The tables below provide information about the consumption and production of potatoes in five parts of the world in 2006.
The tables below provide information about the consumption and production of potatoes in five parts of the world in 2006.
The tables delineates the number of using potatoes and cultivating that vegetable as a staple crop in five categories around the world in 2006.
Generally, it can be seen that Europe consumers accounted the highest for its number while people in Africa did not have tendency to opt potatoes for their meal. Most noticeably, among 5 continents, Asia exported and manufactured the biggest tonnes of potatoes among 5 continents in the world. By contrast, South and Central America was not the suitable area to plant temperate-climate vegetables includimg potatoes.
To begin with, 96.1kg per person in Europe used potatoes for divergent purposes such as cooking, feeding domestic animals… Following that, each person consumped 57.9kg in North America which was nearly two-folds compared to ones living in South and Central America, at 23.6kg. However, only 14.1kg of potatoes ate by African. While Asia was one of the continents that produced the largest number of potatoes, about 131.2 million tonnes in 2006, there were just 25.8kg per person choosing this vegetable for their meal. According to the next table of the survey, due to the inappropriate temperature, potatoes were not renowend in both South and Central America and Africa so they produced 15.6 and 16.5 tonnes respectively. There were 24.7 million ones in North America. Moreover, the figure for production of potatoes in Europe was 126.3 million tonnes which was the second highest point among 5 parts of the world
Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng
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"the tables delineates" -> "the tables delineate"
Explanation: The subject "tables" is plural, requiring the plural verb "delineate" for grammatical agreement. -
"the number of using potatoes and cultivating that vegetable" -> "the number of potatoes used and the cultivation of this vegetable"
Explanation: The original phrase is awkward and unclear. The revised version clarifies that it refers to both the usage of potatoes and their cultivation, improving readability. -
"Europe consumers accounted the highest for its number" -> "European consumers accounted for the highest quantity"
Explanation: "Europe consumers" is grammatically incorrect; "European consumers" is the proper term. Additionally, "accounted for" is the correct phrase to indicate contribution, and "quantity" is more precise than "number." -
"did not have tendency to opt potatoes for their meal" -> "did not tend to choose potatoes as part of their diet"
Explanation: "Did not have tendency" is awkward; "did not tend" is more natural. "Opt potatoes for their meal" is vague; "choose potatoes as part of their diet" is clearer and more precise. -
"Most noticeably, among 5 continents" -> "Notably, among the five continents"
Explanation: "Most noticeably" is informal; "notably" is more concise and formal. Additionally, spelling out "five" is more appropriate in academic writing. -
"exported and manufactured the biggest tonnes of potatoes among 5 continents" -> "exported and produced the largest tonnage of potatoes among the five continents"
Explanation: "Manufactured" is not the correct term for agricultural products; "produced" is more suitable. "Biggest tonnes" is awkward; "largest tonnage" is more precise. -
"was not the suitable area to plant temperate-climate vegetables includimg potatoes" -> "was not a suitable region for cultivating temperate-climate vegetables, including potatoes"
Explanation: "The suitable area" should be "a suitable region" for grammatical correctness. "Cultivating" is a more accurate term than "plant," and "including" is misspelled. -
"96.1kg per person in Europe used potatoes for divergent purposes such as cooking, feeding domestic animals…" -> "96.1 kg per person in Europe utilized potatoes for various purposes, including cooking and feeding domestic animals…"
Explanation: "Used" is a more informal term; "utilized" is more academic. "Divergent purposes" is vague; "various purposes" is clearer and more precise. -
"consumped" -> "consumed"
Explanation: "Consumped" is a misspelling; the correct term is "consumed." -
"which was nearly two-folds compared to ones living in South and Central America" -> "which was nearly double that of individuals living in South and Central America"
Explanation: "Two-folds" is incorrect; "double" is the appropriate term. "Ones" is vague; "individuals" is more precise. -
"only 14.1kg of potatoes ate by African" -> "only 14.1 kg of potatoes were consumed by Africans"
Explanation: The original phrase is grammatically incorrect; it should be in the passive voice for clarity and correctness. -
"there were just 25.8kg per person choosing this vegetable for their meal" -> "only 25.8 kg per person chose this vegetable as part of their diet"
Explanation: "There were just" is vague; "only" is more direct. "Choosing" should be in the past tense "chose" for consistency. -
"due to the inappropriate temperature, potatoes were not renowend in both South and Central America and Africa" -> "due to unsuitable climatic conditions, potatoes were not cultivated in either South and Central America or Africa"
Explanation: "Inappropriate temperature" is vague; "unsuitable climatic conditions" is more precise. "Renowned" is misused; "cultivated" is the correct term. -
"so they produced 15.6 and 16.5 tonnes respectively" -> "resulting in production levels of 15.6 and 16.5 million tonnes, respectively"
Explanation: "So they produced" is vague; "resulting in production levels" is clearer. "Tonnes" should be specified as "million tonnes" for consistency with previous data. -
"There were 24.7 million ones in North America" -> "North America produced 24.7 million tonnes"
Explanation: "There were 24.7 million ones" is awkward; stating "North America produced" is clearer and more direct. -
"the figure for production of potatoes in Europe was 126.3 million tonnes which was the second highest point among 5 parts of the world" -> "the production figure for potatoes in Europe was 126.3 million tonnes, making it the second highest among the five regions of the world"
Explanation: "The figure for production of potatoes" is awkward; "the production figure for potatoes" is clearer. "Second highest point" is vague; "second highest" is more precise, and "regions" is a more appropriate term than "parts."
