The table shows the export value of various products in 2009 to 2010. Summerize the information by selecting in reporting the main feature where relevant

The table illustrates how much was the export cost of several goods in 2009 and 2010.

Overall, the positive changes in the export price outweighed the negatives. Metals witnessed the highest change of more than twice the expenditure in 2009 while also remained the lowest value among the given products. The lowest change can be tracked down to manufacturing with a decrease of 27% of the year before. Besides, manufacturing ranked second of having the lowest exporting profit.

Looking first at the products with positive changes in the exporting price over 2 years. Equipment witnessed a 13% increase in the value, turning from $10.3 billion in 2009 to $11.6 billion in 2010. Telecommunity started at $7.9 billion in 2009, followed up with a considerable rise of 61% in 2010, which is more than half of the previous year’s value. Last but not least, metals ranked first at the percentage of changes on the table. This material’s profit in 2009 is less than halved the gain of 2010, at $2.3 and $5.1 billion, respectively.

Turning to the two goods with the negative gains on the table, manufacturing ranked higher than clothing. With a decrease of 27% of last years’ statistics, in 2010, manufacturing’s value dropped from $5.5 to $4 in one year. Clothing experienced a milder profit reduction of 17%, declining exactly $1 billion from $6 to $5 in 2009 to 2010, in order. Despite undergoing a slighter change in the price, 2010 clothing’s value was still lower than 2009 manufacturing’s profit.

Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

"how much was the export cost" -> "what was the export cost"
Explanation: "How much was" is an informal and somewhat vague phrase. "What was" is more direct and appropriate for academic writing, providing clarity and precision in the description of the data.
"the positives" -> "the positive changes"
Explanation: The term "the positives" is too informal and vague. "The positive changes" is more specific and aligns better with formal academic language.
"the negatives" -> "the negative changes"
Explanation: Similar to the previous point, "the negatives" is informal and vague. "The negative changes" is more precise and suitable for academic writing.
"more than twice the expenditure" -> "a significant increase of over 100%"
Explanation: "More than twice the expenditure" is somewhat informal and imprecise. "A significant increase of over 100%" provides a clear and quantifiable measure of the change.
"also remained the lowest value" -> "also had the lowest value"
Explanation: "Also remained the lowest value" is awkwardly phrased. "Also had the lowest value" is more natural and clear in academic writing.
"the lowest change can be tracked down to" -> "the lowest change was attributed to"
Explanation: "Can be tracked down to" is informal and slightly ambiguous. "Was attributed to" is more direct and appropriate for academic analysis.
"Besides, manufacturing ranked second of having the lowest exporting profit." -> "Additionally, manufacturing ranked second in terms of lowest exporting profit."
Explanation: "Besides" is informal and lacks specificity. "Additionally" is more formal, and specifying "in terms of" clarifies the comparison.
"Equipment witnessed a 13% increase in the value" -> "Equipment experienced a 13% increase in value"
Explanation: "Witnessed" is less common in formal academic writing than "experienced," which is more typical in this context.
"Telecommunity started at" -> "Telecommunications began at"
Explanation: "Telecommunity" is likely a typographical error for "Telecommunications," which is the correct term.
"followed up with a considerable rise of 61%" -> "experienced a significant increase of 61%"
Explanation: "Followed up with" is informal and less precise. "Experienced" is more appropriate for describing changes in data, and "significant" is a more academic term than "considerable."
"Last but not least, metals ranked first at the percentage of changes on the table." -> "Finally, metals exhibited the largest percentage change on the table."
Explanation: "Last but not least" is a colloquial expression. "Finally" is more formal and suitable for academic writing. "Exhibited" is more precise than "ranked" in this context.
"This material’s profit in 2009 is less than halved the gain of 2010" -> "This material’s 2009 profit was less than half the gain of 2010"
Explanation: "Less than halved" is awkward and unclear. "Less than half" is a clearer and more standard expression.
"in order" -> "therefore"
Explanation: "In order" is informal and vague in this context. "Therefore" is a more formal connector that indicates logical consequence, fitting the academic style better.
"slighter change" -> "smaller change"
Explanation: "Slighter" is not a standard comparative form. "Smaller" is the correct comparative adjective for "slight."

These changes enhance the precision, formality, and clarity of the text, aligning it more closely with academic writing standards.

Band điểm Task Achivement ước lượng: 6

Band Score: 6

Explanation: The essay addresses the requirements of the task by providing an overview of the main trends in the export values of various products. The essay also presents and adequately highlights key features/bullet points, such as the highest and lowest changes in export values. However, some details are irrelevant, inappropriate, or inaccurate. For example, the essay states that "metals witnessed the highest change of more than twice the expenditure in 2009," which is not accurate. The essay also states that "manufacturing ranked second of having the lowest exporting profit," which is not clear.

