12%. Additionally, Sri Lanka and Japan are the two countries that exhibit a significant difference between the two categories of jobs. The figures for laboring women in Sri Lanka and Japan are 42% and 48%, respectively, while only 9% and 17% of women hold management positions in the same order.

When it comes to Australia and the United States, these are the two nations with the least proximity between women’s two types of careers. Firstly, Australia is recorded to have 42% of women as laborers and 43% as managers. Interestingly, it can be noted that the United States is the second country, alongside Australia, where both have over 40% of women in their respective roles, with 46% for women in management and 43% for women in the labor force.