Band điểm Task Achivement ước lượng: 6
Band Score: 6
Explanation: The essay addresses the requirements of the task by providing an overview of the information presented in the tables. The essay presents information appropriately selected, and adequately highlights key features/bullet points. However, some details are irrelevant, inappropriate, or inaccurate. For example, the essay states that "potatoes were not renowend in both South and Central America and Africa so they produced 15.6 and 16.5 tonnes respectively." This statement is inaccurate, as the tables show that these regions produced 15.6 and 16.4 million tonnes of potatoes, respectively.
How to improve: The essay could be improved by focusing on the most important information and avoiding irrelevant details. The writer should also ensure that all information presented is accurate.
Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 5
Band Score: 5.0
Explanation: The essay presents information with some organization, but there is a noticeable lack of overall progression. While it attempts to convey the data regarding potato consumption and production, the ideas are not always logically sequenced, leading to confusion. The use of cohesive devices is inadequate and at times inaccurate, such as in the phrase "the highest for its number," which is vague and unclear. Additionally, there are instances of repetition and awkward phrasing, which detract from the clarity of the essay. Paragraphing is attempted, but the structure is not always logical, as some paragraphs do not clearly separate distinct ideas or topics.
How to improve: To enhance coherence and cohesion, the writer should focus on logically organizing the information and ensuring a clear progression of ideas. Using a wider range of cohesive devices effectively, while avoiding redundancy, would improve the flow of the essay. Additionally, refining the paragraph structure to clearly delineate different aspects of the data would help in presenting a more coherent argument. Lastly, ensuring clarity in language and avoiding vague expressions would contribute to a more professional and polished essay.
Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 5
Band Score: 5.0
Explanation: The essay demonstrates a limited range of vocabulary that is minimally adequate for the task. While there are attempts to use some less common vocabulary, such as "delineates" and "divergent purposes," there are noticeable errors in word choice and spelling, such as "consumers accounted the highest for its number" (which should be "consumed the highest amount") and "renowend" (which should be "renowned"). These errors may cause some difficulty for the reader and impact the overall clarity of the message. Additionally, the repetitive use of basic vocabulary and phrases detracts from the lexical variety expected at higher band scores.
How to improve: To enhance the Lexical Resource score, the writer should aim to use a wider range of vocabulary and avoid repetition. Incorporating more precise and varied word choices, as well as ensuring correct spelling and collocation, would help improve clarity. Additionally, practicing the use of less common lexical items accurately and refining the control of word formation will contribute to a higher score. Engaging with a broader range of reading materials can also help in expanding vocabulary and understanding nuanced meanings.
Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 5
Band Score: 5.0
Explanation: The essay demonstrates a limited range of grammatical structures, primarily using simple sentences with some attempts at complex forms. However, there are frequent grammatical errors, such as incorrect verb forms ("delineates" should be "delineate"), awkward phrasing ("the number of using potatoes"), and punctuation issues that can cause some difficulty for the reader. The errors are noticeable and detract from the overall clarity of the essay, which aligns with the characteristics of a Band 5 score.
How to improve: To achieve a higher band score, the writer should focus on the following areas:
- Increase Sentence Variety: Incorporate a wider range of complex sentence structures to enhance grammatical range.
- Error Correction: Review and correct grammatical errors, particularly in verb forms and sentence construction, to improve accuracy.
- Punctuation: Pay attention to punctuation rules to ensure clarity and coherence in writing.
- Clarity and Cohesion: Work on phrasing to make sentences clearer and more logically connected, which will improve overall communication.
Bài sửa mẫu
The tables delineate the consumption and production of potatoes as a staple crop in five regions around the world in 2006.
Generally, it can be observed that European consumers accounted for the highest consumption of potatoes, while people in Africa showed little tendency to include potatoes in their meals. Notably, among the five continents, Asia exported and produced the largest tonnage of potatoes. In contrast, South and Central America were not suitable areas for cultivating temperate-climate vegetables, including potatoes.
To begin with, the average consumption of potatoes in Europe was 96.1 kg per person for various purposes, such as cooking and feeding domestic animals. Following that, each person in North America consumed 57.9 kg, which was nearly double the amount consumed by those living in South and Central America, at 23.6 kg. However, only 14.1 kg of potatoes were consumed per person in Africa. While Asia was one of the continents that produced the largest quantity of potatoes, approximately 131.2 million tonnes in 2006, only 25.8 kg per person chose this vegetable for their meals. According to the next table of the survey, due to unsuitable temperatures, potatoes were not renowned in both South and Central America and Africa, which produced 15.6 and 16.5 million tonnes, respectively. North America produced 24.7 million tonnes. Moreover, the figure for potato production in Europe was 126.3 million tonnes, making it the second highest among the five regions.
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