How to improve: The essay could be improved by focusing on the main features of the data and avoiding irrelevant or inaccurate details. The essay could also be improved by using more precise language and avoiding unnecessary repetition. For example, instead of saying "metals witnessed the highest change of more than twice the expenditure in 2009," the essay could say "metals experienced the highest percentage increase in export value, with a 120% increase from 2009 to 2010."

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 6

Band Score: 6.0

Explanation: The essay presents information coherently, with a clear overall progression from the introduction to the body paragraphs. The writer attempts to organize the information logically, discussing both positive and negative changes in export values. However, while cohesive devices are used, they are sometimes mechanical or faulty, leading to occasional awkward phrasing. For example, phrases like "last but not least" and "turning to" can seem formulaic. Additionally, there are instances where referencing could be clearer, such as when discussing the "two goods with the negative gains," which could be better clarified. The paragraphing is present but not always logical, as some ideas could be more effectively grouped together.

How to improve: To enhance coherence and cohesion, the writer should focus on using a wider variety of cohesive devices more naturally. Improving the clarity of referencing and ensuring that each paragraph has a clear central topic would also help. Additionally, organizing the information into more distinct sections could improve the logical flow of the essay. Finally, avoiding repetitive phrases and ensuring that transitions between ideas are smooth will contribute to a higher band score.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 6

Band Score: 6.0

Explanation: The essay demonstrates an adequate range of vocabulary suitable for the task, with some attempts to use less common vocabulary. However, there are noticeable inaccuracies in word choice and collocation, such as "the positive changes in the export price outweighed the negatives" and "the lowest change can be tracked down to manufacturing." Additionally, there are errors in spelling and word formation, such as "Telecommunity" instead of "Telecommunications" and "last years’ statistics" which should be "last year’s statistics." These issues do not completely impede communication but do detract from the overall clarity and precision of the essay.

How to improve: To enhance the lexical resource score, the writer should focus on using a wider range of vocabulary with greater precision and accuracy. They should also pay attention to collocations and common phrases related to the topic. Reducing errors in spelling and word formation will further improve clarity. Practicing with more complex sentence structures and incorporating a variety of less common lexical items would also be beneficial.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 6

Band Score: 6.0

Explanation: The essay demonstrates a mix of simple and complex sentence forms, which aligns with the criteria for Band 6. While the writer attempts to convey information clearly, there are several grammatical errors and awkward phrases that occasionally hinder communication. For example, phrases like "how much was the export cost" and "the lowest change can be tracked down to manufacturing" exhibit awkward constructions. Additionally, there are issues with punctuation and sentence structure that detract from the overall clarity of the text.

How to improve: To achieve a higher band score, the writer should focus on enhancing grammatical accuracy and refining sentence structures. This can be accomplished by:

Practicing the formation of complex sentences while ensuring they are grammatically correct.
Reviewing and correcting common grammatical errors, particularly in verb tenses and prepositions.
Using varied sentence structures more effectively to improve the overall flow and coherence of the essay.
Proofreading the essay to catch and correct punctuation errors and awkward phrasing before submission.

Bài sửa mẫu

The table illustrates the export value of several goods in 2009 and 2010.

Overall, the positive changes in export values outweighed the negative ones. Metals experienced the highest change, with an increase of more than double the expenditure in 2009, while also remaining the lowest value among the given products. The most significant decline can be attributed to manufacturing, which saw a decrease of 27% compared to the previous year. Additionally, manufacturing ranked second in terms of having the lowest export profit.

Looking first at the products with positive changes in export values over the two years, equipment recorded a 13% increase, rising from $10.3 billion in 2009 to $11.6 billion in 2010. Telecommunications started at $7.9 billion in 2009 and experienced a considerable rise of 61% in 2010, which is more than half of the previous year’s value. Last but not least, metals ranked first in terms of percentage change on the table. The profit from this material in 2009 was less than half of the gain in 2010, at $2.3 billion and $5.1 billion, respectively.

Turning to the two goods with negative changes, manufacturing ranked higher than clothing. With a decrease of 27% from last year’s statistics, manufacturing’s value dropped from $5.5 billion to $4 billion in one year. Clothing experienced a milder reduction of 17%, declining exactly $1 billion from $6 billion in 2009 to $5 billion in 2010. Despite undergoing a smaller change in value, the 2010 clothing value was still lower than the 2009 manufacturing profit.