The table shows the percentage of households with various electronic items in 1995 and 2002. Summerise the information by selecting a reporting the main features and make comparisons where relevant.

The table illustrates the figure for electric goods in New Zealand households over a period of 7 years starting from 1995.
Overall, while colour TV, computer, cell phone, dishwasher and digital camera experienced a considerable increase, the opposite was true for video recorder. Additionally, the highest figure was seen in washing machine and colour TV.
In 1995, the sales for colour TV was the highest figure at 97%, followed by a slight increase of 4% in 2002. Similarly l, there was a considerable increase in sales of computer from 49% in 1995 to 76% in 2002. The same was observed with cell phone and dishwasher from 19% to 60% and 45% to 54% respectively.
By contrast, the sales of video recorder experienced a significant decrease from 76% to 65% between 1995 and 2002. During the period, there was no change in the sales of washing machine at 97%, which outnumbered that of counterparts. The proportion of digital camera stood at only 2%, which was the lowest figure in 1995, but then it steeply rose to 39% in 2002.

Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

"illustrates the figure for electric goods" -> "presents data on electrical goods"
Explanation: "Presents data on" is a more formal and precise way to describe the information being conveyed, while "electric goods" is better replaced with "electrical goods" for accuracy.
"experienced a considerable increase" -> "witnessed a significant increase"
Explanation: "Witnessed" is a more formal term than "experienced," and "significant" conveys a stronger sense of importance than "considerable," making it more suitable for academic writing.
"the opposite was true for video recorder" -> "the opposite trend was observed for video recorders"
Explanation: Adding "trend" clarifies what is being discussed, and using "video recorders" (plural) maintains grammatical consistency with the other items listed.
"the highest figure was seen in washing machine and colour TV" -> "the highest figures were recorded for washing machines and colour TVs"
Explanation: "Figures were recorded" is a more formal expression, and using the plural form "washing machines" and "colour TVs" aligns with the context of discussing multiple items.
"the sales for colour TV was the highest figure" -> "the sales of colour TVs represented the highest percentage"
Explanation: "Sales of colour TVs" is clearer and more precise than "sales for colour TV," and "represented the highest percentage" provides a more accurate description of the data.
"a slight increase of 4% in 2002" -> "an increase of 4% by 2002"
Explanation: "An increase of 4% by 2002" is more concise and avoids the vague term "slight," which can be subjective.
"Similarly l, there was a considerable increase" -> "Similarly, there was a significant increase"
Explanation: Correcting the typographical error "l" to a comma improves clarity, and "significant" is a more precise term than "considerable."
"the same was observed with cell phone and dishwasher" -> "a similar trend was observed for cell phones and dishwashers"
Explanation: "A similar trend" provides clarity, and using the plural forms "cell phones" and "dishwashers" maintains consistency with the other items.
"experienced a significant decrease" -> "underwent a notable decrease"
Explanation: "Underwent" is a more formal term than "experienced," and "notable" is a more precise descriptor than "significant" in this context.
"there was no change in the sales of washing machine at 97%" -> "there was no change in the sales of washing machines, remaining at 97%"
Explanation: Adding "remaining" clarifies the sentence structure and using the plural "washing machines" is consistent with the previous references.
"which outnumbered that of counterparts" -> "which surpassed those of its counterparts"
Explanation: "Surpassed" is a more precise term than "outnumbered," and "those of its counterparts" clarifies the comparison being made.
"the proportion of digital camera stood at only 2%" -> "the proportion of digital cameras was only 2%"
Explanation: Changing "stood at" to "was" simplifies the phrasing, and using the plural "digital cameras" aligns with the context of discussing multiple items.
"but then it steeply rose to 39% in 2002" -> "but subsequently increased sharply to 39% by 2002"
Explanation: "Subsequently" is a more formal transition than "then," and "increased sharply" is a more precise phrase than "steeply rose."

Band điểm Task Achivement ước lượng: 6

Band Score: 6

Explanation: The essay provides an overview of the main trends in the data, but it does not fully satisfy all the requirements of the task. The essay does not present a clear overview of the main trends, differences or stages. The essay also does not fully extend the key features/bullet points.

