The table shows the percentage of school aged boys in two different age groups who participated in 5 different sports in the UK in 2010.

The table compares the percentage of school boys falling into 6 -11 and 12 -16 age groups who took part in five distinct sports in the UK in 2010.

Overall, what stands out from the table is that 6-to-11-year-old boys were seemed to be more active than the 12- to-16 ones, with figures of four in five categories higher than those of 12-to-16 ones.

Looking at details, football was the most popular sport to boys in both age groups. There were 87% of 6-to-11 and 78% of 12-to-16 boys playing this sport. The second most preferable was cricket, with nearly a half of boys in the age range of 6 to 11 participated in, compare with 34% of boys. between 12 to 16 years old. The third and fourth position were basketball and rugby, respectively. The percentage of school boys participation ranged from 21% to 3.5% in the two sports.

The only sport that the figures were equal between the two age groups was swimming. It comprised almost one fifth of the students in both groups.

Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

Errors and Improvements:

"were seemed to be" -> "appeared to be"
Explanation: "Were seemed to be" is awkward and redundant. "Appeared to be" is a more concise and natural alternative.
"ones" -> "age groups"
Explanation: "Ones" is vague and informal. "Age groups" is a more specific and appropriate term in this context.
"Looking at details" -> "Examining the details"
Explanation: "Looking at details" is colloquial. "Examining the details" is a more formal and precise phrase.
"preferrable" -> "preferred"
Explanation: "Preferrable" is not the correct form of the word. "Preferred" is the appropriate adjective to use in this context.
"compare with" -> "compared to"
Explanation: "Compare with" is incorrect usage. "Compared to" is the appropriate phrase to indicate a comparison between two entities.
"participation ranged" -> "participation rates ranged"
Explanation: Adding "rates" clarifies that the range refers to percentages, making the sentence more precise.
"The only sport that the figures were equal" -> "The only sport where the figures were equal"
Explanation: "That" is ambiguous here. "Where" clarifies the connection between the figures and the sport being discussed.
"comprised almost one fifth of the students" -> "accounted for nearly one-fifth of the students"
Explanation: "Comprised" can be replaced with "accounted for" for a more formal tone. Additionally, "almost one fifth" can be changed to "nearly one-fifth" for consistency and clarity.

Band điểm Task Achivement ước lượng: 6

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Band Score: 6.0
Explanation: The essay adequately addresses the task by providing an overview of the data presented in the table. It correctly identifies the age groups and sports discussed and offers a general comparison between the two groups. Key features, such as the popularity of football and the equal participation in swimming, are highlighted. However, some details could be more accurately presented, and the explanation of trends is somewhat limited.
How to improve: To improve, the essay could provide more precise percentages and avoid slight inaccuracies in reporting the data. Additionally, extending the analysis beyond mere observation to provide deeper insights into the trends observed in the data would enhance the overall response.
]

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 6

Band Score: 6.0

Explanation: The essay arranges information in a generally coherent manner with a clear progression throughout. It introduces the topic and provides an overview of the data. The essay uses cohesive devices effectively to connect ideas, although there are instances where cohesion within or between sentences could be improved. The essay also maintains a clear central topic within each paragraph, enhancing coherence.

How to improve: To improve coherence and cohesion, focus on strengthening the connections between sentences and paragraphs. Ensure that transitions between ideas are smooth and logical. Use a variety of cohesive devices consistently and appropriately throughout the essay. Additionally, refine paragraphing to ensure logical organization and progression of ideas.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 7

Band Score: 7

Explanation: The essay demonstrates a sufficient range of vocabulary, allowing for some flexibility and precision in expression. It effectively conveys the key information and trends presented in the table. The vocabulary used is varied and appropriate for the task, with less common lexical items utilized, such as "distinct," "comprised," and "preferable." Additionally, there is an attempt to use different sentence structures to convey meaning, enhancing the lexical resource. However, there are occasional errors in word choice and collocation, such as "were seemed" (should be "appeared" or "seemed"). Overall, the vocabulary choice contributes to a clear and coherent presentation of the data.

How to improve: To enhance lexical resource further, aim for greater accuracy in word choice and collocation. Proofreading for minor errors like "were seemed" can improve the overall fluency and precision of expression. Additionally, consider incorporating a wider range of vocabulary, especially in discussing trends or comparisons, to elevate the lexical sophistication of the essay.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 6

Band Score: 6.0

Explanation:
The essay demonstrates a mix of simple and complex sentence forms, utilizing a variety of structures such as comparisons, descriptions, and details. There is an attempt to convey complex information with varied sentence structures, but some errors in grammar and punctuation are noticeable. The essay effectively communicates the main points regarding the comparison of sports participation between two age groups, but occasional errors slightly impede clarity.

How to improve:
To enhance grammatical range and accuracy, pay closer attention to subject-verb agreement, article usage, and sentence structure consistency. Reviewing punctuation rules and ensuring their correct application throughout the essay would also help improve clarity and readability. Additionally, aim for greater precision in expressing ideas to reduce ambiguity and enhance overall coherence.

Bài sửa mẫu

The table delineates the proportion of school-aged boys categorized into the age brackets of 6-11 and 12-16 who engaged in five distinct sports in the UK during the year 2010.

Overall, the table indicates a higher level of activity among boys aged 6 to 11 compared to their counterparts aged 12 to 16, as evidenced by figures in four out of five categories surpassing those of the older age group.

Upon closer examination, football emerges as the most favored sport among boys in both age brackets, with participation rates of 87% and 78% for the younger and older groups, respectively. Cricket follows as the second most popular, with nearly half of boys aged 6 to 11 participating, in contrast to 34% of boys aged 12 to 16. Basketball and rugby secure the third and fourth positions, respectively, with participation rates ranging from 21% to 3.5% across the two age groups.

Remarkably, swimming is the sole sport with equivalent participation rates between the two age groups, comprising nearly one-fifth of students in both cohorts.