The table shows the proportion of women in the labor force and women in management in five countries. Sumarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features and making comparisons where relevant.
The table shows the proportion of women in the labor force and women in management in five countries. Sumarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features and making comparisons where relevant.
The table demonstrates how many women participate in two factors, such as the labor force and management, in five different nations.
Overall, it is clear that the data highlights significant differences in women's participation in the labor force and management across these five countries, with Japan and the United States leading in workforce and Australia and the United States dominating in management roles.
According to the given chart, Japan has the highest percentage of women in the workforce, accounting for 48% of the total share. Following closely behind, about nearly a half of the working population in the United States, at 46%. Both female Australians and Sri Lankans share an identical percentage, representing 42%, which is approximately 2 times as high as the figure in Egypt.
In contrast, the proportion of women in management positions differs significantly. Initially, participants in management in two various countries, namely Australia and the United States, contributed equally, each accounting for 43% of the total, which represents the dominant category. Additionally, there is a 5% difference in the time spent on management roles between Japan and Egypt, with 17% and 12%, respectively. Regarding Sri Lanka, about 9% of the population consists of women, which is positioned at the lowest level
Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng
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"two factors" -> "two domains"
Explanation: The term "domains" is more precise and formal than "factors," which can be vague and overly simplistic in this context. -
"it is clear that the data highlights significant differences" -> "the data reveals notable disparities"
Explanation: "Reveals" is a stronger verb than "highlights," and "notable disparities" is more precise and formal than "significant differences," enhancing the academic tone. -
"leading in workforce" -> "leading in workforce participation"
Explanation: Adding "participation" clarifies the context and specifies what aspect of the workforce is being discussed. -
"about nearly a half of the working population" -> "approximately half of the working population"
Explanation: "Approximately" is more precise than "about nearly," which is redundant and informal. -
"which is approximately 2 times as high as the figure in Egypt" -> "which is approximately double the figure in Egypt"
Explanation: "Double" is a more concise and formal expression than "2 times as high," improving clarity and precision. -
"participants in management in two various countries" -> "women in management positions in two distinct countries"
Explanation: "Women" specifies the subject, while "distinct" is more formal and precise than "various," enhancing clarity. -
"which represents the dominant category" -> "which constitutes the leading category"
Explanation: "Constitutes" is a more formal verb than "represents," and "leading category" is clearer and more precise. -
"the time spent on management roles" -> "the representation of women in management roles"
Explanation: "Representation" more accurately describes the context of women’s involvement in management, rather than implying a temporal aspect. -
"about 9% of the population consists of women" -> "approximately 9% of the population comprises women"
Explanation: "Comprises" is a more formal and precise verb than "consists of," enhancing the academic tone. -
"which is positioned at the lowest level" -> "which is the lowest among the surveyed countries"
Explanation: This revision clarifies the comparison being made and uses more formal language, improving the overall academic tone.
Band điểm Task Achivement ước lượng: 6
Band Score: 6.0
Explanation: The essay provides an overview of the main features of the data, including the highest and lowest percentages for both women in the workforce and women in management. The essay also makes some comparisons between the countries, but these are not always clear or relevant. For example, the statement that "Both female Australians and Sri Lankans share an identical percentage, representing 42%, which is approximately 2 times as high as the figure in Egypt" is not particularly insightful.
How to improve: The essay could be improved by providing a more detailed and focused overview of the data. For example, the essay could highlight the fact that the proportion of women in management is significantly lower than the proportion of women in the workforce in all five countries. The essay could also make more specific comparisons between the countries, such as comparing the proportion of women in management in Japan and Sri Lanka. The essay could also be improved by using more precise language. For example, instead of saying "approximately 2 times as high," the essay could say "twice as high."
Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 6
Band Score: 6.0
Explanation: The essay presents information in a coherent manner, with a clear overall progression from discussing women’s participation in the labor force to management roles. However, while there is a logical arrangement of ideas, the use of cohesive devices is somewhat mechanical, and there are instances where referencing is unclear (e.g., "the total share" without specifying what it refers to). Additionally, paragraphing is present but could be improved for better clarity and logical flow.
How to improve: To enhance coherence and cohesion, the writer should focus on using a wider range of cohesive devices more naturally, ensuring that transitions between ideas are smooth and logical. Improving referencing by clearly indicating what terms refer to can also help. Furthermore, organizing the essay into distinct paragraphs that each cover a specific aspect of the data would aid in clarity and progression.
Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 6
Band Score: 6.0
Explanation: The essay demonstrates an adequate range of vocabulary appropriate for the task, with some attempts to use less common vocabulary. However, there are inaccuracies in word choice and collocation, such as "two factors" instead of "two aspects" and "about nearly a half" which is awkwardly phrased. There are also some errors in spelling and word formation, like "participants in management in two various countries" which could be more clearly stated. While the communication is generally clear, these issues prevent the essay from achieving a higher score.
How to improve: To enhance the Lexical Resource score, the writer should focus on using a wider range of vocabulary with greater precision and accuracy. This includes avoiding awkward phrases and ensuring that word choices are appropriate for the context. Additionally, reducing errors in spelling and word formation will help improve clarity. Practicing with synonyms and collocations can also contribute to a more sophisticated use of language.
Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 6
Band Score: 6.0
Explanation: The essay demonstrates a mix of simple and complex sentence forms, which is characteristic of a Band 6 score. While there are some attempts at complex structures, the overall grammatical accuracy is hindered by several errors in grammar and punctuation. For instance, phrases like "about nearly a half" and "participants in management in two various countries" are awkwardly constructed and can confuse the reader. Additionally, there are instances of incorrect word choice and phrasing, such as "which is positioned at the lowest level," which could be more clearly expressed. Despite these issues, the errors do not significantly impede communication, allowing the main ideas to be conveyed.
How to improve: To achieve a higher score, the writer should focus on enhancing grammatical accuracy and expanding the range of sentence structures used. This can be done by practicing complex sentence formation, ensuring that all sentences are clear and grammatically correct. Additionally, proofreading for common errors and awkward phrasing can help improve the overall clarity and coherence of the essay. Engaging with a wider variety of vocabulary and sentence structures will also contribute to a more sophisticated writing style.
Bài sửa mẫu
The table demonstrates the proportion of women participating in two areas: the labor force and management, across five different countries. Overall, it is clear that the data highlights significant differences in women’s participation in the labor force and management roles among these countries, with Japan and the United States leading in workforce participation, while Australia and the United States dominate in management positions.
According to the given chart, Japan has the highest percentage of women in the workforce, accounting for 48% of the total share. Following closely behind, nearly half of the working population in the United States comprises women, at 46%. Both female Australians and Sri Lankans share an identical percentage, representing 42%, which is approximately twice as high as the figure in Egypt.
In contrast, the proportion of women in management positions varies significantly. Initially, the percentage of women in management in Australia and the United States is equal, with each accounting for 43% of the total, representing the dominant category. Additionally, there is a 5% difference in the proportion of women in management roles between Japan and Egypt, with 17% and 12%, respectively. Regarding Sri Lanka, approximately 9% of the population consists of women in management, which is the lowest figure among the countries listed.
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