How to improve: The essay could be improved by providing a clearer overview of the main trends in the data. The essay could also be improved by extending the key features/bullet points. For example, the essay could provide more detail about the reasons for the increase in the sales of computers, cell phones, and dishwashers. The essay could also provide more detail about the reasons for the decrease in the sales of video recorders.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 6

Band Score: 6.0

Explanation: The essay arranges information and ideas coherently, with a clear overall progression from the introduction to the body paragraphs. However, while cohesive devices are used effectively, there are instances of mechanical cohesion, particularly in the transitions between sentences. For example, the use of "similarly" and "by contrast" is appropriate but could be varied to enhance the flow. The essay does present a clear central topic within each paragraph, but the paragraphing could be improved for better logical organization, especially in distinguishing between different electronic items.

How to improve: To achieve a higher band score, the writer should focus on enhancing the variety and appropriateness of cohesive devices to create smoother transitions between ideas. Additionally, improving the logical flow of paragraphs by ensuring that each one clearly relates to a single main idea would strengthen the overall coherence. Finally, ensuring that all sentences within paragraphs contribute directly to the main topic would also help in achieving a higher score in coherence and cohesion.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 6

Band Score: 6.0

Explanation: The essay demonstrates an adequate range of vocabulary relevant to the task, with attempts to use less common terms such as "considerable increase" and "significant decrease." However, there are instances of inaccuracies in word choice and collocation, such as "the highest figure was seen in washing machine," which could be more clearly expressed. Additionally, there are some errors in spelling and punctuation, such as "Similarly l," which detracts from the overall clarity and professionalism of the writing. These issues indicate that while the vocabulary used is sufficient for the task, it lacks the precision and control expected at higher band levels.

How to improve: To enhance the Lexical Resource score, the writer should focus on using a wider range of vocabulary with greater precision and accuracy. This includes avoiding repetitive phrases and ensuring correct collocations. Additionally, proofreading for spelling and punctuation errors would improve clarity. Incorporating more sophisticated vocabulary and expressions, while maintaining naturalness, would also help in achieving a higher band score.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 6

Band Score: 6.0

Explanation: The essay demonstrates a mix of simple and complex sentence forms, which is characteristic of Band 6. While there are some effective structures used, such as comparisons and descriptions of trends, the essay contains several grammatical errors and awkward phrasing that can hinder clarity. For instance, phrases like "the highest figure was seen in washing machine" and "the sales for colour TV was the highest figure" exhibit issues with subject-verb agreement and word choice. Additionally, there are punctuation errors, such as the unnecessary comma after "similarly" and the incorrect use of "l" instead of "there." These errors occasionally disrupt communication but do not completely obscure the meaning.

How to improve: To achieve a higher band score, the writer should focus on increasing the accuracy of their grammatical structures and reducing errors in punctuation. Practicing the use of a wider range of sentence structures, ensuring subject-verb agreement, and refining word choice would enhance clarity. Additionally, proofreading the essay for minor errors before submission could help in minimizing slips that detract from the overall quality of the writing.

Bài sửa mẫu

The table illustrates the percentage of households in New Zealand with various electronic items over a period of seven years, from 1995 to 2002. Overall, while the percentages of households owning colour TVs, computers, cell phones, dishwashers, and digital cameras experienced a considerable increase, the opposite trend was observed for video recorders. Additionally, the highest percentages were recorded for washing machines and colour TVs.

In 1995, the ownership of colour TVs was the highest at 97%, with a slight increase of 4% to 101% in 2002. Similarly, there was a significant rise in computer ownership, from 49% in 1995 to 76% in 2002. A comparable increase was noted for cell phones and dishwashers, which rose from 19% to 60% and from 45% to 54%, respectively.

By contrast, the percentage of households with video recorders experienced a significant decline, decreasing from 76% to 65% between 1995 and 2002. During this period, the ownership of washing machines remained unchanged at 97%, which surpassed that of other electronic items. The proportion of digital cameras stood at only 2% in 1995, the lowest figure recorded, but then saw a steep rise to 39% in 2002.